So this is my first Fanfic, my friend Megan (yes you are my first shout out because I love you :D and hopefully not my last) got me hooked on this website and I have read so many good ones I wanted to see if I could write any ones that would get me some good reviews aswell. So I would love lots of reviews telling me if this story if its good, or any suggestions to make it better, or even reviews telling my to give up because its rubbish, which I don't mind because I am inda bad at writing stories but I thought that if I had characters to play around with then something good might come out of it :D
So I am gonna stop blabbering on and let you you get on with it...So hope you enjoy :D
Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Twilight unfortunately they belong to Stephenie Meyer ( I would LOVE to own Edward if thats ok??...Please)
When I awoke in the morning it was to the bright sun glittering slightly through my window, shining onto my face. I relaxed a little knowing that I hadn't had the same nightmare, which usually wakes me up every night with screaming. But from all the conclusions that I have come to before, it was probably the result of being with Jacob all the time.
It was a Saturday and I was supposed to be getting ready to go to La Push for the day, but knowing that Jacob would most likely be out most of the day-if not all of it- with the rest of his brothers doing a patrol around the area looking for Victoria, I had no hurry in spending the day alone, so I slowly got ready. I went down stairs and had some cereal for breakfast, but knowing that you can only spend so much time eating a small bowl of cereal I finished eating, rinsed my bowl out and headed for the shower.
As I walked through my bedroom door I was not prepared for the sight that was standing in front of me. There was a man standing in front of my dresser looking at the things on top of it. I let out a gasp of air as I realized who it was, I can recognize that hair anywhere, copper trousled. This man was not an intruder in my house. It was Him. The one person that I would never see again in my life, and the only place that I could see him was in my memories that were too painful to relive. Whilst I was registering the fact that this was the man I am deeply in love standing in my room, that I must be dreaming, he stood frozen, dropping the object in his hand back onto the dresser. He took an intake of breath, which sounded of relief and acknowledgement and the same time.
"Bella" he breathed, and I thought I was going to spontaneously combust in that second as my name rolled off of his tongue.
"You still smell the same to me as before" he continued, I then realized that he was smelling the air around him when I entered my room, in result to smelling my scent that tortured him so many months ago. The realization of how long ago hit me hard, my arms came up around my torso keeping it intake and I let out a small whimper. Knowing that this was a dream, how could Edward, I cringed as I thought his name, be in my room, now, after all this time. So I was just going to enjoy it whilst I could.
He stiffened at hearing me making that small whimper and turned very slowly to look at me. I was not ready for his sheer beauty, I have to give my subconscious some congrats, as it had remembered him so clearly. The colour of his hair and eyes, the way he used to look at me, I thought I was slowing losing these memories of him but my mind was clearly telling me that I could never forget him, and I could still live him in my dreams.
My arms fell from my torso as I stared into his eyes, my legs felt like jelly as I looked into them, he still had the same effect on me even if it was my imagination, making my mind run wild. I could recognise relief in his eyes, like the relief I would feel if we were ever reunited again.
"Bella" he sighed again, relief ran through his voice just like it did through his eyes. But I knew that this couldn't be real. I wish that he just said my name to me, I wish that he was really here that all the things that I read in his eyes and his face were really there, but he couldn't be there, he wasn't really there. I knew from the day that he said that he no longer wanted me; I knew he would never come back to me.
I waited for myself to awaken from the dream that I must be having, I mustn't of even woken up yet. Nevertheless I tried to enjoy the moment while it lasted, and then would have to pay for it when I awoke with the emptiness that I felt when I thought too much about him.
"Edward" I couldn't help myself, I might as well play along while I could, I don't know how long it will last. "This has to be one of the best dreams that I have ever had" I told him, and then smiled at him. But he looked confused so I asked him what was wrong.
"Bella you're not dreaming, if you were, it wouldn't be the best dream you have ever had it would surely be the worst nightmare" he returned with sad humor in his voice.
