I got this idea when I got this idea. I swear, when I kept on switching on from Hollywood Undead to HIM in mah stories, this just popped out and I loved it. I had to write it. I just hate that feeling! :3 This just popped into my head with scenes cutting into it. I just realized the stuff I can do with this thing, XD!

Title: A Band Story
Rated: +18 – language; graphicness; pure humor; nobody dies (written by me, enough to shock one into a heart attack)
Summary: Ham masks? Check. Funeral for song? Check. Getting engaged in an ice hockey match with underwear down? Check. Bands used: HIM and Hollywood Undead! PURE HUMOR. SLASH.
Pairings used: pairings that are yet to be revealed. One should like a little mystery.
Genre: Humor/General

1 – Cum & Ham Masks


Matt's eyes were wide. Not again. No, no, no, no. Not again. He would not be responsible yet again for a mistake his brother made. "You did what?!"

Jeff pouted and looked down, kicking the dust with his sneaker, 'come on, Matty. It wasn't that bad."

Matt was wearing his band's black t-shirt, with the white writing that said 'Destiny Unveiled', the name of a band of him, Jeff, Adam, Mike and John Morrison. There was a design on the back of a cross between roses, knives and veins. He wore black pants and black boots. And on his second finger, he had a thick purple band for a ring. The rest all wore the same except for a few minor changes. Mike and Jeff wore skirts instead of pants and had tights underneath. Mike's ring was blue, Jeff's was green, Adam's was red and John's was gold. The music the band practiced was a mixture of glam metal, hard rock and extreme metal.

Mike's eyes widened. "You broke up a band?"

"Two actually, 'Jeff said without thinking then put a hand over soft pink glossed lips. To match the green on his ring, Jeff had electric green eye shadow on but his lips were coated with a warm peach color so that he didn't look washed out. Pink would've been too much with the explosion in the color of his eyes. Mike, on the other hand, had blue eyes so navy eye shadow would be too weird. He had simply swiped a soft pink shade of lipstick on his lips, covered by a clear gloss.


"I kinda talked to Bam…"

"Great. You made him think that he and Ville-"

"Yup." Jeff nodded his head before turning around. "I made him break up with Ville and get a better opportunity?" it was more of a question than an answer.

"Dammit, Jeff, people find out you're behind that and then we're history!" Adam said as he looked back at John Morrison who was staring at Jeff with wide eyes. "Go ahead, John, say something."

"…I like cupcakes." John grinned.

"We're glad he has his looks."


"Can I kill him?" Matt said then he turned to Jeff. "Then kill him too! What other band did you break up?"

"Deuce…from Hollywood Undead…I just bragged about the song he did on his own and how he really didn't need the band, that they were taking him for granted and out of nowhere, he quit the band!" Jeff said, his eyes wide.

"…Gee, that was so out of nowhere. I can't believe it. The guy lost his mind." Matt sarcastically stated. "Great, we're toast. Our careers are over. I don't wanna go back to working for a sandwich shop! …the uniform makes my ass look horrible!"

"This outfit isn't doing any good for you either," Jeff mumbled under his breath.

"What did you say?"

Jeff just innocently grinned. "That I'm lucky to have such an awesome forgiving brother that'll help me mend my mess back and make everything magical and perfect again!"

Matt glared at him. "You're fixing this on your own."

"…not a little help?"


"Can you at least wish me good luck?"


"I hate you."

"Great, I love you too! NOW, FIX THE MESS, JEFF!"

After an hour of waiting for Jeff in their trailer, Jeff stepped back in with a wide smile on his face, grinning as Hell. "I got ice cream."

"Did you fix the problem?"

"I got your favorite, Matty."

Matt raced towards Jeff's side and grabbed onto the cone before flipping back on the couch and biting into the ice cold ice cream and Jeff grinned to himself while he sat down and then Adam glared at him. "Jeff…"


Jeff leaned towards Adam's ear and then said what had happened.


Jeff just stared at him.

"Bam Margera in Hollywood Undead?! Deuce in HIM? Are you fucking kidding me? You put a metal singer in an emo scream hip hop band?" Adam's eyes were wide with rage.

"I like purple!"




"No! Not that! Anything but that!"

John cared way too much about his looks and the thought of candy made him shudder. Adam's eyes were wide, very serious and he made his way towards John while Matt lay, eating off ice cream.

Mike just looked at the ground. "I can't believe I live with these idiots."

"For the forty-seventh time…there is no 'baby' in my song!"

Ville glared a deadly glared at Deuce, who was lounging about in his chair, a camera in his hand, as always as Deuce watched Ville grip tightly onto his guitar, as if he was going to smash it over his head. Deuce just nodded his head. "And I don't wanna be seen with a gay prostitute but we all get our down sides, baby."

Ville looked like he was going to throw a tantrum.

