Totally Random Love Hina Skits
By Andrew J. Talon
Disclaimer: No I don't own Love Hina, and no I'm not writing this for money.
"Brother, I... I must admit, I-" Kanako began, but Keitaro held up a hand.
"I know what you're going to say, Kanako," he said. Kanako's cheeks flushed.
"You... You do?"
"Yes... And I'd just like to say..." He glanced over at the other girls, all gathered around, all watching. Ah, so apparently he'd looped to this point... Him talking to all the girls at once after returning from America.
Well, enough experience with Kanako made his next words clear.
"You're a crazy bitch, you know that right?"
Kanako's jaw dropped and her eyes widened. "I... It... What?"
"Seriously Kanako, we're brother and sister," Keitaro said flatly. "Maybe not biologically but you are my sister emotionally. I don't fuck my sisters."
Well, a few loops he'd screwed Haruka out of curiosity, but emotionally it wasn't the same-Haruka may as well have been his neighbor as far as their connection went. Besides, they were technically cousins, and that wasn't illegal.
"But-But-But I love you!" Kanako insisted.
"And I love you, but not to the point I'd want to marry you and have babies," Keitaro said. "Plus... You basically drove all of the people I care about out of the Hinata Sou just to have me to yourself. That's not endearing, that's creepy."
"But they-they all abuse you! They mistreat you! They insult you!" Kanako growled, waving her hand at his tenants. Keitaro looked over at them, each in turn.
"Yes, you're right," Keitaro confirmed. "They've abused me due to their own issues, emotionally and physically..." He looked right at Naru, and she flinched.
"They've hurt me out of fear and insecurity," he continued, looking right at Motoko but he glanced back at on Naru. The swordswoman looked miserable. He looked over at Kitsune. "They've abused my trust, stolen from me."
Mitsune flinched at that. He looked over at Mutsumi, who looked serene.
"They've allowed the abuse to go on," he said, looking between Mutsumi and Shinobu. The former frowned, looking hurt. The latter looked like she might burst into tears, but was trying as hard as she could not to. His gaze settled on Su.
"Or they've abused me for childish reasons," Keitaro said. Su looked hurt. Keitaro's eyes turned back to Kanako, who looked quite smug. Almost triumphant.
"But the truth is I love them all," he said. "I'd rather die, than forsake any one of them... Any one of them, I'd be honored, and blessed, to be their husband."
Every person in the room looked completely, totally shocked. Keitaro's eyes narrowed at Kanako.
"But they never, ever did anything you did, Kanako-chan," he said in a strong, stern voice. "Not like you pulled. I love you very much, Kanako, but I'm not going to be your husband and I'm not forsaking any of them. I'm your brother... Please, understand that."
Kanako stared, twitching all over. Keitaro recognized it as the precursor to a nervous breakdown. He wrapped his arms around her, and held her as she broke down crying.
"O-Onii-chan... Onii-chan...!" She sobbed. Keitaro sighed, and rubbed her back.
"It's okay Imouto-chan... It's okay..."
Apparently Keitaro breaking the news like that had been a lot worse for her than Keitaro simply choosing Naru on Mol Mol. No, this had resulted in Kanako going batshit crazy. As she was carted away in an ambulance, Keitaro sighed, looking down at the ground. He sensed the rest of the girls behind him, and turned around to face them.
"... So... All of us?" Naru asked. Keitaro nodded.
"So... Um... Who are you going to choose?" Shinobu dared to ask. Keitaro thought about it, and shrugged.
"Well..." He sighed deeply, bowing his head. "I... I don't want to lose... Anyone else... But I can't..." He shook his head and mentally, he laughed at the preposterous notion.
"What?" Naru asked.
... Well, if it failed, it'd just reset.
"I don't want to lose any of you... So... Do I have to choose?" He asked. He looked between all the girls. "I mean... I know, it's not... Conventional... Maybe it's even selfish, but-"
"I agree," Kitsune said. Keitaro blinked, and she shrugged with a small smile. "Who am I to break us up like that?"
"... Me too," Motoko said. "I... I would be willing... To share..."
"M-Me too," Shinobu said softly.
"As long as we're all happy... Ara... I'll be happy," Mutsumi said.
"Is how things are done on Mol Mol... Su would love to have sister wives, like Momma and other Momma," Su said with a broad smile.
Everyone looked at Naru. She flushed, looked between them all. Keitaro mentally shook his head.
No way she'd accept it... Not selfish, jealous, crazy-
"If... If it makes everyone happy...?" Naru smiled. "I... Well... Why not?" She looked at Keitaro. "Unless you want to wait around for your Promised Girl?"
Keitaro's jaw actually dropped. He pinched himself. He looked around at all the girls twice more. He then shook his head and smiled.
Naru smiled and nodded. She then huffed. "Don't think this will just let you-MMPH?"
Keitaro gave her a deep, soul searing kiss, running his fingers down her spine and activating all her pleasure pressure points. He did the same thing to every other girl, rendering them speechless, before he jumped away and began to dance.
"BEST! LOOP! EVER!" He crowed. All of them accepting this? Without any prodding or manipulation on his part? This was AWESOME!
"WOO HOO! YEE HAA! I-WOAH!"
Well... Until they all jumped him at once.
"I get him first!"
"Get your hands off that! MINE!"
"I will have him first!"
"Su want ride Ronin Banana FIRST!"
He sighed, tears running down his cheeks. He really should've known better...
And a loop involving Kanako. What can I say, I was never too fond of Kanako, but I don't hate her. I just like tormenting her a little.