Yes, I've seen the Bear

A Naruto One-Shot by TKCat

Summary: Twisted CRACK. Naruto joins a prestigious hunting society, but to be chosen as a honored member, he has to slay a bear. Too bad, Naruto doesn't know there are no bears in the forest in February… only horny Uchihas who'd love some company during cold winter days.

Rating: M

Pairing: SasuNaru

Genre: Humor, General

Warnings: CRACK-fic, Yaoi (Male/Male), lemons

Beta'ed by: [Unbeta'ed]

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or anything related to the series.

A/N: A twisted little crack fic based on a sick joke my uncle told me… retold in my own, crappy, SasuNaru version. It's basically just for lemon practicing, but also to give you lot a laugh, if I manage to do so, anyway… My lemon writing still needs improvement, so I really NEED you guys to help me out by telling me what you like and dislike in lemons. I want to write average lemons by the time they should pop up in "WTF ILU", so any hints would be appreciated!

I hope you enjoy it!

-Yes, I've seen the Bear-

Uzumaki Naruto was a proud person.

Of course, like any other person, he did have his moments of complete idiocy he'd like to erase from the history book. But he'd never let anything break him down – nope, no way, no sire. Though that didn't mean he put his pride before everything else. He knew that if lives were in danger, he'd gladly sacrifice his pride for the safety of said lives – especially if it was his own. Now maybe that made him sound like a selfish or self-centered person, but in reality, that's just human nature, means to survive.

In any other case though, nothing would stop him in his tracks. Uzumaki Naruto was a proud person, indeed.

But that doesn't necessarily mean it's a positive trait.

Because of his pride, Uzumaki Naruto was also easily triggered. That had many times landed him in troublesome situations, under harsh conditions. There had been embarrassing moments, difficulties evading long, bothersome conversations, and the likes, but this had learnt our favorite blond to go by the philosophy "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger". So, eventually, he'd grown accustomed to it.

However, the troublesome situation this story will tell of didn't end up quite like the other ones…

After a lot of pestering from his father, a business man striving to climb the ranks, he had somehow become obligated to join one of the province's most prestigious hunting societies. Although he was extremely displeased with this decision, he couldn't bring himself to deceive his father's wish, especially not now when the man was just about to sign a contract with a leading company of the province: the Hyuuga Corps. And Hyuuga Neji, the future leader of the massive company, just happened to be the "Chief" of said hunting society. If Naruto gained a high standing in the society, his father would also gain a high standing in his work.

To tell the truth, Naruto didn't like this the least. Point one: he didn't like snobbish, stuck-up and rich people, like the ones in the club. They all thought they were so superior to any other person alive, just because they were born with silver spoons, forks and the whole kitchen in their mouths! Point two: the club required certain equipments, and these equipments went for prices his wallet did not find pleasing. So to speak, neither did Naruto, as its owner. And the infamous point three: must Hell consume whoever ever gave Naruto a firing weapon. He was a terrible shooter.

Yet, Naruto went with it. He was, after all, a proud person.

The first few meetings had not gone by as dreadfully as Naruto had expected. He'd made some mighty friends, like Inuzuka Kiba and Rock Lee, both from prestigious families. He'd even become Hyuuga Neji's personal manservant – meaning he got to carry his weapons and polish his boots after a hunt, and in fact, anything else the man could come up with. Though the job was treacherous, he also got chances to talk to Neji, or try to, as he was mostly ignored or set to do more work. That arrogant, pompous bastard… God, how he despised the man's attitude! Hyuuga Neji gravely thought he was the God of the ground he walked on!

After the next few meetings, Naruto had grown somewhat accustomed to his job. He was doing all right, and just being in the Snob-Club (as he had so kindly dubbed it) affected his father's stance positively. In spite of this, the work he was set to do was always frustrating and boring beyond means. One day, however, Naruto had ignited a small hope that this was going to change. That day, Hyuuga Neji talked to him – not to command him into doing some loathsome chores, but to talk, converse, chat, whatever you name it. Ramen be damned if Naruto didn't take this as an opportunity to put in a good word for his father so he could get out of the Snob-Club.

"Naruto-kun, I presume?" Neji acknowledged; his voice deep and powerful. The future Hyuuga Corp. president's mere presence gave any other conversation in the room a hushed tone. Neji liked to stand forth as a masculine symbol, an alpha male among his peers, a characteristic Naruto quietly joked about because of the more feminine length of the man's hair. But that didn't make him less powerful both socially and physically.

Swallowing any saliva that might've prevented him from speaking correctly in the presence of the powerful man, Naruto bent his head in a bow and answered politely: "Yes, that would be me, Hyuuga-dono."

"Please, call me Neji."

"Of course; as you wish, Neji-dono." He almost gagged at his own, faked politeness. What he wouldn't do just to call the man a snobbish dick and get away with it.

