Disclaimer and Author's Note:
This was my contribution to MsKathy's Haiti-compilation. I hope you like it, even if it's not Twilight-related.
This is a fic rated M for a reason.
It has a same sex couple having sex so if male/male isn't your thing, don't read it.
Also, Queer as Folk and its characters don't belong to me,
this is just a little look into the show, in Justin's point of view as I see it.
This story contains heavy spoilers up to midway in to Season 3,
so you're reading at your own risk.
What You See is What You Get
If there's one thing you can say about Brian Kinney, it's that he's completely honest. I knew what I was getting into. At first, naturally, I didn't really think it was all true, but gradually I realized he never hid himself, not even in the very beginning.
I fell in love with him hard and fast. Why? Because he is different from anyone else. Where other people hide their faults, Brian hides his goodness and other positive things in him. But I see right through him. Somehow he was good to me in a way nobody had ever been before. Of course Brian was also drop dead gorgeous and I wanted him instantly, from the moment I laid my eyes on him the first time.
The good thing was he fell in love with me too. Bad thing? He'd never, ever confess it or acknowledge it in any way. I knew it from the beginning and I never let it bother me too much, I'm a realist after all.
So, how did "the fiddler-incident" happen? Give me a break, I'm still young. Brian was the first person I fell in love with, my first lover too. That's something that sticks with you and if that person isn't what you expected in the romantic dreams of your youth... Yeah. I needed romance, mostly because other people put the idea in my head.
See, I might not have been happy at that point but at least I knew where I stood with Brian. I would have gotten over it. Instead I listened to others, like Mel and Lindsay. My birthday...Brian doing nothing to acknowledge it, not in any way I would have wanted at least, changed things inside me even if momentarily.
To see Ethan playing violin, see someone create like I did... He took music like I took my art and I felt instantly connected to him somehow. So it was too easy to fall for him. Was I truly in love with him? Maybe...in a way. I wanted to believe so badly that I convinced myself that I really was in love. The worst thing was that I believed his promises.
That was why it hurt more than anything Brian ever had done when his promises ended up being lies. With Brian it was never like I expected something else of him. I never expected him to be with just me. In a way Brian's love, even if he never spoke of it, was more true than Ethan's.
I have to admit that I did love the romance I had craved so much. The candlelit dinners, waking up to Ethan playing something romantic, making love like it truly was that instead of fucking... A boy could get used to that. But not being betrayed. That I wouldn't take, not for a moment, and Ethan was the first to see it.
After some time, having lived with Daphne, I realized what I needed to do. She gave me the idea and I didn't hesitate to put it into action. I got hired as a trainee in his firm without him knowing it. Suddenly, whether he liked it or not, there I was, worming my way back into his life like I had done from the beginning.
I wanted him, more than I had ever wanted anything and I knew leaving him was the worst decision I had made in my entire life. I loved Brian, with all my heart and so fiercely it hurt sometimes. What didn't hurt, much, was to see him fuck whom ever when ever, where ever. Why? Because that's who Brian is.
No promises, no apologies, no lies.
I knew he loved me, in a different way than how I loved him but love was there, nonetheless. That's why I still hoped... I wanted him back. To the degree he would ever be mine, I wanted that. Without Brian my life was...not much of a life at all. I know it sounds pathetic, but if you've met the person who is your other half, even if not quite fitting, you know how I feel.
So that night, when I went to his office I managed to speak with him and apparently he wanted me back too. We fucked on his desk and he growled, biting my shoulder for reminding him that this time he wouldn't get sued over fucking someone there. After that night we were pretty much back to the norm, though I still didn't live with him. It was too soon for that and he hadn't asked. Not that I needed him to. I could invite myself and he wouldn't really say no and I knew it.
Tonight we had been at the club, again. Babylon never changed. But since there could be undercover cops there now, I told Brian we should go home to fuck instead of doing it at the club. He agreed, after all he didn't want me to get into trouble even if he wouldn't have cared about himself that much.
