Disclaimer: S.M. owns these characters, so I thank her for letting me have fun with them on my own. Obviously, CBS owns TPIR. The rest of the content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.
"As my predecessor often said, please have your pets spayed or neutered. 'Till tomorrow, have a great day!"
I watched as Edward waved to the studio audience before making his way backstage. Out of view from the audience, he turned around and blew me a kiss before ducking behind the curtain.
"I saw that," Rose whispered beside me. "You guys are just too much." I gave her the side eye, but quickly turned my expression into a smile.
The sounds of a grown man squealing with delight brought me back to our task at hand. As usual, the girls and I were left to calm down the excited winner of the Showcase Showdown. For this taping, the lucky person was Gerry from Sioux City. He was going home with an RV, a new washer and dryer, a trip to Honolulu, and a shit-load of luxury taxes. Within minutes, the business suits whisked him off the stage. Joining Rose and Alice, we walked backstage to our dressing rooms.
Before parting ways, the girls and I gathered together for one big group hug. I had worked nearly six months with them as models on the show. In that brief time, we had grown close, and this was going to be our first long break from one another. We had been so busy the last week, increasing our filming to three shows per day so we could have an extended vacation for the holidays. Gerry would be the last winner until the new year.
"Hey guys, don't forget the New Year's bash at my house. Bella, feel free to bring you know who," Alice smiled warmly.
I nodded to her before breaking up our hug and promised the girls we would get together soon.
I opened the door to my well appointed dressing room, one of the many luxuries CBS afforded me as a talent on the show. My eyes quickly focused on the vanity table where a large vase was placed with two dozen delicate pink roses. Their sweet aroma filled the entire space. Noticing a small envelope attached to the bouquet, I promptly pulled it off and opened it.
Looking forward to making you blush like the color of these roses. Be ready at 9pm sharp! With love, Edward.
My heart skipped a couple of beats. His handwritten words brewed excitement from deep within. As I sat down in my dressing chair and gazed into the soft lit mirror, it dawned on me that this was really happening. Tonight was the night.
Edward and I had been seeing each other for the past four months. While not necessarily a tight-lipped secret, we were not public about our relationship just yet. We knew that eventually word would get out from behind these sound-stage walls, but for now, we relished in the privacy of our new found love. It gave us time to get to know one another better, which would only serve us well when we decided to go public and face the paparazzi.
In the beginning, it all felt terribly cliché. Game show host falls for one of the models. Hadn't there been enough stories about the previous long running host and his beauties? At first, I refused to acknowledge his advances, whether they be as subtle as a lingering eye to as a bold as an invitation to meet for a drink. Even though I very much wanted to take him up on his invitation, I knew what was best.
But after a couple of restless weeks putting off a flirtatious Edward, I decided to finally give in. Fuck cliché. I couldn't deny what had been building up between us.
So late one afternoon, I permitted myself to match his advances backstage. His response was to pull me into a darkened corner. With just one kiss from his eager lips, I became unraveled.
Ever since that day, we would sneak out in separate cars, meeting at each other's home for dinner dates. We headed to his weekend home in Montecito, a lovely Mediterranean-style villa overlooking the Pacific. It was there that we first made love, my body responding to his like a piano meeting its maestro.
Ever since that first encounter, sex was an adventure and dare I say, sport. Yes, tonight would top anything we'd already done.
He had known about my wish for over a week now. We had been lying lazily in his bed one very late night, our heated bodies curled together in a mess of satin sheets.
"Tell me a naughty fantasy you think about when you're not with me," he murmured, nibbling my ear lobe before pulling away to await my response.
I turned beet red, the warmth radiating from my cheeks. Not because he was asking me this question; it was only natural that after several months of dating we would have this discussion. I was blushing because I knew the answer all too well. It was something I had fantasized about long before I had even met Edward.
"That good, eh?" he smiled wickedly. "Judging by those cheeks, it sounds like something I really ought to know." He wrapped one leg over mine, pulling me closer into the curve of his firm body.
