Disclaimer: I do not own the Mortal Instruments series or any of the character, places, etc. All of the above belong to Cassandra Clare. I am merely borrowing for my own enjoyment. So no suing please.
A/N: Hey everyone, so it's been forever (at least two years I think, maybe three) since I actually posted anything on fanfiction. This doesn't mean I gave up on writing. (It's too great a passion to ever give up entirely) It just means that life suddenly got harder. Because of some foreign exchange student downloading stuff on the school computers, flash drives were banned and since I had no internet at home (still don't) I could never post the chapters (or rarely) and it just seemed like a waste to start writing something only for it to take like a year to get the next chapter posted.
Luckily for me, I finally happened to get a lovely new laptop last week, and what better way to break it in then to use up all of it's memory with my drabbling works. I know, genius, right? But this should make posting easier (shall find out tomorrow when I try to get this first chapter posted) and updating as well.
Unfortunately though, I still am in high school (final year) and though it seems like a waste of time since I've had all of my credits since practically the end of last year to keep going, my mom is making me. Which means that I have homework to occupy a lot of my free time, especially since two of my classes are AP and I am preparing for college. My mom is still under the belief that my grades and schoolwork is more important than my writing. What does she know, right? And, I have also started to write a few original stories (have started occupying myself with that since I have been able to write for fanfiction the past few years; it's actually one of my favorite things to do right now) so I'll be splitting my time up amongst a few pet projects.
Word of warning, one story never keeps my attention for very long, so I like to have quite a few things going at once. I have another Mortal Instruments story idea already, so that'll probably show up soon. One never really knows when dealing with me. But that brings me to this next bit. I have never written a Mortal Instruments fic before (though they are currently my passion for reading after I finished the books in December) so while not strictly my first attempt at writing, it will be my first attempt at writing under this genre.
Also, I've never really written a boy/boy fic before, either. Yes, I'm a big fan of reading it. Especially of Malec (they were made for each other and in my opinion should have gotten a lot more story time in Clare's novels) which have been my most recent forays, but I've never actually had the nerve to write one. Reading the more explicit ones makes me blush, I can't even imagine what writing one could do. But, an author should try to branch out, right? And I'm typically better at writing guys than girls, so maybe it'll be easier…
And, my next chapter shouldn't have such a long Author's note, but I felt like a few things should be said…or typed I guess, first. Anyways, typically don't leave long ones and really didn't think this one would actually be that long. Phew!!! Took forever to type.
Warning: This is a boy/boy fic, so yes, gay content will be involved; if you don't like that, then you probably shouldn't read. I'm not sure how graphic I'm going to get, so for now the rating will remain at T for language and violent scenes (which I'm sure will come later, knowing me). Of course, if I decide that Alec and Magnus need to take things any further, I will change the rating.
Well, anyways, on to the story!!!
Hey, slow it down
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Yeah, I'm afraid
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
There might have been a time
When I would give myself away
Oh once upon a time
I didn't give a damn
Here we are
So whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
"Whataya Want From Me" By: Adam Lambert
Chapter One: Disownment
Alec couldn't help but feel nervous when he was called into the library with neither of his siblings. They had only returned from Alicante a four days before and while his relationship with Magnus was now what it should have been from the start, something had changed between himself and his parents. What it was he couldn't tell, nor had he the time to speak with them about it, but he felt it there, growing worse each day.
Absently he fingered the cell phone that rested snugly in his jeans pocket. He had always carried it before, in case a sudden call came in, but it had never really been for his own personal usage. Now, he spent much of the time that he was apart from the Warlock on it, texting until his thumbs were numb, or talking until the phone was hot against his ear. It was nice to have such a simple way to keep in contact. And quick, too. He didn't have to worry about sending fire messages. Best yet, he could keep the sweet texts that Magnus had sent him for as long as he wanted…or until his inbox was full; whichever came first.
The most recent text that he had received from Magnus was no more than an hour old, asking if he was busy that night or if he would be able to possibly come over and spend some time with the Warlock. He had only texted back that it would depend on if they got any evening calls that needed seeing to. He hadn't thought that his mother and father would be the reason that he hadn't yet had a chance to text that he would, indeed, be able to stop by at some point during the evening.
He didn't think it could possibly be about his relationship with the Warlock. Neither his mother or father had said anything that could have been considered negative since his public outing in front of the whole Clave when he had willing kissed Magnus. And when he had introduced the Warlock to both, he had thought that it had gone impossibly well. Magnus had been on his best behavior that part of the night and hadn't done anything that they couldn't possibly disapprove of.
