Running for Home
Chapter 13: "Sin With Me"
"Edward," I whisper. "Hey." We are in the same position we fell asleep in—side-by-side with Edward's head tucked under my chin and his right leg flung over me. The only difference is that his hand has somehow made its way up the leg of my shorts and is cupping my butt. Edward's steady breathing indicates he is still sleeping. "Wake up, sleepy head." He groans in displeasure and pulls my body closer. "Come on. It's time to get up."
"I don't want to," he mumbles. It takes me by surprise when he kisses the center of my chest and I gasp. Edward pulls his head back and studies me intently for a moment. He smiles shyly and lays his head back down before placing more kisses on my throat. The heat creeps into my cheeks when I realize Edward is actually kissing me. My heart pumps furiously, and my stomach feels as though it's filled with butterflies. He stops too soon, but I can still feel the warmth left behind by his soft lips and the phantom tingling from his facial hair. He removes his hand from my shorts and wraps his arm around my waist, whispering something that sounds like, "I'm so tired, Bella."
"We should get up. It's almost check-out time."
"Just a few more minutes," he whines. "I want to stay like this for a few more minutes."
I don't want to get out of bed either, but since I still need to shower and shave my legs, a few minutes is all he's getting. The time passes quickly as I run my fingers through his silky locks. I want to touch more of him, but in this position his head is the only thing I can reach without contorting my arm. Just as I'm about to remind him of the time, he swallows audibly and says, "I'm sorry if you didn't want to share a bed last night. I didn't mean to invade your space."
"I did." I feel my face flush at the admission. "I wanted to share a bed with you."
Edward presses his lips to my neck one more time. "Then why were you sleeping in this one?"
"You put Eddie on the other bed so I assumed it was mine. I—I thought you were sleeping here."
"Bella," he sighs as he holds me tighter. "I put our bags on this bed with the intentions of sleeping over there. When I saw you here…. Talk to me next time, okay?"
"I was going to ask you. I guess I didn't realize how tired I was. I didn't mean to fall asleep."
"Can we just agree to share a bed from now on, please?"
Edward sits up and kisses my shoulder before extracting himself from my arms to roll off of the bed.
Edward gets in the car but doesn't start it. He vigorously rubs his eyes with the palms of his hands. "You look exhausted," I tell him. "Did you sleep well last night?"
He pulls his hands away from his face. The area around his eyes is red and blotchy from the pressure. "I am exhausted. I really didn't sleep at all. Not until I got in bed with you," he admits as he looks at me uncertainly. I reach out and his eyes flutter shut as I rub my thumb over one of the dark circles underneath. He visibly relaxes and leans against the headrest. In the nine days we've been together, he's never looked this worn down.
"I can drive," I offer.
Edward slowly opens his eyes. "Do you mind?" he asks sleepily.
"Not at all." I move my hand lower and cup his cheek. He closes his eyes again as I run my thumb along his cheekbone. The skin there is so soft—such a contrast from the roughness of his beard. My fingertips trace the line where the outgrowth starts. Edward's lips part slightly as I drag my fingers through the stubble on his cheek, his jaw, his neck. I press my hand flat and trail it down his chest. He is so still that I wonder if he fell asleep.
Edward rouses with a start. "Hmm? Oh." He fumbles around, trying to insert the key in the ignition, before climbing out of the car. There's plenty of room for me to slide across the center console and into the driver's seat. I turn the key and adjust the seat and mirrors while Edward circles the car and gets in next to me. "Thank you."
"No problem," I assure him. "Are you sure you'll be okay sitting there while I drive the Yuppiemobile?"
"I'll survive," he says jokingly as his lips curl into a smirk.
"I'm serious, Gramps. If I see you over there using the 'passenger brake,' I'm gonna make you sit in the back seat."