"Well of course I am dreaming, for one thing I wouldn't be having a nightmare about you," I pointed towards him with my index finger and then continued with a saddened voice, "Besides you would not be here if I was not dreaming, you would never be here again if I were awake." I reached up with my arm to my torso again, even though I was dreaming, but as I was so used to doing it out of habit it was engraved into my subconscious, I was doing it in a place where I didn't need to keep myself together. Edward then swiftly moved towards me and knelt down in front of me taking my other hand that was held down by my side. His skin felt so cold to me that just for one second I thought that this could be real, like when you checked that you wasn't dreaming by pinching yourself, this was a way that I could check if I was dreaming, not that it was painful, but he felt so cold against my skin. Then again he couldn't be here and this was my subconscious letting me know that I haven't really forgotten about every single detail of him. Edward looked up into my eyes with a pained expression, I didn't want to see him in pain, but before I could say anything he spoke again.
"Bella, you're not dreaming, I am truly here. I will always be here for you, I should have never left you, I love you, I have always loved you and without a single doubt in my body so sorry that I told you that I no longer wanted you anymore and that I ever left you."
I smiled down at him "Of course that is what I always imagined what you would say to me if you returned."
"You don't believe me do you?"
Even in my dreams I could not lie to him, I shook my head and continued to say, "It never made any sense for you to love me and want to stay with me, just look at you, you're so much more than what I could possible dream about having, and then look at me, I am nothing special, just plain and simple. Whilst I made my comparisons he shook his head.
"How can I make you believe that you are not dreaming and that you are so wrong about yourself?"
I could tell from his expression that an idea had come to him, as that same crooked smile that I loved spread across his face shortly afterwards. In an unexpected movement he swiftly rose up onto his feet and kissed me, making my head tilt back as he stood up straight only bending his neck instead of his whole frame. Even though I wanted to kiss him back I pulled away knowing that this would hurt me a great deal later. I looked at his face and a great pain flashed across it, I looked to the ground as I spoke not wanting to see that pain any longer.
"Please...please don't..." He pulled my chin up so that he could look into my eyes.
"Why not?" he asked, with the pain still in his eyes, even though he composed himself through his voice. "Bella if you cannot forgive me for leaving you, if you no longer love me, if you have moved on like I intended you to, then please tell me, I will not...object, I want you to be happy, that's what I have always wanted" He looked away briefly, but then looked into my eyes again to hear my answer.
"What kind of a question is that?" I returned.
"Please just answer it all the same."
"Of course I still love you, how could I move on without you."
"That's all I needed to hear."
Then he kissed me again. I couldn't help it, I wanted that feeling so bad of when he kissed me that I kissed him back, I would face the consequences of my actions later on. This kiss was not like the other kisses that I had had with Edward before, this was so much more intense, so much more crossing the line than I had ever done before, so much so that I started to feel a little guilty that I was in breach of the contract that Edward had made to keep me safe, but I wasn't about to complain. He started to trace my face with his hands and I did the same to him, so soon after the kiss begun my breathing quickened, but this time I was not the only one. I knotted my fingers in his hair and pulled him closer to me, he moved one hand to my hair which he knotted his fingers into and his other hand to the small of my back, touching the bare skin there and pulling me closer to his body, so much that my body bowed against his. Even through his shirt I could feel the coldness of him on my skin, and I shivered, but it wasn't entirely out of the cold it was also out of pleasure of being able to be so close to him, even if it might not be real. However out of great surprise it was not him that ended this kiss, it was me, even though it was with great displeasure, but I needed to catch my breath and by the sound of it so did he. We parted but he still held me close to him, he looked down to me with that crooked smile that I loved so much, and as I stared into his eyes I could not help a tear escaping from the corner of my eye. But once one tear leaked a whole flood of tears started to stream from my eyes.
"Oh Edward!" I blubbered almost incoherently to him.
"What is it?" he asked, with worry.
"It's just that...that...that" but I couldn't get the words out. He led me towards the bed stroking my hair whilst I tried to calm myself so that the words could come out right. Edward looked at me with patience in his eyes, while he waited for me to get control of myself.
