Tale One - These Days
by: Akiko, Keeper of Sheep
Donnie glared down at the offending appliance.
It wasn't it's fault, really. It couldn't help being the one thing in the whole lair that none of his family members or friends knew how to operate properly. In fact, the poor thing did its level best to be a simple, nearly foolproof appliance that a toddler could operate.
So why, WHY, in the name of Stephen Hawking and all that was right in the universe, did no one know how to operate a toaster!?
Pushing the poor, blackened kitchen aide to one side, Donnie pulled out a piece of blank graph paper. He would show them. Oh, yes. He would make very, VERY certain that none of them would ever break his toaster again.
Mikey eyed the shiny black...THING with some trepidation.
Innocent-looking lights blinked back.
"I call it the Toastinator 2.0," Donnie said cheerfully, buffing out a smudge with fatherly pride.
"Ah, quick question, Don," Leo began, standing in a recognizably defensive position.
Donnie looked up, all guileless eyes and twinkling grin. "Yes, my dear older brother who apparently can't manage to brown bread without causing an international incident?"
There was a pause during which Mikey turned a snicker into an unconvincing cough, Splinter's whiskers twitched suspiciously, and Raph didn't bother to hide his smug grin. Leo winced.
"Ah, yeah. Is the toaster supposed to have an automated laser attached?"
"Why, yes, my culinarily-inept sibling," Donnie answered, still affecting a bland manner that made his family distinctly nervous. The purple-clad turtle gestured to the toaster. "It is, in fact, one of my favorite features."
Raph gazed at the toaster, feeling much more uneasy than was normal for him.
The gleaming appliance was constructed of black metal, and was about twice the size of a normal toaster. There were four slots on the side, with big red arrows that pointed to them, and LED-lit words stating that 'Bread Goes Here'. On one side was a little lever that helped insert the toast, like on a normal toaster. On the other was a small laser gun mounted on a swivelling arm. A surveillance camera peered over the back of the toaster, and beside it was a sign printed on a steel plate with the following missive:
'Toastinator 2.0 Instructions:
-Toast is to be inserted in designated slots.
-Lever is pulled once, firmly.
-Lever is never pulled backwards.
-Weapons are never inserted into any part of the Toastinator 2.0
-The Toastinator 2.0 is never inserted into water, the oven, the freezer, or any part of the walls or ceiling, intentionally or otherwise.
-Items that may be placed in the Toastinator 2.0 INCLUDE:
*Those food items whose names include the word 'Toaster'
-Failure to follow these rules will result in activating the Toaster Defense System.
-Any and all injuries that are incurred as a result of Toastinator 2.0 misuse are the responsibility of the transgressor; the Toastinator 2.0 and its inventor are in no way liable.
-Further questions and comments should be forwarded to the inventor of the Toastinator 2.0, and may or may not be answered.
Have A Nice Day :)'
Raising his hand tentatively, Mikey gulped. "Hey, Don? Why are the little slot thingies on the side?"
"Ah, I'm glad you asked." Don's smile involved far more teeth than seemed necessary. He pointed at the slots triumphantly. "You see, in addition to the laser and an electrical shock courtesy of a few hidden nodes, should anyone misuse the Toastinator 2.0 in a way that causes smoke, combustion, or any damage to said appliance, hidden springs in the slots will eject the flaming remains of the foodstuffs into your face."
There was a moment of silence before Mikey giggled nervously. "You're kidding, right?"
Don's grin grew by a few dozen gleaming teeth. "Have fun with lunch, guys."
As his lab door shut behind him, three turtles and an elderly rat eyed the newest addition to the kitchen with no small amount of fear.
The camera light winked back.
"So," Mikey said in a chipper voice, "Who's up for corn flakes?"
In the depths of his lab, Donnie held up the devestated corpse of the tv remote and grinned.
A/N - This is the first in a series of one-shots depicting scenes from everyday life. There will be at least one dedicated to each turtle, plus Splinter, April, and Casey. I may even throw in one from Shredder's perspective. Who knows?
This is a kind of overdone plot, wherein Donnie gets tired of repairing the toaster, because dangit, it's always the toaster. Still, I love the idea, and I so have to draw this.
Anyone who can guess what the name Toastinator 2.0 is in honor of gets a Virtual Cookie and a hug.
Anyway, more to come.
Review, review, review! It does a body good!