Jacob telling me that we couldn't be friends anymore was heartbreaking. I had no idea why he would do this to me; I had told him how I felt about us. I knew he liked me but I had only treated it as a crush. I thought he would get over it.
I should have figured out a long time ago that it was so much more than just a crush. He loved me. Or rather, he had loved me. Now we weren't even friends and I had no idea why.
After the movies two weeks ago where he had promised that he would always be there for me, he never talked to me again. He lied, obviously. He was just like any other fucking guy out there. He was just like Edward.
I hated what Edward had done to me. He left me in the woods and didn't bother to look back at me as he ran away from me. Fucking asshole. I hated every guy out there beside's Charlie. They all lie and I'm sick of it, I don't want to put up with their shit anymore. I didn't do anything to deserve being lied to did I? No. So why the fuck was it happening.
Jacob hadn't even given me a reason besides 'I'm not good anymore Bella.' It was a bunch of fucking bullshit. I was the one that was always pissed off with the world, how could he not be good compared to me? Stupid dickhead.
Some people can be so stupid sometimes. They wouldn't know if someone loved them if it hit them in their face.
I swear when I'm pissed off as you can see. It doesn't help the anger; it just releases it until it comes back for another round.
My life story pretty much. Jacob was the only person in the world that could calm me down enough not to swear my head off at random strangers.
He was gone know. For a reason I don't quite understand. All I knew was that he lied to me, just like Edward had all those months ago.
I was tired, emotionally and physically so I went to bed for a good night's sleep. I never had nightmares anymore since I had gotten over Edward months after he had left.
I loved sleep. It was so peaceful even when you had nightmares. It was peaceful to me because when you woke up you knew it was all a dream. I wanted to wake up from this awful dream I was having where Jacob had told me we would never be friends again.
It hurt so much. The pain was incredible like nothing I had ever felt. Not even when Edward had left me. It was unbearable.
I fell asleep; clutching my chest wishing the pain would go away.
I woke up after a dreamless sleep. They were the best dreams, the dreams where you couldn't feel anything. There was no pain or heartache in those dreams, which was why I liked them so much.
I rarely dreamt of happiness as it rarely came to me in real life. I only ever felt slightly happy when I was with Jacob. But like I said, he was gone now and there was nothing I could do about it, he made his decision to never see me again.
He had barely looked at me today when we were talking. Apparently, he didn't want to hurt me. I guess he didn't know that the only way for him to hurt me was to leave me.
And I would never be able to tell him.
He wouldn't answer his phone. He wouldn't ring.
If I saw him he wouldn't look at me. He wouldn't even say hi.
If I walked up to him, he'd turn his back. He'll ignore me for the rest of my life and I'll have no idea why.
I just wondered what I had done to make him act like this. He said it was his fault but I highly doubt that. It was because of me, I was sure of it.
I ignored his love and now he was ignoring me. Karma loves to bite you in the ass doesn't it?
Or it was fate telling me that I could never love nor be loved.
People say that the pain fades away. They're lying. It never fades away it just get easier to deal with.