He raised his head as Neji continued speaking. "I've come to understand that you've been in this little society of ours for quite some time now."

"Precisely nine weeks, sir."

"Ah, that is quite some time, Naruto-kun," Neji said, agreeing to his own previous statement. "That is also more than two months, which is the quota for taking our Honored Membership test."

Naruto's attention perked as this. A test to become an honored member was exactly what he needed; it would bring him to among the higher ups, and with that he'd finally be able to something else but polishing boots and riffles. "I-Is that so, Neji-dono…?"

"Yes, that is so, and I'd like to see our members… perform well on this test," Neji continued, a sinister smile playing on his lips, though Naruto did not take notice of it. "One of our honored members left a week before you came, and I've yet to find someone to replace him. You've shown excellent spirit in the society, Naruto-kun. I'd very much like for you to join our ranks."

Gaping, Naruto couldn't quite find the right words. Neji actually asking of him to join the high-class snobs was too good to be true. Grinning ecstatically, he quickly replied: "I'd be honored, Neji-dono! Thank you!"

The other man chuckled at the blond's manners. "Don't thank me, Naruto-kun, but rather your friends, Kiba-san and Lee-san. They've spoken fondly of you." Naruto nodded, mentally making a note to bear-hug Lee and Kiba the next time he saw them. "Of course, like any other member, you'll have to complete the test."

"Of course I will!" Naruto replied, grinning widely. "I'll do anything you say! You can count on that. Uzumaki Naruto never goes back on his words!"

"That's the spirit," Neji said, clapping his hand softly as an encore. "For your Honored Membership test you have to slay an animal of my choice. You may use any weapon from the society's arsenal, and you also have access to our hunting cabins in the mountain and in the forest. Not many of them are occupied during the winter months."

"Thank you, Neji-dono. That's really appreciated."

"And again, please don't thank me. Every member taking the test gains the same privileges," Neji explained, chuckling as the blond's ears gained a red hue. "Well, let's not waste time. As for your assignment, Naruto-kun, I'd like you to slay…" Neji paused for a bit, seemingly thinking through his answer. "…Hm… Ah! I know. I'd like you to slay a bear."

Naruto stared wide-eyed at Neji. "A b-bear…? Are you sure about that, Neji-dono? I mean, I've yet to display any experience in the field, and…"

"You'll do fine, Naruto-kun," Neji assured. "Just do whatever you deem necessary, and killing a bear should be easy. The society's entertainment room needs a new bear-rug, anyway. Your success would be vital to the society, and when you do succeed I'll make sure you become one of our elite in time. And wasn't you the one who just said, ah, what was it? 'Uzumaki Naruto never goes back on his words'?"

Gulping softly, Naruto realized that trying to talk his way out of this one would be wasted effort. After all, he had to look good in front of Neji for his father's sake… "Alright," he said, looking confidently at the tall brunette. "I'll do it."

"I knew we could count on you, Naruto-kun," Neji said, eyes glimmering with an unknown cause. "You start whenever you deem yourself ready".

-SasuNaru-

"Brrr… Why does it have to be so freaking cold around here?"

Naruto felt like his nose was about to fall off. It was February, alright, so he knew it would be a little cold, but there's got to be a limit for how cold the forests could get. He was packed up in his navy-blue hunting jacket, made for the sole reason of keeping him warm, as well as a pair of dark green hunting pants, made for the same reason. Of course, he also wore gloves and hunting boots, as well as one of the snob-club's novice hunting caps, matching his pants and gloves. One would think that with such a huge amount of clothing, he wouldn't be cold at all, but be damned; his face was still exposed to the winter's icing cold.

On his back he carried a rifle, of which brand and size he couldn't care to remember. He was no weapon specialist, and he didn't plan on becoming one either. But he'd never stoop so low that he'd actually ask some snob for help with choosing a weapon to kill some animal. When he'd arrived at the smaller cabin the society had in the forest (which was more like an average house, if not bigger), he'd taken a look at the arsenal of weapons and chosen the one that looked easy to use as well as stylish in design. Yup, Uzumaki Naruto would do things with style!

Not that he felt cool now, standing in the snow, face frozen and no sign of any big animal, even though he'd walked around the area for hours! He was just about to call it a day and return to the cabin for some warmth and tea when he saw something big move ahead of him. Curiously, he walked closer to where the movement came from, and as he neared his goal, the word 'Bingo!' slipped through his mind. The animal wasn't facing him, but the big, brown ball of fur was a real, alive bear – no doubting it!

Lifting his riffle off of his back, Naruto quickly loaded it with a bullet. Lowering his stance, he pointed the weapon at the big animal. Lining his shot, he carefully released the safety trigger… and pulled the trigger.

Shit! The bang that followed was deafening, and Naruto suddenly remembered that he'd forgotten the ear pads he was supposed to wear. Dizzily, he fell to his knees and clutched his head, waiting for the ringing to stop. When it finally did, he stayed in the crouched position for a few seconds, gaze trained at the purely white snow on the ground. His head felt chilled, and he spotted the cap just a few feet to his left, but he didn't bother picking it up.

