I was never practically fond of baseball. In fact never watched it, most of my
days were spent sketching my feelings on to paper. I felt that drawing was the
only way I could express myself. Since I show no emotion on my face, people
tend to misunderstand me because of my "expressions". All my emotions would
just fly onto the paper, like some kind if magic and that always got me hyped up.
I closed my eyes, breathed in and out, calmly. Impossible… this was unexpected. I squinted threw my dark eyes. I took a step back, faltered, and surged my pencil onto the paper again. What happened? What was going on? I didn't understand. What caught me eye was not the game, but the brown haired boy who stood on the mound. I looked around frantically searching for another person, but my gaze just returned to the pitcher. Somehow he caught my attention. Who was he? I couldn't stop looking at him. I felt… mesmorized. I felt as though my heart was caught in a small box, jumping around, about to burst, but contained by the bones that surround it! There was something different that what I usually felt, something more magical.
For a few months after that, I always sat at the art window watching that one person. I think I never drew just one focus, as I did him. Soon I realized that my passion was not passion at all. But it was a feeling deep down inside that was described as love.
There was an aloofness that seemed to surround him, which made him seem all the cooler. When his team scored a point, he shouted in joy and took his excitement to the extreme. I think I admired him to be able to display his happiness so profoundly, since I could not. I put every detail into those drawings of him. Yes, even how his sweat tricked down his forehead in the shining sun. I imagined a lot when it came to him, and my creativity steadily increased with every picture.
Tamiya Keigo. When I found out his name after watching him for almost four months, it could have been the happiest moment in my entire life! Tamiya Keigo. I could not stop repeating it. Tamiya Keigo. Just hearing myself say it was a great feeling. A mix of anxiety and tremendous thrill! I was excessively excited!
That was when something amazing happened. It pretty much took over my whole body and made me melt. On my one hundred and thirtieth day of watching Tamiya, he asked me out! I almost died right there. My mouth was trembleling to say anything! And my body… well, it overflowed with a boiling surprise. I didn't even know if he knew my name! I think I stood in shock for almost three minutes till he tried to leave. I couldn't be a wimp, since I always though this was a one-sided love. I had to take a chance. I should have been the one asking him. I told him… it was okay. I can't believe I just said okay! It made me seem like I really didn't care. Ahhh, but I really, really wanted to go out with him. Why couldn't I just say what I wanted! I was so mad at myself. I could have cried. That is, if my face allowed it.
I am still not good at expressing my feelings and I am always making things hard for others. I don't communicate with many, but that's probably my fault. I just get so jittery; do you ever feel like that? I have been told no one can tell what I am thinking. Although, after everything that happened, I have someone who understands me perfectly. He will be over any minute now. My beloved Tamiya.