Disclaimer: S.M. owns these characters, so I thank her for letting me have fun with them for a brief moment. Obviously, CBS owns TPIR. The rest of the content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.
"As my predecessor often said, please have your pets spayed or neutered. Until tomorrow, folks, have a great day."
I watched Edward wave to the studio audience before making his way backstage. Out of view from the audience, he turned around and blew me a kiss before ducking behind the curtain.
"I saw that," Rose whispered beside me. "You guys are too much."
I tilted my head and gave her a smirk, but the sounds of a grown man squealing with delight brought both of us back to our task at hand. As part of our job requirement, the girls and I were left to calm down the excited winner of the Showcase Showdown.
For this taping, the lucky man of the hour was Gerry from Sioux City. He was going home with an RV, a new washer and dryer, a trip to Honolulu, and a shit-load of luxury taxes. Within minutes, the business suits whisked him off the stage.
Rose, Alice, and I walked backstage to our dressing rooms. Before parting ways, we hugged one another. I'd worked nearly six months with them as models on the show, and in that short time, we'd grown close. We'd been overworked in the last week, increasing our filming to three shows per day so we could have an extended break over the holidays. Gerry would be the last winner until the new year.
"I really hope to see you both at my New Year's Eve," Alice said. "Bella, feel free to bring you know who."
"I'm planning on it." I gave her another quick hug and stepped away from the girls to go to my dressing room.
It was a well-appointed space, one of the many luxuries CBS afforded me as talent on the show. Upon opening the door, my gaze quickly fell upon the vanity table. There sat a large vase that overflowed with at least two dozen, delicate pink roses. Their sweet aroma filled the entire room. I noticed a small envelope attached to a plastic pick, and I walked over to the bouquet to open it.
Looking forward to making you blush like the color of these roses. Be ready at 9pm, sharp! With love, Edward.
My heart panged in my chest. Seeing his handwriting, the very proof of his intent, was beyond exciting. I sat down in my dressing chair and read the note once more. This was really happening. Tonight was the night.
Edward and I had been seeing each other for the past few months. While not necessarily a tight-lipped secret, we weren't public about our relationship just yet. We knew that eventually word would get out from behind these sound-stage walls, but for now, we relished in the privacy of our new love. It gave us time to get to know one another better, which would only serve us well when we decided to go public and face the dreaded paparazzi.
In the beginning, it had all felt terribly cliché. Game show host falls for one of the models. Hadn't there been enough stories about the previous long running host and his beauties? At first, I had refused to acknowledge his advances, whether they were as subtle as a lingering eye to as bold as an invitation to meet for a drink. Even though I had very much wanted to take him up on his invitation, I knew what was best.
But after a couple of restless weeks ignoring a flirtatious Edward, I'd decided to finally give in. Fuck cliché. I could no longer deny what had been developing between us.
So late one afternoon, I'd permitted myself to match his advances backstage. His response was to pull me into a darkened corner. With just one kiss from his eager lips, I'd become unraveled.
Ever since that day, we'd sneak out in separate cars to meet at each other's home for dinner dates. We also spent a few nights at his weekend home, a lovely Mediterranean-style villa in Montecito that overlooked the Pacific. It was there, we first made love. That man played me like a piano meeting its maestro.
Sex with Edward was an adventure and, dare I say, sport. But tonight would top anything we'd already done.
Edward had known about my wish for nearly two weeks now. When I told him, we'd been lying lazily in his bed one very late night, our heated bodies curled together in a mess of satin sheets.
"Tell me a naughty fantasy you think about when you're not with me," he murmured in my ear, tugging at my earlobe as I pondered my response.
Heat radiated from my cheeks but not because of his question. It was only natural that after months of dating we'd have this discussion. I blushed because I knew the answer all too well. It was something I'd fantasized about long before meeting Edward.
"That good, eh?" He flashed me a wicked grin. "Judging by those cheeks, it sounds like something I'm really going to enjoy." He wrapped one leg over mine and pulled me into the curve of his warm and firm body.
My mouth went dry. How could I tell him? It would mean I was just like all the rest of his countless admirers who watched and ogled him every weekday morning on TV.
Many people had been apprehensive when it was announced Edward would be following in the footsteps of the legend who stood before him as host, but he'd made the show his own and the ratings soared. He had the looks, and he had plenty of swagger for a man only in his early thirties.
