Okay, this is the next e, due to popular demand although you can leave the first as a stand alone, but Yeah...I was mean, I need to fix our Sammy.

Again, warning for language maybe...dark themes

Summary for this chapter anyway: Saving Sam. :) For Joey and Karen and Spela x ;)

Disclaimer: Yah yah. Read chapter one mate.

To the song (or parts) Slow Motion by Panic At The Disco because sung live- this song is still as powerful and amazing. And most of it, fits. The song inspired this anyway so...I've included the lyrics, I want it to be the violence and the bittersweetness of the lyrics compared to the fic- they don't fit, metephorically anyway.

Here ya go.

Miss Jones taught me English
But I think I just shot her son
'Cause he owed me money
With a bullet in the chest you cannot run
Now he's bleeding in a vacant lot
The one in the summer where we used to smoke pot
I guess I didn't mean it
But man, you shoulda seen it

"SAM!"

!

Fists pounded and tore at Sam's chest, laid flat and with a weakening pulse, Dean didn't care damn niceties when it came to life and death.

A quick punch, a thunk on Sam's chest has his little brother coughing, only once or twice and he falls back, eyes going half mast and dropping, his breathing slowing and he's not responding, he's losing it...he's losing Sam.

"SAM!" Desperate tears are burning hot and spilling over Dean's cheeks, but he won't stop to wipe them, even if his vison of Sam is blurred, the kids laying there, smiling...and Dean tells himself Sam didn't just part his lips, didn't just say what he thought he said.

"Sam...please"

"....J'ss..."

His flesh explode
Slow motion see me let go
We tend to die young
Slow motion see me let go
What a brother knows
Slow motion see me let go

He knows something's happend. Something, good or bad- that he doesn't know. But normally these dreams have worn off by now and he's left with a loss, more than before because it's igniting that fire that starts to spread all over and he needs the release.

He thinks, maybe he's awake, but he doesn't know and he can't move anything so maybe things got bad this time, maybe-

"Please...Sam, you've gotta pull back...I can't...I just...c'mon...please Sammy..."

There. Right there. He felt something, almost like a twinge, it's pain...it's uncomfortable but there's a warmth to it, and Sam's so cold he moved, he pushes and goes to find it. Anything but the dark loneliness where he can't find her.

"Sam..." He heard that, it's louder...it's so hurt. What is that? "You have to come back..."

Dean?

Now the cops will get me
But girl, if you would let me
I'll take your pants off
I got a little bit of blow we could both get off
Later bathing in the afterglow
Two lines of coke I cut with Draino
And her nose starts to bleed

"Yeah, I know. Look, you don't know what kind of stress he's been under I mean, I thought he was fine, but...it's only been over a week since he lost his girlfriend, just let me talk to him, you don't have to restrain him...this was not like him at all. Please...let me do this"

The doc nodded, a glint in her eye suggested she knew exactly what Dean was talking about and she smiled sadly. "When he wakes up, talk to him. We'll take the restraints off"

Softening green eyes blinked back at her. "Thank you, really. Thank you"

The door closed with a soft whoosh, the machines beeped, and Dean watched with new eyes as his Sam slept, it wasn't a coma they'd said, it wasn't. He wasn't going to die- he wasn't.

Sore eyes blinked and the monitor blipped, Sam hadn't moved, hadn't said anything apart from her name when he lost consciousness and Dean had to restraint himself from imploding then, when he saw Sam's eyes close.

The pills had shut his system down, not done any major damage but they weren't giving him any more drugs, suicide watch and all that, Dean had been panicked enough without coming up with a cover.


A most beautiful ruby red
Slow motion see me let go
We'll remember these days
Slow motion see me let go
Urban life decays
Slow motion see me let go
And at home

Blurred, marred walls, all strikingly stark white. He blinked at the brightness and turned his head, his throat tightened as he saw a figure watching him and he couldn't look at the hurt and despair he saw directed at him, the question he shouldn't be laid there hearing, shouldn't be there at all.

Dean's mouth opened and Sam darted his eyes away, the corner, the door, the window, the...she wasn't anywhere, she wasn't floating or beautiful like she'd always been.

"Sam" Dean voiced, uncertain. He didn't need to say anymore.

The breath from Sam's lungs shuddered, and he stared off, into the white white walls, his wrists tugged as he felt the straps holding him in, keeping him there and the consequences of his descision set in.

My sister's eating paint chips again
Maybe that's why she's insane
I shut the door to her moaning
And I shoot smack in my veins
Wouldn't you?
See my neighbor's beating his wife
Because he hates his life
There's an arc to his fist as he swings
Oh man, what a beautiful thing

Finally, the straps had gone, Dean had said something or done something and the nurses came in and let him go. He didn't sit up, didn't make a move to leave, but he was glad he wasn't trapped anymore.

