This was my submission this year for the GW Church of Lemons. That means it's not appropriate for children. I've dedicated it to Purdy, because she doesn't like my interpretation of Relena in Amour.
This is a post series, First Time story. For whatever reason, I can't get enough of that.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Because of the rules on , the ENTIRE fic is not posted here. People who don't like detailed sex in stories may enjoy it just fine. If you want the whole thing, go to my Live Journal (zapenstap . livejournal . com) or Blissful Ignorance.
A Gundam Wing 1xR Story
She saw a familiar figure at the end of the hall.
His back was to her, but that hair, the build of his body, and in that pilot's jacket…
Her footsteps quickened.
He kept walking. He was almost through the door.
She ran, her heels pounding against the marble tiles.
He stopped at the threshold, one hand on the doorframe, and turned. Behind his head, Relena could see the buildings, parks, and apartments rising up above him, curving gently into the regulated sky of the Colony's donut-like structure.
Relena halted, bringing herself short of his personal space by a few feet.
"I knew it was you," she said. She smiled. She couldn't help it. But her tone remained professional. "Are you here for the convention?"
"In a matter of speaking."
His voice sounded just the same, a little deep, and rich, full of certainty, even when he was being ambiguous. His eyes hadn't changed either. They locked onto her face, black pupils and blue irises sharp and alert, framed by long black lashes and untweezed brows. His hair was a bit of a mess, looking windblown on top of unruly. She could never decide if he was as handsome to other people as he was to her.
She folded her hands, clasping them over her skirt.
"I've missed you," she confessed. "I was hoping to see you."
She had only hoped. Heero's appearances were intermittent. It had been a little while--a few months, in fact, since the last one. In the moments between travel, conferences, public speeches, and reviewing the legislation, she allowed herself—just in the quiet moments—to long for him, just a little, hoping. It seemed to her that he materialized only when she did.
He regarded her silently from where he stood, half out the door, his expression impossible to read. To an outside observer, he might have been an acquaintance, someone she greeted in passing.
On the inside, her heart hammered so hard her chest trembled. It was no good pretending.
She could still feel the residue of his lips burning on hers.
Relena remembered clearly that first kiss, so many months ago. She had been angry after a conference in Liverpool, an arranged meeting with delegates from Earth who had significant holdings in Space. She had been mired in negotiations for days, facing a wall of obstinacy led by the worst of the churlish, the pig-headed, the greedy, and the apathetic. She had never seen so many untrusting, spiteful, and uncooperative people! Talks had just cycled round and round like a revolving door. Then they had turned nasty, and personal, with accusations thrown at her character, particularly her motivations.
Just who was she anyway? Such a life for a young girl, eighteen years old, barely a grown woman. Did she have no better options? What was she getting out of it? Who did she represent?
Relena had left the building feeling very stiff and stone faced. She had walked to a nearby dock to be alone and compose herself. Since there were no railings, she had stood with her arms crossed, looking out over the deep blue water at a pair of red brick buildings across the bay supported by bright pillars and high, graceful arches that straddled the water. She had stared at the structure of those buildings until she calmed down, breathing in smells of fish and iron and refuse, trying not to think at all. Hardly a romantic setting.
A touch on her arm had startled her.
Heero. She had been surprised to see him—shocked was more like it—since she hadn't known he would be in Liverpool. The meeting wasn't important enough to require surveillance or security, which he sometimes performed for her without asking. However, it was close to her birthday, and Heero never missed seeing her on her birthday, not since that first time. Maybe he had been in the area and hacked into her itinerary. It was the kind of thing he would do.
Reasons for his presence didn't matter. He had been a welcome sight—he was always a welcome sight. Residual anger must have been visible on her face, though, because he asked her is she was all right.
"Nothing," she had replied.
She hadn't been able to look him in the face. And it wasn't because it was hard to lie to him, though that was also true. She was never able to look directly at Heero without being overwhelmed by how she felt about him. So she caught only glimpses of his face as her eyes darted everywhere else—his shoulder, his feet, his hands, his belt, the rippling water beyond. In those glimpses, she caught enough of his expression to know that he knew she had lied. Heat came into her face.
"I'm frustrated," she had confessed. "A year ago everyone wanted this. It was the dream. And now it's arguments about taxes and margins and restrictions. Don't they understand that a peace we can all share is going to require some effort? Some sacrifice?"
She wondered if she sounded as surly as the people she had been fighting all afternoon. She didn't want Heero to think she was weak. Or that she was giving up. She wasn't going to give up. But she had needed something—a little encouragement, a reminder of her sense of purpose. Something.