The first thing that drew me to him on television was that mop of silky, caramel colored hair. I used to gnaw at my pinkie while watching him run his long fingers through his unruly hair. And with his chiseled face and the way he filled out his suits? The man was pure eye candy.
I continued to watch him on television after I moved to Los Angeles from Arizona. The Price is Right was on every morning at the diner I worked in. Like most people trying to make it in the business here, I poured coffee and pushed our daily specials, all the while hoping some TV or film scout would discover me. But after a year, I was starting to face reality about the entertainment industry. With only a few odd jobs here and there, it looked like I'd soon be returning to the land of cactus and community developments.
But sometimes life has an odd way of working in your favor. Weeks before moving, I caught the eyes of a CBS scout. When the gentleman paid his tab, he slipped me his card and told me the game show was looking for a new model. And that's how I suddenly went from ogling Edward Cullen on television to doing so in person.
"You tell me first," I said. Letting him speak would give me more time to build up my courage. I turned toward him and weaved my fingers through his locks.
"What fantasy do I not have of you? That's the real question. But, I think I've already hinted about having you bring your old diner uniform over one day." He trailed his hand down my spine, leaving a wake of goosepimples in his wake. I squeaked when he cupped my ass in his hands and squeezed. "That skirt was so short, and I want to lift it up and spank you silly." He growled into my ear to further accentuate his point. The image he'd planted in my mind sent anticipatory chills throughout me.
"So, now it's your turn."
"All right." I looked at the ceiling and rushed my next words. "Sometimes, I think it would be fun to be a contestant on the show."
He raised his eyebrow and sat up to rest his head in his hand. "What do you mean?"
"I just think...oh it's silly." I hid my face in the pillow.
"Not at all." He coaxed me out of hiding by brushing his fingers under my chin.
"Please, go on."
Taking a deep breath before revealing my insane fantasy, I said, "I used to think lots of naughty thoughts about you before we met. Back when I would watch you on TV. I just think it would be fun to role play that I'm your contestant, your only contestant, and suddenly the show isn't G rated anymore."
"That's easy. We could do that right now if you want." He sprung out of bed and assumed his trademark stance with a make believe microphone in his hand.
I shook my head and giggled. "No, Edward. I mean at work, at the actual studio itself."
As I spoke those words out loud, I started to understand the absurdity of it all. The logistics would be impossible. "Seriously, it's just a fantasy. Something I think about from time to time. I know it's beyond impossible."
His brows furrowed while he stared at me. "You know a little money and reputation talks? I think I just might be able to pull this off. Give me a little time."
I threw a pillow at him, unsure whether he was being truthful or just playing with me. But when he jumped back into bed and made me scream his name into the wee hours of the morning, I thought less about what I'd told him. As if I really needed some silly fantasy with this man.
And that's how I ended up hanging out late in my dressing room at Studio 33. It had grown quiet outside; the crew and the girls had long rushed home to begin the holiday break with their families and friends.
I had already pulled the fake eyelashes from my lids and washed my face. I reapplied my make-up so that I could look more normal, no longer needing to be the girl who evoked people to "oooh" and "ahhh" over various products. Edward could save those kinds of sounds solely for me.
I unzipped my garment bag and took my outfit off its hanger. A red skirt and form fitting black top would normally be considered tame for an evening of role play, but the red lingerie underneath would certainly say otherwise. I dressed before stepping into some black, strappy heels. After getting a good look at myself in the tall mirror, I thought, Mmmhmm, he'll be begging me to 'come on down' all right. I laughed at myself and the absurdity of this night.
Minutes later, I heard a rap at my door. I opened it slightly and found Edward staring back at me. He gave me a quick once over and made a low whistle.
"Ten minutes, love. You know where to wait for me." He gave me a kiss on the cheek before running off. It thrilled me to see him so excited about tonight.
I closed the door behind me and leaned against its frame. My hands suddenly grew clammy, and I rubbed them against the sides of my dress. But while a part of me was nervous about what he'd planned for us, I was anxious to make my fantasy become reality. A grin crept onto my face.