"It's just that I have missed you so much," I started, "words cannot describe how much, and I am so glad that you are back, even if I am dreaming."
He raised his eyebrows at me but I just smiled a sheepish smile at him, and looked away from him. He put his thumb and index finger on my chin to turn my face towards him.
"Please don't look away from me, I have lasted to long with not being able to see your beautiful face and look into your eyes," as he said this he's eyes were scorching into mine and it made me blush a deep red, the kind of shade that I no longer went since he left.
"Mmmm I have missed that too" he smiled at me.
"What?" I asked with a puzzled look.
"That deep colour that you used to always go whenever I touched you or said something to you that made you feel embarrassed."
He stroked my cheek then as if to emphasise his words more, when I blushed even deeper again. Edward then took me into his arms and held me there tightly; I rested my head on his chest, closed my eyes and sighed in contentment. If this was truly real then I didn't want it to ever end.
It felt like we sat there for ages just holding each other, it must of been about an hour, but I was not about to complain, this is what I always ever asked for in my life. Edward. The feel of his cold arms around me, the scent of him enveloping me making my head spin a little and then when I looked up into his butterscotch eyes that warm feeling that they sent through me always made me smile back to him.
"Have you decided yet that you are not dreaming and that this is reality?" Edward asked me with a hint of a smile pulling at the corner of his lips.
"Ermm," it took me a little moment to think about it, surely my subconscious couldn't come up with this amount of imagination, his smell, his eyes, his cold skin, so I looked into his eyes and said "I think that part of me will always think that I am dreaming this, but knowing that my imagination is not as good as this, I will take it that this is all real, and that you have finally come back to me, and that you will never leave me again," but as I said the last bit I couldn't help but doubt myself slightly, and he could tell by the sound of my voice as it changed, and that I had looked away from him. A small growl erupted from his chest; he only stopped when I looked back at him.
"Bella, I will never leave you again," he stressed to make me believe him, "I shouldn't of left you in the first place but I was only doing it for your safety, you need to be around people of your own kind, that wouldn't hurt you as easily as what I can," he looked away from me this time and it was me that pulled his face so that I could look into his eyes.
"But Edward," I started, "I don't want to be with anyone but you, you don't know what it has been like for me," pain shot across his face then and he started to say something but I interrupted him, "I know you never meant to, and that you were trying to keep me safe, but I don't care about my safety and being with my own kind, I only ever want to be with you."
"Although I do know what it has been like for you, most likely more, knowing you, you probably tried to act normal for Charlie, woke up, ate, went to school, and went to your job. But Bella I didn't do anything, literally, I was completely useless, I could no longer be around my family as I was hurting them too, so I eventually drifted away from them, I called once in a while to let them know that I was ok, if you could call it ok. You could say that I found a corner, curled up into a ball and let the misery take me."
I could have laughed, he was explaining to me how I felt those first for weeks, how I still felt after all this time, but I knew that Charlie would have me hospitalized if I literally did what I wanted to do and curl up into a ball like Edward had put it. I shuffled closer to Edward then wrapping my arms around him again, he tightened his arms around me and sighed.
So soon after, Edward tensed and it made me worry.
"What is it?" I asked, half of me not wanting to hear the answer.
"Charlie is around the corner," he hesitated for a moment, "maybe I shouldn't be here, maybe I should g-."
But I cut him off with a slight whimper, which sounded pathetic even to me, and the tightening of my arms around him.
"I could stay," he started to say, "But what about Charlie?"
The thought of what my Dad would say had my heart racing faster.
"Well he will have to find out soon, so I might as well get it over with," I gulped with fear, but Edward simple smiled at me and squeezed me, letting me know that he was here for me. I beamed up at him, even though it was a small gesture, but to have him back here with me, for me, well I could just sing from the roof tops. He smiled his crooked smile at me that touched his eyes, but soon relaxed as Charlie came through the door, calling my name.