He had fired the riffle, which had gone fairly well, but… had he hit?

Looking up to where the bear had been a moment ago, Naruto found nothing. Puzzled, he put the riffle down and went to investigate. Once he came near, it was easy to see that something had been there, but he found no footprints of a bear, or any other animal, nor any stain of blood. Did he miss? But he did find footprints. Footprints that belonged to another part of the mammal family: human footprints. How come there were human footprints here where he'd shot at a bear, which he'd probably scared away? Suddenly it was as if the forest smelled strangely of pine and fresh air, blinding his senses. How come he hadn't realized this before? Fresh air he had smelt, alright, but what was this increase in pine scent?

Unexpectedly, Naruto felt something finger-like prick twice on his left shoulder. Hastily turning around, he came face to face with one of the most handsome beings he'd ever seen.

It was a man, he reckoned, with a complexion almost as pale as the snow around them. Standing in a remarkable contrast with his skin, his hair was darker than any coal Naruto had ever seen. The man's face was marred into a scowl, but Naruto still couldn't miss the fact that his eyes were marvelously shaded in such a dark grey, they almost seemed black. His lips were thin and pale, though it was as if they were a perfect fit for the man – a perfect part of an equally perfect face. The mysterious man was wearing but a tight, sleeveless leather west, equally tight pants and boots and short gloves to match. Naruto would've wondered how he could possibly bear the cold when his arms were barely clothed, hadn't it been for the fact that the stranger was also wearing a coat. A big, fluffy bear fur coat.

"You," the man spoke, his voice deep and sensual, but with a dangerous undertone.

"Me…?" Naruto repeated, pointing to himself.

The man gave him a look saying "who else?" which Naruto ignored as the man continued speaking. "You almost shot me."

"Wha…?" Just when Naruto realized that this man must've been what he'd mistaken for a bear because of his coat, he felt cold metal press up against his throat. It was the blade of a dagger. Squeaking, Naruto leant as far away from the chilled blade as he possibly could, but he found himself unable to move his feet and make a run for it. Eyes wide in fear and breathing unevenly, Naruto stared horrified at the stranger. "I-I'm sorry, sir! I didn't m-mean t-to…"

"What you meant to do doesn't really matter. I should take your life right now for almost succeeding in taking mine," the stranger spoke coldly, making Naruto gulp warily. The blond felt the stranger's eyes study him and taking in his features, which struck him as odd. Was he thinking of how to end his life...? When the dark grey eyes met with his own, he saw a creepy glint go through them as the corner of the stranger's lips lifted up in an equally creepy smirk. "But then again… it isn't that often I see pretty ones around these parts."

Naruto felt his cold cheeks heat up at the indirect compliment, glad that they were already colored red from the cold. He eyed the man suspiciously, still feeling the metal of the dagger on his throat. "What do you mean…?"

"I mean that I will offer you a deal," the stranger murmured, pulling the dagger back a few inches to Naruto's comfort, though the blond flinched once again when the stranger's gloved hand came up to stroke his scarred cheeks, caressing the whisker-like marks. "Either I kill you… or you let me have my way with you."

"W-What?!" the blond screeched, backing away from the touch, only to have the stranger step up to him again.

"I thought I made myself clear," the stranger said, his hand now toying with a lock of blond hair. "You die, or I get to fuck you. Even an idiot like you should be able to get that straight."

"Y-You can't be serious…" Naruto breathed, feeling his whole face heat up.

"Oh, I'm quite serious, Blondie."

"I… I… please, don't kill me!" he prayed, clenching his eyes shut, not wanting to see the ending blow when it came.

"So you'll let me fuck you."

"I didn't say—"

"Yes or no, dobe, just say it."

To underline his statement, the stranger pressed the dagger against Naruto's skin once again, making the blond squirm in discomfort. Automatically, Naruto knew that this was one of the situations where he would have to face the path of surrender. This man could kill him easily, as he was unarmed and not able to defend himself. He did not want to die, which left only one opinion – an opinion that would really hurt his pride… Naruto damned himself for being a proud man. "…yes."

The stranger smirked devilish, and before he could even blink Naruto felt himself pushed backwards, landing on a soft, warm surface. Catching a glance of it, Naruto realized it was the gigantic coat the stranger had been wearing, the one that had fooled him into believing the man to be a bear. How did he take it off so fast, anyway?

"Good choice, Blondie," the stranger commented, smirk still present on his face as he bent down to unbutton Naruto's jacket. Said blond was about to counter when he felt hot, wet lips on his neck, cutting him of. A soggy, warm tongue left trails of saliva which quickly grew cold in the winter air, making him want the warmth come back over the areas again. Naruto couldn't stop a wanton moan from escaping his lips. Never before had anyone tried necking him like that.

