"Edward…I….just. Can we go to your parents house?" I was distraught. Esme had always had the answers for me, maybe she would again. Edward just nodded and led me out to his car. He was also distraught, with total reason to be.
We arrived at Carlisle's and Esme's house and got out of the car. I was numb, Edward looked deep in thought. We knocked and Esme opened the door. She obviously hadn't heard the news yet. The minute she saw us in tears she was comforting us both. Carlisle was still at the hospital, where we had just been, so Esme was home alone. She just held Edward and Edward held me for almost an hour. I was so appreciative to have Esme in my life. For her to just sit there wasting her time on us. She didn't even know what was wrong but she would comfort us in a second. I loved her even more for this. She truly was a mother to me. Since the minute I met her, the first time Edward brought me to meet his parents, she had cared for me as though I was her daughter. I was happy to oblige to being her daughter. It was easy when we got married; Edward's family was already mine before hand.
"Esme, I want to tell you what's wrong. It's just….hard to say." I trembled as I spoke.
"Dear, you can tell me whenever you want to, even if that means never." Esme held only care and worry, for me I'm sure, in her voice.
"Actually Esme I'm ready to tell you. Edward, do you mind. I really need some mother to daughter talk, even if she's your mother." Edward had a somewhat hurt look on his face but I knew he understood. Esme and I walked in to the kitchen. Esme put together a nice looking lunch for me. We sat at the table and I started to nibble on the food. The sandwich was delicious!
"yummy, thank you Esme, this is delicious." I smiled, I had finally stopped crying. I figured I should just tell her, I wanted her advice.
"Today I went to see Carlisle. You see, I haven't been feeling great lately. Not just pregnant but really sick. I'm having a relapse Esme, my worst nightmare! I have to get treatment immediately or the babies could die. I could die, all three of us could die. If I don't get the treatment then I could have the babies but I would only live for about six more moths. The treatment though, could kill the babies." I finished and broke out in to tears again. Esme was crying too and we just held each other.
"Dear, dear Bella. I don't know what to say. Have you thought about what you want to do?" Esme questioned. This was the ultimate question, to have my kids live and me die, or for the babies to possibly die and for me to live. The second option seemed so…selfish. At the same time though, I wanted to live for Edward and for my unborn children. If I chose to have the treatment though, I may kill my own children. I don't think I would ever be able to live knowing I had killed my children. This was one tough decision.
"I just don't know. I need your advice Esme, what should I do?" I spoke quietly, between sobs.
"Bella I can't answer this for you. All I can advice you to do is talk to everyone. Talk to Edward, talk to Alice and Jasper, talk to your unborn children, talk to Emily, talk to your father. I think the last one could be very helpful. He watched your mom die from the same disease. You should ask him what they decided to do. Of course she wasn't pregnant at the time. Still though it could really help, you could get a lot out of talking to him. Just know that we all love you and our hearts are with both you and Edward." Esme finished. What she had said was very good advice, as always. I smiled, amazingly!
"Thank you Esme." I said while wiping away my tears. Sure I wasn't jumping with joy but I was a lot happier. Maybe happier wasn't the right word more hopeful though. I needed to tell my dad about this anyways and he might have the answers.
"Anytime dear. Please stop by sometime soon, I would love to chat. Gosh your stomach is huge, that must get in the way." I laughed.
"Yes it does. Thank you again Esme. I think Edward and I will be going to my dad's house now." I responded. We got ready and left. We drove to my dad's house in a comfortable silence. As we got closer I got upset again. No father wanted to hear that their daughter was dyeing. We got out of the car and approached the front door. Edward went in first and explained what was going on to my father. I stood there and waited, not wanting to be a part of this conversation.
"Bella come in here." I could here the sadness in my father's voice. As I went inside I saw the sadness, he was crying. I rushed over and gave him a hug. For once it wasn't awkward. My father seemed to suddenly remember something and went in to his room. He came back holding a small envelope. I saw my mother's handwriting on the front. Seeing that brought back so many memories I had been trying to block out. I couldn't help but cry, again.
"Bells, your…mom she gave this to me to give to you. When she was in the hospital she had a dream about you. She dreamt that you were young and in love, you got married. Then her dream turned to a night tare and she saw you being diagnosed with breast cancer. She also saw you become pregnant. She saw the relapse, everything. I guess her dream was right. Anyways, she knew she was dying so she wrote you this letter. She told me that if her dream came true, which she didn't want it too, to give you this letter. She said it held advice only a mother could give. I've never read it and I honestly almost forgot about it." Charlie looked so excited to be giving me the letter.
I was overcome with emotion. I couldn't believe that I could have the advice I needed. I wanted to cry and scream with joy all at the same time. I had a piece of my mom here with me. I had her advice and opinion. I couldn't believe she would have dreamed all of this. My mom always did have a strong instinct though. I guess I believe that she had this dream so she could write me this letter. I couldn't wait to have her advice though. I wanted to know what I should do. If she had still been alive she would have been the first one I would have gone too, now I could. I just stared at the envelope in disbelief.
I shakily sat down and opened the envelope. Two long pages of writing, in my mother's hand writing fell out. There were also two beautiful drawings. I just stared down at the first page and started to read, with Edward at my side.
Thanks for reading!
What should Renee say in her letter? I can't decide!