She sighed. "Who am I doing this for?"
He touched her chin. "Relena." That was all.
And her eyes snapped to his, as if pulled there by a string. She looked into those eyes, bluer than the water in the backdrop behind his head, and everything else disappeared.
He knew. He understood. He was why she was doing this—or at least representative of that effort. She hadn't actually forgotten, but it sharpened to crystal clarity when she looked directly at Heero's face. At the same time, she felt all her insides melting. She couldn't form a coherent sentence.
"Right," she had managed to say. It came out a whisper, breathed from somewhere deep inside, but it carried the weight of all her feelings.
Heero's hand reached around the back of her head. She had tensed instinctually, surprised. He was going to tell her something. No. He was going to… kiss her. She realized it only as he leaned in, startled. It happened too fast to say anything, and obliterated any memory of what she had wanted to say.
His lips met hers, soft and warm. And then they moved against hers. Her knees almost buckled. Anger and frustration drained out of her. Radiance shoved it out, shining so bright she felt dizzy and disoriented. Heat pulsed from every square inch of her body. She wanted…
But then Heero jerked away, ripping his mouth away from her lips and turning his face fully to the side.
"I should go," he had said. His voice sounded rough.
She trembled, literally shaking. "Why?"
He wouldn't look at her. "There are things I have to do."
What did that mean? Why had he kissed her only to pull away? He acted like it hadn't even happened. Did he kiss her because he wanted to, or because she needed him to? Those were not the questions she asked.
"When will I see you again?"
He had left her on the dock like that, staring after him, heart racing, wondering if she had gone mad.
Alone in the nights that passed, the back of her head nestled in the sterile white casing of some hotel pillow, she would close her eyes and think about that kiss, hoping once again that longing for him would bring him to her. Was that silly? Selfish? She didn't know.
But he was true to his word. On her nineteenth birthday he found her at a restaurant, dining alone as she sometimes did, and joined her for the meal. The conversation was pleasant, but it was different. He was distant and reserved. She told him about all the progress she had made and that, though there was still a long way to go, her spirit had been restored since his last visit. He complimented her efforts, but they didn't touch. He was careful not to touch her. He wished her a Happy Birthday. He didn't say anything about the kiss.
And then he disappeared entirely. Months passed without a sight of him, though she felt him out there sometimes, far enough to stay out of her way but close enough to catch her if she fell.
Did he know how hard she had fallen?
Looking at his face now, the first time she had seen it since her birthday, she couldn't tell at all.
"It's over, you know," she told him. "The summit, I mean. The last meeting was this morning. Everything is signed."
"I know," he said.
"It's been a long year," she said.
"It has," he agreed.
"But worth it, right? I think this bill actually represents the feelings of the Colony citizens. And Earth as well."
"There will be some problems with implementation."
"Yes," she admitted. "There always are, but--."
It wasn't really the legislation that she wanted to talk about. The changes about to take place because of that—changes that were a direct result of her hard work—were too much to digest in a moment. It was too soon. It hadn't sunk in yet.
For now, Heero was here. She just didn't quite know what she was trying to say to him. That she wanted to see more of him perhaps. Her days were never dull. She was never not-busy, never free, but after this long hard year, there would be something of a respite. For a little while.
But she wasn't sure what that meant to Heero. Maybe it didn't mean anything.
His eyes drifted away from her, his head turning to look where his hand still clutched the doorframe, as if he were trying to decide something.
There was a cut on his head. She saw it when he turned aside, a gash at the hairline, just above his temple.
Her feet moved of their own accord. She crossed the remaining string of tiles, fishing a handkerchief out of her blouse pocket. Her hand reached up to his face.
He caught her wrist.
"You're hurt," she said.
His eyes stared into hers. "It's nothing."
That gaze of his was so powerful. But not powerful enough to deter her. Not this time. She pressed her lips together. She wasn't going to apologize. She wouldn't allow him to just be hurt. At least, she wouldn't think it was nothing. She stared back into his eyes. His grip on her wrist loosened.
She dabbed at the cut until the red cleared. It really was nothing serious, but still… "How did that hap--?" she began.
The hand holding her wrist slipped down to her elbow. Her heart beats ramped up from a patter to a gallop in half a second. She swallowed a gasp as he leaned in. No part of his body touched hers, but somehow her whole body reacted. He stopped.
You can't do this to me.
