Save Me Before It's Too Late

Like any other day, I'm sitting on my bed, door locked and music blasting. Staring at the knife that was now freshly stained with blood, I picked it up and watched it twirl around in my hand. For the past two years, my favorite part has been the pain. It's a sharp pain that makes you feel alive, yet dead at the same time. It's a great rush, but nothing like the rush of crack. My story began about two years ago when my best friend Bella Swan moved back to Pheonix, Arizona to live with her Mom again. It all went down hill from there. After Bella moved, my brother Emmett was in a car crash after a drunk driver crashed into him while turning. He was in the hospital for two months, that's how bad it was. He had a broken leg, broken arm, several head hemerages, and had to have a back surgery. You'd think that this would make me appreciate life more, but I started cutting only when I thought that Emmett wasn't going to come home. But when he finally did, I stopped and realized that it was stupid of me to do that. Of course, I also realized that it realeased a lot of tention when I lost complete contact with Bella. I don't know how it happened, but I lost her number, her email was changed, and I never knew her address in Pheonix. I was ashamed of the fact that I would never get to talk to my best friend ever again, and I haven't for two years. I've looked everywhere for her number and even tried looking her up online. When I couldn't find her, I felt like a horrible friend.

But now I'm a Junior at Forks High School and I don't have any friends. I've become a loner ever since Bella left. My brothers used to try and sit with me at lunch so I wouldn't be alone, but I told them that I would rather be by myself. Emmett graduated last year, but he took a year off before he goes to college because he still has some back problems and my mom wants him to take it easy. Right now it's lunch on a Friday afternoon. It's days like today that I really wish Bella were here because we would almost always hang out after school, usually resulting in a sleepover. I can't even remember the last time I had a sleepover. I'm pretty sure it was the day right before Bella left, though. Anyway, every day at lunch I sit at a table way in the back and don't eat. I feel like I could be doing other things, although I usually just sit there and watch my surroundings. At the moment, I'm watching Jessica Stanley make an idiot of herself in front of Mike Newton like she always does. It's obvious that she likes him but he could care less about her. Mike always had a huge crush on Bella and even me at one point, but now I guess he's just bored with himself since Bella isn't around for him to hit on. Occasionally he'll annoy me, but I just completley ignore him and tell him off. He goes away after that, but eventually he comes back. I don't know why he won't just be with Jessica, it's obvious that no one else wants him other than her.
On another subject, I've heard that a lot of people are kind of afraid of me because they think that I'm plotting to blow up the school or something just because I never talk and watch people. If I had someone to talk to, I would. But I don't, so I'm not going to. A lot of the time I watch Edward and his friends because in a way, I'm jelious of him. Only because of the soul reason that he has a lot of friends and I have none. I don't know why I even bother going to lunch when I could just go to the library, but I guess it's just because it's the only time I'm actually around other people and I'm not so close to them. Other than in the classroom where it's a very close situation. I may be a loner, but that doesn't mean I like being alone. Sometimes I do, but usually I would rather be near people. Whether I like them or not, it makes me feel a little human.
"Hey Alice", I turned around suddenly to see Edward behind me. I guess I hadn't noticed him get up and walk over here. I looked back to his table and said,

"Hi Edward", he sat down, but I didn't look at him.
"Why don't you sit with me today? I hate seeing you by yourself"
"I'm fine right here, Edward", I love Edward, but I just wish he could understand my situation.