A/n: Don't worry I hate Kana with a passion too. I will at some point explain why she's such a bitch and why she's so horrible. For now she's just a horrible-bitch okay.
Fay just felt foolish, exhausting himself setting up his own single room. It wasn't exactly how he'd imagined his first night in Nihon. Around him the castle continued it's daily routine, maids bustling about, chefs hurrying back and forth with food, soldiers on patrol at the entrance. But Fay felt half dead. He felt as though his heart had been torn into shreds, he felt it so much he could physically feel pain from it, a dull gnawing ache in his chest and stomach. The knowledge of 'what if', what if he hadn't left? What if he'd come back sooner? What if he'd used common sense and asked Watanuki to ONLY send him to a world within the same time zone?
Fay sat on his bed. Despite feeling completely and utterly miserable he wasn't crying, and he wasn't sure why. If his journeys had taught him anything it was that it was okay to cry when necessary. If ever a situation called for tears it was this one.
"Oi." Barked a familiar voice and Fay looked up to see Kurogane at his doorway. And him with a face like a wet weekend, Fay smiled hurriedly.
"My room is so big!" He cheered, jumping up and spreading his arms wide, he gave an ecstatic twirl. "I feel like I'm being given extra special treatment. I suppose it helps to know the princess."
"Drop the act." Scowled the ninja, closing the door behind him. Fay continued to smile as though he hadn't been caught play-acting.
"So, you're going to be a DADDY!" And even if he spoke it in a chirpy tone the words stung like knives.
"Yeah." Kurogane said offhandedly. "Have you contacted the kids?"
"No. I didn't think I was gone long, remember… did I miss much with them?"
"He wanted to go after you." Kurogane said, sitting in a chair and not looking at Fay. "He said you must be in trouble." Fay knew he was in for a talking to, and he didn't really feel like being chastised.
He knew he was an idiot. He knew he should have thought it through carefully. He should have planned better.
"I didn't let him," Kurogane said in a low growl. "I didn't let him go find you. And I didn't look for you." Fay nodded.
"I suppose you thought I'd done the cowardly thing and ran away for good?" Fay asked, and didn't resent the nod Kurogane gave him. "Well I didn't."
"So where were you, what DID you do?" He demanded, and was quite obviously trying not to lose his temper.
"I set up a grave site." Fay said. "More a memorial really. For those we'd lost… for those we'd killed… for those who died for us. In the middle of nowhere, in a valley. I felt it was most appropriate." Fay hoisted himself up onto his windowsill. He didn't like these window sills, they weren't right for curling up on, the window was circular and Fay was far too pointy to curve himself that much.
Neither dared to look at the other. Fay felt if he could just justify why he'd been away he could get Kurogane's forgiveness, if not his own.
"Once I was free from that burden, I was able to think. About us." Fay added guiltily.
"We can't talk about this." Kurogane's tone was very final, but Fay ignored it.
"We have to. Whether you want to hear it or not." And there was a moment's silence in which Fay gave silent permission for Kurogane to get up and walk out if he so desired, but there was something that kept Kurogane rooted to his chair, and they both knew what it was.
"I decided… not that it took much deciding. That I loved you." Kurogane winced, he'd been expecting that. "And I know you won't believe that I needed to be away like that but I did. When you're around someone constantly you're bound to care for them. I needed to be alone to decide how real those feelings were. I had my own space to think and I thought about the big things… where we'd live."
"Nihon." Kurogane answered far too quickly. "Was never a debate."
"Hm, I know, but I did think about staying a while in Clow, with the kids." He paused. "I suppose they're not kids anymore…"
"They're on my timeline. They grew up." Kurogane said almost pitifully, he knew Fay would have loved to see Sakura maturing, and talk to Syaoran as his voice broke. Sakura had grown out of her initial cuteness and into the beauty she had always possessed, her face soft ivory and her eyes glittering emeralds, her body growing out of its awkward teens and into a young woman's figure but she was still thin. Kurogane knew childbearing wasn't on their mind until after marriage. Syaoran had stuck to his training and grown more muscular, but not overly: he didn't eat nearly enough to keep any weight on, his voice had broken he'd gotten taller, and his facial features were more pronounced: however he'd not yet grown out of his awkward teen years mentally. He was still prone to putting his foot in his mouth. Mokona had aged the three years but not changed physically or mentally. Kurogane kept his mouth shut. No sense in upsetting Fay now.