I was a little nervous telling him. It would mean that I was just like all the rest of his admirers, watching him in the mid-morning, as he worked his charm on the audience. Many people were apprehensive of him following in the footsteps of the legend who stood before him as host, but he made the show his own and the ratings soared. He had the looks, and he sure had the swagger for a man only in his early thirties.
The first thing that drew me to him on television was that mop of silky, caramel colored hair. I purred while watching him grab it with his long fingers, pushing it back during the tense moments of the show. He got especially rough with it during the sports car games. Next were his chiseled features. Those cheekbones looked like they were carved out of stone. And I don't even need to talk about how he filled out a suit. But Fridays were the best. CBS would let him go more casual and not sport a tie. With one button left open on his crisp shirt, I could only imagine what lay underneath. There were many lonely mornings spent in bed where thoughts of Edward helped me start my day with a smile on my face.
I had the opportunity to watch him often because I worked odd shifts at the Swingers Diner in Santa Monica. Like most people trying to make it in the business here, I poured coffee and pushed our daily specials in hopes that some TV or movie type would give me that big break.
After a year, reality was starting to kick in. With only a few odd jobs here and there, I was beginning to shift priorities and focus on just enjoying my time in L.A. It was by far a more exciting place than the land of cactus and community developments back in Arizona.
Yet, it's funny how life sometimes has an odd way of working in your favor. Just as I had started to accept that the entertainment industry might not want me, I caught the eyes of a CBS scout. Rather, it might have been the short plaid skirt and torn fishnets that got his attention; the required uniform when working at Swingers. As the gentleman payed his tab, he slipped me his card and told me that The Price is Right was looking for a new model. The rest is history, and I suddenly went from ogling Edward Cullen on television to doing so in person.
"You tell me first," I asked bashfully, letting my fingers weave through his soft hair.
"Bella, what fantasy do I not have of you? That's the real question. But, I think I've already hinted about you bringing that old Swingers uniform over one weekend." He trailed his hand down my back, firmly squeezing my ass cheek. "You know I want to spank you silly in that outfit." He growled into my ear to further accentuate his point. The image he planted in my head sent anticipatory chills throughout me.
"So, now it's your turn."
"All right." I paused before continuing, nervously nibbling at a strand of my brunette hair. "Sometimes, I think it would be fun to be a contestant on the show."
He looked at me curiously, trying to assess what I meant by that admission.
"I just think...oh it's silly." I hid my face in the curve of his muscular arm.
"Not at all," he reassured. He coaxed me out of my hiding space, brushing his fingers under my chin. "Please, go on."
Taking a deep breath before I spoke, I continued to reveal my insane fantasy. "I just think it would be fun to role play that I'm your contestant, your only contestant, and suddenly the show isn't G rated anymore."
"Oh, well that's easy! We could do that right now if you want." He quickly jumped out of bed assuming his trademark stance with microphone in hand.
I shook my head, giggling slightly. "No, no, Edward. I mean at work, at the actual studio itself!"
As I spoke those words out loud, I quickly started to understand the absurdity of it all. The logistics would be impossible. "Seriously, it's just a fantasy. Something I think about from time to time. I know it's beyond impossible."
He looked at me with determination written all across his face. "Silly girl, you know a little money and reputation talks? I think I just might be able to pull this off. You'll see!"
I threw a pillow at him, unsure whether he was being truthful or just messing with me. He jumped back into bed, making me scream his name into the wee hours of the morning. As if I really needed a silly fantasy with this man.
So that's how I ended up hanging out in my dressing room at a late hour here at Studio 33. It had grown quiet outside; the crew and the girls having long rushed home to begin the holiday break with their families and friends.
I had already pulled the fake eyelashes from my lids and washed my face. I reapplied my make-up so that I could look more normal, no longer the girl who evoked people to "oooh" and "ahhh" over various products for a living. I wanted Edward to save those kinds of sounds solely for me.
Unzipping a garment bag, I took the red skirt and form-fitting black top off the hangers and dressed. While the outfit could be deemed tame for an evening of role play, the red lingerie underneath would certainly say otherwise. I stepped into some black strappy heels and got a good look at myself in the tall mirror. Mmmhmm, he'll be begging me to 'come on down' all right. I laughed smugly to myself.
