June 22nd 1674
My name is Jane, I'm fourteen years old and live in Volterra Italy. I was. . . well you could say home schooled until I was about eight I would say, then my parents died. I lived on my own with my twin brother until I became fourteen, then a nice man saved me and my brother from the people of the town who wanted to kill us. They thought that Alec- my brother and myself were monsters that we were witches, so they burned us at the stake. The nice man came and saved us though, although I thought that I was burring threw out the time that he was saving us. He was a very handsome man with very cold skin. He was so nice, something that I was not used to from anyone else in the town. He saved us and changed us, he changes us into the creatures we are now. I don't know why I'm so different now, but I can't go outside of the castle. Mostly because he thinks that I'll hurt every human out there, and I most likely would too. So I stay inside, with all the vampires that I know so well. I have never really found someone that I like as much as the kind man that saved us named Aro. I don't know why but he seems to be the nicest person in this place, and there's something about him. . . something unknown to anyone else.
Aro is someone that I can relate too, I mean I know that he is my master and everything, but since the first time that I met him I knew that there was something about him. . . something that I liked more then any guy that I have met before. I know that I shouldn't be thinking about him like this but I really think that I have true feelings for him. Something that I cannot hold inside for the rest of time. Their going to come out at some point. But for now, Aro is just my master. . . I'm going to get used to calling him master.
One day maybe I can call him my husband
I have grown up so much since I thought of that and wrote it all down. That was the story that I went by when I first became a vampire, it was everything that I could think about during this. . . change. I knew since then that my feelings have grown for Aro. In so many ways, I can't hide them for the rest of time, but for now I can handle it. Or at least I hope I can, any one little thing can set me off, one little thing and my secret will be out there for everyone to judge me on. Something I am not willing to risk letting anyone know.
I wrote in that diary every now and then when I needed to vent and I still do to this day. It's a very large black book, that I keep in the back of my closet under the floor boards. It's one of the most important things that I have. It will always be something that I keep around, something that marks when I started to care more about Aro, when I wanted to kill someone and when I did kill someone. It was my diary, I know it sounds odd for me to own a diary. But I do, I don't know why, but it's a good way to get out all the anger that I have. It was the one thing that Aro gave to me when he first met me- before I was a vampire. I don't know why and I still don't. All I know is that Aro gave it to me, so it must mean something to me. Anything that Aro gave me I would cherish for the rest of time, he gave me my life, I cherish that more then anything. He's letting me live in the same house as him, I will always cherish that. This diary though, was the one thing that I had since I was human, the one thing that I would always have till the day I was killed. Something I would always make sure I had.
I would never call Aro my husband. Back then I didn't know about Sulpicia, his real wife. The one that he mated on, the one that he loved with all his heart. The one that when I found out about broke mine. Aro didn't know it, but when he introduced her to me and Alec, my heart was smashed into a thousand pieces. I was never going to be the same, I knew that from the beginning. Sulpicia was such a beautiful woman, but she stayed away from everyone else. She was in the shadows, no one really saw her much besides Aro. She was usually out with Caiuss' wife. I am working most of the time and when I'm not I don't go out looking for the one that has the man that I want. I would be crazy to do that.
He was all I could think about when I wasn't working, all I can think about when I'm working close to him also. I don't know how all this could happen, but when I was far from him I would think about him, I would wonder what he's doing and if he's thinking about me. I would think about what if he really likes me, and then I would know that he doesn't. Aro was the one person that I thought about more then life itself, Aro was my life and the reason why I was still in this hell hole called the Volturi. Yes I do like using my powers on people, and yes I do think we are doing the right thing here, but I want to get out, I want to be free.
It's a good thing that he doesn't read into my thoughts anymore, he would be seeing things that no one should see from my mind. Something that I will never let Aro of all people know about me. He cant know- he will never know that I can't stop thinking about him, that I want to be with him. This is the only way, in my mind we are already together, in the real world though he's happy with someone else. He has a wife, he's in love with her, not me. Sulpicia was the one that he loved more then life itself and he was the one that I love more then life itself. Sulpicia had the life that I wanted, she got to be with Aro for the rest of time and more then that. She got the life that I wanted, while I got to be his guard. He will never love me in the way that I love him. He will never love me.
