New scene! Wooo! A slightly shorter one this time but with TWO new songs. "Not By Any Means" can be sung to the tune of "No Bravery" by James Blunt. Enjoy, and as always reviews are appreciated!

(Curtain opens on V and R in bed. V is already awake and sitting in the corner, leaving R curled lower down. R wakes up, sitting up and stretching. He turns to look at V)

R: Someone slept well.
V: I do not know why.
R: You were tired.

(R stands up slowly.)

V: It's still early. (Looks away) Are you sure it is wise to go so soon?

(R smiles.)

R: Don't get me wrong: Xykon is a horrible, horrible abomination. But he's not really the type to randomly snap his right-hand man's ribs often. He only did that because he's frustrated about his phylactery. You don't need to be worried.

(Crosses arms.)

V: I am not worried.

R: Sure.

(R cocks his head and studies the elf in front of him.)

R: …Food will come soon.

V: Have there been any developments with my comrades?

(R shrugged)

R: They're not dead as far as I know. I'll tell you if I hear something significant that won't give you too much information about us, okay?

(V nods, eyes thoughtful)

V: That is very generous of you. Thank you.

R: No rants about how I'm not acting consistently?
V: You've proven that you have no concern about that. Continual protest would be a waste of my energy.

R: You've proven that you have no concern about that.

V: Stop repeating what I say.

(R smirks)

R: I only do it when it's applicable.

(V frowns then slips from the bed to stand on the floor.)

R: Vaarsuvius, you're going to fall again.

V: I think that my legs are getting stronger, and I wish to evaluate something. Yes, I think I will be able to walk on my own soon.

R: Great. So I won't have to catch you again?

(V blushes, turning her face away to try and hide the colouration)

V: You didn't have to in the first place.

(R rolls his eye)

R: Whatever you say, Vaarsuvius. Just don't fall and get hurt while I'm not around to pick you up.

V: I can pick myself up.

R: I know. It's easier on you if you have help. I'll be back tonight.

(R leaves, curtain closes)

(Curtain opens on R standing at the top of a tower, near the edge, staring up at the Snarl)

"Under Wraps"

The sun is setting on another day

Though darkness is not coming

The Snarl light scares the Night away

And sets my nerves to chiming


The lich could lose his rag at any time

And lash out at those he blames

The search for his phylact'ry come to naught

And all can feel the strain


But through this all there's one place I would be

With an elf with purple hair

Despite myself it's not difficult to see

I've come to respect, to ca-No.


Refuse to say there may be something more

Steel yourself so you don't lapse

Only show emotions you can control

Any others under wraps

(T comes on stage)

T: So you finally got back from the elf's room? Did you sleep with her or torture her? Or both?

(R jumps in surprise and spins round scowling)

R: Don't you have anything better to do?

T: All the slaves are settled down. They thought they could rebel. How cute. (Smiles, crosses her arms and saunters up to R) So you really do like us mammals more than you say. How does it feel to do it with someone who is actually warm and squishy for once in your life?

(R sneers, shaking his head)

R: You're disgusting. I should have only expected it. (He turns away and moves to look down at the damaged castle) I'm busy trying to think of our next strategy. It would help if you left.

T: Strategy is no fun. Talking about your sex life with the prisoner is.

R: It's a pretty one-sided conversation, Tsukiko.

(R closes his eye and rubs the bridge of his nose. T moves to look down the tower beside R. Pause.)

T: Is she a screamer? The formal ones usually are. Or maybe that uptight wizard thing extends to the bedroom and she's just really, really quiet.

(R sighs)

R: If you won't leave, I will. I would try and deny sleeping with the elf but given your twisted sense of logic you would deem that it only proved my guilt.

(R starts towards the door.)

T (shouting after him): You don't seem like the type to sleep around! Are you in love with her? 'Cuz if you are, I'm never going to let you forget it!

(R turns back to look at her)

R: I'm sorry, when did you graduate fifth grade? Last week?
T: It's a classic! (Jogs after R and they continue across the tower) Hey, Reddy, as a special favour, when Xykon eventually gets you to soak her for information and kill her off, I'll make a special zombie spell for you! You can do her all you want and you won't have to hear that annoying stuck-up voice of hers.

(R tenses, step faltering)

I can even make her warm or cold, how you like. You seem to be more into cold girls—reptile thing, I guess—but you might've developed a liking for the finer temperatures of bodies. (frowns) We'd have to change her clothes, probably. Let her show off what she's got. I can barely tell what sex she is under those robes.

(Everything stops, spotlight on R who is angry, livid, furious)

R: Turning the prideful, defiant, fiery, alive Vaarsuvius cold? Silent? A glorified sex toy in clothes normally reserved for street-walking whores? Losing the warmth that made it so valuable? The pride and rebellious attitude that made it beautiful? The ability to speak all of its thoughts? To be honest with me about how exactly it thinks about me and what I do? (Pause, softer) Losing what makes Vaarsuvius, Vaarsuvius?

"Not By Any Means"

The elf is stubborn as an ox

And its pride cannot be swayed

Fire flashing in its eyes

Since it's been here

Passion tripping off its tongue

Fury that I can't be placed

In a role that does not change

While it's been here


But to see no bravery

No bravery in its eyes anymore

Would be madness


Would be madness


You say to me standing here

That I should want the elf to die

A prospect I don't want to face

Since it's come here

A crude semblance of life

Fire and pride have been misplaced

Defiance lost without a trace

Just a shell there


And to see no bravery

No bravery in its eyes anymore

Would be madness



Lose the value of its warmth?

And the beauty of its pride?

Take each aspect of its spirit,

That it's kept here?

There's no way I would accept this fate

My respect for it is too great

To have it lose its defining traits

Just to stay here


And to see no bravery

No bravery in its eyes anymore

Would be madness


Would be madness

(Lighting returns to normal. T has not moved.)

T: Hey, are you going to respond or am I going to have to go into even more detail about the things I can do for your zombie?

(R appears unmoved)

R: You're a very, very sick woman. Go and make sure the slaves are in their proper jobs.

(T frowns)

T: Do I hear an edge to your voice? (Smiles widely) Oh Gods, you really do love her!
R: That's the problem with you and Xykon. You're both too lazy to actually investigate things, so you just go with your first assumptions. Go and watch the slaves before they decide that they want to rebel again.

T: Whatever you say, Romeo. (laughs)

R: Romeo?

T: From the old human play! (laughs) It's a great one, Reddy! Romeo and Juliet! Might give you some insight on how this story will end.

(T runs off the stage. R rubs his face then leaves as well. Curtain closes.)

(Curtain opens on a battlefield. Ruined houses, smoke and the ever present purple glow of the Snarl. Haley is pacing back and forth around the rubble. Roy walks on stage.)

R: Haley, you're going to have to stop pacing at some point. (Looks up at sky) Night's going to come soon.

(H stops and runs a hand through her hair)

H: V's been missing for… how long have we been gone?

R: Long enough. (Sighs, frowns and crosses his arms) Look, Haley, I'm worried too. Vaarsuvius is my friend as well as part of my party. I don't want him hurt any more than you do. Pacing won't help.
H: Apparently, neither will actually looking for her!

R: I don't know what they did. They cast a spell or something.

H: That'd be easy to fix with a spell caster.

R: I know, Haley. Go and scout for a bit. Burn off the restless energy. Just make sure you're back here soon.

(H and R stare at each other for a moment then H relaxes)

H: Thanks, Roy.

(H jogs off into the streets. Curtain closes. End of scene six.)