Suddenly, I heard a rap at my door. I opened it slightly to find Mr. Handsome staring back at me. He raised his eyebrows in a suggestive manner and gave me a quick once over.
"Ten minutes, love. You know where to wait for me." He gave me a kiss on the cheek before briskly running off. He was so excited, so eager.
I closed the door behind me and leaned back onto the frame. Oh shit, this is really going to happen. While part of me was nervous about what he had planned for us, I was also anxious to make my fantasy become reality. A sly grin crept onto my face.
Locating a seat in the fifteenth row, I waited just as he had instructed me the night before. He had gone over the logistics of the evening he had planned for us. As he promised, all CBS employees were nowhere to be seen and security cameras had been turned off. We would truly be all alone in the sound-stage. The possibilities were endless.
It was eerie sitting in the empty studio, the lights set low. Only the stage was lit up, but still much darker than when taping a show. The three curtains were closed, and the stage was empty.
Just as my mind was starting to wander with thoughts of the night ahead, Edward took the stage. As previously requested by me, he was wearing his signature light grey suit, striped white shirt, and a thin black tie. He was the very vision of every naughty thought I had ever possessed of him. Even better, he was all mine. He held the vintage long microphone in his hand, a tradition he had retained from his predecessor. Taking his spot, front and center, a voice filled the room.
"Bella Swan, come on down, you're the next contestant on The Price is Right." It was Rich's voice, but he was not standing in the sound booth by the stage. I laughed, figuring that Edward had conned him to record this sound clip earlier in the day.
Looking at him waiting for me onstage and hearing the infamous contestant call phrase, I realized just how much work Edward had put into making my fantasy come true. It was then I decided to completely throw myself into our role play. If I was going to be a contestant, I was going to be a contestant.
Flailing my hands in the air, I screamed with excitement as I rushed down to the stage. I gave a few imaginary people high fives before taking my place at Contestants' Row.
"Miss Swan, lovely to have you here on our show. Tell us a little about yourself."
Oh boy, he sure was taking this seriously. "I hail from Phoenix, Arizona, and I'm currently a waitress, but hoping to become a big time movie star."
"Very nice. I wish you all the best, dear. So let's get started with the pricing, if I may?"
I nodded my head, eager to get the show on the road.
Edward pulled a little velvet box from his pocket, displaying it in his hand as us models are instructed to do. I rolled my eyes as he teasingly mocked my job onstage. However, my mood quickly shifted when he opened the blue box, displaying the most sparkly diamond pendant I had ever seen.
"Miss Swan, as a reminder, the players to the left of you have bid 1 million, 500 thousand, and 100 thousand dollars respectively. May I have your bid please?"
Bastard. He was going to force me to do it. "One dollar, Edward."
"Well," he mockingly huffed, "I would like to think you value this necklace at more than a dollar, but you are the winner as the others overbid. Now, come up and join me."
I quickly climbed the three steps to the stage and ran over to the Host. My Host. I jumped on him as I had seen countless overexcited contestants do often. He cupped my face in his free hand and leaned me back in a deep embrace. His tongue danced with mine as I breathed him in, letting the weight of his body cover me.
"Oh, Edward, is that your microphone or are you just happy to see me?" I grinned into his ear.
He lightly smacked my ass as he pulled me back upright. "Need I remind you that you are on national television, young lady," he looked at me sternly. "Usually for such behavior, I would take away the prize, but for you, I'll make an exception." He pulled further back from me, holding up the necklace in the box.
My face quickly turned from amused to serious. "No, Edward, I can't. It's too much." I couldn't believe his generosity. As if this fantasy wasn't enough?
"You won it, Bella, fair and square. Plus, it's only worth a dollar, remember?" He turned me away from him, securing the pendent around my neck. My fingers gravitated towards the diamond. It truly was beautiful.
"Thank you, Edward."
"You're welcome. Now come, Miss Swan. The game has but only just begun!" He tugged at my hand and led me over to curtain #1. Pressing a button, he opened the curtain to reveal the miniature golf game.