This jerking her back and forth, seeming to want her and then vanishing, with no explanation.
It couldn't go on.
She fell completely silent. He had frozen still, inches from her face. The warmth of his breath swept her thoughts away. She wanted to bring him to kiss her. She felt the undercurrent of urgency, a need to pull him close so that she could hold him, just to feel him pressed against her, but she couldn't move a muscle.
I love you.
She felt him jolt, mere millimeters from her lips. He pulled away. Her eyes flew open.
Did she say that out loud?
He turned his head to the side again, not quite catching her eyes. His fingers tightened on the doorframe.
"Don't go." She grabbed his sleeve, felt the muscle in the arm tense beneath, and held on. "Please don't. I have nothing more to do today. It will be lonely if you go. I…I want to celebrate."
He was silent, still not looking at her.
"We can do anything you like," she said, all in a rush, not even entirely sure what she was saying, just knowing she didn't want him to go. "This colony has restaurants and theatres and…" She trailed off, flushing a little. None of those things would particularly entice Heero, nor disenchant him. In truth, it was the same for her. "I don't care what we do," she amended. "It doesn't matter to me. Only please don't go. It's been so long since I've seen you."
He looked at her then. He was smiling, the corners of his mouth pulling upward. It took her aback. She didn't know what he found amusing. She hoped it wasn't because she sounded too compliant, or worse, desperate. She wasn't desperate. It was just that when it came to Heero she couldn't help herself from wanting him near her. That was all.
"What?" she asked.
"Nothing," he said.
"It has to be something."
"I've seen a lot of you."
For a moment, she was puzzled. Where had he seen her? Her face was everywhere in the media. Maybe he meant that. Or maybe— Suspicion bloomed.
"Have you been following me around on my tour, Heero?"
He didn't say anything. It was true. He didn't have to answer for her to know it was true.
"Why didn't you ever come to see me?"
She didn't know whether to feel relieved or hurt. She had been afraid that things had become awkward after that kiss, that he was pulling away from her because of it, either because he realized he didn't want her that way or because he didn't know how to handle it. And here he had been following her.
"I didn't want to distract you."
She blinked. Was he being generous or offensive? She just shook her head.
Behind her, some distance down the sterile white hallway, a door opened and closed. Relena glanced over her shoulder at a clerk who paused in the hall to peer at them. She turned back to Heero.
"Walk with me?" she asked him. "At least to where I'm staying? You owe me that much."
"I can do that," he agreed.
The hotel was within close walking distance to the conference center. A little too close. Relena hadn't thought through her feelings or what she wanted to tell Heero. She felt too relaxed with him by her side to think, content to be near him, even though they had a lot to talk about, and she didn't know how to begin. She knew she had to speak before they got to the elevator, if only because it would be awkward—and possibly even…suggestive—if she didn't.
The way Heero escorted her was a cross between a gentleman and a guard. He walked between her and the street, and lent her his arm on the steps, but kept his eyes on everything except her, including the windows in the buildings on both sides of the street, as if he expected a bullet to fly out of one of them straight for her heart.
She was certain he carried a gun somewhere on his person.
When they reached the hotel, Heero opened the door for her and then followed her inside. The attendant behind the check-in desk didn't pay them any mind as they passed through the lobby for the elevators. Relena still hadn't decided how to begin. While she racked her brain about it, she fished for her keycard. It wasn't in the pocket of her jacket.
Her hand froze. She knew exactly where it was. She had left it on the nightstand inside her room. She had been in such a hurry. How embarrassing.
"I don't have my keycard," she said. "Wait here. I just need to get another from the desk."
"No need," Heero said. He removed an identical card from a pocket on the inside of his jacket and swiped it across the panel. The red light turned green. Heero pushed the down button. Behind the walls, Relena could hear the elevator moving.
She blinked. "Are you staying here too?"
He smiled at her.
"Well it won't work on my room," she told him. "Though I suppose we can go to yours?" She took a deep breath. She wished she could say it without sounding ominous. "We need to talk."
"I don't have a room here."
She frowned at him.
"It's not difficult to program these," he explained.
The elevator pinged. The doors opened.
Relena stepped into the elevator. Heero walked in beside her. The doors closed. A second wave of the card allowed them entry to her floor. Heero punched the button.
Relena just shook her head. "I can't believe you. Have you been in my room?"
"No," he said. "I made this only for an emergency. Just in case."
Just in case. In case she was abducted or murdered or... "Oh, Heero."