Alec hadn't even felt disapproval from them since then.
It was something else, something quieter but with no less of an impact that made him impossibly on the edge now when he had been summoned to face both with neither of his siblings. If the other two had been summoned with him, the worry wouldn't have been as great. It could always be that Maryse and Robert just wished to remind Jace not to get himself killed or that Isabelle was spending too much on clothes again.
Alec wasn't the one who was summoned. Not unless there was strict Clave business that only Shadowhunters of age could discuss. And the only time that had happened had been while they were staying in Alicante when he had been allowed to take part in the official Shadowhunter business. That was back when he was still uncertain of his feelings towards a certain Warlock.
But now it seemed that while he was sure of his feelings in that regard, he was less sure of the ones that he should have been able to take for granted.
It was late in the evening, he had only just returned from a Demon Hunt with Isabelle (Jace was spending time with Clary) when his parents had requested his presence. They had only allowed him enough time to manage a quick shower so as to wash away the mud that had collected on his body from the fight in a thunderstorm and ichor from the foul creatures in the quickest of showers and don a clean pair of jeans and black sweater, before hurrying to the library. His hair was still damp from the shower, the unruly black mop curling at the ends from the heat of the water, but it wasn't like he needed to be ready for a fashion show, just a meeting with his parents.
Alec wasn't sure which would actually be worse right now.
With the briefest of hesitations, he knocked on the library door, alerting his parents to the fact that he was there and then pushed the door open, allowing it to swing inward and then walking inside, his boots making a dull clunking noise on the hard floor.
Robert Lightwood was standing to one side of the room, staring out the large window at the growing thunderstorm, watching as the wind whipped the rain in streaming lashes against the glass. A flash of lightening illuminated his dark countenance briefly, the furrowing of his brow, but he did not turn around to acknowledge his son's entrance, he didn't even blink. His mother was standing behind a leather couch where Alec had often sat, reading one book or other. Her face was composed, as her light blue eyes, so similar to Alec's own, gazed upon him; something flickering in their depths.
His wife, Maryse, was who spoke first, drawing Alec's attention away from his father and the storm outside the window. "Sit down, Alexander." She said, voice impossibly calm, betraying nothing.
He read it as the order that it was; Maryse Lightwood did not request anything of her three children. Complying, he sat on the edge of the sofa cushion, the soft material sinking in slightly between his weight. He did not make himself comfortable, but sat stiffly, perched almost as if he was waiting for either a fight to break out or the need for flight.
Again, the room fell into a silence that was so thick with tension that Alec was sorely tempted to see if a seraph blade could cut through it. Minutes ticked by, lightning flashed illuminating the room, casting strange shadows on the otherwise familiar surroundings. But Alec did not speak, did not break the silence. He waited, as was expected of him, for his elders to speak first; they had requested this meeting, not the other way around. Therefore it would be rude to speak when it was obviously their intent.
Of course, that did nothing to soothe his nerves, make him calm down at all.
The phone vibrated in his pocket once more. A short simple buzzing that signified that nothing more than another text had been received. He figured that it was most likely Magnus, seeing if he was free yet. Or possibly Jace if he had found any demons that needed to be dealt with. Either way, he did not fish it out; there would be time to deal with that later. First things first, the meeting with his parents. He could shoot whoever it was a text after.
After the next flash of lightning streaked across the sky, followed by a deep rumbling that shook the old Institute and all of it's belongings, Robert crossed the room to join his wife and son. His expression was more somber than Alec could remember having seen before, even when it had been Max's death. The oldest Lightwood child couldn't help but wonder what had disturbed his father so much.
"Alexander," His father began after he found his voice again. "During our last days in Alicante the Clave held a meeting."
Alec frowned, brilliant blue eyes troubled and confused. "I don't remember ever hearing about a meeting. I should have been in attendance."
"They didn't want you in attendance, Alexander." His mother hissed, the sound more feral than he could have imagined. "Not after witnessing that display between you and the Downworlder."
"Magnus." He corrected before thinking about it. He flushed uncomfortably as her blue eyes flashed dangerously in his direction. "And what does that have to do with anything? I'm still a member of the Clave and an adult one at that. I'm supposed to be a part of the meetings, now."
Mirthlessly, Maryse laughed. It was a dark sound, the kind to make the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. "Not when they're to discuss what should be done with you." she said, raking her long fingers through the long curtain of her ebony hair. "You knew that you would not be accepted, did you not?"
