AN: 'Clearing up' my laptop I found this little sth. I wrote this a while ago, inspired by the song Leave Out All the Rest by Linkin Park. Listening to this song always brings the image of Sasori in his last days of leaving. I actually wanted to make an AMV about it, but, well.. it ended up as a fanfic. It's the only one I wrote in Polish so I published it in this language before. But recently I decided to translate it, so more ppl can read it :) And no sex this time (wow). Mess was a good girl for a while ;p
I obviously don't own anybody (I'm just using them with no profits ;))
Three days. Three days of standing motionless in one position. Hand seals and concentration. I like this time. Usually I hate wasting hours on waiting. There are yet so many things to do, so many things that make me a little closeer to perfection in my art.
I hate waiting. But the time when we seal bijuu is different. Maybe, 'cause we are all here together. We are all waiting. And I've got time to think, taking advantage of these few moments of silence, when that hot-headed jashinist is tired of his continuous jabbering about his 'god' and oh-how-uncomfortable he is sitting out there somewhere, what, in turn, made Kakuzu silence him constantly, which resulted in even more whining, and jokes from blue man about the 'zombie twins'. Phew.. A moment of piece and quiet finally.
I take a look at the boy hanging in the air. His life is leaving him slowly, alongside the demon sealed inside of him.
Not that I care. This isn't the first, not even the hundredth, life passing though my hands.
Three days. It's the longest that I let some of my defeated opponents live, not killing them right away, but letting the lethal poison get the work done for me. Just like that last one with the ridiculously painted face. He should be dead by now. How pathetic. That kid thought that he can defeat me, the Scorpion of the Red Sand, and to boot, by using my own weapon! And he ended up leaving this world in ordeal, like many before him, and his brother will be meeting him soon. Humans are so pathetic.
Even now. I'm looking at the other Akatsuki members and I can imagine that standing motionless for three days must be tiresome. Nay, I don't even have to imagine that, after all Hidan is babbling about it all the time. I, of course, don't even remember how it is. My body stopped feeling anything long time ago. No discomfort, cold, hot, fatigue, no physical pain nor mental anguish.
Though I haven't managed to rid myself of the last one completely. That fucking heart. It's the only thing left of my former flesh-body and it won't let me forget that there are emotions. I don't need emotions. They are just an unnecessary store, that complicates humans' lives and made them weak. I am the work of art. My body is perfect, eternal. Even if it wears out I can replace it with another. Not being able to feel is an advantage. Especially anguish. The fact that I can't also experience joy, love, warmth of the other body… it's the little price for immortality. At least I thought so some years before. Nay, I was sure like nothing else. That was, after all, my purpose. To become my art and exist for eternity.
Through the eyes of Hiruko I look towards the right hand of the statue, or, more precisely, it's right index finger.
You came into my life with that 'the real art is a blast' and everything went to hell! I'm not sure of anything any more. Do you have any idea what a shambles you've made in my organized, isolated world, you brat?
Of course you don't. You're just a human, after all. Still a kid, who only thinks about blowing the shit up with this 'art' of yours.
Unbelievable, how much have I got attached to this blonde. And even more unbelievable is how can he awake these emotions, which existence was long forgotten to me. The most frequently it's anger. The brat can be irritating. Very much. And I kinda know that this whole babbling of his, from arguments about art to whining about anything he can think of, is not aimed at getting me angry, at least it's not an end in itself, but it gets on my nerves nonetheless. It's even became our routine. It starts form the innocent "Sasori no Danna…" and finishes with me using Hiruko's tail, which this old fox learned to dodge pretty good. But on the other hand, maybe I just don't mean to hit him any more.
Sasori no Danna.
I don't even remember where this came form. I'm not even sure what he means exactly, saying 'danna'. This word has, after all, not only one meaning. But, knowing him, I guess he means it in both ways. And every time this phrase leaves his mouth I feel kinda… nicely warm. In this fucking cylinder in my chest. Another emotion I shouldn't experience.
The brat has absolutely no idea what the real art is and stubbornly insists that it's about these explosions of his, and yet I know that he respects eternal beauty.
Sasori no Danna…
There's everything in these three words. All his respect. All his love.
Love… Another useless thing that only makes the perfection more distant. However… when I see it in his eyes, some part of me always breaks. In these eyes one can see everything. All the feelings I won't be able to experience ever again. I sometimes think that he feels enough for us two. There's so many emotions in him… But I know, of course, that it doesn't work this way. Humans are weak. They need their affections to be reciprocate. And I am not human. He tells me that it's alright. That as long as I have this last damn part of flesh I'm not completely devoid of humans' feelings. That he will help me to remember how it is… to love… to be loved. Funny, how can I remember something I hardly ever experienced before. And this big grin of his. Telling me that everything will be just fine.
It won't. I know myself and effects of my transformation well enough to admit it. He knows it too, deep in his heart. But he prefers to delude himself. Maybe it's love that lets him deceive himself like this.
In these eyes one can see everything. That growing pain as well. 'Cause I will never requite his feelings. Even if I wanted to. I might even want to. Maybe. But it's too late now. I'm just a wooden puppet. Marionettes have no feelings…
But still.. Lately this damn heart of mine quiver with some other reason. Something like fear? Undefined, stabbing feeling. Like a poison, that can't kill me, can it?
Nothing can. Right?
I take a look to the left once again. There's concentration visible on everyone's faces. This is the last step of extraction. It will be over soon. The rescue teams form Konoha and Suna won't make it on time. Before they can get here, the boy will be dead.
Suddenly, still living memories appear in my mind. Why do I still remember that? Grandma Chiyo… My parents… I know very well how it is to lose somebody that is close to you.
You know it too… What would you do if I was gone?
Bullshit! I am, after all, eternal. I am the real art. I have no idea where these thoughts are coming form. Maybe it's because I'm not quite perfect yet. Not a human, but not a full puppet either. Something in between. Strong, ruthless, unfeeling, but at the same time still the prisoner of my own heart. I would rather not to feel anything for real.
The sealing is over. The ninja form Konoha will be here any moment now.
"Sasori no Danna?"
"What do you want, Deidara?"
You say nothing. Just kiss me on these unfeeling lips of mine and smile, like you always do.
But there's something wrong. You can feel it too. I can see it in your eyes. Of course you won't admit it, but I know what is behind this mask. It's so good that you won't see anything of that kind in my eyes. They express nothing. They are empty.
Just like me.
I shut myself away in my safe word inside of Hiruko. We wait.
I'm watching you flying away on this weird clay creature. The invisible sword pierces my heart again. Every time when a mission make us part. Every time it could be the last one. It could be no more times. This is, after all, part of everyday life of shinobi. Especially the ones form Bingo Book. This time, however, this stabbing feeling won't leave me. What if it's this time?
I shake off this thought. Grandma Chiyo is a strong opponent, but there's no way I could be defeated by someone like her. And you too won't lose to this noisy kid. He's even more irritating that you, you know? I didn't think it was even possible…
What is this feeling? Cold? Strange.. It feels like I really can experience it. But I can't, can I? My cheek is touching the cold, stone 'floor'. That sword which have been piercing my heart for a while now is there for real. So it is this time, after all.
What will you do when you're back and see me? Will you still act like a tough guy? With that grin of yours? Or maybe you will shed that mask and let the emotions flow. I won't see. So you won't have to pretend…