Too distracted by the stranger's mouth, Naruto never realized that the stranger had already gotten rid of most of his clothing, leaving him only in the wool clothing he wore underneath to keep warm, and the wool pants were already halfway off.

The stranger pulled back from the enjoyable neck to gaze over the squirming blond's form. Pleased to see such delightfully long legs, he decided to make use of those later on. Picking up his dagger, he used it to get rid of the only clothing left on the blond's torso – a thin, wool sweater – ignoring the protests it earned him. Unwilling to wait any longer, he ripped off the last rags of the thing, staring openly at his price that ached his back at the cold that hit the sensitive flesh of his chest.

From the moment the pretty thing spoke, he knew he wanted him. Those brilliant blue eyes had him enhanced in seconds, and he shamefully admitted that he had forgotten his plan of killing him on the spot the second they gained eye contact. His face, framed by dazzling blond locks of hair, was too adorable to pass up, and his skin was such a delicious caramel color, he couldn't possibly deny himself a taste. Now, looking down at the half naked, panting male, he didn't regret it for a second. He yearned to possess the blond, make him scream for him into the forest where only he could hear him.

Naruto felt cold, so to speak, and the stranger's lack of movement made him believe he'd reconsidered his ultimatum. Then he felt the warm breath on his ear again as a warm body pressed against his. "Hey, you're beautiful, you know that?"

It was as if something put his body on fire as the stranger spoke those words. No one had ever called him beautiful before. Handsome, a few times, but beautiful? Should he be flattered or offended…? He went for the latter. "You only call women beautiful, jack-ass," he bit out, narrowing his eyes as the stranger chuckled.

"You could've fooled me," the stranger's voice became huskily as the same, sinful tongue from before came down to lick his ear, dipping in and out of his shell. Naruto couldn't help but let out another, sinful moan at the erotic action. He felt warm hands travelling down his spine, sliding lower and caressing every muscle at an immorally slow pace. Every motion somehow affected his body, and he couldn't help the harsh panting or the waves of blood that streamed down to his southern regions.

"S-Stop doing that," he protested, trying to wiggle out of the iron grasp, only resulting in more contact of skin.

"You also look extremely fuck-able."

"And don't say such inappropriate things, jerk!"

"Sasuke," the stranger said. Naruto turned his head to stare questioningly at him.

"What…?"

"Sasuke," he repeated, lips caressing the blond's soft jaw line. "That's my name. You'd better memorize it, as that's what you'll be screaming for the next part."

"Like hell I will!" Naruto protested heatedly. "Can't you just do whatever you wanted to do and get the hell away from me?! I don't care if I call you bastard, jerk or Sa— SASUKE!!"

"Now that's a start," Sasuke smirked against the blond's cheek as he continued grinding down into the blond's lower regions, making his own, big need known to the blond and his growing one. The blond's screams and moans came out as incoherent rambling as he thrust down harder and faster. Blue eyes were shut tightly as a trail of sweat formed on his brow, pink lips opened invitingly – and who was Sasuke to turn down an invitation? Plunging his tongue into the moist cavern of the blond's mouth, the sensational taste of strawberries and dark chocolate took over his senses as he groaned delighted into the kiss.

Naruto was completely gone in some world of sinful pleasure. As the stranger, Sasuke, kissed him, the scent of pine was back in tenfold, the fresh odor possessing his senses with its alluring fragrance. The friction the humping caused wasn't making it easier, to say the least, and the clothed rod pressing against his thighs made him wonder just what he'd gotten himself into…

Sasuke deepened the kiss, determined to have everything the blond underneath him could possibly give. The locking of lips became a distraction to Naruto, in addition to the grinding of their bodies. The bare hand holding one of his buttocks and kneading the sensitive flesh was an added bonus to the blond's little pleasure filled world, so he never noticed the other hand sliding inside his boxers before a finger slipped between the crack and inside his entrance. Screaming at the sudden and pushy intruder, breaking the kiss, Naruto tried to lift himself away from the feeler which only resulted in sliding it further inside.

"Ah!! Get that thing out of there!"

"Hey, don't squirm like that… this is for your own good, gorgeous," Sasuke replied huskily, moving his finger around inside the blond's rectum. Never had he ever fingered such a tight asshole, and he could only imagine fucking it would be so many times better than any other he'd ever put his dick in. And the blond's reactions were just priceless – his face made the cutest expressions when he was touched, and his eyes would stare hazily out into the blue when he tried to regain his breath. Gorgeous, indeed...

Seeing his prized blond like this made his member fully erect, and he really couldn't wait to try out his new boy-toy. Using the hand that didn't have a finger buried in the blond's tightness, Sasuke slid the boxers down the tan legs, admiring the blond's beauty once again. He was pleased to see that the blond's weeping member was more than half erect already, and seeing him in such arousal brought his hormones into play. Oh, fuck, how he wanted to do the beautiful male… he hadn't been lying when he said he looked extremely fuck-able.