Alec swallowed thickly past the lump that seemed to be growing in his throat, making it nearly impossible to breathe properly. "What are you saying?" He asked softly, barely able to grasp that his worse fears were about to come true, but fervently hoping they wouldn't at the same time anyway.
"You know." Robert said.
Alec sucked in a breath. "Am I to be stripped of my marks?" He asked. It seemed to the teen, that the life of a Shadowhunter, had just been ripped out from underneath him, stumbling him into a world of shock. He had never thought that the Clave would really be so extreme as to banish him to the world of Downworlders and Mundanes. "Or have you decided that death is punishment enough?" He finished bitterly, hands clenched so tightly into fists in his lap that the knuckles shown white.
"Don't take that tone with me!" His mother snapped, her voice as cutting as Isabelle's whip. "You have brought this onto yourself. Don't blame anyone else."
He leapt to his feet, not willing to take this sitting down; there was nothing left to lose anyway. "By being myself! By not wanting to hide who I love anymore! I should have known that the Clave would remain as bigoted as ever."
"They don't care about that." His father sighed. "Alexander, it is because of the way you acted so brazenly in front of everyone. The obvious deception that you took in order to keep your relationship a secret from anyone even your own family. Your total disregard to how your actions would be perceived. The fact that it was to be with a Warlock of all people was just the clincher." He looked away from his eldest son's stricken face, an unknown emotion briefly visible in the depth of his eyes and gone again in the next second. Already he had lost Max and now it seemed that Alec would join him. "They think that if push comes to shove you would choose to betray us if Magnus asked, that you've chosen them."
"But I--" Alec started only to pause again as he registered the look in his mother's eyes again and faltered.
"Go." She told him monotonously. "Get what you need from your room and leave. That is the Clave's decision."
He frowned in confusion. "I'm not to be killed? And what of my marks? Am I to live as a Mundane from now on?" He didn't know if he could survive if that was to be.
"Disownment is punishment enough." Maryse replied. "You will be allowed to keep your marks but you are no longer a Shadowhunter in name; nothing more than an outcast." She looked away, unable to bear the site of him any longer lest she break down and falter in carrying out the decision that had been reached against her eldest. "Get what you need." She repeated quietly.
Alec blinked a few times in the dimly lit room, eyes full of unbridled confusion and pain. He had never thought, not really if asked, that loving another man could possibly lead to this. But it's all your fault. He thought to himself bitterly. Because you hid who you really are from everyone so easily. It had never been fair for either anyone or Magnus. He should have just told them from the start…
Nodding numbly, he turned to leave the room, but a hand coming to rest on his shoulder gave him pause. "I'm truly sorry, Alec." His father said and if Alec had taken the time to look closely he would have seen the tears of regret in his mother's eyes.
As it was, the dark haired teenager shrugged the hand on his shoulder off refusing to focus on anywhere but the ground beneath his feet and said coolly. "Let go of me, Robert."
It was as much a slip to the face of the elder Shadowhunter as Alec dared. Frowning slightly, the man who was no longer his father relaxed his grip, releasing Alec's shoulder. "Fine."
Not trusting himself to remain in the room for any longer, afraid that if he did he would break down and beg for them to get the decision overturned, that he would do anything if it meant that he could stay, Alec pulled the door to the library open so hard that it swung inward and bashed against the wall. Ducking through the doorway, the young Shadowhunter was nearly hit in his retreating back as it bounced back.
He started down the hallway with quick, hurried footsteps, his black boots making echoing thuds on the wooden floor. He felt utterly numb as he walked, head ducked down in shame the only emotion that seemed able to penetrate him in the slightest. His hair fell messily forward to shield his bright blue eyes from any unwanted onlookers who might chance to look upon him. His eyes were brighter than normal from tears that had filled his eyes without his notice, but did not fall.
He hadn't cried when Max had died, either. Just slipped into numbness much like this one, that left him unfeeling to all of his surroundings. He felt like that now, but so much more so. And this time Magnus was nowhere around to help him through it. No, it was because of his relationship with the Warlock that he was guarding his heart now, not daring to feel what he truly was.
Without much conscious thought, he allowed his feet to take him down the familiar hall to his room one last time. He didn't notice the sound of his boots thudded against the floor, or the rumble of thunder that still echoed outside. He didn't even notice when his footsteps were joined by a lighter pair or when his name was called more than once, the voice laden with concern at his obvious ignorance to his surroundings.
