"Do I need you? Yes and no. Do I want you? Maybe so… Did you plan this? All along. Did you care if- it was wrong? ... Misery loves company and company loves more. More loves everybody else, but hell is others." –Emilie Autumn. "Misery Loves Company."
She cannot recall exactly how or when they first met. She asked him at one point and he assured her that they've only been seeing each other for about a year. She doesn't believe him, though she is certain it's the only lie he has ever told her. It must have been more than a year though. Surely, if it wasn't, she would be able to recall a time when she was younger, more innocent, with her destiny still being written and not intertwined with his.
A year ago, she was fifteen. If what he says is true, then, a year ago, she should have had concerns of her own: familial obligations, schoolwork, and stupid boys. Yet she can't recall any of that and she doesn't want to. He is her life now, and, as far as she can tell, he always has been. That's the way she wants it. Or, perhaps, it's the way he wants it; there isn't really a difference in her mind.
She doesn't think that she has ever really been afraid of him, though the few people who have seen them together seem to think that she should be. They say he's merciless, manipulative, dark, selfish, cruel... But she doesn't care. She has always trusted and respected him, perhaps the fear you would expect is there underneath it all, but she neither realizes nor admits to it.
There are things he does that scare her: when he hits her with curses, so that she can experience their affects firsthand and, therefore, be more efficient at casting them; or when he shoves her up against a wall or holds her in place with a determined, almost lustful look in his eyes and she doesn't know if he wants to kiss her or kill her, or do something else entirely. Yet what scares her more than anything else is the single word that he has forbidden her to say. She wants to break that rule, and scream the word, but, unfortunately, she is either too foolish or not foolish enough to dare.
He knows every detail of her life as well as he understands his own. There are a few things he doesn't know, but he, unlike her, can accept that, simply because those little things do not matter. He doesn't understand how or why the little girl has so much power and potential or exactly how to define what he feels toward her. He can't explain- even to himself –why he has never held anything quite as precious as her before. Never before has he been overcome by two impossible options: the compulsion to destroy and the desire to protect her.
He doesn't know whether he took her virginity or if she gave- even offered –it to him. He doesn't know where her mind goes when it is so obviously not focused on the spells he tries to teach her. He does not know why she insists on measuring their relationship- if you can really call it that –in time rather than accomplishments.
He does know that she should be afraid but she isn't, not by his definition of the word or her own. There are times when he wants to- needs to –see her cry, bleed, and scream… suffer. There are times when he can restrain himself and times when he doesn't bother- doesn't care enough to, and, unbelievably, she takes it. Only verbalizing protest in her screams, never in her words, she's even careful to mask the pain in her thoughts and facial expressions.
He knows that when he uses her- for sex, torture, or otherwise –she is unnaturally calm. She's confused and apprehensive, but never truly afraid. Her eyes, aside from shutting occasionally in order to accompany her open mouth in twisting into an expression of agony- (or, much more rarely, pleasure) -never leave his gaze. There is so much emotion in them, primarily trust and adoration, a ridiculous amount of both. He knows he finds her fascinating and that she reciprocates that sentiment. He also knows that he shouldn't care for her as much as he does.
(Author's Note: Special thanks to Sarah -xoxLewrahxox- who provided helpful criticism and encouragement on my first draft; and to Sophie -Aragonevenstar4eva- who read my sneak peeks and anticipated the story. All reviews are treasured.)