To make it easier to access the blond, Sasuke used his knee and free hand to spread the blond's legs apart. Tired of waiting, he pushed in another finger along with the other one with slight difficulties due to the lack of lubrication, but the blond would have to deal with it. Sasuke wanted something, and Sasuke would have it no matter the cost – even if that included fucking him raw.

Naruto jerked up again at the new, pushing finger that slipped past his entrance, resulting in taking both intruders further inside. He clenched his eyes shut and bit his lip at the strange, probing feeling. Good grief, things weren't supposed to go in that way! And though it didn't necessarily hurt (yet), it stung like a bitch when the fingers spread. Gasping as a third finger went inside, he glared up at Sasuke who was staring amused at the blond's hole.

"Mm… It's like you're eating them up, pretty," Sasuke murmured, meeting the blond's glaring eyes with his own, seductive look. "I wonder; would you suck me in like that, too? If you enjoy fingering this much, I'd gladly show you penetration…"

"Go to hell!"

"Oh, I probably will, someday. But before that day, I plan on enjoying myself as much as I can, starting by fucking you." To underline his point, Sasuke thrust his fingers inside the blond, earning himself another moan. Knowing he couldn't keep this up any longer, Sasuke let go of the blond's legs, though his fingers remained inside the blond as he skillfully one-handed rid himself of the leather pant keeping his cock imprisoned. Shuddering in relief as his dick was finally released he looked down at the blond to see another priceless reaction.

Naruto gaped wide-eyed, forgetting all about the intruders in his ass. Not ever, not even in pictures, had he seen a penis at that size standing erect. There was just no way he'd let the bastard put that inside of him! Voicing his thoughts, Sasuke only chuckled in response.

"Oh, it's going in, alright, whether you want it or not. That was the deal – this or your life," he replied, pulling out his fingers slowly, making sure to gently rake his nails along the walls, just to make the blond scream again. When his hands were both free, he placed them at the blond's thighs. "Now, spread those pretty legs for me, will you…"

"Like fuck, I will!" Naruto spat, resulting in Sasuke prying them open either way.

"It's all for your own good, dobe. Now if you'll just keep them—" Sasuke lifted one of the delightful legs over his shoulders and trapped the other with his knee "—spread like that, we'll both gain something good out of this." Using his free hand, Sasuke grabbed a hold of his dick, guiding it along the blond's spread thighs, leaving a trail of pre-cum on the tanned skin, before settling at the blond's twitching entrance where he circled around a little, smearing it in.

"Fuck you," Naruto rasped out, wishing the man a long and painful death.

Sasuke smirked dangerously, voice dipping to a rough and sensual level. "I believe it's 'fuck you', Blondie." Without warning, he pressed the tip of his penis against the hole, pushing it in slowly; ignoring the blond's screaming protests. While sheeting himself, Sasuke decided that this was definitely the best hole he'd ever fucked. It was tighter than he had predicted, the warmth of the walls clenching around him was Heavenly, and the suction…god damn it, it was like the blond's insides were trying to gnaw his dick off, judging by the way he was being swallowed. Groaning in pleasure, he continued pushing in.

Only when his entire length was inside the blond, balls and public hair pressed up against perfectly rounded ass-cheeks, he stopped, looking up at the panting blond. Trails of tears were rolling down his cheeks, and his eyes were shut tightly as he exhaled clouds of warm air. He looked as if was concentrating hard on something, perhaps trying to find anything enjoyable in the act being performed at him. Sweat trailed along with the tears, falling onto the brown bearskin that separated the pair from the ice-cold snow. Looking like that, with his cock buried inside him, Sasuke couldn't help but think of the blond as some kind of angel, or something else inhuman, sent to satisfy his needs. The blond was perfect in every way physically, every expression and reaction was pleasing to the eye… He was simply beautiful.

"Hey, Blondie," Sasuke said, trying to catch the blond's attention. He was ignored, which annoyed him a little. Rocking forward, burying himself even deeper, he got the blond to open his eyes as he gasped at the rough movement. Naruto glared up at him, eyes filled with loathing and disgust, which Sasuke paid no attention to. Instead he smirked, rocking forward once more to make the blond squirm again. "…tell me, are you a virgin, dobe?"

At the brilliant flush that spread over the blond's face, Sasuke knew he'd hit head-on.

"Mhm, no wonder you're so tight then," he said huskily, leaning forward and bringing the blond's knees up to his tanned chest. "Let's loosen you up a little, shall we?" Not letting the blond answer, Sasuke pulled almost all the way out before thrusting back in. When the blond screamed, he repeated the action, wanting to hear more of the delightful sounds. He went faster, more forcefully with each thrust.

"Ah!! Ngh—no! Don't go so fast—AH!!"

"Yeah, that's it, beautiful… Scream for me!"