I liked his new car, even if I had liked the Jeep too. The drive to his place wasn't long and soon we were in the elevator. The desire was there, heavy between us, but we just stood a few feet apart, waiting to get inside the flat. I bit my lower lip, I knew it was teasing him just like when I dropped my chin and looked at him through my lashes. The expression in his eyes was changing into something more dark and possessive.
Nearly trembling I got out of the elevator at his floor and pulled the door open after he unlocked it. As soon as we were inside and had kicked our shoes off and dropped our jackets inside the door his hands were on me. I had missed this so much, the scorching fire that burned me through his hands as soon as he touched me. He pushed me face first against one of the beams that supported the high ceiling.
I was pinned against it, feeling the cool steel through my thin t-shirt and against my cheek.
"Fuck me..." I whispered a plea over my shoulder and looked at his dark brown eyes that told me everything he never said.
"Not yet..." Brian murmured into my ear and I felt his rock hard cock grinding against my jeans-covered ass as his hips rolled in a slow, teasing motion.
He knew I was a teenager still, sure I was already nineteen but the hormones were still there to a degree. He knew he'd get me to beg if he continued this.
"Oh...fuck...Brian..." I gasped and he chuckled huskily before I felt his hands open the fly of my jeans and his fingers slid inside, circling my throbbing hard cock.
"You teenagers...all it takes is a little breeze and you're hard..." he teased me while stroking me firmly, making my head fall back to his shoulder.
He knew exactly what to do to me.
I think he enjoyed it, not just fucking some stranger but actually knowing how to bring me pleasure. We knew each other's bodies by now and every time, whether it was something more slow and passionate instead of primal fucking, it was amazing.
I was lost in the sensations he caused in me when he suddenly stopped. Taking in a ragged breath I turned my head to look at him. "What?" my question coming out like an exhale.
"Thought you might want to use that in some more creative way..." His voice was a husky purr to my ear and it sent shivers through my body.
Was he really suggesting what I think he was suggesting?
A bit flabbergasted I turned around to look at him.
"Do..do you mean what I think you mean?" I asked and he looked amused.
I knew for a fact nobody else got to fuck him. Ever. It was just the same with me. In our relationship, if you could call this one, I was the bottom, but I never had and never would bottom for anyone else.
"Well if you don't want to..." his words trailed off and I grinned so wide I felt like it would split my face.
"Oh...hmmm...let me think..." I said like I was honestly thinking about it and then suddenly grabbed him and turned us around so that Brian's back was to the beam.
As soon as there was permission, I took over.
Opening his fly I hitched his jeans down and he kicked them to the side with his boxers. I dropped to my knees and licked him slowly a few times before I took him into my mouth and found the rhythm I knew he liked the most.
It would take time for him to let go, I knew it, so I was determined to drive him wild first. While I was using my mouth to please him, I thought about what we were about to do.
I had been surprised, mostly because it had never before been initiated by him. He had only bottomed for me a couple of times before and it had been two years now. So why now? The reason was obvious when I thought about it. He needed to show me he still trusted me.
After we got back together, I had apologized to him for the mistake I had made and he had always brushed it off. I hadn't gotten his forgiveness in words. This was it. His way of saying he forgave me. He wanted me to have him as a proof of the fact that he still loved me and trusted me even after I had chosen someone over him.
"Oh fuck...Justin..." he moaned as I let him hit the back of my throat and swallowed around him.
Releasing him from my mouth with a wet pop, I grinned.
"Not yet. Not until I say you can." I told him, those were the exact words he used the last time he went all primal on me.
Brian chuckled and looked at me with slightly hooded gaze.
"Bed, now." I told him and stripped from my clothes on the way to the bedroom.
When I got to the side of the bed I turned to look at him. He was tossing his shirt to the hamper and turned around again to face me. I recognized a familiar glimmer of fear in his eyes that was always present when he bottomed for me.
