Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or Big Time Rush
Author's Note: Hey! Hope you guys like it and thanks for reading.
One night Kendall comes into Logan's room at three in the morning and Logan's awake because he can never get a good night's sleep in any bed but his own. Kendall doesn't say anything, just slips into his bed and before Logan can speak his hands are everywhere. And sure, Logan's never really thought about it before, how it would feel to have Kendall's hands touching him like this, but that doesn't stop him from enjoying it. When his hand is wrapped around Kendall, touching him in places he never thought he would, Kendall finally kisses him. He can't help but notice all the ways it's different from kissing a girl, better in a way, and maybe that should scare him, but with Kendall's mouth on his neck he doesn't care.
They don't talk about it the next day. Why should they? They don't need to talk about it for it to work. When Kendall comes back three nights later they still don't talk. It's better that way, simpler.
It starts out like that, with Kendall coming to his room in the dead of night every few days. Logan figures out pretty quickly that Kendall's not going to stop coming. He tells himself that this doesn't mean he's gay. It just means he likes to get off. So what if his friend is helping him? That doesn't mean anything. Soon enough he stops lusting after the Jennifers. He doesn't really need a girlfriend now anyway.
It keeps happening, and it's nice but unpredictable. And even though they don't talk about it Logan wishes he could ask Kendall for a little warning, a schedule, something. One night he thinks about asking, because before Kendall shows up he gets off, and it takes him ages to come again. Kendall doesn't say anything, but Logan feels a little guilty. Still, there's something about the way Kendall stays until Logan's finished that he likes. The glint of determination in Kendall's eyes as he works Logan over pops up in his fantasies for a while after that. He doesn't think about what it means that he's fantasizing about his best friend.
He ends up making a game of it, he is Logan after all. Each morning when he wakes up he makes bets with himself about whether it will happen that night. He sneaks glances at Kendall over breakfast, trying to feel him out. Over time he sees a pattern emerging. If they have dance rehearsal he can pretty much guaranteed Kendall won't show. Also, Kendall seems to like Thursdays. Logan's not sure why, but Kendall rarely misses a Thursday.
It's six weeks into it when Logan starts keeping a calendar, marking the days Kendall shows up with little orange smiley faces. He tries not to think about why he's so obsessed with figuring out when to expect Kendall, that maybe he's getting deeper into this than he intended, but despite his best efforts, he starts to get a little scared, starts to worry about what this all means. Still, each morning after it happens he presses an orange face onto the calender. He never forgets, never.
They don't talk when Kendall shows up save for the little "more"s and "yeah"s and "just like that"s that slip out sometimes. That's why he's a little shocked with Kendall flips to a dogeared page of some magazine he brings one night and says, "I want to do this," pointing to a picture of two men, one bent in half and the other on top of him. It's strange that Kendall is so frank, and a part of Logan worries that maybe things are changing. A smaller part thinks maybe that wouldn't be so bad.
They try to copy the picture. Kendall throws Logan's legs up over his shoulders and tries to sink into him. It's fire and pain and he feels like he's ripping in half. Tears spring up in Logan's eyes and his body shakes. He cries out, trying to muffle his whimpers into his pillow. Kendall's eyes go wide and he yanks himself away from Logan, flying across the room to stand huddled by the door.
"I'm sorry," Kendall whispers and wraps his arms around himself, like he's ashamed, like he wishes he could disappear. Something inside of Logan's chest aches.
"It's okay." Logan chokes out, trying to ignore the pain. "Maybe we're not doing it right."
Kendall nods and it seems like forever before he comes back to Logan. Logan wraps his arms around Kendall's back and strokes his hair, trying to soothe him. Even though he's the one who got hurt, he can tell that Kendall needs this more. When Kendall doesn't leave until the morning Logan knows that things are different now. He's scared of what that means.
Kendall shows up two nights later, except this time he doesn't just bring the magazine. Instead he holds two foreign objects in his hand, one's long and cylindrical the other small and square. Logan's pretty sure of what they both are.
"I looked up some stuff online." Kendall whispers before he even slides into Logan's bed. He stares at the floor and goes on. "I think I know what we were doing wrong."
Logan can't help but remember the blinding pain he felt last time, how he's still a little sore. He doesn't know if he can bare it another time. Still, he remembers the way Kendall looked, how his eyes burned with shame because he'd hurt him. "Let's try it again."
The words are out there for a moment, hanging in the air, and Logan's worried he's said something wrong, that Kendall was waiting for him to say no. "Are you sure?" Kendall's voice is scratchy, like his mouth has gone dry.
"Yes." Logan spits out before he has time to second guess himself.
Kendall doesn't waste time. In a matter of seconds he's out of his clothes and in Logan's bed. Logan strips too, tossing his clothes across the room. Kendall flips open the top of the cylindrical tube and squeezes some of its contents onto his fingers. He looks at Logan nervously and presses a kiss to his temple as he slides his index finger inside of Logan. It's strange, and Logan feels his body tense. Kendall trails kisses down his chest, whispering encouragement, trying to get him to relax.
Kendall slips another finger inside of Logan and crooks his fingers upward, hitting something inside of Logan that makes the edges of his vision go white. He snaps his eyes closed and moans softly as Kendall hits it again.
"You like that?" Kendall smirks before licking a wet stripe up Logan's chest.
Logan only moans in response. Kendall adds another finger after a few minutes, and by that time Logan's dick is hard. Kendall crooks his fingers a few more times, pressing the spot inside of Logan. Logan's hips grind up in the air, searching desperately for some kind of friction.
Kendall grins triumphantly and pulls his hand away from Logan. He rolls over and picks up the condom he abandoned earlier. He tears it open with his teeth and slides it down over his cock, tossing the wrapper away.