"No, don't—SASUKE!!" Grinning wickedly, Sasuke knew he'd hit the right spot. He felt himself grow even harder inside the blond as he screamed his name.

"Hn—Come on, gorgeous! Say my name again!"

"N-No…"

"What was that?" Sasuke questioned wickedly, thrusting even harder as he continued fucking the blond raw, avoiding hitting the spot again where he knew the blond would feel ecstasy as well.

"No! Hit that again, p-please!!"

"What's the magic name, beautiful? I know you know what to say." Abruptly, he stopped thrusting, waiting for the blond to elaborate.

"Please, S-Sasuke…"

"'Please' what…? I'm afraid I didn't hear you there."

"P-Please, Sasuke…! Do it again! Fuck, just hit that spot again, Sasuke!!"

Grinning at his triumph, Sasuke slid back in again, nailing the spot, making the blond scream his name again. He continued fucking the sore blond, wanting to make him cum harder than he'd ever done before. The blond kept screaming his name, like a mantra or a lifesaver, driving Sasuke to go faster and deeper than ever before.

"Oh God, Sasuke… fuck 'suke… Sasuke…!"

Letting go of the blond's legs that automatically wrapped themselves around his waist, he grabbed the blond's weeping member that was pressed between them as they went at it, pumping it with the detonation to make him come before spraying his own seeds. After several more thrusts, he managed to make the blond release with another scream of his name, and the tightening of muscles around him made him follow shortly after, grunting in pleasure.

Pulling out of the exhausted blond with a slippery sound, he wiped himself off with a rag remaining from some of the blond's clothing and redressed himself in the leather clothes he had worn before. Turning around, he gazed over at the blond who was still lying on the bearskin, panting heavily while covered in fluids that most likely were chilled by then, drying up. His eyes travelled down to the blond's now not-so-virgin entrance – watching his sperm flow out of the rectum was like the icing on the cake of the erotic sight in front of him. A wave of possessiveness came over him, and he suddenly got the urge to bring the blond with him… but he'd kept his part of the deal. Now the blond was free to go. And Sasuke would be left with a bearskin to rinse…

"Hey, Blondie," he said, nudging the resting figure with his foot. "You've got to get up. I need my coat back, you know."

Naruto cracked his eyes open, glaring sorely at the man in front of him, even though he was right. Awkwardly getting up, he put on the clothes that weren't torn to shreds or violated in any other way. Avoiding facing the man that had just raped his pride over toughly, he proceeded to clumsily walk back to his weapon and then get back to the cabin, when Sasuke stopped him.

"Hey, Blondie…"

"I do have a name, you know!" he spat venomously.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at him, lifting his coat off of the ground. "Which is…?"

Looking away, the blond replied. "…Naruto."

"Well then, Naruto," Sasuke snickered. "Thanks for the fuck. I'd be glad to do you again someday."

Before Naruto could reply, Sasuke was gone.

-SasuNaru-

Neji was busy placing orders on new riffles for the society's arsenal when Inuzuka Kiba stormed his office. "Where is he?"

Kiba's voice was dangerously low, and had Neji been any less of a man, he'd probably wet himself right where he stood. Well, lucky Neji, then. "Ah, Kiba-kun… what can I do for you in such a lovely afternoon?"

"Cut out the crap, Neji," Kiba snapped at him. "Tell me where Naruto is!"

"Naruto-kun is taking his test right now. He's gone to the forest and is currently residing in our northern forest cabin," Neji answered nonchalantly. "And seeing how devoted he is, I doubt we will be seeing him for a while."

There was a pause before Kiba spoke up again. "What task did you give him?"

"Kiba-kun, I believe that is not of your concern—"

"What task did you give him, Neji?!"

"…the bear."

Kiba stared in disbelief at the Chief of the society. "The bear…?" Neji nodded in reply. "There are no fucking bears out in February, Neji."

"Oh, I know," Neji said, paying attention to the papers on his desk again. "But I guess this is just a display of Naruto-kun's incompetence. Obviously, he didn't know that."

Kiba gaped at his superior, having to restrain himself not to give him a piece of his mind – or rather fist. With the belief that Naruto would figure it out and get tired, sooner or later, he left the room praying that the blond didn't get himself into more trouble…

-SasuNaru-

Naruto huffed as he pushed another log of firewood into the fireplace. He had to bend down to do so, which wasn't too bad, but once he stood up again, pain like no other shot up his spine. If only he hadn't met that Sasuke-bastard yesterday, he wouldn't be having this problem! He should've gotten his sight checked before he got here. His medical journal was pretty much empty, but if he couldn't see the difference between a bear and a human being, something had got to be wrong with him! But the fact that he'd mistaken something wasn't what was bothering him, but rather the fact that he had ended up being forced to take it up the ass – quite literally – by some stranger, and at some point actually liking it, hurt his pride a great deal.