"I'm up here Dad" calling back down to him, my hands starting to go a little bit clammy, as I listened to the sound of Charlie heading up the stairs, thump, thump, thump, or maybe that was my heart? I straightened up a little at the same time Edward did, letting go of me but taking my hand.
"Hey Bella, I thought that you would be down at La Pu-," He stopped mid sentenced as he opened the door and realised that I was not alone, and that it was Edward who was sitting next to me. I suddenly got a bit scared of what Charlie might do as I processed his face, first it went red and then purple and I thought that he was going to have a stroke.
"Now Dad, calm down-" I tried to say to him but he cut me off.
"What the hell!"
"Charlie," Edward started to say, "please Charlie, please forgive me for ever leaving your daughter, please forgive me for ever hurting her they way I did-"
But Charlie soon cut him off. "What the hell are you doing back here," he pointed his index finger at Edward. "Haven't you already done enough damage to my daughter? Get your hands off of her, I don't want you anywhere near Bella, get out of here before I throw you out myself!"
"As you wish" Edward said with a desolate voice. He stood up and started to leave, but I grabbed his hand and pulled him back towards the bed.
"No!" I shouted at Charlie.
"Bella?" Charlie looked at me with confused and disappointed eyes "Have you forgotten all the things that this boy", he pointed at Edward again jabbing his finger in the air at him, "has done to you, all the pain that he has caused you."
I felt Edward wince by my side. "But Dad, I love him, I need him and I think that he feels the same way about me."
Edward looked down and me with his eyes scorching into mine and answered "Always."
And with that answer it sent my heart thumping so hard that I thought it might burst out of my chest. Edward could hear it thumping away and smiled my smile at me. But Charlie soon ruined the moment by almost growling by the side of us at the declaration of our love for each other.
"So because this boy has said how much he loves you and needs you and gives that charming smile of his, it's a happily ever after for you, what makes you think in another couple of months he isn't going to leave you again, and I'm the one who has to pick up the pieces again."
It was my turn to wince this time at Charlie's words; Edward noticed, squeezed my hand tightly and stood up to say something.
"Charlie," he waited for Charlie to turn and look at him, which looked like he did with great difficulty. "I know how much I have hurt Bella by leaving her, more than you know." And I could tell from the double meaning and the pain in his words and voice that Charlie must be remembering what I was like when he left me. "But I can ensure you that I will never leave your daughter ever again; I will only walk away from her if she wishes me to." And as he said this he looked down into my eyes, for reassurance, I looked back into his, stood up clutching his hand tighter.
We both looked at Charlie then but he was looking at me, the disgust and disappointment on his face from what Edward and I had said since he walked into this room, hurt me a great deal, but I could take it, as it meant that Edward would be staying with me until I told him otherwise, which would never happen.
"Bella, I cannot tell you who you can and cannot see but I will be damned if he sets a foot in this house again after today, and you will not be leaving it, other than for school and your job at the Newton's, you are grounded until you come to your senses."
"Why are you grounding me, I haven't done anything wrong?"
"Obviously you need time on your own to sort yourself out," he returned, "and I want you out of my house right now," he barked at Edward.
"Fine then" I spoke to Charlie with a very calm voice in comparison to how he had just spoken to Edward. I let go of Edward's hand picked up a bag from under my bed and started to pack some of my clothes.
"What are you doing Bella?" Charlie asked me with a puzzled look.
"I'm moving out" I told him as if it wasn't obvious what I was doing.
"If Edward isn't welcome here then neither am I" I almost shouted at him.
"You hang on a minute here young lady"
"Dad I know you mean well and you're just trying to protect me but I'm not a child anymore, you are going to have to trust me and take it easy with Edward. I don't want to move out but if I stay so is Edward.
I didn't like giving ultimatums to Charlie, but clearly I needed to if Edward was going to be allowed to come here.
I could tell that Charlie was going to argue with me, but was tired of arguing with him and I just wanted to spend some time alone with Edward, so I interrupted him.
