Disclaimer: Haha, yeah, sure – if KH was like this story, well, er, we sure as hell wouldn't be buying it from Kmart, you know what I mean?

A/N: Lol, so okay. I suck, immensely. This was supposed to be ready for, um, Christmas, as part of the Secret Santa that I established and then totally failed at (not just once, but two years running now. It's only due to the love and patience of everybody over on dA that I haven't been lynched over a railway track yet). It's not very good, but I wrote it with lots of love for Kiki, aka, Atomic-Clover on deviantART, and I really hope she likes it. I've been all sorts of failsome lately on the fic/internet front, due to life issues and stress, which kills my creativity faster than kryptonite-sprinkled pasta gets Superman on Italian specials night ^^; But I'm clawing my way back, gradually. I'm sort of having to jump-start my motivation, but it's still in there, in a tiny little walnut shell (no doubt somewhere in the vicinity of the peanut shell containing my brain cells), and hopefully I'll be making a full comeback in the coming weeks ^__^

Meeeeerry Christmas, Kiki – love from, your SS operative ;) Sorry it isn't er, better. Or more punctual ^^;


A Merry AkuNeKu


All was dim in Santa's workshop, the windows of the doll-like cottages dark, all but two of the elves gone home and sleeping peacefully in their beds.

The elf with red hair and holly-green eyes said, "I'd like to raise an objection regarding the new uniforms."

Santa, bedecked in his fur-lined finery, a jolly twinkle in his eye, a spring in his step, retorted, "What's to raise? You're officially decked out in dinosaur-patterned boxers – and they're all green and red, it's awesome. It's Christmas. You guys are hot."

Through bright white teeth set tight in a smile, the elf replied, "Actually, asshole, I mean Santa, it's really cold. There is a lot of ice and snow outside. If anyone touches my nipples, they're going to shatter and fall off."

To which Santa responded, the twinkle growing more pronounced, long fingers stroking at empty air, "I can think of a couple ways to warm them up."

The elf, sad to say, was unimpressed, adjusting his red hat impatiently. "It's all fine for you, you're wearing the biggest, fattest, reddest bear that ever dropped dead."

Santa draped himself across the great throne that overlooked the workshop and snow-strewn landscape, tiny lights from on high sparkling and casting a low glow upon the world, enchanting, while disputing, "Hey! Who's in charge here, huh?"

In the midst of this, the second elf interrupted. "Reno," said Roxas patiently, "don't you think you're taking this whole thing a little too far? We're in a K-Mart, for Christ's sake. I don't think the day-manager's going to approve of your costume remodelling."

The second elf really wasn't getting into the spirit of things, in Santa's opinion.

"Hey, it's because of me that you two even have this job," he complained, the whine unbefitting to his glorious station, but unable to keep itself out of his voice.

Dryly, the blond replied, "You were planning this right from the beginning, weren't you?" It was now Santa's turn to be unimpressed, disliking the elf's lack of passion. Something had to be done to turn this travesty around.

He pouted only briefly before an idea occurred, turning sly eyes towards the red-haired elf and cooing, "So, little boy – come sit on Santa's lap and tell him what you want the most."

Axel hesitated, looked him sceptically up and down, then caved, grumbling, "Well… only because it'll warm me up."

The blond elf, somehow refusing to be swayed by the mood of things, commented from behind a large, plastic fir, "That was the most pedo thing I have ever, ever heard."

As he sat himself onto Reno's knees, Axel snorted over to him, "Well, yeah. It never occurred to you before now? Big guy in a funny outfit makes the kiddies sit on him and tell him what they like, then gives them candy for it? You've gotta be kidding me." He wriggled to get comfortable, Santa's fingers brushing at his arms. "There isn't a judge alive who wouldn't put you away for that shit."

"Aha," Reno softly declared, lowering his mouth to one fair-skinned shoulder, "but Santa gets diplomatic immunity, so that makes it all okay."

Roxas was heard to mutter, "Where is the candy around here? I want a candy cane, damn it."