I jumped up and down, excited that I would finally get to play this old classic. He set his microphone down on a small table and gathered a ball and golf club to hand over to me. "Think you got what it takes, Bella?" he teased.
"I'm not sure, but I bet you, Edward, could make a Hole in One." I gave him a 'kissy' face while accepting the items from him.
"So perhaps you would like to know what you are playing for this time?"
"Well, being that you already got a material prize, I thought this challenge could be for something more physical." He traced a finger across the curve of my lips. I let my tongue sneak out and greet him.
Promptly moving his hand into his pant pocket, he continued on about the game. "Miss Swan, our fine sponsor, Edward Cullen, is providing you with three mind blowing orgasms if you can get the ball in the hole in just one shot. The number of orgasms goes down with each extra play you have to take. So, aim wisely."
I chuckled out loud. Of course, he didn't know of the many birthday parties I had at CrackerJax Mini Golf growing up back in Phoenix. Oh, I was so going to have fun with this.
I held the club firmly in my hands, and might have even pretended to stroke it for extra measure, acting as if it was an extension of Edward. He shook his head as if to say 'tsk-tsk'. I continued my game by bending over to place the ball on the Astroturf in an exaggerated manner. I shook my ass just slightly at Edward.
"Somehow, I think the FCC might take issue with the view I have right now. We are on CBS, Bella, not Skinemax," Edward chuckled behind me.
I quickly took my first, and only, shot. The golf ball went perfectly into the hole.
"Hah!" I proudly lifted the club in the air, not afraid to boast about my mad mini golf skills.
"Very nice. I guess I'll be a busy man soon." He flashed a devilish smile at me, and I could tell he was just as pleased with my play as I was. So much for some true competition.
Again, he took my hand and walked us over to the curtain in the middle. Pressing the button, he revealed the Plinko game board.
I shrieked with excitement. Even though I had been in the presence of this almighty game many times before with other contestants, I had never been able to play it myself.
"Edward, are you freaking kidding me? Plinko?" I started to dart towards the stairs.
His fingers caught mine and pulled me back towards him. "Just one second, love. Stay here please." He went to a little open container to the left of the pegboard and gathered three Plinko chips.
"So Miss Swan, I see that you are quite familiar with this beloved game which is probably our most popular here on The Price is Right. I think you are going to rather enjoy the slight twist I have made to the game this evening. I will hand you these chips, but you are not to read the bottom side. You will place them flat down on the board. If you hit any number other than zero, you will get to experience what is written on the chip. I will read the chips out loud after each turn." He handed me the chips and beckoned me up the steps to the top of the pegboard.
Looking down at him, I couldn't help but feel a little nervous about what was written on those chips. I knew he was capable of some wicked things in bed, but just what was I subjecting myself to? I decide to throw caution into the wind and placed the first chip down on the board.
Releasing it, I watched as it zigzagged its way down, ever so slowly, until landing in the middle $10,000 slot. Not too bad, I thought to myself. He promptly picked up the chip and read the piece of paper that was securely taped to it.
"The winner of this chip gets to choose the sexual position of her choice." I smiled, liking that I was going to get to call the shots during our next rendezvous. It was a rare treat as Edward could be rather dominant in the bedroom.
The next chip moved down the board with speed and narrowly missed the $0 slot.
"Close, Bella," he warned before gathering the chip and reading it to me. "The lucky winner of this chip shall enjoy the talents of a cunning linguist."
My knees nearly buckled. I may have had to share the stunning vision that was Edward Cullen with America each work day, but no one else got to enjoy the magic of his tongue.
Eagerly, I dropped the final chip and watched it go. My smile turned to a pout as it landed on the zero.
Edward shook his head in disappointment. "I'm afraid this was the best one of them all, Bella." He pulled the chip closer to his face, pretending he was struggling to read the writing. "If this chip lands on a winning slot, the lucky lady shall be stripped naked and rope tied onto the Wheel and spun round and round."
"You are so making that up, Edward!" I rolled my eyes before heading down the stairs. He quickly climbed the first few steps to join me.
"I might have made that one up, but the others were real." He grinned while tossing the chips over his back. Pulling my hair back to expose my neck, he began to trail kisses from my shoulder up towards my ear.