I guess I was good at hiding secrets though, because since I became a guard member no one had figured out my love for him. Not a single soul, I didn't know why this was true but I was happy none the less about it. The only one was Alec, he was my brother, he knew everything about me. Good or bad he knew everything about me. I couldn't help but to tell him my problems, this one though he couldn't help me on.
" Jane, he's never going to love you!" Alec screamed at me one day, we were far off into the woods. Someplace where no one could hear us.
" Don't you think I know that you fool! I know he will never love me, I know that I will never have him as mine!" I screamed back.
" Sister, you need to move on. There are others out there." He places his hand onto my shoulder
" No one that I will ever see, were stuck behind these walls." I sighed. " Unless we are sent to kill someone. Then we can leave, but never meet other people. Brother you know this is true, I can never find love. If I do then he will be stuck here like we are, never able to leave. Or he will be killed like Didyme was, You know the story brother! He killed her because her and Marcus were planning to leave the Volturi and make a life for themselves. That was his sister though." I sighed, Alec just stood above me and look ahead of us. We stood their in silence for awhile, just watching the rain start to fall from the sky. We didn't speak anymore about Aro or about anything else. Just stood there.
I would never be able to tell Aro about my feelings, I don't know what he would do. But now it seems like I cannot be near him without wanting to kiss him. My feelings were effecting my work, so I would stay away from Aro. I would go off with Marcus rather then Aro, I would do anything but be with Aro. I knew that he knew that something was up about this. But he would not tell anyone about it, he wouldn't talk to anyone about this problem until he talked to me about this and I was always keeping myself busy. I would stay in my room and write into my diary. I would do anything to keep from having to be around Aro, there was too much of a risk right now of him finding out about me and my dark secret.
He's all I can think about now, he is the one for me. I know that he is, I just don't know how to tell him this. He will never believe it, he will never see it the way that I do. He will think that I'm crazy or that I just want him for the power. But no- I want him because I know deep inside of my heart that he is the person that I belong with, that I should always be with him. He was the one that created me into this person, we share that connection, I wanted him. I don't know if he's ever thought about me like the way I think about him. I doubt it, in his mind I'm just the little girl that got changed too early, the one that has the power that he needs in his little pack of powers. I respect him though, he's kind to every person that walked into our home. He was nice to everyone and meant the kindness also.
I cannot leave this hell of a place all because of the man with the long black hair, the beautiful red eyes, and the one that can read anyone's mind. I can never leave this place because of that man, never will I be able to! I wish that I could just leave this place and never come back, but I would be thinking about him the whole time that I was gone. It would be like a nightmare trying to live out life without him! It would be a worse hell out there, out in the real world without him by my side. I would run right back into his opening arms and try to stay like that forever. So I will stay locked inside this hell, watching him be so happy about finding the love of his life. While he is the love of mine.
Alec and I had a conversation about him the other day. We nearly used our powers on each other because we were getting so mad at one another. Alec knows that I can't stop thinking about him, that he is the only one that haunts me while I'm in my room alone. Alec thinks I'm crazy for falling for our master like this, I do too. He will never understand that I love him, yes, I love him more then I love the blood that I need to stay alive. I love my master in ways that I should never love anyone. I don't care that he is my master, he could be the king of England or some bum on the street and I would still love the the same way. I don't know what it is about him, I just love him! No one could see the way that I think about him, no one would ever be able to see that I just want him to love me the way the I love him. But he never will. . .
He will never love me.
One Day That will kill me.
The words that I wrote in my diary were the most truthful words that I could ever come up with. They were the words that I wish that I could tell everyone, but I can't. That's why I write them in the diary. That way no one will find out about them but it's also like I've spoken them.
" Jane dear!" Aro said as I had written down the last few words. " I haven't seen you in quite a long time." He smiled, oh how that smile gave me the chills. How I could feel my once beating heart skip so many beats. I placed my diary into my nightstands draw.
" Sorry master, I've been very busy." I choked out, god why was it so hard to talk to him?