"You know what?" Santa said to his Good Elf – the Obedient Elf, the Elf That Fucking Did As He Was Told – "We should just ignore him. Let's just have some fun together."

"Oh yeah? What kind of fu-huh!" Reno didn't waste any time, dragging his fingertips up Axel's ribs, a half-tickling, half-caressing motion that had the redhead squirming in his lap.

"God, Reno, you're such a fucking pimp in that costume," the elf gasped, shivering as the hands made for his nipples. Reno hummed his approval of this against Axel's tight skin, planting kisses back and forth across his shoulder and prominent collarbone.

"Hey, you know," Reno breathed, breaking away to instead flick his tongue against the redhead's neck, Axel tilting his chin back accommodatingly, "I'm wearing a pair of those boxers, too… just where you can't see 'em." Over by the fir trees, Roxas kicked some fake snow, bare legs slender beneath his boxers, shuffling into view and shooting the pair of them a sharp look as he continued on his hunt. Reno spared him only a lazy glance, smirking as he concentrated all his attention onto the male within instant reach, setting up a suction against Axel's throat, the redhead spread across his knees and getting heavier by the minute. "Mmm…" The low moan escaped all on its own, Axel's eyes visibly losing focus as Reno's moved his mouth slowly across his neck. One arm started to slip, hanging down beside the chair, Reno briefly breaking off, licking his lips and tutting, "Uh-uh-uh, keep that hand where I can see it, mister." For safe keeping, he planted it at the top of Axel's dinosaur-patterned boxers, free to roam wherever it might. At once, the man's fingers began brushing along his own stomach, a pleasing sight for Reno to behold before returning upward to lavish affection upon Axel's suddenly delectable-seeming mouth.

Despite all the deliciousness going on, however, and the panting breaths that suggested everything but coldness, Reno couldn't help being distractedly aware that there was another in the room who should have been joining in the fun, yet was not. Roxas continued to mooch around the Santa's Workshop scenery in search of candy canes, being entirely un-elf-like and very much spoiling the perverted-Santa role-playing he'd had his heart set on. Hmm. This required thought, which was a pity as all the blood his brain was in need of was rushing to other much more needy places. Axel was squirming under the thoughtful nibbling and sucking, Reno now moving methodically down his chest, but not quite garnering all the enjoyment out of it that he felt he could, if only Roxas would co-operate.

So, what was Roxas' vulnerability, then – the one thing he could never resist? Quite frankly, the thing that turned on the two redheads the most about the blond was the way everything was resisted with Roxas – there was nothing like the thrill of the chase.

In the end, though, it seemed like he always folded to Axel, no matter what. Well, some of the time, at least. When he felt like it. Either way, Reno believed that Axel was the key, and this suddenly made life a lot more fun. Pale blue eyes glittering, he grabbed Axel's wandering hands and murmured, "Now, let's see if we can get you making some noise…"

As he continued to lick, kiss and bite his way along the redhead, Reno dragged their entwined hands down Axel's slender chest, down to the dinosaur-patterned waistband, and scraped their nails along the sensitive skin just above. Axel shuddered involuntarily, mouth falling open, a grunt jerking out of him. Pleased with himself, Reno backed off, removed their hands from the zone of insanity, back towards Axel's belly, the man giving a whine of complaint. Their fingertips circled his naval, Reno guiding all the while, before, unable to resist, he awkwardly shifted their positions in order to double over and dip his tongue into the shallow concave. Axel let out a breathless laugh, ticklish, the sound echoing around the silent collection of plastic houses and giant candy canes, among which, currently out of sight, Roxas was meandering. Such a sound, however, was sure to have caught his attention, even if reluctantly; Axel was always full of promise when he was being teased. His own silk boxers, beneath the layers of red, stirred.

Lowering his mouth towards the redhead's ear, Reno asked in a smirking murmur, "Warming up yet?"