"Care to cash in on one of those chips right now?" he whispered before nibbling on my lobe. He knew this was a weak spot for me, causing me to moan and loosen into his arms.
"Can I please choose?" he asked while knotting his hand in my hair. A small "yes" whimpered from my lips.
He took my hands and encouraged me to sit down on the step. I did as he suggested, my lips eager to feel his against them. While we might have teased earlier, we finally gave into our desire for one another. It didn't matter that we were on the Plinko stairs, I wanted him now. His tongue darted in and out of my mouth, communicating that he felt very much the same.
I shifted my hips into him as his teeth started to graze ever so slowly down my chest. With his warm tongue, he encircled my nipple right over my shirt. I could feel it rise to meet him. Satisfied, he bit down, causing a flush of heat to travel through every inch of my body. My groan filled the entire studio. He visited my other nipple, paying equal attention and eliciting an equal response.
I leaned back onto the stair above me, not caring if I was comfortable or not. My fingernails dug into his hair, almost possessively. I tugged him down, trying to hint where I hoped he was heading.
"Eager, aren't we?" he laughed, his curious hands starting to now probe under my skirt and up my thighs. His fingers reached my panties, and he teased me over the fabric.
"Silky and frilly? You naughty thing." While he approved of my panty selection, he obviously wasn't too pleased that they were still on me. He quickly raised my left leg and gently placed it so it hung over the stair railing. Hooking his fingers over the waistband, he easily slipped the undergarment down my legs and tucked it in his coat pocket.
"Think of it as my parting gift," he reasoned. If this fine man wanted my panties, who was I to deny him?
With his firm hands, he gently spread my legs further and lifted me slightly towards him. My skirt was nearly all gathered at my waist.
The touch of his tongue on me was soft at first, but it soon grew more demanding. He wanted me to come for him, and he was going to do what it took for me to get there. His frenzied tongue flickered across my clit, provoking me to grind onto his face. This action made him moan madly, his fingers digging into my backside. With each passing, I grew closer to the brink. I struggled to grasp onto the stair rail, trying to secure myself as he labored on. I could feel his hot breath against me, and with one final lap of his tongue, I felt myself go.
"Holy shit, Edward. Oh... My..." Strong waves of pleasure washed over me. I was a sweaty mess and my breathing was labored as I struggled to come back down to earth. He looked up at me with a smile across his face, evident that he was quite proud of his skills.
"That's number one. Two more to go, love." He rested his head against me, his arms wrapped around my waist as he waited for my heart beat to resume a more normal pace.
After a few minutes, he lifted me up and carried me down the steps, placing my feet gently to the floor. I looked back at the Plinko board. It would never, ever be the same to me.
"So, Miss Swan, it appears that all the other contestants today spun over a dollar on the Big Wheel. As you are our last player standing, by default, you are the winner."
While a tad bit spent from our previous game, I managed to smile at him coyly, knowing that I still had more to give...and get.
He led me over to the third curtain. While pressing the button, he proudly announced, "I present to you, Miss Swan, your showcase!"
I giggled as the opening curtains revealed the same RV that was the grand prize from today's Showcase Showdown.
"Are we going camping?" I asked Edward.
"Hah! Well, sort of," he admitted. "Come, follow me." He gathered my hand in his and led me though the door of the RV. Upon entering, I noticed it was filled with more pink roses and lit with multiple candles. The kitchen table was covered with linen and on top laid a tray of luscious chocolate dipped strawberries and a bottle of Moët on ice. The boy had outdone himself yet again.
We spent the next hour curled up in bed, feeding one another the strawberries and growing light-headed from the champagne. I thanked him over and over again for making my fantasy come true, in which he reminded me that his turn was next. Sometime in the next week, I was to wear my old waitress uniform when staying at his house. I feared my poor butt cheeks were going to turn darker than the shade of roses surrounding us.
As time passed, his eyes darkened, displaying his longing and need. I was all too happy to oblige. Plus, it was time to cash in on that second Plinko chip, and hopefully, the rest of my mini golf prize.