He lines himself up with Logan and sinks slowly into him. It's big, much bigger than Kendall's fingers, and Logan whimpers softly. He feels Kendall start to pull away, but before he can Logan grabs his hips and stops him.
"Don't," he musters through clenched teeth. "Keep going."
"Logan," Kendall sounds nervous and a little bit afraid, "I don't want to hurt you." He tries to pull away again, but Logan grasps him more tightly.
Kendall kisses Logan's closed eyes and inches forward.
Logan hisses, "Come on," and finally Kendall snaps his hips forward, burying himself inside.
Kendall feels big, terrifying, and Logan's breath catches in his lungs. It's like his synapses don't have time to deal with unimportant things like breathing when they're trying to process the fact that Kendall is inside of him.
Kendall pulls back slightly before thrusting back in. All at once everything snaps back into place and Logan gasps, the dull throbbing pain ebbing away into something else, something that's making his dick rock hard.
"Move," he manages to moan, and Kendall does. He strokes in and out twice before he hits that spot inside Logan. Logan's toes curl and he grinds back against Kendall. He wants to say something coherent, encouraging, but only lets loose a "nggghhh."
Kendall grins down at him and pumps his hips faster glad to have found an angle Logan likes.
Logan aches to be touched, and before he can ask, Kendall wraps his fingers around him. He moans again, louder this time. Kendall kisses him quiet, still pumping his hand between them in time with his thrusts.
"Shhh, don't wake everybody up," he murmurs between kisses.
He pulls back, draping Logan's legs up over his shoulders to deepen his thrusts. With three more strokes Logan explodes, he clutches at Kendall's forearm and rides the waves of his orgasm, painting his stomach white and biting his lip so he doesn't cry out.
Kendall pumps several more times without abandon, the sudden pressure from Logan's climax too much for him. He throws his head back and comes, hard, whispering Logan's name over and over and over.
The next morning Logan wakes up, his backside aching and his sheets sticking to his stomach. Still, he grins at the memory as he presses the orange sticker onto his calender, and can't deny that it was worth it.
James and Carlos are devouring omelets at the table when Logan comes in for breakfast.
"Where's Kendall?" He asks before biting into an apple, the sweet juice clinging to the corners of his mouth.
"He's got a date with Jo." Carlos shovels egg into his mouth and adds through a full mouth, "Who goes on a date in the morning?"
Logan collapses in a chair and pain shoots up his spine, the ache not taking too kindly to his mistreatment. The apple he had bitten from drops from his hand and onto the table. James looks up from his plate for a moment and stares at Logan's apple.
Logan just nods. After all, he should be okay. This whole thing didn't mean anything. It was just that, a thing, an arrangement. Still, he can remember last night, how good it felt to hear Kendall saying his name. He feels cold and a little bit sick. He solves math problems in his head to make it through breakfast.
He locks his door every night after that. It's three nights later when he wakes up to someone jiggling his door knob. His stomach tightens and he wants so badly to get up, to let Kendall in. A part of his mind yells that he's making a mistake, that just because Kendall dated Jo doesn't mean they have to stop, that he's shooting himself in the foot. Kendall knocks on the door and whispers Logan's name. Tears slide down Logan's face, but he forces himself to stay still. Kendall finally leaves, and Logan cries himself to sleep.
Kendall doesn't say anything the next day, but Logan does notice a bruise fading on his forearm. When Carlos asks him where it's from Kendall gives some answer about hitting a table. James points out that it looks oddly hand shaped and wonders aloud of the bruise is from Jo, if her and Kendall got caught up in some less than innocent extracurricular activities. When Kendall just laughs and shoots back a coy "maybe" Logan thinks he might vomit.
They spend most of the day in the recording studio. That night they're all watching American Idol when suddenly Kendall gets up and goes over to Logan's door. He turns the knob and pushes the door open letting out a little "hmmm."
"You forget where your room is?" James asks, laughing.
Kendall smiles back and shakes his head. "Guess so."
Logan knows better.
He locks his door again that night. Kendall comes back and, of course, Logan wakes up. After finding out the door is locked he doesn't bother knocking. Logan thinks he gets the point.
It's only when Kendall shoves him into a broom closet at Rocque Records the next afternoon that Logan realizes this is going to be harder than that.
"What's your deal?" Kendall sounds annoyed, but his eyes look sad.
"What are you talking about?" Logan isn't going to make this easy. He's going to make him say it, own it.
Kendall looks at the door, like he's scared even this tiny closet isn't private enough. "You know." Logan just stares. Kendall groans in frustration and lowers his voice. "Why have you been locking your door?"
Logan looks at Kendall, his gaze hard. "I don't want to do it anymore."
Kendall inhales sharply, like something inside of him hurts. Logan almost breaks. "Why?"
Logan shakes his head.
Kendall turns away from him and covers his face with his hands. He turns back, but not before punching the wall, "I hurt you didn't I. I knew we should have stopped." His face is painted with genuine concern. "We don't have to do it again." He cups Logan's cheek. "We can go back to how it was before." He smiles, "That stuff is good too."
Logan pulls away from him, hating himself. "No, Kendall. I don't want to do anything anymore. Not with you. It's wrong."
Kendall's mouth drops open and he withers. "W-what?"
"It's over Kendall. We both like girls. Whatever went on between us," he closes his eyes hard, "it was a mistake."
He hears the door open and then close. When he opens his eyes, Kendall is gone.
Author's Note: So I'm thinking about maybe possibly making this into a two-shot instead of a one-shot. Review if you liked it so I can know that I should continue!