Well, I'm back!
Hope this one's a bit better.
After practically dragging him outside in annoyance, Anya groaned. Great, it was pouring.
"What's the problem, lass? Lost?"
"NO." Then she smirked. "I'm not old enough to drive yet, so-"
She raised her eyebrows. "Y'know, drive? As in, with a car? Those big metal things rolling around on the roads?"
He nodded slowly. "Aye. Those," he said uncertainly.
Anya just shook her head. "Right, whatever. Anyway, I skateboard."
Anya was about to explain, but glared at him instead. This jerk's mocking me?!
"Just c'mon. The rain's making me moody." She went around the massive house and grabbed her trusty green-and-black mode of transportation.
He eyed it, then laughed. "What exactly does that flimsy thing do?" Anya smirked. "This is how I get around. And this flimsy thing is how we're getting to my house."
Oh, this is gonna be good.
The ride home was hilarious. You'd think the guy had never been on anything but his own two feet before, the way he clung to her for dear life like that.
When they finally hopped off, he nodded his approval. "Your..skateboard got us here in less than ten minutes!"
Anya shrugged as she dug in her pot of dirt on the porch for the keys. "That's because we were only a couple blocks away. We could've walked here, but watching you spazz out was a lot more fun."
He waved her off. "I didn't spazz out. Methinks you just like my hands on your waist, which is completely understandable, luv," he said with a grin.
Anya swung the door open with more force than necessary. "Methinks you're mistaken. Me-ALSO-thinks if you call me 'lass' or 'luv' one more time, I just might tape your mouth shut and hang you by your shirt on the nearest flagpole."
She headed for the back door and let in her dog. He dashed in, practically glaring at his owner. "Sorry, Leopold. It wasn't raining when I let you out."
The stranger, still grinning, shut the door and scratched the dog's ears. "A hostile lass, eh? I like it."
Anya rolled her eyes. "Wow, I'm so glad. I modeled my sparkling personality just for you."
"Why did you name him Leopold, lass?"
This Lass thing is obviously never going away..
"Robin's idea. And you can call me Anya," she added in annoyance. "Anya. Hmm. Are you Russian?"
She raised an eyebrow as he inspected her blender, jumping with a yell when it started whirring. "Yeah. Blenders do that. They, uh, blend things? Y'know, I still don't know who you are."
He turned to face her, flashing a smile as if he hadn't spazzed over a common kitchen appliance. "Me? Why I am Captain Jack Sparrow, lass."
Anya stared at him for a few seconds. Then she promptly laughed her ass off. "Bwahahahahahahahaaa!! Jack...Sparrow?! That's good, that's reeaalll good! Hahaha...ha..ha..ehhh," she trailed off.
"Oh. You think you're serious?!"
"I think I'd know who I was, lass. And it's Captain Jack Sparrow. Captain."
Anya pointed at him. "But...you can't be!!"
"Why not?" He asked with honest confusion.
"Because! He's NOT real, you AREN'T a pirate, and you aren't even OLD ENOUGH to be Johnny Depp!!" She stuttered, obviously flustered.
Anya almost believed him. Damn him for making her want to.
"Jack" raised an eyebrow. "Who in the name of Davy Jones is Johnny Depp??"
"Huh?! Do you live under a damn rock?! Explain everything. NOW."
ALMOST AN HOUR LATER...
Anya sat motionless and wide-eyed on the floor. "...So..lemme get this straight. You met Hernan Cortes?"
"Aye. Nasty bloke, too. Smells ghastly."
"And you're from the eighteenth century Caribbean."
"1785 England, if you want to get technical. Us runaways get around, you know."
"Ignoring that. And all those adventures really happened?"
"I swear on me life."
"And you just woke up in Virginia on Halloween of 2009?"
"Aye! And I was wandering around in a daze when I ran into you, whom I thought was my friend Arabella, and followed you the rest of the day," he finished.
"....Ah. I see. THAT'S not hard to believe at all.." Jack sighed. "You don't believe me? Still?"
"No no, I buy it. It all makes sense. In a sad, demented kind of way. It's just...nevermind. I'll be back."
After changing into Pjs, she went back downstairs. He was staring at the tv screen in wondeer. She bit her lip to keep from laughing.
Well, at least my house is less empty...Poor guy. He's probably more confused than I am, which is most definitely saying something.
Anya quietly crept back to her room.
She woke up slowly. Her alarm clock beeped loudly from her nightstand three minutes later.
She promptly yanked the plug from the outlet and threw it against the nearest wall.
Much better. Anya sighed in contentment before rolling over...and shouting before jumping up into a fighting stance on her bed.
"Relax, lass! Bonkers," Jack muttered.
Anya slowly sat down cross-legged on her bed. "I'm bonkers?! You're the one who was watching me sleep."
"Was not! ...I'm hungry."
Anya blinked. "And? You've got arms and legs. Fix somethin' yourself!"
She then sighed and got up anyway. "I'm only doing this because I'm hungry," she added as if that made a huge difference.
"Suurree." She heard him laugh to himself. "Just like Bell."
"I am NOT Arabella! God!"
TEN MINUTES LATER...
Jack made a face at the food. Anya glared at him. "What."
He poked it. "What is this supposed to be, lass?"
Anya growled. If I hear lass one more time..!! "A Pop-Tart. You eat it! Like so..." She took a bite out of hers.
He hesitantly did the same. Anya glanced at the clock and sighed miserably. Thirty minutes to take a shower, take care of Leopold, and lecture Jack on the importance of staying indoors away from any sign of human life.
After a few seconds, he nodded. "...Fruity." Anya tried very hard not to laugh. "Okay, yes, fantastic. You eat that, and I'll be back. DO NOT use the upstairs bathroom, use the one down the hall. Got it?"
Without even waiting for an answer, Anya dashed up the stairs, taking off random bits of clothing on the way.
When she first got in the shower, her thoughts went a little like this: Oh crap, I'll never get to school on time! Arrghh, I should've finished that stupid Pop-Tart..
And so on. But within the first three minutes her thoughts dissolved into content sighs as the hot water washed away any and all traces of the drunkies from that stupid party the night before.
So, needless to say, when she heard the door swing open, she was totally caught off-guard. Anya let out a yell and fell flat on her ass. "Get out!!"
"What the-WHERE ARE YOU?!"
Anya saw his hand grab the shower curtain and she smacked it away. "You found me, you found me!! Don't touch that curtain, you perv!!!"
"Perv?" He wondered out loud. Oh yeah. 1785. Whoops.
Anya sighed, made sure the curtain was covering her body, and poked her head out.
Jack's eyebrows immediately shot up. "Why're you so wet, lass?"
"This is SOOOO not a 'lass' moment! I'm taking a freaking shower! It's like a bath but more convenient and with hotter water," she explained angrily.
He turned a little red. "...Oh."
She sighed impatiently in response. "Do you have a problem, Jack? Well, besides your obvious ones."
"Oh, right. There's an extremely irritating beeping noise, and it sounds quite urgent."
"It's probably just- wait, what?? Sounds urgent?"
"Um...okaayy. Hold on a tick, just PLEASE GET OUT."
As soon as he shut the door, she turned the water off with a sigh.
Such a great shower, too...Well, most of it, anyways..