A/N: Hello! Did you miss me? I hope you all haven't given up on me. I've finally finished this chapter! It's supposed to maybe have a little humor, but I don't think it really does. I'm not that great at writing humor. Sorry about that.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.
Disclaimer: I only own my OCs.
I had quite finished sobbing by the time the sun was setting. Legolas and Gimli had left me alone at my request and I was now walking along the Deeping Wall watching the sun set over the mountains. It was so beautiful here. Why would Saruman-never mind. I knew the answer to that.
Why am I suddenly worried about everything? And where was my Zoloft?
I stopped walking, staring directly at the mountain top in front of me. The last golden rays of the setting sun never registered in my brain. That's why. I guess I forgot to mention that I have extreme anxiety and panic attacks. It had been months since I last taken my medication. Why hadn't the symptoms increased since then? Or shown up till now?
I slowly walked backwards until my back hit the wall and slid down into a sitting position with my knees pulled up to my chest.
This isn't good, I thought to myself. How could I have forgotten about this and my medications? How am I supposed to cope now? Now I won't be able to control my thoughts or anything and I'm going to get panic attacks and freeze up during a battle and I won't be able to move and I'll get hurt and die and then Legolas would die or he would die trying to save me and fix me and-
"Elevain?" Legolas appeared at the end of the wall and once he spotted me, ran to my side. "Elevain what's going on?"
I was breathing hard, my heart was racing, and I wasn't thinking right. Well, guess I know when my next panic attack is coming. Crap. I tried to tell him. I couldn't speak.
"Elevain please… tell me what's wrong!"
I'm having a panic attack dang it! I can't breathe!
"A panic attack?" his voice was incredulous. "Elevain what do you need?"
My vision was getting hazy from lack of air because I wasn't breathing right. Zoloft, I thought. Why did I have to be sent here without my medications? My vision finally went out and I lost consciousness.
When I regained consciousness, I was laying on a cot in the back of the makeshift infirmary, craving chocolate. Gimli was passed out snoring in the corner and Legolas was pacing at my bedside. I groaned at the pain in my back and sat up to stretch. Legolas was kneeling at my side instantly.
"Thank goodness you're awake." He gently stroked my hair and cheek. "Are you feeling better now? You looked as though you were about to die…"
I looked over at him and saw the relief in his eyes pushing out the edged panic. "I'm sorry, it's just that… I have a problem… and it's really big." I felt like I was about to cry. I changed the subject with a sniff. I wasn't ready to let him know where I was from. Not yet. "What time is it?"
"Nearly midnight. You gave me such a fright. When I told Gimli he nearly had a panic attack himself. You should not scare us like that. Why have you never told us you had this problem?"
"I um… I guess I forgot." I turned away from him. Do they even have chocolate here? Or ice cream? Ice cream started to sound really good.
"Elevain how could you forget something like this? This could end up being the death of you!"
I whipped my head around. "You think I don't know that? I know I could die! I'm sorry when I got here I was a little surprised about everything and wondering what the Hades was going on to remember that I had extreme anxiety! Everything happened so fast I had no time to think." I sighed pinched the bridge of my nose. "I guess it's not really too extreme, but it was bad enough I would have to take medications every so often, usually two or three times a month just to avoid the symptoms." I leaned back onto the bed and tried not to cry. What is it with me and crying now?
Gimli let out a particularly loud snore that sounded like a strangled cough and nearly fell off the chair he was on. He jolted awake, nearly yelling, and wielded his axe in a very menacing manner. His thick, curly red hair was disheveled and knotted, and his hazel eyes had a wild look in them before he realized that nothing was wrong and no one was in danger. "Oh… sorry," he grumbled and set his axe against the wall. "Ah lassie! You're awake!"
"Yes, I am. I thank you for your concern."
"Lassie, next time you decide to have one of your… panic attacks, let us know beforehand so that we don't have one ourselves." The dwarf gently patted my shoulder.
"It's not like I plan on having them, they come up on me unexpectedly. It's terrifying. I can't breathe and I get this mindset of catastrophic thinking, and I can't stop. Sometimes I start shaking and getting convulsions, other times I scream uncontrollably. It's hard to keep a relationship when you have problems like that." I ran my fingers through my hair and sat up again, pulling my knees up to my chest.
I wanted to sleep, and at the same time I really wanted a half gallon of ice cream and bucket loads of chocolate. A dull ache suddenly manifested at the bottom of my back, above my tail bone. Weird, I thought. That only happens when- and then I knew. All at once why I wanted to cry so much, why I wanted so much junk food, why back hurt. I groaned in frustration and laid back down, turned onto my stomach, and pulled the itchy blanket over my head. This could not get any worse.
"Elevain are you ill?"
"What," I mumbled from the corner of my mouth that wasn't smashed into the lumpy straw pillow.
"The blood suddenly seemed to leave your face and you sounded as if you were going to be sick. Although you cannot possibly be ill, the elvin race cannot succumb to the ails of mortals."
That's what you think, I rolled my eyes. It was a wonder he didn't hear me. "I just need sleep." My head levitated a few inches above the pillow, my words muffled slightly by the blanket. "And I'm sorry in advance if tomorrow I'm fine and suddenly get angry." With that, I let my head fall and went back to sleep. Mother Nature truly does love to come at the worst times to give out her monthly gift.
The next day, just before noon, Eowyn found me sitting in a secluded corner, with my knees drawn up to my chest. My back pain had worsened, and I was beginning to get cramps. It hurt immensely.
"Lady Elevain, are you alright?" she knelt in front of me, her pale blue eyes looking me over with worry. "Lord Legolas said he thought you were ill and told me where I could find you."
I looked at her with a forced smile. "I'm fine. I promise." My voice cracked a bit and I winced as another cramp made itself known.
Her eyes flicked back and forth as she looked into mine and a small knowing look seemed to creep across her face. "Come with me." The Rohan woman pulled me to my feet and led me to the place where she had slept. From the saddlebags she had packed she pulled out a small leather pouch and placed it in my hands. "This will help." She then left me alone as I held the pouch and my cramping stomach.
I hesitantly opened the pouch and looked inside. I started laughing, partly because of what was inside, and partly because I had absolutely no clue how she would have gotten her hands on such items. I looked again and smiled.
Inside the pouch were marshmallows-not the kind you eat, the feminine product marshmallows. There were also small tablets that were most likely midol or something akin to it.
How in middle earth did she get these? For now I couldn't contemplate the question as I was too excited to have something that would be so very useful to my predicament. I silently thanked Eowyn, took what I needed and left.
Life suddenly didn't look so bad.