AUTHOR'S NOTE: This popped into my head late last night and I couldn't get it out. I have a month of vacation right now so I'll have time to work on this (and I'm also working on the next chapter of FE right now). Anyway be forewarned this is nearly completely AU and is going to be very dark and messy. Things you need to know right off the bat – Bart and Lily married and merged their family when Chuck and Serena were twelve. I'll cover the rest in the story but I didn't want anyone to get confused with that. If you have anymore questions leave it in a review and if I can answer them (without giving anything away) I will do so. I'll stop jabbering now… Oh and one last thing. This is just a short introduction really. I'm working on finishing the next chapter right now and I'm hoping to post it later tonight. This just felt much better as a stand alone.
You Were Mine
"Those who hate most fervently must have once
loved deeply; those who want to deny the world must
have once embraced what they now set on fire."
- Kurt Tucholsky
Was it possible to put a prologue on one's life? Blair Waldorf hated books that tried. Movies got it right. They pushed you right into the action with little thought to what had come before. Usually because what had come before was not nearly as interesting as what was to come. Blair wished that could be said of her twenty nine years up until this moment, but unfortunately much of her adventure laid in the before. Her after was still undecided but as she rode back into Manhattan in her boyfriend and coconspirator's limo she felt her future was nearly as doomed as her past.
"Drink." Carter Baizen handed her a glass of Scotch and she grabbed for it gratefully.
Her nerves were doing summersaults and her hands were beginning to get clammy. She'd promised herself that she wouldn't do this. She'd promised herself that when she returned to Manhattan it would be with triumph not despair. It was almost exactly a year since the last time she'd set foot on this hallowed ground and it felt nothing like it did before. Before her marriage, before her child, before she'd lost her mind, New York had been her home. It didn't feel like home now. It felt like a dirty trap and she was just waiting for one of them to jump out and say gotcha again. She'd been gotten far too many times for her liking and she wasn't eager to jump back into the blender with her so called friends. Coming had finally become unavoidable. She could only run and hide in Europe with Carter for so long. She had matters to handle here, and they had gone unattended for far too long.
The limo slowed to a stop at the light and Blair glanced outside the tinted windows. She'd strolled along these streets as a pampered little girl, and then later as the Queen of Constance, and then finally as one of the richest, most respected women on the Upper East Side. It was only four years ago but it felt like an eternity since she was that woman. A common sight greeted her as she peered back into her old world: a nanny dragging a little boy with one hand and a little girl with the other. The children were around 6 or 7, blonde, beautiful and spoiled. Blair's heart clenched at the sight of them.
"Blair…" Carter's voice echoed in her head. She knew he wanted her to pull it together and put her game face on, but it had been a long time since she'd had to do that. It had been a long time since she felt like Blair Waldorf and not just Blair, Eleanor's poor unfortunate daughter, Charles Bass's crazy wife or rather ex wife.
She knew the whispers would start the minute she stepped on the scene again. They would start with her hair, darker, a bit longer, not nearly as chic as when she was a Bass. Her clothes would come next, they would pass muster because there were just some things a girl could never forget, like how to dress for the society snobs and matrons. Blair had the look and none of them could ever take that away from her. They would move on next to her escort. They all knew she was Carter Baizen's companion. She'd rocked them with that scandal at Serena and Nate's wedding, but they would still whisper about it. They would say he looked stressed, no doubt because he had to handle his girlfriend on a daily basis. Once you were marked as damaged goods you never lost the title. Blair was as damaged as they came.
The light changed and the limo moved on. Blair craned her neck around to watch as the children faded in the distance. They looked nothing like her own child. Their hair was too light, skin too dark, eyes too blue. Blair's baby was all dark innocence with cherubic cheeks and chocolate brown eyes that mirrored Blair's own. She hoped Chuck looked into them every morning and remembered where his precious son came from. Blair Waldorf was the mother to his child not that vicious bitch he'd proposed to. Blair clenched her fists and dug her nails into her palm until she felt them break the skin. The pain was a shocking reminder to stay in the presence.
"Stop it," Carter chided. He reached over and forcefully pulled her hands apart. He grabbed for his handkerchief and pressed it against her palms. He dabbed at the blood droplets and Blair looked anywhere but at him. "We can call it all off," he offered. It was half hearted though. Carter had put as much into this as Blair and he wanted to see it through. He had money and pride on the line, Blair had her life, her son.
Carter finally sat back again and refilled his glass. He sucked it down quickly, the only indication that he was nervous at all. Carter was used to going into the lion's den though. That was how he made his money. It had been a very long time since Blair felt up to taking on any enemy and today she was going against the worst she'd ever had. She could just imagine the shock on his face. It wouldn't last long. He'd hide behind a wall of indifference but she knew she could push him into seething anger easily. He prided himself on being such a cold son of a bitch but she knew where to hit him to make him bleed and she was going for the jugular today.
"Do you think he's much bigger than before?" Blair asked out of the blue her thoughts returning to where they always did, her son.
Carter shrugged. "Kids usually grow fast, right?" He always got uncomfortable when she spoke of her child. It was one more reminder of a past he liked to forget. Blair couldn't forget though and she was done trying.
"The picture Serena sent me was from his last birthday, that was months ago. He'll have another one soon enough." Blair didn't expect Carter to answer her again and he didn't surprise her. They spent the rest of the limo ride in silence.
Blair was lost in the past, rummaging through a life time of memories and holding them sacred for just a minute longer before she blew them to bits. There could be no sentimentality left in her. There sure as hell wasn't any in him. He'd shown her no mercy or forgiveness and she intended him to the same treat. Chuck Bass might think he was ruler of the world but he wasn't ruling her life anymore. He'd exiled her two years ago and she'd let him. Of course she'd put up a fight to begin with, but she'd been weak and he'd known it. His hatred was far more powerful than her remorse and she'd lost her son because of it.
One year. It had been one entire year since she'd last seen her baby. He had just turned three and Serena had been kind enough to sneak in a visit for her. His hair had been lightening up a little bit because summer was coming and his eyes were already twinkling with mischief. He was vibrant and beautiful and he'd clutched her neck and called her mommy. She'd never felt so much love for anyone in her entire life. One minute it had been bliss and then the next Chuck was there; a dark imposing man with fury in his eyes. He'd taken one look at her holding 'his' son (because to Chuck she didn't exist) and he'd ordered Serena to take Blair's child away again. Serena had done as she was told almost as scared as Blair about what he would do. Serena had betrayed him, and both women knew in Chuck's eyes there was nothing worse.
Blair had feared the worst that day. She thought his temper would finally explode and all the hatred he'd been storing up to spew at her would come out. She had been wrong. His anger had been cold, controlled, worse than she ever could have imagined. He listened to her beg and cry and did nothing. His heart had short circuited long ago and Blair knew she was somewhat to blame. When Serena returned without the child Chuck ordered her to get Blair out of there and Serena had listened. Blair never did find out how Serena managed to convince her brother that she should be forgiven for that incident but eventually Chuck's anger had cooled. It seemed everyone received forgiveness but Blair.
So, here it was, the prologue of Blair Waldorf's life. She'd loved one boy, married him, had his child, betrayed him and now she was here to make him pay.