A/N - Right, so it's been sometime since I uploaded anything. But lack of internet access can do that to ya ;P... Here's a little snippet of humour. The fic is a few scenes that happen during the course of 2 years. So the incidents are pretty much spaced out. Let me know what you think, and Enjoy! :)
I do not own Life With Derek. I think ;)
The first time it happened, she really panicked. They had explicitly agreed that a text of this magnitude was to be sent when and only when there was an emergency. She had scrambled out of the coffee shop quickly, practically forgetting to pay for her mocha latte, rushed to her car, and driven like a mad woman until she reached the apartment building she spent most of her weekend at. Only to find Casey McDonald standing in her bedroom, tapping her foot in exasperation.
"I got the 911 text. What happened?" Emily asked, out of breath.
Casey turned around to face her. "Do you see this?"
Emily looked around, confused. "Your bedroom? Sure."
"No. I mean... do you see anything weird?" Her best friend looked at her expectantly.
Giving the bedroom another once over, Emily shrugged. "Nothing seems out of place."
"Exactly!" Casey cried excitedly as she went around the room. "My books seem untouched..." She opened her closet. "My clothes, not missing." She gestured to her Cd's. "Everything is in alphabetical order."
"So then, why the emergency text?" If her best friend didn't give her a good reason soon, she just might kill her.
"I went away for four days, Em. Four days. That's like 96 hours of no me, and nothing seems to have shifted. Do you know what this means?"
Somehow, Emily knew the answer wouldn't be something she expected. "That Derek has finally grown up?"
"No. It means that he has gotten even sneakier. He did something to my room. I can feel it. And I need you to help me solve this mystery." Casey headed towards her book case and started piling the books onto the floor. "You can take half and I can take half. This way we should be done by tomorrow."
Wait. What? "You want me to... read?" Her friend couldn't have meant that. But then she saw how she sat down on the floor cross-legged and started checking the numbers of the pages.
Casey looked up, surprised. "Yeah. How else would we know if he had changed the pages?"
Emily nearly sputtered in agitation. Changed the pages? No one would do that. Not even Derek! She was just about to voice her concerns for her best friend's mental health when Casey screeched.
"Your side." She snapped, her eyes narrowing in a strong glare. Emily turned around to see the object of her displeasure leaning against the wall, a bowl of cereal in his hand.
"Whoops. Sorry." He muttered through a mouth full and moved back slightly. "Emily." He nodded a greeting towards her before looking amused at his step-sister. "Find anything interesting?" He questioned with a glimmer in his eye.
Casey glared at him. "Not yet. But I will find what you did to my bedroom while I was gone."
He shrugged. "Suit yourself." With another nod towards Emily, he left. Curious, she followed him.
"You didn't do anything to her room, did you?" She asked cautiously as he took his place on the couch and turned on the tv.
"Nope." He took another bite.
"Then why does she think that you did something?" Her tone held a note of warning. Warning that he should tell her the truth.
He grinned. "Hey! I didn't tell her I did anything. She just..." His grin widened. "..assumed."
Emily rolled her eyes. Once again she was in the middle of a Derek Venturi prank involving the lack of sanity her best friend had when it came to him. Huffing, she stormed into Casey's bedroom, determined to get her to stop checking the pages of her books.
The second time it happened, she had her doubts, but she rushed all the same. Her fellow classmates promised to send her the finished proposal once they get it approved. This time at least, it was an emergency. Sort of.
"What am I going to do?" Casey groaned as she fell onto her bed. "Every thing's pink!"
"Okay. We can fix this." Emily said diplomatically. She observed the pile of pink clothes lying next to Casey.
"How? How can we fix this?" She sighed dramatically. "I have a date in half an hour. And all of my clothes are pink. Unless I dress like a candy floss, there's nothing for me to wear."
"I can't believe he dyed your jeans pink." Emily mumbled more to herself, immediately regretting it when her best friend stood up and started pacing in agitation. She had to hand it to him. He had patience.
