A/N: You can all thank Bending Fate for this chapter, her review convinced me to share this with you!
Disclaimer: If I owned Twilight I would not be in school, I would not be sitting at a crappy old fail computer, and I would not be here at all, I would be in a five-star hotel in Rome or something, but I am not, because I am just a teenager who has no money, yay.
I held onto her as I sobbed. I clung to the only thing that wouldn't physically break no matter how hard I squeezed, the only person besides myself that couldn't be hurt emotionally any more than she was now, the only thing that I couldn't ruin. No Bella and I dry-sobbed for hours, gasping for un-needed air, wishing for comfort that was unattainable.
I wish I could say I was numb, as many people claim to be when they lose their loves, but no, I felt it all. Being bitten by seven newborns at once in all different places would be a welcome relief if I could avoid this. The three days I spent being burned alive? I would take a thousand of those if I could avoid this. I was, however, numb to one thing, my power. For the first time in this existence, I felt no emotions; I didn't even have a grasp on whether it was there or not. I felt empty, no, I felt worse than empty, I feel… normal. A normal human experiencing the worst pain in the history of pain.
But then, I didn't have the comforts of being human either. If I were human I would feel the tears streaming down my face, a constant tribute to the pain I felt. A tangible knowledge of its presence. If I were human I could cry myself to sleep in an hour or two, a peaceful escape, a time for dreams, dreams where reality was a dream. A place where I could act like nothing had happened, where love still meant something.
The only thing I was glad about now was Bella, she had discovered this. After nearly half of my existence I find that it was a lie, every second. No, the "I want you" statements were true, but the meaning behind them meant nothing. Nothing. Every I love you, every wave of affection was manufactured; a lie. I had always thought it had something to do with her life as a human in the asylum. It wasn't like the tenor of her feelings ever changed, no; it was the same, all the same intricately woven lie.
But Bella didn't say anything. Even though I couldn't feel with my gift I still could read her face like a 72 size font book. She hurt too, all of her, time hadn't healed her yet. It possibly never will; change is so huge for a vampire, we may never bounce back. I knew from my lack of control that I was projecting onto Bella, but she didn't say anything, and I knew she could block it all again.
But, as selfish as it was, I was happy that she hurt the same I did. It made me feel less alone. I felt like a lost kid in a giant mall, wide-eyed and frightened. Surrounded by hundreds of giants, all looking to step on me. But Bella was the bench to see above the masses. Bella was the kind lady to stop and squat next to me, to smile and take my hand; to tell me it was okay. The woman who could hand me over to my mother safe and sound.
Yet at the same time Bella was an equal. A fellow child on the streets who had lived the same things I had. Or a best friend who understood and ignored their pain to let me cry on their shoulder.
The hours passed. I heard the wind pound on the thin roof. Soon a dripping sound was echoing through the house. Bella sat up, and I couldn't help myself, I whimpered. Me the civil war major, who had lived through it all, whimpered. Bella kissed my cheek softly and at vampire speed got buckets under all the impending leaks, it's Forks, it rained a lot. Still when she was back on the couch 1.453 seconds later, I relaxed. Even less than two seconds had killed me.
As we sobbed together I lost any track of time. I remember the sun sinking; the sparkle of her un-scarred skin. I remember watching the little rainbows as they were thrown around the room as the soft light touched her skin. I remember the moon. The big, glowing orb shining through the huge bay window; it seemed to float atop the small pond outside, beautiful and simple. I remember the faint glow of the starlight as it seeped across her skin. The glistening of the tears in her eyes that could never fall. I remember the burst of sun across her as it burst forth from the east. Reds, yellows, and oranges; a fire dancing off her skin; throwing shadows and pictures on the walls. Her dark brown hair showed its red tint. Her hair rolled in waves as she twisted her head to look me in the eye. She blinked, shocked.
