Disclaimer: Don't own NCIS

A list of things that the NCIS team AREN'T allowed to do

To all NCIS agents, especially Gibbs' team, this is a list to remind you all what you are not allowed to do since many of you seem to have forgotten

1. Constantly using the emergency stop button in the elevator for no good reason is not allowed...

2. ...in fact it's only to be used in REAL emergencies...

3. ...shouting at your team or Fornell does not count as a real emergency Gibbs

4. The elevator is not a suitable space for someone to conduct an interview ...

5. ...nor is my office when I'm trying to work in it Gibbs!

6. Storing food in the autopsy freezers is against the rules, not to mention deeply disturbing...

7. ...even if the fridge is broken

8. Mcgee is not allowed to hack into the system to increase his pay...

9. ...or anyone else's pay...

10. ...or send abusive emails to other federal agencies...

11. ...in fact he's not allowed to hack into the system unless I ask him to...

12. ...even if it is related to a case...

13. ...the previous five apply to Abby too

14. MTAC is not to be used to watch movies, DiNozzo I'm talking to you...

15. ...it's the biggest screen is not a valid excuse...

16. ...nor is the fact that your TV is not working...

17. ...nor is any other excuse you come up with

18. Gibbs, stop wasting all our funding on coffee...

19. ...and caf-pow

20. There is no such thing as a come-into-work-dressed-as-a-stripper-day, so, DiNozzo should stop telling female employees that there is...

21. ...even the hot ones

is not James Bond nor will he ever be

23. Lawyers are there to help not too receive verbal abuse...

24. ...even if they started it

25. Ziva is no longer allowed to drive any vehicles owned by NCIS until she gets proper driving lessons, the fines and the repair jobs are costing too much...

26. ...I'll even pay for the lessons myself

27. The computers are to be used for work not to play games...

28. ...even if they are faster than your home computers

29. Probies are not there to do ALL your paperwork for you...

30. ...nor is the legal department...

31. ...in fact just do all your paperwork yourself, and stop moaning

32. The FBI is not there to do ALL of our dirty work, some of it, yes, but not all of it...

33. ...nor is it there simply for us to annoy

34. Abby, decorating your lab with pictures of corpses from the teams cases because you think it looks cool is not allowed and also very disturbing

35. The proper way to get food from the vending machine is to put money in, not to thump it until it releases the sweets you want

36. Respect people's personal space and property, most people don't appreciate you going through their personal belongings or staring over their shoulder all the time...

37. ...lawyers and members of the FBI count as people I don't care how annoying they are

If anybody is caught breaking any of these rules they will be sent to work for the FBI or simply fired, depends on how badly they break the rules (the worst ones will be sent to work for the FBI!)

Director Leon Vance

P.S. I've sent this on paper as well as on email so don't think you can get out of reading it Gibbs

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