Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, although when I sit in front of your window at night and watch you do things with yourself, I like to think so. And, by things, I mean playing Nintendo 64, because Nintendo Wii sucks.
o_o Go Zelda!
Oh, and, also. I do not own the song The Streak by Ray Stevens, and thank you anonymous reviewer for giving me the idea to use the song. x3
It was icy cold as night fell in the forest, and Sakura was having a hard time finding shelter and dry wood to make a fire. Not to mention the fact that she was still butt-ass naked, and was using leaves as a dress. She had managed to use a bit of water jutsu from a scroll she had in her leg holster to make three small leaves into three large leaves that she layered and wrapped around herself. And we were talking big, amazon leaves, at least three feet long. It was amazing what water jutsus could accomplish in plants. The only downside was the leaves ripped, ever so easily. She couldn't risk laying down with the damned things on, so sleep was out of the question.
The night progressed, and there still was no sign of Lee or Naruto. Sakura had even bothered too find the last place that she had been with them at, even the shreds of her clothing were gone. Perhaps, they had gone back. Sakura figured that it was most likely the case, although it was very un-Naruto and Lee like to leave anyone behind.
She sighed to herself, ever so softly while she stepped along the cracking twigs. The only things that seemed to want to stick onto her body today where her sandals, and even then the god damn straps were fraying and she was worried that the one on her right foot was going to break. It would seem appropriate for the circumstances today. Shoeless and naked in the god damned forest.
Oh wait, sorry.
Almost naked, she still had her socks and leaves.
Echoes from deep inside the woods caught Sakura's attention, perhaps made by animals. It sounded like a large animal was wandering around just half a mile off from her. What Sakura didn't know was, whatever was out there, was definitely not an animal.
She pressed her back against a tree, and flinched as she felt the bark scrape the back of the leaves and make several small rips along the back of her makeshift dress.
"Oh, for fucks sake."
Immediately, the scuffling sounds stopped from afar and Sakura's hand clamped over her stupid, stupid mouth. Of course, the only thing that had been holding together the 'dress' where her stupid hands, and it fell down around her feet, which caused her to reach down for the damn thing in a fit of irritation and start cursing again.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Within seconds, she found herself cornered and pinned against the bark, without her special 'dressings' between whoever the hell had pinned her and her body. A sharp intake of breath was the only time she wasted, before jerking her head up angerly to ask just who the fuck had thrown her back into the tree.
"I'm going to have fucking cuts in my back now, ass hole."
She spoke too soon, and as the last insult sprung from behind her lips she found herself face to face with Deidara himself. He didn't seem phased by her foul language, however, and only looked down between them to her feet where he was stepping upon two, very large leaves.
"Having salad there, Streak?"
She cocked her head, having to take a moment before she understood what he was talking about. The next thing that she understood, though, caused a bigger reaction from the girl.
"Okay, can you, get the fuck off? I'm sort of, Oh..I don't know..naked?"
There was only an amused expression from the blond haired man, and he locked eyes with her for something that felt about ten minutes before actually doing or saying anything.
He stepped away from her, but not far enough that it would give her a chance to escape. He recognized who she was, who could forget? She had killed his Danna, and taught the old pupper master a rather well-learned lesson.
Art doesn't last forever, it's an explosion, bitch.
He smirked down at her unsettled expression, totally in his 'oh fuck I'm awesome because I'm standing over a naked chick' mood, and 'studied' her. He was trying not to look like he was starting at her chest.
He brought his eyes back up to hers, and "yeah"ed before pulling off his cloak and draping it around her shoulders. Being shocked at the rather kind motion, it took her a moment to register that Deidara of the Akatsuki had really just gave her his cloak. It took her another moment to register that he had stared at her for several moments before offering her some coverage.
"You're welcome, yeah."
And then he stepped to the side, just as Sakura was zipping up the cloak to see the same other men who had seen her naked before. Oh, this was just beautiful. She wasn't even given enough time to slap the fuck out of Deidara, yet. Now she had to deal with two other men that apparently wanted a look too.
"Well, then that's a fine bitch. Why aren't you naked, now?"
The silver haired man who had exclaimed "Praise Jashin" into the sky earlier approached, licking his lips and looking her up and down like prey. It was making her ever so much more nervous. She was hugging the cloak closer now, and darting her eyes from left to right, trying to find a way to escape. Only now she was beginning to understand what she had really gotten herself into for the moment. This was bad. Really, really, bad. She had forgotten to shut off the stove at her house..
"Well, I asked you a question, and you're not really in any position too deny m-"
Sakura, not really listening went off on an inner rant about the house possibly burning down while she was gone, or her electric bill going up because she had left her ligh-
Shit. She had left all the lights on in her apartment, too.
"And you better-"
Just as the Jashinist was about to finish his sentence, however, he was cut off by a very loud and annoying man who bounded up to his side in the woods, throwing his hands above his head like a child might who was..excited? This was odd, definitely odd because he wore the same garb as these other more intense and serious men. Ever odder so, Sakura didn't really notice that four fucking Akatsuki members were circling her now, and she still ranted off to herself about the electric bill.
"Oh my gosh, Hidan-Sama. Tobi has an idea, Tobi has an idea."
"Yeah, don't get so excited there kid. I don't think that you'll be getting anymore of those any time soon.."
The self proclaimed 'Tobi' turned towards Sakura, and jumped up, ever so happy as he was taking Hidan's response as a go ahead along with his 'idea.'
"We should let the Streak join!"
Hidan and Deidara gave Tobi a sort of 'what the fuck, where did that come from?' look, but didn't have much chance to say anything considering Kakuzu came up behind them with shark-dude, (Kisame,) singing at the top of their lungs.
"Here she comes, Boogity, Boogity. There she goes, Boogity, Boogity. And she ain't wearin' no clothes!" They yelled in unison, which was sort of annoying and completely out of character for the situation.. but, what the hell. Right?
"Oh, yes, they call her the Streak. Boogity, Boogity! Fastest thing on two feet. Boogity, Boogity! She's just as proud as she can be, of her anatomy, she goin' to give us a peek!"
Tobi, completely not getting the aspect of the song joined in with Kisame, and Kakuzu, sake in hand and started bellowing out the notes in an off-key way that was just .. ear bludgeoning.
"Oh, yes, they call her the Streak. Look at that, look at that! She likes to show off her physique. Look at that, look at that! If there's an audience to be found, she'll be streakin' around.. Invitin' public critique!"
Apparently, The Streak was Sakura's new nickname to these men.. and that was just delightful. She passed them all a dirty look, her emerald eyes afire with a killer instinct that would scare the shit out of Pain himself if he had been there. And, eventually, after a long moment of glares and Kakuzu's horrible singing, she found herself being walked back to 'the base' with the promises of a nice place in the Akatsuki. (If she continued wandering around naked, of course.)
Definitely, a what the hell moment, but she liked it. Lee and Naruto had ditched her here anyway, plus if she went back she would have to pay a killer electric bill and/or finance a burning house and who knew joining the Akatsuki was so easy compared to that? You just had to run around naked to get in. Boobs was the way that men and women seemed to communicate these days..
But, she wouldn't find out how humilating it was to join the Akatsuki until later, when she had to have sex with a stuffed elmo doll while Kisame watched, with his finding nemo doll for initiation.
Then, after her initiation, she wouldn't find out how pissed she could get after learning that fucking the elmo doll was something that she erm..(cough cough) didn't have to do.
For now, however, she found that her day was the best that she'd had in a very, long time.