I hadn't asked what had happened to him to make him scared, he hadn't told me. If he wanted to, he would but knowing Brian Kinney, he wouldn't and I was fine by that, as long as he knew I'd never hurt him.
He stepped closer to me and I pulled him against my body, kissing him hungrily. When I rocked my hips our hard cocks brushed against one another and made us moan into the kiss.
Brian didn't need to ask, he knew how I wanted him and he laid down on the bed, on his stomach, his head on the pillows and lifted his hips a bit.
"And here I was so happy to have the greatest ass in this apartment..." I teased him and slapped his ass.
Brian hissed and I could see he rolled his eyes. His expression changed as soon as I took the lube and condom from the bedside table and began to prep him carefully. I was by his side, nipping, kissing and licking his back and shoulders.
My fingers slid into him easily with the lube, even though he was tight as one could imagine and I was throbbing by the time I could get a third finger in in such way that he wasn't tense anymore.
"Are you ready?" I asked and he nodded but didn't say anything, he rarely spoke during sex anyway and I knew this was a big deal for him.
Rolling the condom over my cock I knelt between his legs. I stroked his back with my fingers as I entered him carefully and slowly, the added lube helping me in the process. He tensed, once again, but relaxed once he remembered I wouldn't hurt him.
It wasn't easy for me to be gentle and he knew it. He was so tight and I wanted and loved him so much it seemed like I was completely engulfed by the rush of feelings and sensations. I could come immediately, but I didn't want to. I wanted it to be good for him too.
Slowly I rocked my hips, my cock sliding in and out of him in a steady rhythm that relaxed him and made him close his eyes. He was enjoying himself and I could tell. Smiling, I kept grazing my nails against his back in turn with stroking his skin.
Gradually I picked up the pace and every time I nudged his sweet spot, he made a tiny guttural sound I knew he had no inkling about making.
Before I could get too carried away, I pulled out and he looked at me questioningly.
"Get up, on your knees, I want to hold you." I told him with a gentle smile and he just nodded but I could tell he wanted to smile a bit too.
Brian moved more to his knees and straightened his back to lean against my chest. We kissed, his head turned back, as I pushed back into him. The kiss ended with another moan and gasp from us both.
"I love you, Brian." I told him and from the little I could see when he looked at me over his shoulder, I knew the feeling was there but he wouldn't say it.
Reaching my hand around him, I stroked his chest with my fingers, almost as if I was telling him it was okay, that I understood him without the words.
He let his head drop back to my shoulder as I began to thrust my hips again, holding on to him to feel him against my skin as much as possible. My hand was holding on to him, fingers sprawled against his chest, while my other hand found its way to his cock. He gasped when my fingers wrapped around his length and I began to pump in the rhythm of my thrusts.
"Not until I give you permission..." I reminded him breathlessly and he nodded once, completely lost in what I was doing.
I picked up the pace and I could tell he was getting closer to his release. He was holding on though, waiting for my word and it was something that was very difficult for him. Brian was used to getting what he wanted and when he wanted it.
By now I was slamming into him and suddenly I felt my own orgasm very close.
"Now.." I gasped and after two thrusts and movements of my hand we both came violently, his muscles spasming around my cock and making me bite down his shoulder.
Brian collapsed on the bed, taking me with him and for a long moment we just trembled and tried to get our breathing in order. When I finally had a grasp on reality, I pulled out of him and tied the condom before tossing it in the general direction of the bin.
I wrapped my arms around Brian and we laid there for a while.
"Thank you." I whispered to his ear and he nodded again. He knew I meant him forgiving me and not the fact that he bottomed for me.
He turned and wrapped his arms around me. The look in his eyes was somehow enigmatic. He was hiding something from me, but I knew it was only something good so I wasn't worried.
He kissed me, taking my breath away.
His kisses always did.