"Oh, no," Edward intones. "Please don't make me sit in the back while you chauffer me around." I swing at him playfully, but he is quicker than I am and snatches my hand. Bringing it up to his face, he sweeps his nose back and forth across my knuckles before placing a quick, gentle kiss there. The butterflies return to the pit of my stomach, and I smile like an idiot. "On second thought," Edward places my hand on the steering wheel, "you should probably use both of these."
"Ha, ha, Edward," I deadpan as I pull the car onto the road.
"It's a good thing I bought this Yuppiemobile." He says the word as though it pains him. "You probably wouldn't have been able to drive my last car."
"Why do you say that?"
"It was a stick," he says matter-of-factly.
"Hey! I know how to drive a manual," I say sharply.
"Seriously?" His voice is filled with surprise. "That's really fucking sexy."
I blush at the thought of Edward finding anything about me sexy. I risk a quick glance at him. His smile makes me weak in the knees. It's a good thing I'm driving because I need an excuse to look away from his hypnotizing stare. "What kind of car was it?"
"An Audi TTS Roadster—265 horsepower, convertible, two-seater. I would have loved to see you behind the wheel of that car." His voice is animated as he talks about it.
"Sounds cute. What color was it?"
"Cute," he repeats in disbelief. "Cute is hardly the word I would use to describe it." He laughs. "And it was red."
"I'm sure it was a nice car." I don't know much about cars, but it does sound pretty kick-ass. "If you liked it so much why'd you get rid of it?"
Edward's smile falters. "It wasn't as… practical as this one." He gives a small shrug. It definitely sounds like there's more to the story. My mind conjures up images of Jane, and I wonder if she somehow influenced his decision. I briefly entertain the idea of asking him, but because of the change in his demeanor, I don't press for more information.
The car falls silent, and it's not long before Edward is sleeping. My mind starts to wander back to this morning—Edward holding me close, his lips on my neck, his hand lightly squeezing my bottom. It felt good but it was all so innocent. I wonder if he was holding back or if he wasn't interested in going further. I want that feeling back from Couchgate. I want to know I turn him on. I want to experience the tingling between my legs again as he pushes himself against me. Most of all, I want to feel his lips against mine.
I'm nervous about where our physical relationship is headed. I'm not naïve. Guys are interested in sex. I don't have much experience in that field, but I know it's pleasurable for them. I want Edward to have that pleasure, and I know, without a doubt, that I would give myself to him without a second thought.
"Gather some courage and seduce him!" Alice's voice rings in my head.
The problem is that I'm not sure if he's interested in me in that way. Other than when we were drinking and this morning, he hasn't made any moves on me. It always seems like he's flirting, but then he stops like there's some invisible line that he refuses to cross. It's like he wants to be close to me but doesn't want to be close to me.
I really want to go with Edward when he meets his dad for the first time, but I'm not sure whether or not he wants me there. I worry that I pressured him into going to Seattle before he was ready. He wants me along for the ride, but I don't know if he actually wants me present when the initial meeting unfolds. Yesterday, in the car, I intended on asking him in plain English if he wanted me to go with him to his dad's. I wanted to give him an out if he wasn't comfortable with my presence. Instead, I got nervous and word-vomited all over the place, and before I knew it, I was offering to stay with Charlie. Of course Edward didn't state his opinion, only giving a cryptic, "Whatever you think is best."
What do I think is best?
If things work out between Edward and his dad—and I honestly hope they do—they will probably spend some time getting to know one another. Will I be the third wheel if I'm there? It would be unfair to intrude on their time together. Seattle is only a few hours away from Forks, though, so if he went by himself it's not like we'd be terribly far apart if he needed me.
I would feel guilty pulling Edward away from his dad if all goes well, so it's probably a good idea to visit Charlie first. I want to see Charlie, but I don't necessarily want to stay with him, mostly because there's a better chance of Hell freezing over than him allowing Edward to spend the night. However, that means showing up on his doorstep with a man I basically ran away with, who is much older than I've led my dad to believe, only to run off with him again. I don't think he'll be pleased by the circumstances, and I don't want him to think I'm rubbing my relationship—if it can be called that—with Edward into his face. I'm also positive Edward would be less than thrilled by the prospect of having to find somewhere else to stay. He has already expressed displeasure of dealing with my "parental bullshit" once. Even though he was angry at the time and apologized for it later, it's still in the forefront of my mind.