"Alec?" The voice questioned again, nearly colliding with him when he stopped suddenly outside the door to his room.
The feel of a hand gently brushing against his arm cause him to start slightly, recoiling as the sudden touch broke him out of his silent reverie. "Isabelle?" He asked as he finally realized that his sister had appeared at his side.
"Alec, what's wrong?" The now youngest Lightwood asked as she noticed his well contained distress.
"I--"He swallowed audibly. "I need to get my stuff." He mumbled, the words not really registering in his mind. It didn't seem real, all of this. He didn't understand how it could be. Just a week ago everything had seemed to be fine, better than fine, actually.
"You mean your gear?" She asked in some confusion. A call shouldn't have warranted this type of reaction, frustration maybe, but there was something completely…off, with how Alec was acting. "Did we get a call?"
He shook his head slowly. "No. it's not that. Just leave me alone, okay Izzy?" He really didn't feel as if he could talk rationally to anyone at that moment. Without another word to her, he walked into what now used to be his room; this would be the last time that he would enter it, the last time anything in here actually belonged to him.
He didn't know what his parents would do with his belongings after he had left; didn't want to focus on it. It would be different from what had become of Max's things, he was sure. They had kept all of that, saved it as memories of his little brother's short existence in life. But Alec wasn't dead, he was disowned. They were two completely different situations that could result in nothing but a different ending.
If he had hoped that Isabelle would take the hint and let him be in his final last moments of being inside the Institute, he had been mistaken. As he went over to is closet to pull out a small black bag and his jacket from inside, he noticed that his sister had followed him inside the bedroom and perched on the edge of the bed. She sat there, one leg crossed over the other, foot jingling with restless energy as she watched him toss the bag and jacket nearby where she sat. Going over to his dresser, he pulled from it a few wrinkled old black shirts and jeans. They too, ended up being tossed onto the bed next to Isabelle.
"What's going on?" She asked him, watching as he shoved a few seraph blades into the bag, with a frown and then shoved his clothing inside as well. "Alec, where are you going?"
"I've been disowned." He explained, voice devoid of all emotion that tried to break out. Only his tough demeanor prevented it. "I need to get my stuff and leave."
Isabelle was on her feet in a flash and in front of him in the next second. She grasped his shoulders in her hands, stopping his movements with the grip. "What do you mean you've been disowned? You can't be serious!"
He shrugged, dislodging her grip. "The Clave is always serious." He replied, ice blue eyes glancing around the room, making sure that he hadn't forgotten anything important that he would need later. "You know that. They don't joke. At least, I don't think he do." He added with a weak sense of humor.
Isabelle was working herself into a rage and his trying to make light of the situation only added to fuel that fire. "This is no time for jokes Alexander Lightwood!" She yelled, watching as he calmly pulled his cell phone from his pocket and without so much as a glance at the screen placed it on the nightstand next to his bed. She didn't know what was making her angrier, the fact that he was acting so calm when if the situation had been reversed she would have been hysterical or the situation in it's entirety. "Why have they decided it now? We've been back from Alicante for a week. Why not before then? They've known about Magnus since before the batt--"
"It's not because of Magnus that I've been disowned." He cut her off in short clipped tones. "It's 'cause of my willing deception. They don't trust me anymore." He sighed heavily, tugging on his jacket and hoping that it would offer at least a little protection against the raging storm outside and then slid the strap of his bag over one shoulder. He needed to get going now.
Isabelle's rage was quickly cooling and turning into sad acceptance. If The Clave had made the decision and not their parents, it wasn't as if there was anything that they could do to go against it. And being mad right then when she should have been saying goodbye was only a waste of time, both hers and Alec's.
"Where will you go?" She asked him softly. Her first thought had been Magnus, but she wasn't so sure of that now; it wasn't Alec's style. Her brother had always been the protector, the one to seek help for anyone but himself.
"I don't know." Alec admitted, voice just as soft. He looked at her with hesitant eyes. "I have some money, so I should be able to find a place to stay. At least, temporarily."
"Magnus--" She started, but Alec interrupted her again. "Magnus has a life that doesn't revolve around always dealing with my problems. It's my fault that I'm in this mess now. He never wanted to hide our relationship, that was always me. I'm an adult, I can accept the consequences of my actions." He didn't even seem to notice as the screen of his cell phone lit up briefly after receiving another new message, ignoring it. It was no longer his phone, but his parents once again.