Acknowledging his gaze as my cue, I reached over to help him remove his coat. He slipped it off and threw it on the couch. Before I could even reach for his belt, he quickly rose and shed the remainder of his clothes. It was quite a show; his eyes never seeming to leave mine. He stood over the bed, allowing me a chance to get a nice look at his toned frame. The sight of Edward naked was something that would never get old.
Taking his lead, I sat up in the bed and pulled my top over my head. Edward's eyes remained locked on my body as I unhooked the red bra and slowly slipped each arm out of the straps. I relished in the admiration he gave me when I stripped for him as well. I playfully threw the bra at him before shimmying out of my skirt.
I couldn't keep myself from giggling when I noticed Edward's cock growing erect right in front of me. "Oh boy, you are rising faster than the Alpine hiker."
"Oh, Bella, you and your Price is Right related sexual innuendos. What's next?" He pointed down to between his legs before continuing on, "Going to call him Rod Roddy?"
"Hmm, I hadn't even thought of that one. Well done!" I winked at him before getting on all fours and turning to face the back of the bed. I arched my back, lifting my ass in a "come hither" way.
"Just what do you think you are doing, taunting me like that?"
"I'm cashing in on that Plinko chip. I believe you know damn well that this my favorite position."
In no time, Edward was on the bed right behind me, slowly teasing my entrance as his hands massaged into my hips. He pushed easily inside me as I was more than ready from the hours of physical and mental foreplay. He filled me completely, instantly satisfying the hunger that had been building up inside. His movements went from slow to rough, claiming me further by grasping my hair. He pulled tight as his balls slapped firmly against my ass. He used his other hand to tease my clit. These sensations caused my knees to grow weak; my head collapsing into the pillow.
"Bella, I want to hear you," he growled out, his voice deep with intent.
After just a few more thrusts, I cried out his name, redeeming yet another prize from the mini golf game. He quickly followed suit, my head tugged upright by his grip in my hair while I felt the full extent of his powerful release.
The RV made a funny squeaky noise as we rocked that sucker back and forth the rest of the night with our love making. He certainly gave me that last remaining orgasm, and then some. Finally, exhausted and satisfied, we collapsed into one another's arms and nodded off into a deep slumber.
I abruptly awoke to the sound of an engine starting. Lifting the sheets to better cover me, I turned to face Edward. He was already awake and his face displayed surprise as well.
"Stay quiet, and we'll try to sneak out in just a bit," he whispered. He lifted the blanket over our heads, and we stayed as still as possible.
The RV moved for a few minutes before the driver turned off the engine and left the vehicle.
"Oh, thank god" I cried out before rising to quickly get dressed. Edward put on his clothes just as fast and peeked out the door to ensure that the coast was clear. Like bank robbers making their great getaway, we ran through the parking lot to the security of his car and peeled out of the lot.
"I think we're fine, Bella. It was just the studio technician moving the RV out of the sound-stage." We were so relieved to have made a clean escape and retreated to the safety of his home.
Later that night, I heard Edward call for me from his office. I strolled in to find him staring somberly at his computer screen. A picture of us curled up in the bed sheets from this morning was posted on a celebrity blog. It was of poor quality, probably from a cell phone camera, but it was clearly a picture of us.
Edward shook his head before speaking. "I never would have thought Jim would sell us out," he paused, "but I guess the price was right."
6/9/13- Those who found me via Cracked, a big "hello". I am honored by the shout out. It gave me a great chuckle. This is me writing crackfic! It's meant to be completely ridiculous and quite HORRIFIC. ;)
If you hate the idea of me bringing a BarkerWard to the Twi FF world, feel free to 'blame' tarasueme. I had teased her about this idea on twitter, and she urged me to write this piece. In fact, she begged, hard and repeatedly. Okay, the last part might be a lie. So I hope you enjoyed this silly little number. I can say I did my research because I've been to 3 tapings of The Price is Right, though sadly, I was never asked to "Come on Down." Thanks to my lovely beta, siouxchef, who cleaned this sucker up. Also, a special note of thanks to Chele681, who gave me awesome feedback and suggestions.
*Please review! I am curious what you thought of this silliness!*