"Why don't you just think about it Dad?" I offered.
"And what are you going to do in the mean time" he asked with heavy suspicion in his voice.
I didn't know what to say to that, I was hoping to stay in my room with Edward, but I knew that would never happen with Charlie here, so I had to think quickly.
"We're going to Edward's house, I would love to see the others, I've missed them so much," a smile spread across my face as I realised how much I missed Edward's family.
"Well alright then," Charlie grumbled, and he left the room with a disappointed look on his face.
As I stepped forward to go and see my favourite family Edward bent down and kissed me on
my neck that sent shivers down my spine and then whispered in my ear, "Bella, even though you look very cute in your pajamas, don't you think that you better get dressed before we go to my house?"
I looked down at the clothes that I was wearing and blushed a very deep red as I noticed that I still hadn't got dressed. Edward could probably feel the heat coming from my face as his face was still near my neck, he laughed a low chuckle "I have most defiantly missed that" and turned me to face him. My heart started to beat faster as he looked into my eyes, the seconds past, it felt longer than that, time doesn't really function properly in my mind when I am with Edward. He started to bend his head closer to me and my heart almost broke through my chest as it predicted what would happen next. If he couldn't hear my heart hammering away then he needed Carlisle to check that his vampire abilities were still working. He acknowledged my heart by a very big smirk spreading across his face and letting out a low chuckle, he closed the gap between us too slowly for my liking, so I lifted up on my toes to complete it myself. He let out another chuckle at my impatience and started to move his lips against mine, even though after all this time of not kissing Edward, I could kiss him every second of every day and still get that electricity running through my body. My hands started to move up his arms and up to his neck, and instead of grabbing at his hair my fingers scratched lightly at his scalp and I felt a small shiver run through his body. Pleased at the effect I was having on him I pulled him closer to me, but all too soon Edward pulled away. However I didn't mind so much as I got to see the excitement in his eyes, his barriers were breaking just by one little touch and I was loving it. Seeing the smug look on my face Edward laughed.
"Maybe you should go and get dressed now, love" excitement still scorching in his eyes.
"As you wish" I replied reluctantly, and dragged myself around the room picking out a pair of jeans and nice t-shirt and heading to the bathroom to go and get ready. But as I went to go through the door I felt a sharp pang in my heart and thought that if I left now Edward might disappear. I turned to look at him, he could see the hurt on my face.
"Don't worry Bella, I will be here when you come back" he said to me sweetly.
I know how absurd I was being but I couldn't help it, but at the assurance of his words I quickly walked over to him, gave him a quick kiss and ran to the bathroom. The sooner I was showered and dressed the sooner I could get back to Edward.
I was finished within half an hour and I practically ran to my room to see the God like creature sitting on my bed, waiting for me.
"You took too long for my liking Miss Swan" Edward said to me innocently and walked over to me with his vampire speed and pulled me up into his arms and started to kiss me again. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and let out a small giggle between our lips.
"Before this goes too far Edward," as I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself if he kept on kissing me like this, "I think we should go and see your family, I have missed them so much" I continued to say.
Edward reluctantly put me back on my feet and kissed me on my forehead "They have missed you as well Bella, Alice wanted to come with me today she's that excited about seeing you again after all this time" he started to laugh "I had to practically beat her off with a stick to keep her away" I started to laugh with him, even though I had missed Alice a great deal, I'm glad Edward came on his own as I wouldn't of liked an audience for our reconciliation.
Now that I was ready to leave Edward and I headed down the stairs as the phone started to ring, I could hear Charlie moving around in the kitchen and knew that he was going to get it, so I carried on walking towards the door.
"What's wrong Jacob?" I heard Charlie say from the phone, I stood frozen in the hallway as I carried on listening to his side of the conversation. "No Jacob Bella's fine, she's just had an unexpected visitor." I could hear the smug smile running through his voice as he was about to tell Jacob that Edward was back, knowing that Jacob would disapprove as much as Charlie did.