The elevator let them off and Relena led the way to her room, though she was sure now that Heero knew exactly where it was.
He walked her to her door and handed her the keycard. "I can make another," he said.
She took the piece of white plastic.
Was this it?
They stood there for a moment in silence, not quite looking at each other.
"You said you needed to talk," he prompted her.
She nodded. How to begin?
She began by looking up, right into his eyes. "Heero, I want to thank you."
"There's nothing to thank me for."
"There is," she said. "For watching out for me."
"Then I want to thank you too."
She was surprised. "You do?"
"I watch out for you because of what you're doing with your life."
Silence descended between them again. Relena was conscious of where they stood, outside her hotel room. It wasn't the place she would have chosen to talk, though a private spot was preferable. She really had just been thinking of talking. She hadn't been thinking of… She hoped she wasn't blushing. It was just that he had kissed her, and never explained it, and she didn't want him to go.
"Was that all you wanted to say?" he asked her.
There was a bit of a demand in his tone. It startled her. His eyes pierced hers.
"I—" she began.
He pushed her—softly—against the door. She gasped, mind racing, unable to keep up as his body crossed into the space where she had been standing. One of his hands pinned one of her arms against the wood by the wrist. Her other hand was trapped between them. Her fingers touched his chest. Her breath left her body, not because she was winded, but because she had stopped breathing.
What she hadn't been thinking of leapt sharply into her mind. It wasn't the first time she had thought of it, hoping that someday…but all her fantasies flew out of her head when the reality of Heero's lips covered hers. Talking? There seemed no need for it. He kissed her, open-mouthed but noninvasive, his lips moving hungrily and aggressively across hers, drawing the breath from her body. She fought an urge to moan and push her whole body against him. Her mouth wasn't the only thing that was suddenly wet.
"What did you want to say?" he whispered raggedly, his lips dragging from her mouth to her ear. She felt the warmth of his breath on her skin and a shudder rippled through her. Her eyes fluttered open. He descended, touching his lips to her neck.
She didn't know it would feel so sweet. His lips grazed her skin, sending shivers down her arms and back. Her eyes closed again. She felt helpless, almost too powerless to form words, but--
"Why didn't you want to go to a restaurant or the theatre?" she whispered.
"Too public." His tongue touched her skin.
She couldn't say anything. Instinctively, she tilted her head back. Heero's lips and tongue ravaged her neck and it felt…incredible. His hand on her wrist tightened. He stepped closer to her. She could feel the shape of him—his chest, his abs, his hips, his thighs. He kissed her beneath her ear, squeezed her wrist, and aligned his pelvis with hers. Her mouth opened, body shaking. She knew she had to make a decision—right here and right now. It was difficult to think. Was this really happening?
"Wait," she begged. "Please wait. I—"
He stopped. Her eyes opened. He stared into them, penetrating her with his gaze.
"I've been waiting," he said, his eyes staring into hers without blinking, a layer of longing muting their objectiveness, but not their intensity.
"What?" she whispered raggedly, still in a haze.
"I've been waiting, trying not to distract you. I'm sorry I couldn't be closer. I know it troubles you, but I couldn't stand being too close to you and not--"
Her body was on fire.
He released her wrist.
She seized his jacket.
"Come inside," she begged. "Please. Just…come in."
Twisting in his grip, she fumbled with the keycard in her other hand, trying to swipe it through the notch without letting him go. He swiped her hair aside and kissed the back of her neck, his lips and tongue both hot and cool on her skin. She almost stumbled.
The door clicked open. She lurched inside. He followed her. The door shut behind them.
(Six Pages Cut for Content)
Neither of them spoke. Relena couldn't move. She really couldn't.
Was she supposed to say something? Words didn't fit. If he couldn't tell it was good, he wasn't very observant. But then, considering the circumstances, maybe observation hadn't been high in his mind.
Heero rolled off her. Without a word, he got off the bed and walked into the bathroom.
Bereft of his presence, Relena assessed herself. She felt…a little strange. Her hand drifted to her head, where her hair had become a tangle. There was small bump on her head from where she had hit the headboard—twice. The top sheet and had been pushed all the way to the foot of the bed. The comforter was on the floor.
She shivered in her skin, watching for Heero's return.
Come back, she thought fervently. Lover, come back. That was followed by an immediate, half-surprised thought. Is that what he is? Is that what we are?
They still hadn't talked!
Heero reemerged, naked and beautiful, and looking decidedly less mussed than she felt. He leaned against the frame of the bathroom door. He smiled as he looked at her.
