I was spiraling out of control. it was a ride, a ride where the gas pedal was slammed down I had nothing to do but hold on and try to find self control, but that was something I lost a while ago. Its crazy that in a few months time someone's life can change. I was a prime example. The perfect daughter, the over-achiever, heck I was even in love. Looking back at the wreckage my life had become I can only think of two names that caused it.
He was my first love. I was a junior in high school and thought I had found the one. Everybody has their "one" right? Not me, I've come to terms that no one will ever love me. It shattered me that night. It was the night that ruined everything.
Senior Year (graduation night)
It was graduation and Edward and I were going to Harvard in the fall.
"Bella! Its time to get ready hurry up!" My best friend Alice yelled. She is my little fashionista. I had to look uber gorgeous tonight because I was finally going to give Edward all of me. I was nervous as heck but I knew this was what I wanted.
Alice dressed me in a midnight blue satin gown that fell about mid thigh. It was beautiful. I wore a simple black lace bra and underwear set. This was going to be absolutely perfect!
She did my makeup sexy but sultry and just curled my hair loosely. I never thought of myself as worthy of Edward until now. I looked beautiful. I am not vain but I looked really good and I was so excited for Edward to see me.
I put on my blue pumps and walked down into the Cullen living room where the party was full swing. I didn't see Edward anywhere so I went to get a drink.
It was about an hour in the party and I was getting super scared. He still wasn't here. I went upstairs and heard moans from Edwards bedroom. I prayed to god that it wasn't him. I knew Edward he would never do something like this.
For some odd reason my conscience was telling me to open the door.
It was so dramatic it looked like it was from a movie. I swung the door open and it hit the wall next to it and bounced off of it leaving an echo in its wake. That's when I saw it. Tanya was on my boyfriend riding him like her life depended on it.
Then all the sudden Edward locked eyes on me and groaned. I ran. I ran fast to my house which was conveniently next door. He was chasing after me.
"Bella! Wait! Let me explain!" That got me riled up.
"Explain what Edward? You and Tanya were in your room naked and she slipped and fell on your dick?" I said seething. I was beyond mad. I knew me being mad would blow over and I'd go into the grieving stage. "Edward can I ask you something?"
"Yes." He said unsure of what I was going to ask.
"Do you love her?" I said in a whisper and I could feel the lump in my throat become more pronounced and the tears prickle my eyes. It felt like minutes before I said, "Answer the god damned question!"
"Yes." He said barley audible.
"Do you love her more than me?" I knew I was setting myself up for disaster when I asked. The tension between us was so thick. For the first time I knew Edward Cullen we weren't on the same page. Edward and I think the same and we were always in sync.
"Actually, Bella as much as it hurts me to say this to you, I think I do." He said and that's all it took for my heart to break into a gazillion pieces. I started sobbing uncontrollably and all he had to say was "sorry" and he just walked away.
It hurt so much to just watch him walk away.
So here I am now holding a letter from Edward acting like its the plague. How did he get my address. I cut all ties with the Cullen family after that night. He broke my heart in a bazillion pieces. Although I've picked a lot of those pieces up and glued them back together some of the pieces would not fit back together with out him.
I opened the envelope and was shocked at what I saw.
You work, you play
and then, one day...
love just happens!
invite you to be a witness
to one of life's loveliest
as they are joined together in
on Saturday, the twelfth of December
at three o'clock in the afternoon
The Cullen Household
5675 North Washington rd.
98331 Forks Washington.
Why would he invite me to his wedding? I knew after reading it I would not go. Why would I set myself up for heart break? Is he that incompetent that he would think I would got to his wedding? It just didn't make sense to me.
As I was mulling this over I was interrupted by the shrill ring of the phone.
"Hello?" I said unsure of who I was speaking to.
"We have some terrible news," Said a voice I didn't know. "your father has been shot and killed." That was all I needed to hear before packing my bag to go to Forks.
I laughed humorlessly at the idea of this. I get invited to Edwards wedding, then I get news that my father died. I have absolutely no family Renee is dead my grandparents are dead I had no aunts or uncles so that means no cousins.
I was completely and utterly alone. I had no one to be my rock. Of course we had family friends but they wouldn't cut it. I want my dad to be hugging me and telling me everything was going to be alright. I had no reassurances right now. Edward was getting married that news alone put my life in shambles but with my dad gone to how was I going to deal?
I felt like I was on auto-pilot driving to Seattle and through Forks. Driving these places put memories of my dad and Edward in my head. I couldn't turn my head without having a memory of them.
When I got to my house, it was like a floodgate opened of memories of my previous life. The house looked exactly the same as it did before, not so tidy but not messy. It looked as if he was going to go fishing after he got home from work. His tackle box was ready, his boots were right by the door along with his fishing pole. I couldn't stand to look at this so I ran up into my room that looked exactly how I left it on the morning of Graduation.
I cried, hard and long. When there were no tears left I pushed myself off of the bed and went to my window. The Cullen's used to live next door but I don't think they did anymore.
It felt like my stomach dropped to my butt when I opened the window. Edward and Tanya were together, making love. It hurt so badly. I had no clue what to do so I just stood there all doe-eyed wondering what it would be like if I was her.
I had tried so hard to move on but I always found myself comparing every guy to Edward. Would he just randomly call me just to tell me he loved me? Would he show up on my doorstep with a bouquet? Would he kiss me on the forehead like he used to?
It was a constant nagging in the back of my mind. I don't understand how he could just throw away everything we had for her.
He loves her not you. My annoying side said.
It hurt so bad to see them wrapped up in each other to see the love in devotion in each others eyes.
I wondered what I would have seen in his eyes when we made love for the first time. I wonder if I would have seen the same love.
Then I started wondering again. How long did it go on? Did he plan on telling me? I realized I was staring and right as I was about to turn away Edwards head snapped up towards me his eyes looked void of any emotion. We locked eyes and it felt like I was going to drown in his green eyes. He looked back at Tanya and the mask of love was back on.
He didn't have any emotion toward me. That made me feel completely worthless. What I wasn't even worthy enough to be hated? I'd rather be hated than have someone feel nothing toward me.
It was the day of Charlies funeral and I was a complete wreck. I can't find any happiness in life anymore. I cry all the time and I always think to myself "it should have been me." Charlie was a saint. He never did anything wrong.
He was a church go-er, he protected the small town of Forks, and he always forgave. Charlie never held a grudge.
Me on the other hand was the complete opposite of a saint. I swore, I smoke, I drink, and most of all I hate.
Hate is a very, very strong emotion. Heck, its an emotion that's not meant to be felt. There is one person I hate in this world.
Why do I hate her? Its not as simple as you may think. Yes, I hate her because she stole my Edward, but I also hate her because with everything we ever did she had to be better at than me. When I was little I was in the spelling bee and Tanya showed no interest in it til I was.
So she sharpened up her skills and beat me at that. The list goes on and on. She stole my best friends in sixth grade. Angela and Rosalie. She beat me in the one sport I was good in- volleyball.
So it should have been obvious to me that she would steal Edward.
Now I had nothing left. Nothing at all she tainted everything.
"Bella, I'm so sorry about your father." Mr. Weber said as everyone was walking up to give their condolences.
"Thank you." I said. What else could I say? Mr. Weber walked away while I gathered my thoughts. Just as I was about to go get a drink I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I could feel and electric current running through the room. I could feel his presence.
"Bella?" I heard a velvety smooth voice say and I almost died right there.....
A/N- New story again. Please review and tell me what I should do to improve this story. Don't be afraid to hold back.
Tell me exactly what I should fix.