After locating a seat in the fifteenth row, I waited just as he'd instructed me the night before. We'd gone over the logistics of our role play. As he'd promised, all CBS employees were nowhere to be seen. He said all security cameras on set had been turned off. We would truly be all alone in the sound stage. The possibilities were endless.
It was eerie sitting in the empty studio with the lights set low. Only the stage was illuminated albeit much darker than when taping a show. All three showcase curtains were drawn shut, and the stage was empty.
Edward surprised me by walking out on the stage. As I'd requested, he sported his signature light grey suit, striped white shirt, and a black thin tie. He was the very vision of every naughty thought I'd ever possessed of him. Even better, he was all mine. He held the vintage long microphone, a tradition he'd retained from his predecessor. Upon taking his spot, front and center, another voice filled the room.
"Bella Swan, come on down, you're the next contestant on The Price is Right." It was Rich's voice, but he was not standing in the sound booth by the stage. I laughed, figuring that Edward had conned him into recording a sound clip earlier in the day. Hopefully, Rich had no further clue as to what Edward had planned.
Looking at Edward waiting for me onstage and hearing the infamous contestant call phrase, I realized just how much work he'd put into making my fantasy come true. It was then I decided to completely throw myself into our role play. If I was going to be a contestant, I was going to be a contestant.
I flailed my hands in the air and screamed with excitement as I rushed down to the stage. I gave a few imaginary people high fives before taking my place at Contestants' Row.
"Miss Swan, lovely to have you here on our show. Tell us a little about yourself."
He sure was taking this seriously, so I played my part and said, "I hail from Phoenix, Arizona. I'm currently a waitress, but I'm hoping to become a big time movie star."
"Very nice. All the best to you, dear. Now let's get started with the pricing, shall we?"
I nodded my head, eager to see what he had up his sleeve.
Edward pulled out a small, velvet box from his pocket, displaying it in his hand in a manner I would do on the show. I rolled my eyes as he teasingly mocked my job onstage. However, my breath caught in my throat once he opened the box. It held the most sparkling diamond pendant I'd ever seen.
"Miss Swan, as a reminder, the players to the left of you have bid 1 million, 500 thousand, and 100 thousand dollars respectively. May I have your bid please?"
Bastard. He was going to force me to do it. "One dollar, Edward."
"I'd like to think you value this necklace at more than a dollar, but since the others have all overbid, you're the winner. Come up and join me."
I climbed the three steps to the stage and ran over to him, jumping him as I'd seen countless overexcited contestants do during our tapings. He cupped my face in his hands and leaned me back to consume me in a deep embrace. His tongue danced with mine, and I relished feeling the weight of his body cover me.
"Oh, Edward, is that your microphone or are you just happy to see me?" I asked once he pulled his head away.
He smacked my ass before raising me back upright. "Need I remind you that you are on national television?" He narrowed his eyes. "Usually for such behavior, I'd take away the prize, but for you, I'll make an exception." He held up the necklace in the box.
My mouth fell open, and it took a moment for everything to register. "No, Edward, I can't. It's too much." I couldn't believe his generosity. Wasn't this fantasy more than enough?
"You won it, Bella, fair and square. Plus, it's only worth a dollar, remember?" He turned me away from him and secured the pendant around my neck. My fingers held the diamond. It truly was beautiful.
"Thank you, Edward."
"You're welcome. Consider it an early Christmas gift. Now come, Miss Swan. The game has only just begun." He tugged at my hand and led me over to curtain #1.
When he pressed a button, it opened to reveal the miniature golf game. I jumped up and down. I'd finally get to play this old classic.
He set his microphone down on a small table and gathered a ball and golf club before handing them to me. "Think you got what it takes?" he teased.
"I'm not sure, but I bet you, Edward, could make a Hole in One." I waggled my eyebrows while accepting the items from him.
"Perhaps you'd like to know what you are playing for this time?" he asked.
"Being that you just received a material prize, I thought this challenge could be for something more physical in nature." He traced a finger across the curve of my lips. I let my tongue sneak out and greet him.
He removed his hand and placed it in his pant pocket. "Miss Swan, our fine sponsor, Edward Cullen, is providing you with three mind blowing orgasms. That is, if you can get the ball in the hole in just one shot. The number of orgasms goes down with each extra play you require. I'd advise you aim wisely."
