You asked for it...the epilogue! Here it is!
I don't own Harry Potter, Disney, or Solar Woods.
Albus Dumbledore's Floo flared luminescent green as Severus Snape gracefully stepped out of the fireplace, looking irked. Dumbledore beamed at his faithful spy. "Welcome back, Severus! How was the trip?"
The Headmaster's irritating cheeriness just served to vex Severus further. "It was a disaster, Albus! There was those horrid rides, Bellatrix was a moronic stalker, Draco acted too feminine, and Voldemort was just a total nightmare! Then those costumed characters obliterated the Death Eaters, and Wormtail never shut up!"
Dumbledore just beamed even more at Severus, amused by it all. "Severus, you've been through worse."
"Worse? Nothing is worse than that! I had to ride It's a Small World twenty-six times with Wormtail and Lucius, with Lucius braiding his hair the whole time and Wormtail singing along to the music!"
"I'm not even at the worst part yet, Albus! Then those two blasted psychopaths tell me that I'm a fictional character!"
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "In what series, Severus?"
Severus was fuming. How could the old man not understand? "Apparently there is a series named for Harry bloody Potter and his dunderheaded adventures! And apparently...Albus, how did you know it was a series?"
Dumbledore beamed again, which bothered Severus to no end. "I read the series of course!"
Severus groaned in realization. So that was why the old coot seemed omniscient! Before Severus could reply, a tapping on the window intervened. "Albus, there's an owl outside."
Opening the window, Dumbledore retrieved a large barn owl. The owl looked battered, as if it had flown across an ocean to reach Hogwarts. As Severus peered into its eyes, he also noted its apparent fatigue. Once Dumbledore plucked the letter off its leg, the owl collapsed onto the floor.
"It's for you," said Dumbledore as he handed Severus the letter.
Puzzled, Severus opened the letter. As he perused it, his expression grew more and more exasperated, until he finally finished and thrust the letter onto Dumbledore's desk.
Dear Severus Snape/The Potions Master/The Half-Blood Prince/Princess Cuddles McFluffigan,
Before you go on, please consider changing your name to that last moniker. It's quite fitting!
First of all, we would like to say that no one other than Ali and your Dung Eaters were injured during the Disney World Incident. That's what we've been calling it, anyways. We managed to send you this owl! Solar had to wrestle it from a tree and tie this letter to its leg. If this reaches you, then owls are pretty darn brilliant. But we already knew that.
If you have any questions involving Voldemort's Horcruxes, the Deathly Hallows, or the HP series, send us an owl! We'll be watching...
Oh yeah, if Nagini attacks, run like heck! But you already knew that, didn't you?
Your royal pains in the butt,
Ali and Solar
P.S. Ali still has some head trauma issues. She was the one who wrote the Cuddles McFluffigan thing.
Actually, it was Solar. My head is fine now.
Ali, your head has never been fine! It's gigantic!
I can't shut up, I've never been talking! This is a written message, duh! You're so stupid sometimes!
Obviously! It's your job to be the genius, not mine! You're the Ravenclaw, while I'm the Gryffindor. Besides, I didn't see you baiting a basilisk.
Oh, that's it!
At that point in the letter, several scribbles were etched on the paper, as if Ali and Solar had been fighting.
Though Severus could see the benefits of having two Americans supplying him with information, he wasn't sure if he could deal with their idiocy.
Harry plopped down at the Gryffindor table, up bright and early. He had been having horrible dreams lately, all involving Voldemort at some brightly colored theme park with his Death Eaters. Two teenage girls had been there as well, always acting annoying and hyper. Harry smiled. In his nightmares, Draco was a priss, Bellatrix stalked Voldemort, Wormtail was a pain, and Snape hated them all. It was quite hilarious.
Glancing over at the Slytherin table, he noticed none of them were up yet. However, one bulging book was perched atop the table. Quickly Harry summed up the situation. o one else was up yet, not even the teachers, and there was a random, suspicious-looking book on the Slytherin table. If it was a book on the Dark Arts, then Harry would be saving many lives by confiscating it! Grinning, he tiptoed over to the Slytherin table and swiped the book. As he sat down at the Gryffindor table, he snickered and opened the book- and gaped at its contents.
These were pictures of his nightmares. In one photo, Voldemort, Draco, and Wormtail were posing and waving next to costumed characters, while others portrayed the Death Eaters on a log ride. Voldemort was clinging to Bellatrix, his restraints gone, Wormtail was peeing his pants and shrieking like a girl as his face was splattered repeatedly with water, and Snape kept rolling his eyes. In fact, they were all acting quite natural to Harry.
He flipped through the pages in disbelief. How was this possible? Perhaps Draco's mother had carried a camera and took pictures the whole time? It seemed to be the most likely scenario. His nightmares had really been visions! Wait until he told Ron and Hermione!
That's the end...How sad. It sure took longer than I thought! Anyways, I'm going to publish two stories coming up. One will be a fic where Harry and Snape switch bodies, and another will be a Star Trek fic (I don't own Star Trek) where Spock is the only "normal" one on the Enterprise, which causes him to argue with everyone else.
Thank you for the reviews! And thanks to XxRandom NemesisxX, who gave me a few ideas along the way and also created Solar Woods!