He couldn't believe that he'd actually screamed the man's name! God, if there was one thing he'd like to delete from the history book, it was officially this.

Once Naruto had gotten inside, he'd taken a bath in the cabin's bath house, scrubbing furiously at his skin. The scrubbing had left red marks, but they had healed overnight, so they were nothing too serious. Naruto would rather walk with those marks than have that bastard's smell on him. The blond had given up on that mission when he realized the soap he'd been using was also pine-scented… Sleeping that night had been hell. No matter which position he decided on, his ass protested heavily, so when he finally fell asleep due to pure exhaustion, it had been a restless sleep.

Naruto snorted at his own lack of common sense for having ended himself up in yet another one of his infamous troublesome situations. But today, he decided, would be different, and he'd actually find a bear and shoot the animal. Today, he wouldn't be mistaken, and he'd be able to go home as a new honored member of the rich bastards' Snob-Club. Today, Uzumaki Naruto would not fail his mission.

With that as his detonation, Naruto puffed his chest and looked out the window to meet another clear day. As he stared off into the horizon, he abruptly froze. He blinked rapidly, and then rubbed his eyes to make sure his sight wasn't fooling him. This was too good to be true… down by the riverbank, a several yards away from the cabin, sat a real, alive bear.

Eyes lighting up, he ran to grab one of the riffles from the arsenal before opening the door, stepping outside. Standing on the terrace of the cabin, he had a clear shot at the animal, and if he actually managed to miss, he'd be able to grab some ammunition and follow the mammal before it got away. With that as his plan, he put on a couple of ear pads and aimed his weapon. Calming his nerves, he made sure he had a clear line of sight. And then he fired…

BANG!

Hit! He was sure of it! Pulling off the pads, he picked up a pair of field glasses he'd brought along and aimed after the spot he'd seen the bear. But… where was it? He knew it was that one exact spot, but there wasn't even a single sign of the bear or any blood… had he missed again? If so, where did it run off to? Biting his lips in disappointment, Naruto didn't feel the presence behind him before he was pricked on the shoulder. Blue eyes widened as he rapidly spun around to come face to face with the one man he did not wish to see again.

"Oi, Naruto," Sasuke said, teasingly. "Are you actually trying to kill me?"

"W-Wha…No! Of course I'm not!" said blond protested, backing away from the man, only to have him follow. "I thought you were a bear!" He said, truthfully, making Sasuke raise an eyebrow.

"A bear…? Funny, Blondie," he snorted sarcastically. Everyone knew that bears hibernated during this time of the year. "But you still shot at me, again… meaning you owe me something, again."

"I owe you nothing, bastard!" Naruto defended, but his words fell for deaf ears as Sasuke's dagger was familiarly pressed up against his throat.

The other man smirked. "So, deal is same as yesterday. Either I kill you or you let me fuck you."

Looking into Naruto's disbelieving eyes Sasuke already knew he'd won.

-SasuNaru-

"Ah…"

Naruto moaned loudly, throwing his head back as he was lowered onto Sasuke's erect penis again. The action exposed a long neck filled with angry red marks from sucking and biting, a view which Sasuke admired as he held onto the caramel hips of the blond, helping him ride his cock. The familiar suction from yesterday was as if doubled over the night – as was the blond's tightness. Not to mention his beauty. The warmth of the fireplace mixed with the one of the steamy sex, and the light from the flames illumined the blond's hazy eyes and blended with his brilliant blond hair. The softness of his coat underneath them was an extra bonus, but the male sitting in his lap, swallowing his dick was really worth living for.

God, Naruto really was beautiful.

He groaned deeply as the blond went lower before he helped him slide up his member only to drop him down again, striking the bundle of nerves that had grown extremely sensitive.

"Oh fuck, you're so tight, beautiful…" His compliment made the blond's rectum tighten around him, to which he couldn't help but smirk. "You really like it when I talk dirty to you, don't you, Naruto? Just like how you like fingering. But judging by your expression, I'd bet you like my cock in your ass even better, huh…"

"S-Shut up!" the blond protested, but it was easily drowned in another ecstatic moan as Sasuke bucked up to meet him when he was lowered down again.

"Well, I'd rather you don't. I love the sound of your voice, you know that, Naruto? It makes me hard. And we both know how much you like hard cock, don't we?" Sasuke was a little surprised when two tan hands found their way to his head, jerking it up so he'd look into deep, hazy eyes.

"Teme…Just shut up and fuck me properly, bastard!" Naruto spat at him before locking their lips in a bruising kiss, to which Sasuke couldn't complain. Caramel arms circled around his neck, deepening the kiss as he sped up, lifting and dropping, meeting the blond with every thrust. Most of the hard work went to Naruto, though, lifting himself off of the hard appendage before sitting down again to be filled with nerve breaking ecstasy. The blond rested his forehead against his neck, his breathing labored as his riding tuned into rocking. "So close… Sasuke, so close…"

Hearing his blond beg like that, Sasuke couldn't help it any longer. Carefully, he laid Naruto down onto the bearskin and grabbed a hold of the blond's slender legs. He pressed his lips against Naruto's again, swallowing any scream that might've come out as he started thrusting into him at an animalistic pace. The tightening of the blond's rectum was enough to let him know that he was close to coming, and with a rigid thrust into his prostate, Sasuke brought him over the edge.