I chuckled. He didn't know of the many birthday parties I had at CrackerJax Mini Golf growing up in Phoenix. I was about to have a lot of fun. And a lot of orgasms.
I held the club firmly with one hand while pretending to stroke it seductively with the other, as if it were an extension of Edward.
Edward shook his head and I heard him mutter, "tsk tsk."
I continued my little game by bending over to place the ball on the Astroturf in an exaggerated manner. I shook my ass at him. I probably didn't look as enticing as I'd hoped, but it was fun to play with him.
"I think the FCC would take issue with the view I have right now. We are on CBS, not Skinemax." He tried to act all stern, but his jagged voice betrayed him and revealed his need.
I quickly took my first, and only, shot. The golf ball went perfectly into the hole. "Hah!" I proudly lifted the club in the air, not afraid to boast about my mini golf skills.
"Very nice. I guess I'll be a busy man soon." He winked at me, and I could tell he was just as pleased with my play as I was. So much for some true competition.
Once more, he took my hand and walked us over to the curtain in the middle. Pressing the button, the Plinko game board came into view.
I shrieked with joy. Even though I'd been in the presence of this almighty game many times before with other contestants, I'd yet to play it myself. "Edward, are you freaking kidding me? Plinko!" I started to dart towards the stairs, but his fingers caught mine and he pulled me back.
"Just one second, love. Stay here." He went to a little open container to the left of the pegboard and gathered three Plinko chips. "I see, Miss Swan, that you're quite familiar with this classic game. In fact, it's the fan favorite on our show. But I think you're going to enjoy the slight twist I've made tonight. I'll hand you these chips, but you're not to read the bottom side. You'll place them flat down on the board, and if you hit any number other than zero, you'll get to experience what's written on the chip. I will read the chips out loud after each turn."
He handed them to me and beckoned me up the steps. Once I reached the top of the pegboard, I looked down at him. I couldn't help but feel a little nervous about what was on those chips. I knew he was capable of some devilish things in bed, but just what was I subjecting myself to? Ah, who was I kidding? Whatever he had on there, I'd love. With that thought, I placed the first chip down on the board.
I watched as it zigzagged its way down, ever so slowly, until landing in the middle $10,000 slot. Not too bad, I thought to myself.
He promptly picked up the chip and read the piece of paper that was securely taped to it. "The winner of this chip gets to choose the sexual position of her choice."
I smiled, liking that I was going to get to call the shots during our next rendezvous. It was a rare treat as Edward could be rather dominant in the bedroom.
The next chip moved down the board with speed and narrowly missed the $0 slot. I loudly blew out a breath.
"Close, Bella," he warned before gathering the chip and reading it to me. "The lucky winner of this chip shall enjoy the talents of a cunning linguist."
"And a talent he is," I called out from up above. I may have had to share the stunning vision that was Edward Cullen with America each work day, but no one else got to enjoy the magic of his tongue.
Eagerly, I dropped the final chip and watched it go. My smile turned to a pout when it landed on the zero.
Edward shook his head and made an over-the-top sigh. "I'm afraid this was the best one of them all, Bella." He pulled the chip closer to his face and pretended to struggle at reading his own handwriting. "If this chip lands on a winning slot, the lucky victim...errr lady...shall be stripped naked and rope tied onto the Big Wheel and spun round and round."
"You are so making that up, Edward!" I huffed at him. I started to stomp down the stairs, but he quickly climbed the first few steps to meet me halfway.
"I might've made that one up, but the others were real," he said with a huge smile and tossed the chips over his back. He pulled my hair back to expose my neck and then trailed kisses from my shoulder up to my ear.
"Care to cash in on one of those chips right now?" he asked in a whisper before nibbling on my lobe. He knew that spot made me give into just about anything. I moaned and went limp in his arms.
"I'd like to choose the chip," he said. He knotted his hand in my hair to let me know I wouldn't get much of a choice.
A barely audible "yes" escaped from my lips.
He took my hands and encouraged me to sit down with him on the steps. His lips soon crashed on mine with urgency. While we might have teased earlier, we finally gave into our desires. It didn't matter that we were on the Plinko stairs, I wanted him now.
His tongue darted in and out of my mouth, communicating that he felt very much the same.