"Yeah.. well. I can't believe he's still living." Casey snapped with passion.
Suddenly, a thought popped into Emily's mind. "What did you do to get back at him?" An evil smile spread across her friend's face, and Emily kind of regret-ed finding out.
"I'll tell you what she did." Emily turned around to see Derek, his eyes narrowed, his arms crossed and prepared for battle. "She got rid of my date tonight."
Casey scoffed. "If I'm staying single, so are you."
"Like my single life would last more than yours."
"You wanna bet?"
Emily raised her arms to stop them. "Wait." She turned to Casey. "How did you get rid of his date?"
Casey grinned proudly. "I told her about his doctor's appointment when she called to confirm." She finished innocently.
Derek's jaw twitched. "Apparently, the doctor had just found the cause of my itching... to be herpes." He said darkly, his glare focused solely on his step-sister.
She glared back. "Good thing you got that checked. With all the slut traffic you've seen, it's better to be safe than sorry."
He smirked darkly. "Jealous that I'm seeing more action than you, Spacey?"
She scoffed. "Hardly."
By this time, Emily had successfully slipped out of Casey's bedroom. Grabbing her things, she vaguely heard Derek screech 'Hey! No hitting!' before she left the apartment. Once outside, she let out a sigh of relief. Being invisible had its' benefits.
The third time it happened, she walked onto two relatively logical people standing at two corners of the apartment, each threatening to throw whatever they had at their disposal. They didn't notice her barely visible figure from the doorway as they shot insult after insult at each other. After the first weapon was thrown, all hell broke loose.
Emily looked on mildly curious, before she thought it prudent to leave. Reaching into her purse in search of the post-it pad she had, just for cases like these, she wrote down the practiced words.. 'had to leave. saw you were busy'.. and stuck it to the wall. With a final glance to make sure that they weren't in any physical danger... yet, she left.
She had a date to get ready for, anyway.
The fourth time it happened, she could have seriously killed her best friend. She was in the middle of a perfectly perfect date with a perfectly perfect guy who already had part of her fantasy in check as a volunteer fireman. All through dinner, that annoying beeping sound just wouldn't quit. Finally, she ignored the desert menu, told Mr. Perfect it wasn't him, and rushed to the apartment, sure that if it was remotely Derek related, she just might partake in a murder suicide.
Only, it wasn't.
She found Casey sniffling on her couch with tissues everywhere. "What's wrong?" She asked gently as she took a seat beside her. She absentmindedly tossed the tissues to the floor.
"It's ridiculous." Casey mumbled through her barely shed tears.
"I doubt that." Emily said gently.
"I just.." She hiccuped. "I just found out that.. Truman cheated on me." As soon as she said this, she burst into tears. Emily watched, perplexed. They all knew this story. Was this hitting her now? Years later?
"Case?" Emily said cautiously as she moved a strand of brown hair behind her ear. "We all knew about Vicki ages ago."
Casey shook her head violently, the tears coming even faster. "No." She choked out. "I met a girl today. Sandra. She had been sleeping with him while we were going out. And I didn't know." She wailed as she put her arms around Emily and leaned in. "I'm so stupid." Emily tightened her arms around her best friend, the soothing words coming out effortlessly.
"At least you're no longer together with him." She rubbed smooth circles on her back. "At least he's not doing this to you anymore." Casey continued to sob against her, causing Emily to vaguely hear the familiar click of the door handle.
Derek stood in front of her, his expression grave, a bag in one hand. His eyes met Emily's asking the silent question that she answered by tightening her arms around her devastated friend. "Right." His face split into a grin. "I've got food. Who wants?" Casey stayed glued to her best friend. He sighed. "Seriously Space Case, the loser cheated on you ages ago. And you dumped him. He's probably feeling like an idiot because of it. Now would you like to stop ruining Emily's jacket, and eat something? Maybe watch a movie? But then again, the movie sucks. Who wants to watch 'Casablanca' anyway?" He finished in disgust.
