Hi…This is my first fic, so please be kind to me…give me advice if you can, but please don't flame…
I don't own anything…
I stare at her back, wondering why I dared to voice my feelings to her. She turns to face me, our shared blue eyes meeting.
Give me strength to face the truth, the doubt within my soul…
"…What did you just say?" Rin asked, her voice and face calm, yet her ice blue eyes betraying her shock.
"…I said…I love you…I love you beyond what I should, Rin…" I mumble, my head feeling light as fear set in. "I…I'm sorry, Rin…But that's how I feel." I feel sick, just as sick as I feel the words exiting my mouth are. "I don't know why, Rin…I've tried to erase this feeling, but it won't leave my heart." I lowered my eyes, unable to meet hers. She doesn't reply. "I'm sorry!" I turn to run away, prepared never to return, when I hear Rin speak, freezing me in place.
"Damn you, Len…don't be a coward!" I slowly turn back around, still unable to meet her eyes, or even look at her face.
Is it a sin, to seek the truth…the truth beneath the rose?…
"Do you really feel that way, Len? Can you feel that way? Perfect Len, Intelligent Len…the amazing Len has incestuous feelings toward his sister, his twin sister, no less….surely you jest…" I felt each word cut me like a knife, injuring my heart more and more. I wanted to die…just disappear into nothing. I could feel the tears well up inside…but I won't cry. I don't deserve the right to cry.
Blinded to see…The cruelty of the beast…Here is the darkest side of me…Forgive me my sins!
"I…I'm sorry, Rin…I don't want to feel like this! I want to be normal…but I can't…Miku…Luka…Meiko…I tried, but I can't love any of them! It's you, only you…it always has been…" I hate myself. I'm a disgusting, sick, twisted little boy. I should die, I should be tortured, I should be killed in a horrifying fashion…Rin is talking again!
"If I accepted…if I told you I loved you too…what would you do? Would you be satisfied? Would you be happy knowing that? If I said that, and someone found out about us, would you be okay with people talking about us behind our backs? We would likely be shunned by most people, hated even…would it be worth it in the end to you?" I…I don't know the answer to that…could I expose Rin to such a thing? God, I'm so selfish…
Has darkness taken over me? Consumed my mortal soul? All my virtues sacrificed…Can Heaven be so cruel?
I remain silent. "I see. You have no answer for that, do you, Len…Try again when you do." Rin…I don't understand…what do you mean, try again? She's leaving! On instinct, I reach out and grasp her hand. SMACK! She…she slapped me!
"Let go, Len! Let me go right now! I said LET GO!" Her voice…it's…it's trembling…why? I glance up at Rin's face…She's…crying… "Len, you idiot! I hate you! Let me go, dammit!" It…It hurts…I release her hand, and she backs away against the wall. Tears…dammit…I shouldn't be crying! This is all my fault! WHY AM I CRYING!?
"I'm sorry, Rin…please don't cry…I'll leave, never bother you again…just please don't cry!" Please Rin…don't cry…If I'm scaring you, I'm sorry. I turn to leave, for the second time, when a hand catches mine.
"No, Len! Don't leave me!" Rin…what do you mean? "I never said you had to leave…" Wha…Rin…she's hugging me from behind… "Don't leave me, Len…I lied, okay? I don't hate you…"
"Rin…I don't understand…"
"I love you too, Len…I don't want you to leave me…" Wait, what?
"Rin…I thought you said-"
"Dammit Len, forget what I said! I just…I was scared…I was afraid if that really happened…I don't want you to leave me alone…" She…was afraid I would leave her?
I cover her hands with mine. "Rin…even if the world hated us, I would never leave you I you didn't want me to. In fact…if the whole world hated us…all the more reason to stick together, right?" Okay, Len, that was really lame. I turn around, facing Rin. She wore a weak smile. "Let me try this again, Rin. I love you. And it would be worth every second, if you didn't care either."
Will I learn what's truly sacred? Will I redeem my soul? Will truth set me free?
Her smile grew stronger. "I love you as well, Len. And I don't care. They don't know…they haven't experienced this, so they don't understand."
Leaning forward slowly, I whispered my final piece to Rin. "Besides…who are they to decide right and wrong?" With that, I achieved my long time dream of capturing Rin's lips, shattering the barrier between us…forever crossing the line.
Forgive me my sins!
This was my first fic, so help would be much appreciated…I was listening to Within Temptation's "Truth Beneath the Rose" while writing this, even though the song had nothing to do with this plot. I suppose this also was a little bit of a "what if" scenario of a moment in my life, but I altered the ending because I despise sad endings with a passion.
By the way…Koji, thank you for helping me with this fic…and thank you again.
To the readers: Thank you for reading, even if it was horrible…