"Nihon was the main plan, Clow as a vacation home of sorts." Fay said offhandedly tucking his arms around his knees, apparently trying to brush off the fact he'd missed 'his children' growing up. "I thought about legal things, social things… how the repercussions of the Princess' guard being in a relationship with a foreign man may affect you."
"You knew Tomoyo had a sister?" Kurogane ventured forth. "She's the proper Princess. Except… she ran off with her guard. A woman. Souma." Kurogane smirked. "Caused a bit of a scandal. Left Tomoyo in charge."
"Tomoyo-chan seems to be holding the fort pretty well."
"She knew all along, she approved. Tomoyo's in charge now so…" So gay rights galore then. Typical.
"So legally we'd be allowed to get married. That is to say we would've been allowed." Fay corrected himself. "I'd thought about that. And… ironically I did think about children." Fay curled up tighter, feeling oddly exposed. He was proud of himself in a way, that he could show this raw side, but at the same time he wanted to shut it all away again, given that he stood no chance of romance with the handsome defender. "I thought that in 5... maybe 10 years time you'd realise the main flaw of being gay or at least, in a same sex relationship… as you're obviously not gay." Fay bit his lip.
"I could never give you what Kana is giving you… so." Fay took a deep breath. "So I won't lie, I'm not happy about this, about any of it… but if I've have to trade in all that I thought about and planned… that's fine. Because I know you'll be a great father." Fay was pained to say it, but found the words anyway. "What I'm trying to say is… you have my blessings."
"There's only one thing I ask." Kurogane spoke, voicing what he'd approached the room to say. Fay raised an eyebrow. "Whatever we almost had, whatever never quite was… she doesn't need to know." Fay let out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding. He'd never once felt ashamed of his sexuality, or even his feelings for Kurogane. He'd never once denied it or hidden from it. Now he was being forced to. 'Forced' because of the look on Kurogane's face.
"Of course… your fiancée doesn't need to know that in a moment of madness years ago you might have for a few minutes believed yourself to be gay." Fay whispered trying to laugh it off.
"You know damn well that's not what I meant." Kurogane growled. "You think I'd be that pissed off about a few minutes of doubt? You know how I…" He started but shook his head. He was on dangerous territory. "You know what forget it it's a long time ago. All I'm saying is she doesn't need to know what's only going to hurt her."
"Or hurt your relationship with your son… I get it." Fay said, not daring to look Kurogane in the eye. "I won't say anything." Fay knew his word, despite having been broken often, meant the world to Kurogane so very reluctantly added. "I promise."
"Thanks." Kurogane grunted, before standing up. "I'll see you at dinner." And he left without another word and Fay knew it was because he too didn't want to risk their emotions getting out of hand. Kurogane was still angry that much was obvious, but he was also hurt. Their eyes hadn't met the whole time they'd been talking. Fay lay his head on his knees. He wanted to cry.
It was simply not in Fay's nature to mope. However lonely and depressed he was: he had been through much worse, so after a little while of being sad he dragged himself out of bed, combed his messy hair and went downstairs to the throne room. Tomoyo was staring upward, in front of her sheets of paper lay strewn and an ink pot lay upturned, dripping black ink onto the floor.
"It's no good." She told him. "I can't do it."
"Can't do what?" Fay asked, Tomoyo looked stressed beyond her years, and Fay knew the entire situation was killing her. Despite being much younger she had effectively raised Kurogane.
"He asked me… as a friend… to design their wedding outfits. I can't do it."
"That's not true, you're a brilliant designer." He praised, one thing seemed to stay constant regardless of the world and that was talent.
"I have 6 weeks until the wedding and I can't come up with anything… if the mind doesn't want something it cannot be forced to accept it." She frowned and stared at her scrawled designs.
"Why are you so dead set against them marrying?" Fay asked gently.