"What?" she demanded. Her hand drifted to her hair."What are you smiling at? I must look terrible."
"No," he replied, still with that smile.
"Was this…too fast?"
"What would you have done if I didn't ask you inside?"
"Nothing. Kissed you."
"Whatever else you were okay with."
She tried to imagine at what point she would have stopped him if she hadn't decided not to stop from the beginning. She couldn't think of a good stopping place.
"Can we do it again?"
He returned to the bed. His arms wrapped around her, tackling her to the mattress. She yielded, and laughed, almost giddy—an unfamiliar emotion. He lay fully across her, kissing her neck and shoulders and jaw. She couldn't stop smiling. His skin was so soft and smooth. Her heart felt so full.
"I don't know what's wrong with me," she laughed. It really wasn't funny. She wasn't just a wreck. She hurt too. And she was shaking. "I'm sore, Heero. I don't know why I asked to do it again. You—"
He kissed her. The kiss was deep, silencing her completely. Her head spun. He let her breathe eventually. "I need a minute anyway," he said.
He rolled onto his back beside her. She rolled with him, draping herself across his chest, not wanting to let go. His arms wrapped around her. The muscles in his rock-hard stomach flexed under her fingers. She didn't feel the least bit tired. She had never felt more alive and awake in her life. She didn't want to sleep. She didn't want to close her eyes even.
"Heero," she whispered. "Don't leave again."
Turning her chin toward his face, he kissed her, lightly this time. He brushed strands of hair away from her face, threading his fingers through the tangles. "I never do."
She blinked. "What do you mean?" She frowned at him. "Do you mean since even before the tour?"
"Since the war. Unless I had somewhere else to be."
Since the war? "I don't understand. Why? Are you that concerned something will happen to me?"
He didn't say anything.
Her heartbeat quickened. "Do you love me, Heero?" His eyes flickered toward hers, blue and serene and full of… "Because I love you," she said breathlessly. "I've loved you for years. Maybe since I met you."
"I know," he said. His eyes said everything.
She couldn't contain it. Words weren't enough. She kissed his neck, burying her face between her cheek and his shoulder. "Why hasn't this happened sooner?"
His hand caressed her back. "I told you. I didn't want to distract you. What you are doing is very important."
She lifted her face, again not knowing whether to be angry or relieved. She settled on anger. "You kept away from me all this time, assuming that I… couldn't handle it? I can handle it just fine! I've handled a lot with or without you. It's missing you that was hard. I--"
His body heaved. His lips captured hers. Somehow, seemingly without any effort at all, he flipped her onto her back again. She grunted, head ringing with words she had forgotten. He was on top of her again, between her thighs. And hard. What were they arguing about? Oh yeah.
"Are you going to… demonstrate how distracting you can be?" she asked him.
"There's a lot I haven't done to you yet," he replied.
Done to her?
She closed her mouth, suddenly very distracted. She tried to imagine doing what she had done all this past year with the thoughts she was having right now bouncing around in her head.
He leaned over her on his elbows, and looked into her face. "Now is the time," he told her, almost urgently, smoothing back her hair as he spoke. He was trying to tell her something, trying to penetrate her with a vision.
Relena stared into the depths of his eyes. She saw the future. She saw what he saw when he looked at her.
Everything she had been working so hard to achieve…it was coming to fruition. It was actually happening. It wouldn't happen easily, but it would happen. She had been trying not to think about it. It was too much to think about. Peace for the universe. It was too much for any one person to be responsible for. It had always been just one step at a time. But now it was happening. She had nothing to do but take it all in.
Only Heero would be with her. She saw clearly how it would be. At every public audience, committee meeting, and private work day where she would continually answer questions and offer reassurances, he would be there… guarding her. And when she didn't need guarding, he would be her counsel, her shoulder, her support. People would see him around her. Some already did. That guy, the one who was a Gundam Pilot, the one who saved the Earth, was he Relena Darilan's bodyguard? And then at night—
She sat up in bed. Heero let her rise, falling back on his knees. They stared at each other.
"It's all going to change," she said. "You and me and the whole world."
He brushed her hair out of her face. "Yeah."
This was it.
She smiled at him, but felt like she was going to cry. "I'm…."
Overwhelmed. Overwrought. Exhausted.
He pushed her back down against the pillows. His body slid over hers. His hands cradled her head. His lips brushed over her lips. "Don't think about it," he whispered.
"I can't not—"
He shushed her with a kiss. "I'll distract you."