I shifted my hips into him, and his teeth grazed ever so slowly down my chest. With his warm tongue, he encircled my nipple right over my shirt. I could feel it rise to meet him; my body's way of begging for more. When he bit down, a flush of heat traveled outward to my toes and tips of my ears. My groans of pleasure filled the entire studio. He then visited my other nipple to pay it equal attention.
My fingernails dug into his hair, possessively, and I tugged him down. I wanted to hint to him to head next where I ached for him most.
"Eager, aren't we?" he laughed. His hands probed under my skirt and up my thighs, leaving a trail of electricity in his path. When his fingers finally reached my panties, he teased me over the fabric by circling my clit and pushing slightly at my core. I was suddenly so aware of how wet I was for him.
"Silky and frilly? You naughty thing." While he approved of my panty selection, he obviously wasn't too pleased they were still on me for he quickly slid them down my legs and then tucked them in his coat pocket. "Think of these panties as my parting gift."
If this fine man wanted to keep my panties, who was I to deny him?
Edward raised my left leg and placed it over the stair railing. With his firm hands, he wrapped his arms around my thighs, keeping me spread, and lifted me slightly toward him. My skirt was gathered at my waist leaving me fully exposed.
The touch of his tongue was soft at first but soon grew more demanding.
"You intoxicate me," he whispered between my legs. "Going to make you come. Hard."
His frenzied tongue flickered across my clit, and I used my other leg to push him closer and grind into his face. He moaned and dug his fingers into my flesh to keep me close. With each swipe, flick, and circling of my flesh, I grew closer to the brink. I struggled to keep hold of the railing but finally let myself fall back against the stairs. Let myself fully surrender to his touch.
"Holy shit, Edward. Oh...my..." Strong waves of pleasure washed over me as I was swept away by my orgasm. I struggled to find my breath, and when I looked down, he smiled up at me.
"That's number one. Two more to go, love." He rested his face against my left thigh and wrapped his arms around my waist. "You're so damn beautiful."
After a few minutes, he lifted me up, adjusted my skirt, and carried me down the steps. As we stepped away from the Plinko board, I looked over my shoulder. It would never, ever be the same for me. Nor for Edward. What happened on those stairs would be our dirty little secret.
"So, Miss Swan," he said, getting back into his host character. "It appears that all the other contestants today have spun over a dollar on the Big Wheel. As you're our last player, by default, you're the winner."
While a tad bit spent from our previous game, I managed to smile and squeezed his hand. I knew I still had more to give...and more to get.
He led me over to the third curtain. While pressing the button, he proudly announced, "I present to you, Miss Swan, your showcase!"
I giggled when I noticed the same RV from today's taping. After doing a few jumps and impersonating Gerry from earlier, I asked, "Are we going camping?"
Edward laughed and then said, "Sort of." He tugged at my wrist, "Follow me."
We walked up to the RV, and he opened the door, gesturing with his hand for me to enter. At first glance, the space was filled with more pink roses and was illuminated by several candles. A trail of rose petals led to the bed. The kitchen table was covered with linen and a tray of luscious, chocolate dipped strawberries and a bottle of Moët on ice awaited us. The boy had outdone himself yet again.
The next hour was devoted to us curling up in the bed and feeding each other strawberries. I thanked him for making my fantasy come true, in which he reminded me that his turn was next. Sometime in the next week, I was to wear my old waitress uniform when staying at his house. I feared my poor butt cheeks were going to turn the shade of the roses surrounding us.
As time passed, I grew lightheaded from the champagne. There was a lull in our conversation. It was then I noticed how his eyes had darkened and his pupils had dilated. He leaned in for a kiss, and if a kiss could display need, this man had a longing and I was only happy to oblige. It was time to cash in on that second Plinko chip, and hopefully, the rest of my mini golf prize.
I reached over to the lapel of his coat and helped him peel it off. He threw it on the couch, and before I could even reach for his belt, he quickly rose. He shed the remainder of his clothes. It was quite a show; his eyes never leaving mine. He stood over the bed, allowing me a chance to get a nice look at his strong frame. The sight of Edward naked was something that would never get old.
Taking his lead, I took to my knees on the mattress and pulled my top over my head. Edward's eyes remained locked on my body as I unhooked the red bra and slowly slipped each arm out of the straps. He made me feel so beautiful, especially when he made a slow intake of air as I revealed my breasts. I playfully threw the bra at him before shimmying out of my skirt.