Casey raised her head slowly to meet his gaze. "You rented 'Casablanca'?"
He huffed in annoyance. "Stupid video place had nothing else." He dug into the bag and produced, what Emily recognized, as Casey's favourite type of ice cream. Casey took it cautiously from him, before Derek put the DVD into the player. "Prepare for a boring night." He complained as he opened a bag of chips, passed it onto Emily, and took a seat on the other side of Casey.
Emily stayed silent for a while as they watched the opening credits of the film. She vaguely wondered if Derek had seen Casey's grateful smile before taking a huge bite out of her ice cream.
The fifth time it happened, she found Casey nervously biting her fingernail as her eyes were glued to the object sitting comfortably on their kitchen table.
"What's the emergency?" Emily asked calmly as she pulled off her jacket and took a seat next to her best friend. Casey simply pointed at the object. Emily sighed. "I need more information here."
"Derek gave me that." Casey mumbled thoughtfully, her eyes still on the object.
That didn't sound right. "Christmas." Emily muttered slowly to herself. "I know it's 'tis the season to be jolly, but he has never given you a Christmas present. Not even last year. And you guys were living together."
"I know." Casey said in agitation as she crossed her arms and glared at her gift. Her knee kept bouncing nervously. "What does this mean?"
Emily shrugged. "Maybe he wanted to do something nice." Casey's knee stopped bouncing when she glared at her. "Or maybe not."
And her knee resumed bouncing. "What do I do with it?"
Emily was pretty sure this was the wrong answer, but she said it anyway. "Um.. wear it?" She got another glare.
"I told him that I liked this chain. I literally pulled him by the sleeve while he was checking out some blonde, and I pointed at this, and I said.. 'this is what I want for Christmas'. And do you know what he did? He got it for me. For Christmas!" Casey huffed, crossed her arms, and continued to stare at the piece of jewellery. "It's booby-trapped." She muttered darkly.
Emily continued to watch her best friend nervously watch the silver piece of jewellery. It really was a pretty thing. Completely Casey's understated style. After what seemed like a few long minutes, she sighed, stood up and put on her jacket. "Right. Well, this is fun. But I really have to go."
Casey kept her gaze on the object, her fingernail back between her teeth. "Okay."
After a moment of hesitation, Emily left. That was as far from an emergency as it could have been. But she couldn't help but wonder what Derek meant by giving Casey that little, and obviously not quite inexpensive gift.
The sixth time it happened, Emily was tired. Sighing, she laid back in the driver's seat of her car and looked on with trepidation towards the apartment building that her best friend shared with a certain Venturi. When looking back at the history of these texts, she knew the reason had to be him. Generally, Casey texts her only when she's having the inexplicable need to kill him and hide the body. Today was no different, most probably.
Fighting the urge to get back in the car and go back home, she made her way to the apartment, stopping when she heard the muffled yelling coming from inside. When it came to them, she hated it when she wasn't wrong. Forcing her arm up, she knocked, and waited patiently for the noise to stop. The door flew open, and the first person she saw was Derek, as he silently moved aside to let her in.
It was like stepping into a war zone. There were clothes and Cd's everywhere in the living room. One pile in particular. And this is Casey McDonald's apartment, she wouldn't even let the garbage be this disorganized. "What's going on?"
Derek shrugged, as Casey popped her head out from his bedroom. "Em? What are you doing here?" She disappeared for a minute, returning with a pile of clothes in her arms, only to dump them at Derek's feet.
"Hey!" He protested, as he knelt down to pick up a shirt. "These are designer labels."
She glared at him. "Well too bad. Like I said, there is no room for your stuff in my apartment."
Glaring back, he dropped the shirt to stand at his full height. "I paid for half of this apartment."
"In your dreams." Turning on her heel, she marched back into his room.
Emily was confused. "Wait. What's happening?"
Sighing, Derek gestured to his things lying across the living room. "Can you believe it? She's trying to kick me out."
"So she text-ed me to...help her?" Emily asked more to herself.
