A/N: Well, I heard John Barrowman's new song, The Doctor and I, and it was just begging for something to be written about it! An hour later, this is the result.
The crowded nightclub was pulsing with heat and music when the Doctor burst in. The mentally damaged Vinkus wouldn't be far behind, and it wouldn't be likely to target a building so obviously full of predators.
At least, that was the theory.
But anyway, here would be as good a place as any to try and work out how he could trap a frightened semi-sentient creature without getting mauled to death by its evolutionarily useless claws.
Again, that was the theory. Sadly, not much of the Doctor's life worked out as it was supposed to.
He pushed through the crowd, muttering 'excuse me' and not noticing that they weren't listening, until he reached an abandoned table strewn with empties and what looked suspiciously like peanuts. The urge to taste them was almost impossible to curb, but he had some thinking to do.
He managed almost ten seconds before getting distracted.
"… and here, performing Captain Jack Harkness' famous masterpiece, The Doctor and I, please welcome Melena Frexspar!"
What in the universe…? But before he had much time to think on it, the young greyish humanoid launched into song.
When I meet the Doctor
Once I prove my worth
And then I meet the Doctor.
What I've waited for since, since birth!
The Doctor, having lived for a rather long time and visited quite a lot of places, had nevertheless managed to miss quite a lot of musical theatre. Never mind what Tallulah with three 'l's and an 'h' thought. Unfortunately, he had been dragged into seeing Wicked by Rose after the Ian Dury debacle. He had not cried at the final duet. He'd had dust in his eye.
And with all his Doctor wisdom
By my looks he won't be blinded.
Do you think The Doctor is dumb
or like Oods he's so small minded? No.
Blimey, had anything been changed in this song? He still had the soundtrack somewhere in the TARDIS, lurking in Rose's abandoned room, no doubt, and he could remember her belting this one out. With the proper lyrics, he should add.
He'll say to me "I see who you truly are, Jack
A man on whom I can rely."
And that's how we'll begin
The Doctor and I.
Well, it was certainly written by Jack. Only he would have the temerity to nick the tune and most of the words from a Broadway musical of the twenty first century, adapt them to be about him, and then let it loose on an artificial satellite orbiting Lurline.
Once you're with the Doctor
Your whole life will change
'Cos once you're with the Doctor
You are not estranged.
Ooh, now that was different. At least, he thought it was. "No one thinks you're strange," wasn't that the original? Then again, he mused, most of his companions got called strange at least a dozen times a week. Time and space travel did that to you.
No mother is not proud of you.
No brother acts ashamed.
And all of Time has to love you
When by The Doctor you're acclaimed.
Jack had never told the Doctor what exactly had happened to his family. He'd just clammed up every time the conversation strayed close, and changed the subject with skill and speed. So it was interesting that he'd changed father and sister for mother and brother. Just to be different?
And this gift or this curse I have inside
Maybe at last I'll know why.
When we are hand in hand
The Doctor and I.
And one day he'll say to me, "Jack my boy
A man who is so superior
Shouldn't a man who's so good inside
Have a different exterior?
The Doctor chuckled. The egotism was definitely Jack's.
And some folks believe it's a fantasy
That in you there's a good man to see.
So they'll appreciate you,
May I de-fabricate you?!"
What the—?! Jack Harkness!
And though of course that's not important to me.
"All right why not?" I'll reply.
Oh what a pair we'll be
The Doctor and I.
Yes! What a pair we'll be
The Doctor and...
Unlimited. My future is unlimited
And I've just had a vision almost like a prophecy
I know it sounds truly crazy
And true, the vision's hazy
But I swear someday there'll be
A celebration throughout Time
That's all to do with me.
The things that were wrong with that sentence stretched into the dozens. Temporally, it didn't make sense, actually, it would never happen, and…
And I'll stand there with the Doctor
Feeling things I never felt.
And though I'd never show it
I'll be so happy I could melt.
And so it will be for the rest of my life
And I'll want nothing else 'til I die.
Sometimes, it was too easy to feel guilty for leaving people behind. He couldn't have taken Jack with him; it hurt just to be near him. Plus, the Earth needed him. He'd checked up on that little Torchwood team several times since Jack had first come clean about them, and they'd been doing some impressive work. He wouldn't want to take him away from that.
Perhaps, though, he was wrong. Forever was a long time, perhaps he should pop in occasionally, offer to take him somewhere. Perhaps that was the reason this song had ended up here, a hundred years or so after the original was composed.
Held in such high esteem.
When people see me they will scream.
As part of TV's favourite team
The Doctor and I.
TV's favourite team? Television didn't even exist in this solar system, what the hell had Jack been doing back on Earth? And why on earth would he start littering this stuff around? There were too many people knew of the Doctor anyway.
He stood up, suddenly concerned, and was about to head back to the TARDIS to pay a visit to Cardiff, Earth, when there was a rumbling scream from outside.
Ah, yes. The Vinkus.
The ensuing riot rather drove Jack's song out of the Doctor's mind.
Meanwhile, back on Earth…
Martha, by now in her early forties, was desperately ringing UNIT. "How the hell did that show get on the telly?" she demanded. "And where on earth did they get their information?"
"Sorry, Ma'am, we're trying to get it removed. It was approved by Torchwood Four, you see…"
"The one that mysteriously disappeared?"
There was a long pause on the other end of the line as Colonel Thropp began to realise that he'd been duped.
Mickey poked his head around the door. "I'll tell you exactly who this is," he said.
"What? Who?" Martha asked desperately.
"He's just come onscreen," Mickey replied, grinning.
Running back into the living room, Martha barely stopped herself screaming as a very familiar unchanged face beamed back at her from the other side of the screen.
Mickey chuckled, unrepentant. "I wonder how many planets he's taken it to now?" he wondered.
Meanwhile, in a space shuttle in flight…
Jenny smacked the dashboard. "Still nothing! We've been spreading songs and shows and stuff around seven galaxies for six years! You'd think he'd pick it up at some point."
Jack leant back with yet another glass of champagne. "Ah, he'll get it. He's probably already got it, and just got the timing wrong."
"I hope so," Jenny sighed.
They sat in companionable silence for a minute until a grin began to creep onto Jack's face.
"What?" she asked.
"How about He Lives In You from the Lion King?"
A/N: The lyrics to The Doctor and I belong to John Barrowman, the original lyrics and tune to The Wizard and I belong to Stephen Schwarz, He Lives in You belongs to Elton John, Tim Rice and Disney, and everything else belongs to the BBC! Blimey, that's the longest disclaimer I've ever felt the need to write.
PS. Reviews with all the Wicked references contained within will be rewarded with virtual magic wands and sonic screwdrivers! There are, to my count, five. That's not counting that Rose had dragged the Doctor to see it, nor does it count the actual song.