"Beautiful," she murmured. Any other time I would have laughed. Me? Beautiful? Yeah right. With scars, and a horrifying story to go with every one of them. No, I was not beautiful. But she was. I was entranced by her eyes, golden and glorious, she seemed lost in mine, though I had no reason why, I still had no grip on my power and if it wasn't for Bella I would have broken a wall… or 5 in frustration. I stared in awe, why had I never seen her before. I knew the answer, I had though she was mine. She had blinded me to all else, on purpose.
Our trance was broken by a high pitched squeal that would have been nearly silent to human ears. I tensed and stood in front of Bella, guarding my only hope, my only reason for living.
"No, Jake stop!" A girl's voice giggled as the door burst open. A growl immediately left my lips, a 5-year-old sized child stared up at me with frightened eyes. Jacob Black was instantly in front of her crouched low and emitting a growl of his own. I felt a hand on my back and turned to the newly shining eyes of Bella. As I saw her I realized what I had done. I had growled at Renesmee, the most glorious and adorable child to walk the earth. And I had growled at her. I sank onto the couch with my head in my hands. I was useless, a monster, a horrifying, niece-frightening monster.
I felt a small hand pushing on my forehead. I looked up and watched in amazement as Nessie climbed up on my lap. She laid her hand on my face again, this time speaking to me.
She replayed the scene except from her point of view, even without my gift I could feel that forgiveness was radiating from the picture. I smiled at Nessie as she removed her hand.
"Thank you, I am so sorry." She nodded and showed me something else.
Edward stood next to Bella, his arm around her waist, and I swallowed back another growl. They were standing in the living room. Emmett was playing a videogame in the background and Nessie was tapping across the hardwood floors in the high heels Alice had just bought her. Alice stood against the wall smiling at the monster she was creating. An overall happiness emanated from the situation, but curiosity rolled off of Edward's figure in waves.
"Your Father is gone, I don't know when he will be back," I squeezed Bella's hand as I watched her wince. Nessie frowned, then shrugged and showed me the same scene, except this time the curiosity came from Alice's form.
I looked at Bella, pleading. "She asked about A-A-A" I collapsed again as Bella took her daughter from my lap. I listened to Bella's beautiful voice as she explained to her child in ways that only a mother could.
"Alice is on an extended shopping trip… No you wouldn't want to come anyway," Bella whispered the next part. "It's for big girl stuff… Hey! I can't tell you if it's for your present… Nope. I have no clue what she's getting you… I can neither confirm nor deny if it is the newest line of go-jo-gro- however you say that name- 's kids designs… You know you're going to ruin any chance of surprise you have at all… No! Now, I think someone has pre-algebra to work on… Nope you are going." Bella picked Nessie up off the couch and set her on the floor.
"Awww! But mom! Do I have to?" Nessie whined.
"I will cook your dinner if you don't!" Nessie grimaced, she liked blood a lot better than human food, and went to her room to work on her online course.
Bella sank next to me, leaning on my shoulder. I rested my head on top of hers. "What are we going to do? I can't even say h-his name," she stuttered. Jacob was still glaring angrily at me.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Jacob whisper-shouted. If I could have I would have burst into tears. But instead I shared a look with Bella. She nodded and I took a deep breath.
"A-A-Alice," I spat the word, angered by its defiance of correctly leaving my lips. "and Edward" A low growl came from me as I whispered his name, "Are together, they have been, but until now, none of us knew, if not for Bella's gift, we never would have known." My strength completely depleted; I collapsed onto Bella's lap. I felt her body heave with dry sobs. I saw the anger in his eyes and watched him shake, then he took a deep breath and the compassion and sorrow were obvious in his eyes. Yet I still felt nothing. I realized I must not have been projecting while angry, as Nessie seemed fine and so had Bella, but now Jake and Bella's shoulders visibly slumped. Jake sat down next to Bella and threw his arm around her shoulder.
"I am sorry that I am projecting, but I can't feel my power, I can't feel any of you, Bella, feel free to shield yourselves. I know you aren't shielding because you know it makes me uncomfortable, but I can't feel any of your emotions." Their shoulders lifted almost instantly. I felt better knowing that I wasn't causing anymore pain than usual.