Two days. They'd kept him and watched him and Sam hadn't even noticed, Dean had though, watching his brother through someone elses eyes, watching something break in Sam and not even seeing the peice fall off.

"Sam"

Sam fingered the frayed cotton on his bed, oblivious.

Dean sighed audiably.

"I know you miss her" he said softly.

Sam's fingered stopped as if the life source had been cut off and his eyes stayed down, some bangs hiding them partially from Dean's view.

Sam stayed silent, and Dean thought he wasn't being heard when a small voice he hadn't heard sound so young in years spoke and Dean had to swallow.

"She was right there..." Sam whispered. His eyes glittering in the low light. His hand subconciously closed, as if he was gripping something.

"I know" It was all he had to say. Dean's hand reached out and his thumb stroked over Sam's. "I know kiddo'"

And death slides close to me
Won't grow old to be
A junkie wino creep

Dean didn't go back to the motel, he grabbed the stuff they needed and left the rest, any clothes or weapons, He could buy new ones.

He didn't want the repeat memories, he had enough in his head for a whole year of nightmares he was sure would claw their way up.

Over the next few days, Sam was more open, less staring out the rainy window, but he wasn't himself, not even close and Dean hadn't even started on the ass kicking that kid needed for even trying what he did.


Hollywood glamorized my wrath
I'm a young urban psychopath
I incite murder for your entertainment
'Cause I needed the money
What's your excuse?
The joke's on you

"It's a spirit...going after people who have a secret where someone died"

"How do we draw it out?...burn the shop down? We can break every mirror"

Sam was quiet.

"Me"

Dean spun on his heels, frowning. "Wh-"

"Me. Use me as bait. I'll draw it out, she'll come after me" Sam stared down, eyes unseeing with guilt heavy on his shoulders.

Dean stopped, anger rising steeply, his hand rubbed over his mouth as he shook his head.

"Alright, you know what..."

Dean grabbed Sam by the shoulders, spinning him roughly before Sam's back slammed into the tacky wallpaper.

"What did you say? Huh Sam? Run that by me again" Dean said angrily.

"She'll c-come after me..." Sam looked through him, his eyes glazed and unseeing.

Dean shrank back, eyebrows knitted. "It was NOT your fault, do you understand me, this was not your fault...you think this is your guilt? Your dirty little secret? Get a grip...Sam!"

"I can be bait" Sam breathed.

"Do you have any idea what you did?...what you tried to do to yourself? Huh Sam!?"

Sam didn't move.

"You tried to kill yourself! Do you remember that?...You overdosed on sleeping pills and I found you...barely alive"

Teary eyes locked on Dean. "She-"

"No, no Sam, Jess is gone!...she is! She's gone, I'm sorry...It's hard, you have to deal with this, I don't care how you do it, but you have to deal with it. This is killing you...I should kick your ass for even thinking about what you did, but I thought this is Sam, he'll get better because you were not yourself. And now...I don't know..."

Dean fisted his hands and shrugged them, grunting loudly.

Sam's eyes stared holes in the carpet.

"Sam , look at me! Look at me, your brother for Christ's sake! What happened to you...I almost most you...Sammy..."

There. Again, that twinge, Sam felt it, and he hadn't felt that since he'd been seeing Jess. It felt...warm...alive.

"Sammy...look at me..."

"I couldn't...I miss her...so much...I can-"

"NO! You can! You have problems you talk to me! You tell your big brother! You don't kill yourself! I'm supposed to protect you! And you go and do something like that, and I didn't know it had got that bad...I didn't see Sammy..."

Dean pulled away, both brothers breathing heavy.

Sam looked away, withdrawn again and Dean thought he really couldn't get through to him this time. And then Sam spoke...with an uneasy shaking voice.

"She was everywhere...everywhere I looked, she was so happy and she was...smiling at me, reaching out...I thought if I went with her, I'd be happy again..."

Dean watched silently, seeing Sam's turmoil finally surface.

"I almost lost you" Dean whispered.

"I didn't mean to...I just" Sam swallowed. "I just wanted to see her again"

Dean nodded, tears in both their eyes.

Slow motion see me let go
Oh yeah
Slow motion see me let go
Slow motion see me let go

"I'm sorry..."

The bed creaked as the brothers sat.

"Sam...tell me about her" He met Sam's eyes and connected, Sam was finally seeing him, listening...finally letting go to move on.

Well that had a mind of it's own.

I don't know where it went but...that's what it decided on. Sorry for the let down loves, felt that went like...well...a bag of wank, pretty shite chapter...I felt it lost some of the power, but ah well. It won't let me change it now. Damn stubborn muse!

:) Thanks