Just a quick note: setting is in the plane scene in RE5, just so you won't get confused.:)


Sheva Alomar gulped as she sized up the situation she found herself in. She and her partner, Chris Redfield were so dead-set in finding the fugitive Albert Wesker that she didn't think of what would happen once they have caught up with him. At the moment, she couldn't help but think that there was a crazed megalomaniac standing in front of her with limitless powers, and it was all she could do not to think about the fact that only a few layers of metal and plastic kept her from plunging to an untimely death. "Any plans, partner?" She hissed at the man beside her.

"Just one," Chris Redfield muttered back. "I'm going to try and get him pissed off. Maybe that would set him off and buy us some time. Back me up on this, alright?"

Sheva gave a minute nod, not daring to keep her eyes off the blond man in front of her. It was a good thing she had a world-class agent as her partner. She would have felt more panicky than she already was, but knowing Chris Redfield's reputation, she knew she was as safe as she could be, what with him being…

"Hey, Wesker! What's blond, wears sunglasses indoors, and is a cat?"

Sheva froze. What the hell is he doing?

Pausing only for a split-second, Chris bellowed out "Albert Whisker!"

Sheva felt her blood freeze. Oh crap. Did he just… Her eyes went back to the blond man in question, who seemed to have desisted from blurring and moving all over the place. "What did you just say?" Wesker said, his voice deceptively soft.

Sheva gulped. The crazy man's pissed! She thought in panic. I hope you know what you're doing, Redfield!

It seems like he did. Or at least, he knew what he wanted to say. He grinned at Wesker, and then spoke again."You heard me! Here's another one. What's blond, wears sunglasses indoors, and has tonsilitis?"

Sheva groaned. Oh, gods. Help me. What is he doing?

"Albert Whisper!"

Sheva snuck a glance at Wesker, whose eyes were unreadable behind his dark sunglasses. She then glanced at her partner, and to her horror, she saw that he had a manic look on his face. Almost like he's enjoying himself.

"Hey, Sheva! What's blond, wears sunglasses indoors, and fails the Breathalyzer test?"

Sheva forced a grin on her face. "I don't know, Chris. What?"

"Albert Whiskey!" At this, Chris guffawed at his own joke, tears running down his face. Sheva also felt the urge to laugh maniacally, but for different reasons. She felt her impending death approaching just seconds from now. She forced a weak laugh.

"Oh, you like that, huh?" Chris said, grinning madly. "I have more! What's blond, wears sunglasses indoors, and makes his own music?" Without waiting for Sheva's response, he hooted, "Albert Whistler!" then doubled up laughing at his own joke.

Sheva snuck a glance at Wesker again, and saw that the man was motionless. But for the gleam of his sunglasses, he would have blended perfectly with the background. Sheva gulped. "Chris, don't you think you'd better pipe down?" she hissed.

"Wait, I have more!" Chris whispered back. "What's blond, wears sunglasses indoors, and likes cliff diving?"

"I don't know," Sheva said desperately. Wesker's motionlessness was starting to freak her out.

"That's easy! It's Albert Risker!" Chris guffawed again, practically rolling on the floor laughing.

"I have a question."

Sheva's head whipped around, and caught Wesker emerging from the darkness. She immediately didn't trust the small grin on his face.

"Who's stupid, muscled, and is about to resemble his name in a few seconds?"

"Oh, a joke! I didn't know you're a comedian too!" Chris said, grinning at his former captain. "I don't know Wesker, what i- WHOA!"

What Chris was about to say was cut off when Wesker suddenly pulled the lever to release the chute at the bottom of the plane. The air, eager for victims, promptly sucked up Chris and caused him to crash down at a field, where he got blown apart into smithereens.


Sheva's superior looked at her in surprise and consternation. "That's it? You disobeyed direct orders. You went off on your own with your partner. And your partner, who happens to be our best agent, got turned into mulch. And this is all you have to report? Eight measly words?"

"Yes, sir. I'm afraid that's all I could say. Albert Wesker doesn't have a sense of humor." In so saying, she turned around and stepped out of the office.


Hm. Not as funny as I wanted it to be. Oh well.:P Sorry if this sucks, I just had to write it down after remembering the "Albert Whisker" line from someone over at Capcom Unity.