Frankly, I'm worried about Edward meeting my dad, especially if we go there first. I get the feeling Edward doesn't deal with things very well, and I don't want my dad to say or do anything that will cause him to lose his confidence before having to find his own father. Maybe if I can spend some time alone with Charlie, I can butter him up a bit before he meets Edward.
Staying with Charlie for a few days might work best after all. That way I can talk some sense into him while Edward spends some quality time with his dad, and when Edward is ready, he can come back to me.
Of course, if Edward asks me to go to Seattle with him, I'll be there with bells on. All he has to do is ask.
Edward takes over driving halfway through the afternoon. We stop at a motel in Bismarck for the night.
In the bathroom, I change into my pajamas. The shorts bring back memories of this morning when Edward's hand was on me. I start to pull the robe on but decide against wearing it. It falls to the floor in a heap, but I'm too nervous to bother picking it up. Taking a deep breath, I open the door and step out of the bathroom.
Edward glances at me from the bed. I watch as his wide eyes scan my body. After making a couple of passes over me, his eyes meet mine and he smiles shyly. He turns off the television as I crawl into bed and the room is encased in darkness. Edward slides his arm around my shoulders as I lie down. My heart pounds furiously.
In a moment of extreme courage, I lean toward him, find his face with my hand, and gently touch my lips to his. Edward is completely unresponsive, save for his sharp intake of breath and the hardening of his lips. I pull away quickly, trying to brush off his rejection. I wish I could see his face, but in the darkness of the room I can barely make out his form.
I should have known better. I should have known he didn't want me like this. If he did, he would have kissed me already. He would have kissed me during Couchgate or when we went to dinner in Chicago or one of the nights we spent in his bed together. I hope it's not me. Maybe Edward just isn't a kisser.
My worries cut off abruptly as he sits up and presses his lips onto mine. I gasp in surprise as he gently pushes me onto my back and situates himself between my legs. His movements are slow and deliberate while his lips never break contact.
I may have been the instigator of the first kiss, but now, I relinquish control to Edward. After placing multiple closed-mouth kisses on me, he delicately sucks on my bottom lip. His tongue traces along it slowly before he releases it and repeats the gesture on the top, this time sliding his tongue along the inside. I'm fairly confident I would be happy with kissing Edward all night long. What he's doing right now isn't even kissing; it's a form of art. If I had known kissing him would be this good I would have initiated it a long time ago. He is so gentle—not aggressively plunging his tongue in my mouth, not slobbering, not clinking our teeth together. It's sensual and I never thought a simple kiss could turn me on so much. It makes me want more.
Edward runs his tongue lightly between my lips before deepening the kiss. I feel him shift his weight onto one of his arms and his hand comes up to my face. His fingers lightly trace my cheek and jaw. I snake my arms around him and slowly rub up and down his back. He sits up quickly, and I hear the rustling of fabric. He is shirtless when he returns to me. As I run my fingertips along his warm skin, he shivers and chuckles into my mouth.
Edward is ticklish. Good to remember.
I press my hands against him firmly, feeling the way the muscles of his back flex from supporting the weight of his upper body. Wanting more of his weight on me, I hug him tightly. He concedes to my nonverbal request. His hand falls away from my face, and he lies down on me with his elbows propped on either side of my head.
When his body shifts, I feel something hard press against my thigh. Feeling bold, I push my hips into him. Edward moans quietly into my mouth. I do it again, and he pushes back against me slightly. Craving more friction, I slide my hands down and push on his backside in encouragement. Edward breaks the kiss and groans loudly as he thrusts against me roughly.