When I noticed Edward's cock hardening before me, I couldn't keep from making a show pun. "You're rising faster than the Alpine hiker."
He laughed along with me and then said, "Bella, you and your Price is Right sexual innuendos. What's next?" He pointed down to between his legs before adding, "Going to call him Rod Roddy?"
"Hmm, I hadn't even thought of that one. Well done." I winked at him before turning away from him and getting on all fours. I arched my back and lifted my ass in a "come hither" way.
"Just what do you think you're doing taunting me like that?"
"I'm cashing in on that other Plinko chip. I believe you know by now that this my favorite position."
In no time, I felt the mattress dip and Edward was behind me. He teased me with his cock at my entrance while his hands dug into my hips. I arched my back further to have him glide across my folds. My body shook with anticipation.
"So glad we no longer need condoms," he said. "Now it's so much easier to do this." He pushed forward in one thrust, filling me completely. All those hours of physical and mental foreplay had left me primed and ready.
Edward started off with deliberate and slow thrusts, and I closed my eyes to focus on the way he pushed and pulled inside me. But when he grasped my hair and yanked it back, I knew seduction time was over. He claimed me hard, and his balls slapped firmly against my ass. He wrapped one hand around me and teased my clit. I struggled to stay upright as my knees grew weak.
"Bella, I want to hear you," he growled out in a deep voice. His breathing sounded as labored as mine.
After just a few more thrusts, I cried out his name and redeemed yet another prize from the mini golf game. He ground into my hips and gripped my hair tighter. He then stilled himself and filled me with his release. Thank God no one else was on set. They'd have surely heard his groans.
The RV made a squeaky noise as we rocked that sucker back and forth the rest of the night with our love making. He gave me that remaining prized orgasm, and then some. Finally, exhausted and useless, we collapsed into one another's arms and nodded off into a deep slumber.
I abruptly awoke to the sound of an engine starting. I jerked upright and lifted the sheets to cover me. Edward was awakened, too, and his eyes went wide. I noticed a man behind the wheel, but he didn't seem to see me.
"Lay down again and stay quiet," he whispered. "We'll try to sneak out in just a bit." He lifted the blanket over our heads, and we stayed as still as possible. My heart raced while I clung tightly to him.
The RV moved for a few minutes before the driver turned off the engine and slammed the door behind him.
"Thank God he left," I said as I rushed out of bed. I dressed quickly which was hard to do with the way my hands were shaking. Edward dressed as well and then peeked between the blinds in the window.
"Looks like the coast is clear." He reached for my hand, and we ran like bank robbers fleeing the scene.
We dashed through the parking lot, darting between cars, and I didn't think I breathed until I shut the door of his car. Seconds later, Edward peeled out of the lot. I rested my head back and watched as the CBS studios grew smaller and smaller in the side view mirror.
I turned to Edward. "Do you think that man noticed us?"
"I think we're fine. He's just the studio technician in charge of moving the RV out of the soundstage. I didn't think he'd arrive until later this morning."
We remained in silence until we reached the gate to his home.
Later that night, we watched an old movie in his home theater. I heard Edward's phone chime and then he gasped. Even in the dim light, I could tell his face had turned white. He handed me his phone, and I saw a picture of us curled up in the bed from this morning. It had been posted on a celebrity blog. Luck was on our side as the sheet had covered most of our bodies.
Edward shook his head and said, "I never would've thought Jim would sell us out, but I guess the price was right."
And that's me writing crackfic! It's meant to be ridiculous.
For those who found me via Cracked, a big "hello". I am honored by the shout-out. It gave me a great chuckle.
If you hate the idea of me bringing a BarkerWard to the Twi FF world, feel free to 'blame' tarasueme. I had teased her about this idea on twitter, and she urged me to write this piece. In fact, she begged, "hard and repeatedly." Okay, the last part might be a lie. So I hope you enjoyed this silly little number. I can say I did my research because I've been to 3 tapings of The Price is Right, though sadly, I was never asked to "Come on Down." Thanks to my lovely beta, siouxchef, who cleaned this sucker up. Also, a special note of thanks to Chele681, who gave me awesome feedback and suggestions.
*Please review! I am curious what you thought of this silliness!*