Feeling better Jake attempted to comfort Bella. "Aw Bells…" He stopped as he realized nothing he could say would really help. "So a divorce is in order then?" Jacob said to me, trying to lighten the mood.
"Eventually, but remember, you are the third person other than them that knows, they don't even know we know." I replied.
"And what would a divorce do to Nessie? She is mature enough to understand what is happening, but not enough to understand why. Nessie loves her f-father, I can't take her away from that, I know I missed my father growing up, but then again I really don't want her anywhere near him." Bella interjected. She raked her fingers through my hair and I had to consciously stop myself from letting my eyes roll back into my head. The sensation was amazing. It was something Alice would never do, if she was touching me, it was when we had no clothes on, and then we kissed occasionally, but only in public.
I was immediately grateful that I kept my eyes alert though because in that moment Bella looked down at me and our eyes met. I saw the love and compassion and sorrow and confusion, but I longed to feel it. Almost as if my body heard me I woke up. I felt what I was projecting, and although sorrow was in there, well I was glad they didn't feel it. Apparently Bella's hands had more effect on me than I thought possible. I quickly gathered them up and stored them in the part of my brain that had been empty for nearly 24 hours now. I instantly felt better.
Feeling the intrusion stop Bella lifted her shield. "Can you feel me?" She asked. I smiled and nodded. She smiled as well and continued massaging my head.
"Look Bella, we'll all be there for Nessie, just as much as we'll be there for each other. I was actually starting to like Edward, but I guess that we weren't meant to be on the same side after all. And I know that it will be hard, but I can't stand the thought of him being around her." Jake's hands began to shake and a nearly silent growl came from his chest, I felt anger, protectiveness, and love all coming from him. I agreed with his statements though. I sent him a wave of calm and he nodded gratefully in my direction.
I grabbed my cell phone and hit speed dial nine. It rang exactly 3 times before a welcoming voice picked up.
"Hello, you have reached Jonathan Whitlock's office, how may I help you?"
"Hello Teresa, if I may I would like to speak to John immediately." I let a bit of urgency flood my tone, I don't know how long I'll be able to keep up the façade before I collapsed again, and I wanted to get this over with.
"Oh! Jasper! Of course, you may talk to him right away!" I heard muffled yelling and then the line switched, they didn't play hold music for me.
"Jasper m'boy! What can I help you with this fine day?" I smiled and visibly relaxed, I had always felt as if John was a second father to me. That is probably because he is my great-great-great-great nephew. It took a few years of research and then some of Carlisle's medical access but I found him. If you look at the family tree you can find me, right there next to his father, William. I was overjoyed when I found that the name was still alive, I had always enjoyed my last name. But, to further the excitement, it turns out that John can make pristine illegal documents, a necessary thing when you never age.
Replaying his warm, soothing tone I took a deep breath and replied. "John, I need two sets of divorce papers."
"Who is it? Oh! It isn't those newly weds is it? Edward has been searching for so long…" I held back a dark laugh as I answered my well informed 'nephew'.
"Well, it turns out that Edward found someone long ago, he just decided to keep it a secret from all of us that he was sleeping with my wife."
"Those bastards!" John gasped. Bella and Jacob snickered at the sincerity of his tone. "How could they? When do you need them?"
"I would like them as soon as you can get them please,"
"Okay, I will work on them and then call you. First I will need names, birth dates…" I gave him all the information he asked for easily, leaning back against the couch with my arm thrown across the back of it. Bella relaxed as well sensing that I was okay. She leaned back onto my arm and my limb fell from its high perch as it came to rest on her gentle shoulders. She lay her head against my scarred shoulder and hummed contentedly. I smiled and bent my head down to breathe her glorious scent. In this position I could happily stay forever.
A/N: Okay, so I almost put a cliffy in here but then again, I have no clue when, or if I will post more on this story so here you got a little bit more, remember, that one review convinced me to re-post, they have a ton of power, so if you could review, I would greatly enjoy it :)