"Bella what's wrong?" Edward whispered in my ear, worry seeping through is voice. But I didn't have time to answer as I quickly ran towards the kitchen when I heard Charlie telling Jacob that it would be alright to come over for a little bit. I grabbed the phone from his hand and gave him an evil glare, but he just simple smiled down at me and told me that he was off fishing with Billy and to be good.
I listened for the door to shut before I held the phone up to my ear, but to my horror Jacob had already hung up and was most likely headed this way and in his wolf form. So as avoid a confrontation with Jake, that would most likely be here in about another two minutes I grabbed Edward's hand and practically ran down the hallway and out my door. Luckily it had darkened a great deal whilst everything was going on this morning so Edward could come outside with me without worrying someone seeing his glittering form. Charlie must not of noticed that Edward didn't have his car outside through the anger from Edward's return but I pushed that through my mind as the panic swept over me at predicting what will happen if we didn't get to Edward's house now.
"Bella what's going?" Edward asked.
"Oh nothing Edward I just really want to see your family" I tried to convince him but he knew I was lying.
I pulled him towards the forest trying desperately to get away from here as quick as possible, but Edward stopped me by pulling my hand. I looked around to see that we were way off of the path and that the houses and roads where out of sight. I internally relaxed a little knowing that if anything did happen then no one would see anything.
"Bella, you're lying to me, what has got you in such a panic, what has it got to do with Jac…?" But to my horror he was cut off by a loud growl coming from behind him. Edward turned around in vampire speed that my weak human senses didn't realize until he was staring at Jacob with the most murderous glare on his face.
Jacob was standing their just in his cut off shorts, his feet and chest were bare, my eyes rested on his chest watching it heave up and down through his anger and his arms were shaking by his sides. My eyes finally rested on his face and I internally cringed at the hate on his face . "Jake… calm down" I tried to soothe him with my words and step towards him, but Edward stepped in front of me, blocking me away from Jake and taking a protective stance.
"YOU RECKLESS MUTT! HOW COULD YOU BE ANYWHERE NEAR HER? YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T CONTROL YOURSELF!"
"I would never hurt Bella, and she knows that" Jake returned in whisper, but it felt as loud as Edward's shout. Edward winced at the double meaning in Jake's words but stood his ground.
"Truth hurts doesn't it leech" Jake continued when he saw Edward's reaction.
I glared at Jacob as I put my hand on Edward's shoulder trying to reassure and comfort him, but he didn't relax under my touch. "Edward it's okay." But he didn't move.
"What are you doing back here anyway," Jacob took a deep breath before he continued "haven't you done enough damage?" I was the one that flinched at that thought and it didn't go unnoticed, Jacob looked into my eyes quickly before looking back at Edward, Edward reached up to touch my hand, that was still rested on his shoulder, with the lightest touch to reassure me that that would never happen again. I slightly relaxed under his touch but it was hard to do fully with him so tense in front of me.
Edward began to speak in a whisper, I had to lean in to hear it but I'm sure Jacob could hear it clearly "How could you be anywhere near Bella without her knowing the facts, knowing what you are…?"
Jacob started to laugh at Edward's words "Do you find Bella's life funny dog? Do you find it funny to let her be near you without knowing that at any moment you could lose your temper and take it out on her so quickly…?" But Jacob cut him off with a deep and loud growl.
I slowly registered that I was just standing there like an idiot as they both got more and more angry, Edward misunderstanding thinking that I didn't know what Jake was. So I decided that I needed to do something before things seriously got out of hand.
"Edward it's okay I know everything about Jake, I know that he is a…" But I couldn't finish that sentence as Edward whipped his head around to look at me with the murderous glare still in his face and I flinched away from him. I knew that he would never hurt me, but it still hurt to see him look at me like that. At noticing my flinch he relaxed a little with an shocked look on his face which then turned an apologetic look and reached to touch my face, but Jacob took a long stride towards us as he saw me flinch from Edward.
So... Good?? Not too bad?? Quit while your ahead?? Let me know :D