"I text-ed you from her phone." Derek said sighing, earning a suspicious look. "I knew you wouldn't come for my '911'. And I needed a witness." Casey came back, this time with a pile of DVD's. His eyes widened. "Don't you dare drop..." She dropped them unceremoniously onto the couch, a smug expression on her face as she marched back into his room. He turned towards Emily. "You have to stop her. I would have, but I left my taser at work." He finished darkly.
"But why is she kicking you out now? You've been living together for two years. With minimum incident." Well, sort of.
Casey huffed, as she arrived with a pile of text books. "Why don't you ask him?" Huffing again, she tossed them onto the floor and went back.
Narrowing her eyes at the man standing next to her, Emily crossed her arms, and glared. "What did you do?"
His jaw dropped. "Not everything is my fault."
Returning with more clothes, Casey glared and dropped them onto the floor. "This is." Flicking her hair over her shoulder, she left again.
"Wait. What did he do?" Emily called after her best friend.
"What did he do?" Casey sputtered as she returned with more of his things. "What did he do?" Emily ignored Derek as he groaned in frustration. "I'll tell you what he did. He proposed." Satisfied with Emily's jaw dropped expression, she retreated into his room, having dashed his jeans against the floor.
"What?" Emily screeched in surprise before turning towards Derek. "What?"
He shrugged. "I just asked."
Casey returned with what Emily hoped was the last pile. After all, her best friend stood rigid with her hands on her hips after dumping film equipment on the couch. "You just asked? You can't just ask someone to marry you."
Emily was really confused now. "Wait a minute. Are you two dating?" How did she not know this?
"NO!" "NO!" They glared at each other.
She turned towards Derek. "Then why did you ask her to marry you?"
"I just asked." He said in frustration.
"You see that?" Casey demanded. "Do you see what I have to deal with?"
He scoffed. "She's just upset because she said yes."
Emily's eyes widened as they landed on Casey. "You what?"
Casey gasped in indignation as she grabbed one of his shirts to toss it at him. "Why did you tell her?" He ducked easily.
"Wait!" Emily called out, as she raised her arms and stepped between them. Having reached for the closest thing to throw, they dropped their arms. She turned towards Derek. "You proposed." She turned towards Casey. "And you accepted. What's the problem?"
Ignoring her best friend, Casey tossed a Cd at Derek's head, who ducked again. "He took it back."
Emily groaned. "Oh for the love of.."
Derek's eyes narrowed. "You said you were joking."
"Only because I thought you were joking." Casey glared.
"I wasn't either."
Emily sighed as she watched the two cross their arms and glare at each other. "Right. So, are you telling me that you two are officially engaged?" She might just have stepped foot into the twilight zone.
Casey scoffed. "Only if he doesn't back down. Which I'm pretty sure he will."
"Oh really?" Derek snapped. "Wanna bet on that Mcdonald? 'Cause from where I'm standing, I'm so much more in for the long haul than you are."
She gasped. "You think you can outlast me Venturi? Bring it on. I bet you run screaming in the opposite direction when we have to pick the flowers."
He shrugged. "I'm comfortable with my masculinity. Oh, and just for your reference for our wedding, dear, I'm more of a lilly man myself."
"That's fine, honey, because when I think of the wonderful honeymoon we'll be spending on your credit card, I feel so much more lenient about the flowers."
His jaw locked. "If the honeymoon is on me, first three months of utilities are on you."
"Fine." Her eyes narrowed. "I earn more than you anyway."
Emily watched, a bit fearful for their lives. "Hey!" They both looked at her. At least Derek didn't say whatever insult he was planning to. "Can I be your maid of honour?" She asked Casey, her face breaking into a wide smile. That seemed to have broken whatever trance they were in. They looked at each other in confusion. "Right. My work is done." Feeling pretty much on top of the world when it came to matters of Casey and Derek, Emily strutted out, enjoying the attention her exit had created.
Maybe she should have been more surprised when they started dating the next week.