Isabelle barely refrained from childishly stomping her foot in annoyance at his attitude as he brushed past her and out the room. She heard the clatter of the doors opening as he waited for the elevator to take him down the ground level so that he could head out in his new life. Not quite sure what to do but formulating a plan in her mind anyway, the dull glow of the still lit up cell phone screen caught her attention and one thought focused in her mind. Call Magnus.
She snatched the cell phone up from the nightstand and held down the one, waiting for the phone to speed dial the Warlock. It had hardly had a chance to ring when the phone was answered, Magnus, no doubt having been waiting for some reply from her brother.
"Hello, darling!" He said cheerfully in her ear, clearly not expecting the call to be from anyone but Alec. "So I was--"
"Uhhh, Magnus it's Isabelle, not Alec." She cut him off.
"Is Alec alright?" The Warlock asked, and even over a cell phone, Isabelle could hear the very obvious concern in his voice for her brother. "He wasn't hurt, was he? Is that why he hasn't text me back?"
"No, no." She quickly assured him as best as she could. "Alec's fine. He just…"
"Well put him on the phone then." Magnus ordered easily, having become used to dealing with Shadowhunters after his time spent in Alicante amongst them.
"I can't." She said and then clenched her eyes shut, already knowing what type of reaction her next words would earn her. "He's gone Magnus."
There was nothing but silence on the other end, not the type of reaction that Isabelle had been expecting. Hesitantly, she cracked her eyes open. "Magnus?"
"How?" The voice on the other end croaked. "I thought you said he wasn't injured?"
For a moment, Isabelle had no clue what he could possibly mean. But with sudden realization she nearly hit herself on the forehead. "He's not dead, Magnus."
"But you said that he's 'gone.'"
"I know." She sighed conceding her foolish mistake in phrasing. "I meant he's gone from the Institute." She took a deep breath, readying herself for her next words. "He's been disowned."
"Now?!" He asked incredulously. "They've just decide now? Your parents--"
"It's not my parents fault, Magnus." She stopped what was sure to become a tirade. "The Clave decided. Believe me, after losing Max," she swallowed thickly around the lump in her throat that so simple a reminder could still make, "they wouldn't want to lose another son so soon. But if The Clave made the decision, then they would have no choice but to follow their orders."
"It's still ridiculous!" The Warlock seethed. "Just because Alec happens to love differently than they do…"
"I know, Magnus." Isabelle sighed. "But the choice has been made. There's no going back now. Like I said, Alec's already gone."
"Where would he go?" Magnus asked, and Isabelle knew that he was planning on going out and searching for him. Good, that was what she had planned on. Alec was upset, most likely, and wouldn't be thinking clearly. Even if she couldn't be there for him, that didn't mean that Magnus couldn't.
"I don't know." She answered him truthfully. "Alec's never really made a lot of friends amongst Downworlders and Mundanes; I doubt he ever thought he'd need them."
"Fine." The Warlock said distractedly, and Isabelle could hear the sound of him getting ready in the background. "I'll go look for him. Unless you think that I should wait for him to show up…?"
"No." She reluctantly conceded. "I already suggested that he go stay with you" or I was going to at least, "but he feels that this is all because he hid your relationship from the beginning and doesn't want to trouble you."
"Idiot Nephilim!" He cursed. "Like it would 'trouble me.'" He bit out sarcastically. "But it was always alright 'troubling' me with fixing up his stupid little Shadowhunter friends whenever one of you was hurt. When I find him we are going to have a serious little chat about where his priorities should be."
"Yeah, you should." Isabelle said, laughing weakly. About to hang up, she added one last comment, "Find him, Magnus."
"I will." The Warlock said, the line going dead as he hung up on her. And he had sounded so sure that Isabelle did not doubt that he would find her brother.
A/N: Well, that's it for the first chapter. Hope anyone who happens to read it enjoyed. Like anyone else, I happen to enjoy reviews; lets me know how other people are receiving my writing. But no flames please; constructive criticism I take in stride (and actually helps most times) but flames are just an excuse to be mean. So, if you're going to leave one, don't bother.
I've already got an idea for the next chapter, so hopefully I'll be able to get that posted soon…hopefully. That's if I manage to get the time to just chill out with my laptop. Not very likely during the week because of school. But, I shall do my best. And since a new term is starting this week, there might be an even better chance of an update…possibly. No promises, but I swear that I'll try.