Placing warm, wet kisses down my neck, Edward follows the curve of my collar bone to the center of my chest. He continues to kiss lower, over the neckline of my tank top, stopping when his lips are centered between by breasts. He slowly moves to the side until he reaches my nipple. When he does, he wraps his lips around the fabric covering it. My nipples harden in response to the attention. There is a tingling between my legs, and I can feel the wetness forming there. Edward makes his way to my other nipple, this time taking it in his teeth and tugging gently. It feels better than anything I've experienced, and in this moment, I know I will give myself to him in whatever way he wants me.
Edward slides down my body and his lips meet the skin right above the waistline of my shorts. He slowly kisses up my abdomen, sliding my tank top up as he continues upward. He uncovers one of my breasts and brushes his lips and nose against it a few times before sucking my nipple into his mouth. His tongue is hot and the way he swirls it around me causes a gasp to escape. He moans and the vibrations send a shiver through my body. He kisses a line across my chest and uncovers my other breast. This time he flicks his tongue out and teases me before biting down lightly.
"Mmm," I moan. Edward palms the breast he's not currently working over with his mouth, exploring playfully with feather light touches. "Edward," I whimper.
Before I can take another breath he is tugging off my shirt. The second it is over my head his mouth is back on mine. He trails his right hand down my body and slips it inside my shorts. He pauses, but when I don't object, he lightly runs his fingertips between my legs. My breath catches when he grazes my clit. Edward removes his lips from mine and rests his head against my neck.
"Do you want me to stop?" he asks as he presses his fingers against me harder.
"No," I breathe.
"Good." He slips a finger under the side of my underwear and I can tell how wet I am by the way he slides it against me. "Oh, fuck," he groans.
Now that he knows how aroused I am, he'll want to have sex. The thought both excites and terrifies me. I hope he'll like being with me and not be disappointed.
"Tell me if you want to stop, okay?" he whispers as he sits up and begins to slide my remaining clothing off. I take a deep breath. Is this it? I wonder if he has a condom. Hopefully he's gentle.
Edward lies down alongside me. He plants kisses on my neck and shoulder and places his hand between my legs again, slowly caressing and exploring my body. I quiver under his touch and attempt to relax so I can fully enjoy the pleasure he's giving me. He'll most likely stop soon, but I'm too anxious about having sex with him for the first time to care.
"Tell me what you like," he whispers in my ear.
"Wh- what?" His question catches me off guard.
"What do you like?" he repeats.
"I don't know," I say timidly. "Anything?"
"Anything?" he asks suggestively. "Come on, Bella. Don't be shy. How do you like to get off?"
He wants to get me off? "I… I don't know. I've never…"
Edward's head springs up from my shoulder and his body goes rigid. "You've never?" he asks in alarm. "Bella, are you—"
"No! No," I answer quickly and his body relaxes immediately. "I've never… had… um," I stammer.
"An orgasm?" he asks. I shake my head. "Never?" The amusement is apparent in his voice. It's silly, but I'm too embarrassed to answer verbally. "Well," he says before kissing me quickly and continuing, "you won't be able to say that after tonight."
"Oh, you don't have to," I insist. It's better if we just have sex and not worry about it. I don't want him to put in the effort just to be disappointed when it doesn't happen. The last thing I want is for him to be frustrated with himself or me.
"What if I want to?" he challenges.
"It doesn't matter. I can't," I tell him. "I think there's something wrong with me."
My admission is met with silence. Edward rolls on top of me, and I mentally prepare for what's coming next. I expect him to pull his shorts off so we can have sex, but instead he stretches his body over me more and turns on the lamp. Even though it's dim, I squint from the sudden change in brightness. When I peek at Edward, he is looking at me with a worried expression on his face.