Axel let out a choked response, nothing particularly coherent, which was the way that Santa liked his elves, God damn it. As reward, he smacked an open palm hard against Axel's exposed thigh, rubbing the reddened area a moment later, sliding his fingers up towards the cute boxers and massaging, caressing inch by inch. Having gone rigid with the attention to his belly-button, Axel again now went limp, the strength shuddering from his limbs, heat burning its way through his flesh just under the surface. Tantalisingly, Reno worked his way up the short expanse of thigh to the bottom of the boxers, slipping his fingertips under, the silk gathering together as he pushed them higher, nails scratching at the bone of his hip, drawing a long, shaking sigh from the man. Sliding his free arm under the redhead's legs, Reno gathered Axel closer, lifting them until they bent over his forearm, the hand under the boxers sweeping around to the back to cup one round buttock. With an appreciative squeeze, Reno then returned to the front, one solitary finger stretching out towards the prize in the middle, the rapidly tenting fabric… only to drag it along the seam between leg and groin, deliberately avoiding touching anything else in particular.

Axel let out a groan, a growl, a frustrated noise, and bucked in Reno's grasp. "Fucking hell," he bitched, squirming around, grinding down purposefully against the other man's similarly hard lap. "What are you playing at, you bastard?"

"Who, me?" Reno blinked down at him innocently, eyelashes containing just the faintest hint of coy flutter. "I'm just playing!" With that, he grabbed hold of Axel's eager erection and gave a rough, squeezing stroke, stopping just short of the point of pain,the redhead's howl bouncing off the ceiling.

Across the workshop, Roxas paused, twitched, and turned with a half-sullen, half curious expression. "…What the hell are you two getting up to without me?" His flat call made Reno grin with fierce delight, slowing his hand's motions while easing up on the pressure, creating a pace that was an agony all of its own, Axel's previous yell now a series of whimpers and teeth-gritting gasps.

The littlest elf's bare feet carried him over the fake snow and landscape, bright little fairy lights twinkling all over the place, lighting up tiny slivers of his hair as he passed beneath their knotted lengths. He still hadn't found any candy… but Reno knew that right now, candy had finally taken a lower rung on the priorities ladder for Roxas. There was nothing quite like the mating call of the blond's significant other to get his blood boiling hotter than the fires of lustful hell – and Reno couldn't help but agree. In his lap, Axel was squirming and making the most delightful noises. No wonder he'd lured Roxas over – it was his equivalent of the song of a Siren.

Reno leered down at Axel, red-cheeked under his teardrop tattoos and panting helplessly in the grasp of his lord and master. Reno bit down on his own tongue; this whole Santa-elf master-slave thing really had a lot going for it, he needed to sort out roleplays like this more often.

When Roxas arrived, rather than joining the proceedings right away, he spent a long minute standing beside the enormous chair, simply watching the deviance taking place. Reno glanced up with a slow burn in his gaze, changing pace on Axel's erection – fast, then slow, fast, then slow, until the redhead was cursing in a long and fluent stream, nails scraping at Reno's forearms in an attempt at getting the man to stop fucking around with him. "…Hate you…" he muttered bitterly, followed by a long, breathy moan as the man finally began servicing properly, no longer needing to torture him in order to draw Roxas over; the boy had been caught, hook, line and sinker.

Calmly, efficiently, Roxas stripped himself of the dinosaur-patterned boxers, Reno letting out a grunt of displeasure, admonishing, "That's – a breach of elf dress code, Roxas."

The blond returned his look, unimpressed, and said, "So punish me, then. You really are a complete and total pervert, Reno, you know that? I'm quitting first thing in the morning; I can't watch you get dressed up and bounce little fucking kids on your knee after I know what we've done here."

Arching one fine eyebrow, the man asked, "We?"

Roxas tossed the boxers off to one side, approaching Santa's throne and climbing up, onto Axel, onto Reno, squeezing himself into the tangle of limbs and skin. "We," he verified firmly, draping himself over Axel's chest and angling his face up for a kiss from the taller of the two men. "So you'd better make this worth every penny of the wages I'm not going to receive, Mr. Santa."

Reno grinned, eyes gleaming.

God damn, but he couldn't wait for Easter.