Sasuke swallowed the scream the blond let out as he rode out his orgasm, thought it was easy to feel his own name vibrating on his lips. He continued thrusting inside the spent Naruto, breaking the kiss to groan out the blond's name as he finally reached his own completion, spraying his seeds as deep as he could. For some reason, he wanted them to stay in there, just to show other people that he had taken the blond first.

Riding out his own orgasm, he collapsed onto the blonde, relieving in his warmth. God, he'd do anything just to stay the night like that, warm and blissfully still buried within the blond… He figured he should ask Naruto if he could, but stopped himself as he heard the blond's even breathing. Che, the dobe was asleep.

Oh well. He'd just invite himself then.

-SasuNaru-

Naruto awoke, abruptly sitting up only to fall back down again at the seething pain running up and down his spine. Holding back the tears stinging in his eyes, he looked around him. He was alone, lying on one of the couches in the main entertainment room. The acts of the day before seemed like a blur to him, and the only thing proving them to be true was the fact that he was naked, smelt funny and felt something liquid-like run out of his entrance…

Fuming, he stood up and ignored the pain as he raced to the bath house. Once in the water, he hugged his knees and let his tears flow freely.

He wasn't crying because of the pain. Not even when that bastard… Sasuke had taken him raw the first time, had he cried because of the physical pain. He was a man, damn it! He could take a little pain, and he healed fast, anyway, but there was one thing he couldn't heal that easily. That thing was his pride. And now some fucking bastard in a bearskin had raped it over – twice. And both times, he'd ended up enjoying it. Fuck, things weren't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to shot a fucking bear and then go home, but he still hadn't managed to do so! Instead, he'd ended up being fucked by that bastard and forced into liking it.

But no more…No more would he let such things happen to him. He'd find a way to get around it, get his revenge, and avoid another such situation forever!

Uzumaki Naruto was a proud man, indeed.

And no one fucked with his pride and got away with it.

-SasuNaru-

Naruto smiled proudly at his work.

Using about every weapon he could find – including mines, knives, a bazooka, and about every other weapon a hunting society really shouldn't have in their possession – he'd put up a foolproof plan that no bear (or human) could possibly avoid. All needed was a push at a tiny button, and whatever he had in sight would cease to exist. He had to pat himself on the back for this one – there was now officially no way he could miss his target.

His target was the bear wandering around the bushes behind the cabin. And this time, he knew it was a bear! And even if it wasn't, and once again was actually that bastard the world would probably be better off without Sasuke in it. There was no way he was putting this off now. Either he'd be getting his bearskin, or he'd be getting his revenge: a win-win situation on his part.

Smiling wickedly he aimed the weapons at the target, putting on two pairs of the ear pads he'd found. He would probably need them.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, a little special something I've written out for you," Naruto muttered to himself, grinning mischievously. "I've called it 'Doomsday'. Please, sit back and enjoy the show."

With that, he tapped the button.

Before he could even blink, it was as if World War II happened right in front of him all over again. Tree splinters flew everywhere, snow blew around, and massive bangs and booms sounded all around him. A big cloud of smoke filled the area as the "fireworks" ended, and Naruto wrenched off the ear pads as he waited excited for the cloud to lessen. There was absolutely no way anything could've survived something like that! Once the smoke finally lay down, Naruto stared in disbelief at the scene. Trees were burnt to ashes, the snow was melted or covered in black gunpowder, knives were embedded into the ground and the few remaining trees, and the earth had blown up at places where the mines had been activated.

But there wasn't one patch of blood, and not anything that told of a dead bear…

A dreadful feeling clenched around his stomach as he felt warm breathing on the shell of his ear and the smell of pine increased around him…

"Naruto…you aren't missing on purpose, are you?"

END

A/N: Blah-blah, drop dead at my almighty humor. (Sarcasm…) The real joke this is based on is about a Finnish drunk (no idea why he's Finnish, but my uncle said so) who wants to shoot a bear for his buddy's engagement party. Now, what happens is that he misses the bear, resulting in the bear asking him whether he wants to live or not – if he wants to live, he have to let the bear take him from behind. This repeats itself two times, and at the third time, the bear asks him if he's missing on purpose. I told you, my uncle has such sick humor, and I'm even sicker who made a story out of it…

Like I told you in the first A/N, hint on how to improve my lemons will be appreciated! I'm still an amateur lemon farmer, so I need hints from the customers – please tell me how you want your lemons! Thank you for reading!

-TKCat