"Why would you say that?" he asks softly. I shrug, not in the mood to talk about something that was an ongoing frustration in my prior relationship—something I couldn't help. "Did someone tell you that?" he asks in disbelief. I look away from him, not wanting to say yes, but giving away the answer with my reaction. "Bella, there's nothing wrong with you, I promise." He places a tender kiss on my lips. "It's not your fault if the man you're with doesn't take the time to learn your body. I'd like to try, please?" Edward smiles at me suggestively and I blush. "No pressure, okay? If it doesn't happen tonight we'll try again." I nod, granting him permission. His smile widens. "Close your eyes," he whispers, "and relax."
I do as he says, and we resume the position we were in before with him lying next to me. His fingers gently circle my clit. He slowly adds pressure and increases his speed. It takes a while but eventually my body is writhing from his touch and my breathing quickens. Edward pauses to slip a finger inside me, followed immediately by a second. He begins massaging me with his thumb while he pumps in and out. I moan quietly as he sucks one of my nipples into his mouth roughly. The stimulation borders on overwhelming. There is an unfamiliar feeling of tension building in my abdomen. A tingling sensation starts to form where Edward is touching me. It begins to feel hot, like it's burning. It borders on uncomfortable, but at the same time, feels incredible.
Before I fully understand what's happening, the heat spreads throughout my body and a strong wave of pleasure rushes over me. My legs shake and I can feel my body pulsing around Edward's fingers. I realize I've been moaning for the duration of my climax. At some point I must have sat up and opened my eyes, because I'm propped up on my elbows with my eyes glued to Edward's hand between my legs as I ride out the end of my first orgasm. Exhaling heavily, I slump back onto the bed. My muscles feel like Jell-O, and I am completely relaxed. "That was amazing," I whimper.
"That was sexy as fuck," Edward replies in a strained voice as he hovers over me.
With the light on, I notice the bulge in his shorts. I want him to have a release as well, but I am feeling shy about touching him. I timidly trace my finger up his length and am rewarded when he shudders. I do it again, this time with my entire hand.
He moans into my ear.
Pushing my uncertainty aside, I dip my fingers into his waistband and run them across his abdomen. I don't expect my fingers to brush his erection, but they do, earning me another moan of encouragement. I bravely work my hand inside his boxers and wrap my fingers around him before sliding my fist slowly up and down his length. I pause uncertainly.
"Please," he begs in a whisper.
I continue to stroke him as he pushes his clothing past his hips to fully free himself. It would be a lie to say I'm not intimidated by Edward's size. He's larger than what I'm used to, but I don't think that's a bad thing. Edward thrusts himself into my hand, setting the pace. He is panting heavily. His eyes are shut so tightly it looks like he's frowning.
"Fuck, Bella," he moans, dropping his forehead to my chest. He picks up the pace of his thrusting. I imagine what it might feel like if he were pushing into my body instead of my hand. A quiet moan escapes my lips at the thought. Edward's head snaps up, and he looks into my eyes in wonder.
"God, what you do to me," he grunts as he captures my lips in a searing kiss. I can tell he is distracted. After a couple of seconds he gives up on the kiss completely but leaves his mouth pressed against mine.
"Oh, fuck," he breathes. "Tighter." I squeeze my fingers around his cock as tight as I can. He twitches and grows harder in my hand.
"Oh, god… oh, god."
Edward's entire body convulses and his thrusting becomes erratic. I still my hand, letting him take over. I watch his beautiful face as he comes, feeling the warmth splatter across my stomach. I never thought I'd find something like this sexy, but it's a turn on knowing I did this to him, that it's his cum on my body. He bows his head while he catches his breath. A drop of sweat falls onto my chest as he gazes down to where my hand is still wrapped around him. He balances on one elbow and I feel his arm shake from supporting his weight for so long. Edward dips his thumb into one of the puddles on my belly and drags a line through it.
"Let's get you cleaned up," he says before placing a passionate kiss on my lips and pulling me out of the bed. I squeal as my feet abruptly leave the floor. Edward chuckles and places another kiss on my lips before he carries me to the bathroom.