"Hey, hey, baby, don't be sad. Someday, you'll be a beautiful gay prostitute, baby."

He was addicted to the word or something.

Deuce sat up straight, staring directly into Ville's face before they heard the sound of the door opening and Cody walked inside. Cody was in a band with Chris Jericho, Ted DiBiase and Phil Brooks. Cody wore purple clothing, Chris wore electric blue, Ted wore green and Phil wore black. It didn't matter what they wore as long as it was that specific color. The band they had was called 'Bright Unbright'. Cody just stared at Ville than at Deuce. "Are you two twins?"

Deuce wasn't too different from Ville in Cody's eyes. He was sure as Hell as skinny as Ville. Maybe a few pounds fatter. Deuce had tattoos on both arms though. His hair was cropped short and had brown eyes that were now hid behind shades. Ville looked over at Deuce as he took off his shades to expose chocolate brown eyes. Then they looked back at Cody. "HIM!?" they pointed at each other.

Cody jumped back slightly, alarmed. "Where's Bam?"

Ville crossed his arms. "He didn't wanna me around me. Fine."

Deuce put an arm around Ville's shoulder and pulled him to him, nearly crushing him, 'yeah, baby! I get the emo prostitute right here! I'm wearing his pants too!"

Vile stared down at Deuce's—his—pants before his eyes widen. "Why are my pants wet?"

"Oh, baby, I was feeling a little horny so…"

Ville's eyes widened.


Cody giggled. "Dude, you're dead!"

Charlie Scene just stared at Bam.

"You are not replacing our masks with ham."

"Hey, hey, you wanna be original now. You don't wanna seem like you're copying Slipknot!" Bam said, putting on a piece of ham onto Funny Man's face.

Charlie just sniggered. "I like this idea. Hey, where's Deuce?"

Bam grinned. "He quit, remember? I'm going to be your new Deuce…and I'm gonna fix this band."

Funny just glared at him as Charlie laughed his ass off. A slice of ham with holes poked near the eyes so that Funny can see. In the corner, J3T, or better known as just Johnny was looking into the mirror at the ham mask he adorned with mustard and ketchup in 'Fuck You's and the HU symbol before he turned around to face them. "I dunno…it's kinda soothing."

Bam grinned.

"This better get my money." Johnny said. He was in fact joking but the deepest and thickness of his voice made him sound very serious and solemn.

"I like him." Da Kurlzz said, grinning softly. "He's cute."

Bam sent a warning type of look. "He's my 'Ville Valo' of tonight. I'm so topping him."

Charlie playfully pushed Da Kurlzz. "See? We told you were a faggot."

Da Kurlzz frowned. "But-but-but-I don't like to be topped!"

From the straightened hair that looked like he spent ten hours just to perfect the flip to his very shy-like voice, Da Kurlzz was always teased for being gay. Da Kurlzz pouted as JDog walked into the room and then burst into laughter.

"Who's the idiot standing there?"

Bam glared at him. "On second thought, he needs to learn his lesson…"

"With the venomous kiss you gave me, I'm killing loneliness-"


Ville just glared at him.

"I swear I'm gonna whack him with the guitar…"

Deuce grinned at him as Cody just giggled. The entire 'Bright Unbright' band was by the rehearsing area for the competition that was held. Best metal band or something. Cody just sat down while Ted started laughing. The thought of Deuce, one of the happiest people on Earth, along with Ville Valo… that was like a total win for him.

Deuce grinned then looked at Ville who was unimpressed.

"By the way, Ville…about your shirt…"

"What did you do this time?" Ville sighed.

"I kinda accidentally dropped it in the driveway…" Deuce said.

Ville walked towards the container and pulled out a flask, drinking from it while Deuce giggled to himself. "What now?" Ville wasn't clearly in the mood after Deuce had ruined another thirty-six rehearsals for him.

Ville sipped the flask again. "This is quite tasteful but has an odd taste…"

"Dude, you're drinking my jizz."

Ville spat out the white fluid from his mouth while Ted was toppling on the floor with laughter.

"God. Please, kill me."

"Classic emo guy, what can I say?"


Matt had gone out for a little ice cream run, and came back to his trailer to hear a bunch of moans. He shuddered, trying to think of where to go.

He grinned.

Hey, he had no other option.

"So…that's how the dinosaurs got wiped out?" Deuce asked.

"I think." Matt nodded his head.


"…jeez, Ville. You don't let anyone have any fun."

"…Let me say this slowly: you don't wanna get out of here, you've been talking all day and it's three fucking three and I still can't sleep and you've been annoying me shitlessly all day."



"But I still don't get why there aren't baby dinosaur eggs."

Ville & Bam were probably OOC. Deuce I know I got him right. Da Kurlzz too. XD!



Review? XD!

I LOVE KASSY. :3. Have to add that. Hehe. 3

X Sam.