"I wish I knew." Tomoyo whispered. "But every time I talk to her I want to cry. She's just not right for him." She took Fay's hand and obediently he squeezed them in reassurance. "Talk to her… please tell me I'm not imagining it, that there's something wrong?" She asked,
"I think I'm a little bias." Fay excused himself, he didn't want to have to talk to her. Whether she was an angel or a demon it made no difference to him; she'd won. In a fight he didn't even know he was entered into.
"Please Fay-san." Tomoyo asked again, with her very persuasive tone and Fay nodded.
"Where can I find her?"
"She shares a room with Kurogane, seventh floor, room seven." (CLAMP like the number 7) Tomoyo said. "He's training so…" Fay nodded and glanced at Tomoyo, she wasn't falling apart he could tell this much: she was strong and this was not her life. She had her own life to live and a country to take care of: but she was terribly sad for the situation. Fay felt this could be due to a brother-complex after all Tomoyo was prone to obsess. As Fay made his way to Kana's room… their marital bedroom, he hoped Tomoyo was wrong. Even though he knew Tomoyo had a sixth sense when it came to romance he wanted her to be wrong.
"Knock knock." Fay chirped, knocking on the open door.
"Hello." Kana turned her head slightly, she was sat in front of the mirror apparently arguing with a particularly difficult knot in her long black hair.
"I came to apologize… I think we got off on the wrong foot." Fay spoke in his usual charismatic tone, he didn't need to be interested in someone to charm them.
"Possibly… by all means, come in, close the door." She said, still struggling with the comb. Fay obediently entered, closing the door behind him. "I get a little… hormonal lately." She explained. "But I rarely meet anyone from Kurogane's past… he's not exactly the most social creature."
"No." Fay agreed. "He's not."
"So tell me… how do you know him?" She asked, giving up on the knot in her hair and placing the comb on the vanity. She didn't look at Fay, more she looked at his reflection in the mirror, studying him with great interest. He was obviously foreign, very handsome too. Fay found this disturbing and for the first time he understood what Tomoyo had meant… there was something off about this. Kana was being perfectly nice here, sociable even: but there was something wrong.
"We travelled together for a while." Fay said nonchalantly, after all that was technically true.
"He travelled? He's never mentioned it."
Fay had to wonder what Kurogane had mentioned, surely their adventure had been a key event in Kurogane's life… and he'd never brought it up to the woman who he planned to spend the rest of his life with. Kana sighed sadly.
"Then again… he doesn't talk much at all." She whispered, her brown eyes glittered as her gaze lowered. Fay felt a bit sorry for her.
"He's not good with words…" He told her in a reassuring way.
"Not just words…" She laughed and batted her hand. "It's stupid really… forget I said anything." Fay didn't know why he was so suspicious of her behaviour… but her close-to-tears demeanour was unsettling. And then he realised why. Sitting there, heavily pregnant, with her long hair and big eyes.
"Kurogane-san." He called her, with an almost gentle tone. "How old are you?"
"I turn 20 in the summer." She said softly. 19. She was barely more than a child, only a little older than Sakura and Syaoran. For a moment Fay felt his heart break, she was 6 years younger than Kurogane, no wonder Kurogane felt so responsible.
"You're very brave." He told her.
"I… No I'm not." She murmured blushing.
"Yes, you are and don't let anyone tell you differently." Fay said, tucking two fingers under her chin and raising her face to look at his. "I can only imagine how scared you are… but I know him. He'll take care of you." Her hand raised to touch his hand, which was pencil gripping her chin gently. She looked touched. Her eyelids lowered and she seemed apprehensive.
"Thank you… Fluorite-san." She said, and she leaned over and kissed him, fully, on the lips. Fay froze. He pushed her away, perhaps with a little more force than he had intended.
"I think you may have misunderstood." He said embarrassedly touching his lips in panic. But her soft and vulnerable face once again had that sour wicked look on it as she wiped her lips.
"You're not interested in me..." She said, smirking slightly and standing up, despite not being the tallest girl Kana had a very imposing figure.
"No. I'm not." He answered honestly.
"I knew it." Her eyes narrowed. "It's not me you're attracted to… it's him."
A/n: BAD KANA. VERY BAD KANA. Reviews are made of epicness. Also a little help? At the end of the manga Fay has one blue eye and one golden eye right? And half his magic? Am I right or forgetting stuff again?