I was just reading about England and Iceland's cod war and decided this had to be written into a fan fiction, or else the world will never know about the lol-worthy war fought over cod.
England was not the kind of nation who gave over easily to demands. In fact, it was England's main purpose in life to make things as hard as possible for other countries. He'd had enough grief and hassle over the past centuries to care too much what anyone else wanted. Unfortunately this was the 20th century and things didn't quite work to same way now. He had to consider countries rights and feelings and respect their wishes.
"Stop fishing in my waters." Iceland growled at him after the usual economic meeting.
"Urg, go away, I'm busy." England sighed, already feeling his patience being tested. Who did Iceland think he was? First he expands his waters, and then tells England he can't fish in a region he's been fishing in his whole life!
"Only, if you stop fishing in my waters."
"Well that not going to happen. So fuck off."
"Stop. Fishing. In. My. Water."
"You mean MY water."
"No. My water."
"It's MINE! The United Nations agreed that I could have a 200 mile radius fishing range! That means that YOU are fishing in MY water." Ice said triumphantly.
"I'm going to fish where I have fished my entire life, thank you very much."
"You are SO annoying."
"Ditto." With that Iceland stormed off leaving England to smile in self-satisfaction. Well, at least until the next day when he heard what Iceland had done.
"HE CUT MY NETS!?" England practically screamed at his prime minister.
"Yes, so we've decided to stop all our boats fishing in the area."
"OH NO WE FUCKING WON'T! WE'RE GOING TO FIGHT BACK!"
"Aren't you taking this a bit too far..."
"Too far? TOO FAR!? Oh, I KNEW you would say that! I bet Iceland is so SMUG right now. Him, with his little fishing crew. He thinks he's winning. He thinks he can just walk right over me. GREAT BRITION! Ha. Hahahaha. HAHAHA."
"Are... you okay?"
"Oh I'm fine. Completely fine. Just peachy." he growled.
"Well, what would you have me do then?"
"Attack their boats of course!"
"But we can't! It's their water!"
"Lies! I won't accept it"
"Fine, we'll go with your plan for now. But if the United Nations complains I'm blaming you." The prime minister walked away, disgruntled.
So this is how he got here. Sitting in a sub-standard English fishing boat, right in the middle of Icelandic waters.
England had never been fishing in his life, but as they say, there's a first time for everything. Although, when he imagined fishing, he never imagined 9 royal navy battle ships tailing behind him. HA! This would teach Iceland for messing with him. He sped off into the distance, losing the navy boats in the process. This was a personal matter, and he would do this alone. And as if just on cue, an Icelandic ship sailed right up to him.
"This is my water." Iceland casually leaned over the edge of the boat, "How did I know you would come here personally." He said sarcastically.
"I think you'll find I'm just fishing here in MY water. If you have a problem with that then maybe you should leave. "
"Maybe you should leave."
"Well then I'm going to have to cut you're nets."
"Well then, I'm going to have to ram your boat." England smiled sweetly.
"You wouldn't dare!"
"Wanna bet?" England swerved his boat forwards, ready to attack.
"Fine! You want to play it that way, then bring it!" Iceland usual calm had left him and he drove his boat forward full speed into England's side.
"Fuck!" England cursed as he was thrown to the floor. But he was not to be stopped that easily. He quickly swung back up and grabbed the wheel. "GET OUT OF MY WATER!" his ship heavily dented Iceland's, sending it spinning in a semi-circle. Iceland quickly recovered and rammed him back.
"GET OUT OF MY WATER AND STAY AWAY FROM MY COD!"
"MY COD!" England screamed, taking a different approach and driving head first into the front of Iceland's boat. The collision sent both boats almost toppling. Water sloshed into both boats, making their movements heavier.
"MINE!" Iceland drove head fist into England's edge, where he had dented before, making a large hole.
"Oh shit." England panicked as water started gushing up around his knees.
"Ha! Don't mess with Iceland, bitch!" Iceland laughed manically as England started running around frantically, trying to find the highest part of the boat. England reached the top and started climbing up the mast.
"I hate you!" England howled, grabbing onto the pole next to him to find it snap off in his hands. Rather than panic at this and worry about his life, he instead decided to let out his anger and throw the pole at Iceland. Iceland ducked, the pole missed, and he laughed again. It was only when he felt the cold creeping up his legs that he realised the pole had gone straight through his boat, flooding it.
"Oh my god!" he shrieked, following England's lead and trying to find the highest point on the boat. At this point England couldn't care less what had happened to Iceland as he was being dragged underwater, the only remaining bit of the boat that hadn't sunk being the 3 metres of mast left, which was still decreasing.
"Help! He..." England cried out, hauled under by the massive waves. Where were those royal navy boats when he needed them?! Iceland decided that he wasn't going to just wait for his boat go down with hom on and started looking for something that would float. Eventually he found a large bit of metal that had fallen off England's boat when he had rammed him.
"Oh, fuck it." He groaned, grabbing it and jumping out of the boat. He thanked the lord that it actually did float, watching in anguish as the last section of his boat sunk under water, emitting a few bubbles as it went down.
"YOU IDIOT!" He screamed at England. He looked around, searching, but couldn't see him anywhere, "England?" he called out.
"Oh god, I killed him!" Iceland tried to remain calm but failed. That was until the metal he was sitting on suddenly tipped over, sending him toppling into the water.
"HA!" England giggled, climbing onto Iceland's float. Iceland bobbed up and down in the water, looking up at England.
"Give me back my float!" he cried out, trying to stay surfaced in the water.
"No! It's MY float now!"
"It's MINE! I found it!"
"It's from my ship!"
"It MY float!"
"IT'S MY FLOAT!" Iceland lunged forward and grabbed onto the edge of the metal. The movement jogged it, throwing England off. They both frantically tried to get on at the same time, eventually succeeding after falling over several times, with both of them squashed together on the tiny platform.
"You idiot." Iceland whispered, too out of breath and freezing to raise his voice.
"Just be thankful I'm letting you on my float." England muttered, exhausted.
"MY float." Iceland murmured, finally fainting, England soon following his actions.
From 1975 to 1976, Iceland and Britain had their 3rd cod war. Iceland had just expanded it fishing limits to 200 miles, which went into English fishing territory. The UN had approved that this was Iceland's land, but Britain refused to accept it and continued fishing there. The Icelandic Coast Guards used trawl cutters to cut the British Cod Fishing vessels nets. Britain didn't approve of this and the Icelandic Coast Guards and the British fishing vessels rammed one another causing injuries and damage to boats. The battle raged for seven months and during this Icelandic Cod War Britain's fishing trawlers were escorted by twenty two frigates. It ended when Iceland threatened to close their NATO base at Keflavik. The Americans really didn't want this so forced England to compromise.
Ah, sorry for spelling mistakes is there are any! And I know I should be updating my other stories but this one wouldn't let me go! I had to write it! Please review and I will love you forever XXX