A/N- A DGM fic, wow! This is my first time writing in this catergory, so don't roast me on a stick if it sucks ass. I've read all the DGM chapters released so far and I just thought to myself- "Hey...not enough crackish yaoi." So here's your crackish yaoi. Enjoy.

I'm planning for this story to be a Lavi/Allen/Kanda triangle (the triangle of utter bishiness...) but I'm going to put this under Allen/Lavi. That doesn't necessarily mean that's what the pairing will end up being (that, my friend is up to reviewer support and opinion. plus the amount of imagination and inspiration I accumulate as I write this story).

There will be a slight Allen harem (I just can't get enough of that cute lil' exorcist) so be forewarned. Things will get a little hectic. *sigh*

Disclaimer- I will never own DGM, for I do not possess the money or awesome skillz to have a manga to do so. T___T

Enjoy, fellow fangirls, fanboys, and bored readers alike.

Chapter One

Harmless Tinkering


It had been a particularly quiet day at the Black Order. There were no sneak attacks from the Noah and Millennium Earl, not as many akuma prowling the streets, and far less explosions and fights going on within its stone walls. Everyone, exorcist and finder alike, was enjoying the momentary peace and making the most of it. Catching up on a novel, chatting with friends, or finally getting to those errands they had 'forgotten' about.

Everyone, except for a certain mad scientist with a sister complex.

Said scientist was bored. Bored out of his wits. Dear, sweet Lenalee-chan was still out on her mission with Noise, retrieving an Innocence fragment from a nearby village. Sister complex kicking in, Komui felt lonesome and rather bored with the silence. His mind frittered between dealing with the boredom and whether or whether not he should go over to the village and check to see if Lenalee was okay. And by okay he meant no injuries, no dirt, and especially NO BOYS. Well...Noise didn't count. He's blind, so it's not like he's going to be leering at Lenalee-chan anytime soon.

Thus, he shut himself off his private lab. Not to weep over the absence of his sister, but for something much worse. Komui was in his laboratory, tinkering with his various potions and concoctions. This harmless tinkering had given birth to incidents in the Black Order such as Komurin 1 & 2, Komurin X, and that crazy vitamin that nearly turned everyone in the black order into mindless zombie slaves to a crazed ghost.

The memories of those incidents had been burned into the minds Black Order faculty and staff. All were warned to take heed of supervisor Komui and his innocent "tinkering". For if they didn't, surely, heads were going to roll.

However, on this quiet day everyone had forgotten to keep watch of Komui and his tinkering, busying themselves with their own activities and problems. So, with no one to stop him, the white-capped man trudged into his lab, shut the door, and locked it.

All hope was lost.

Six and a half hours later, the door slammed open, Komui stepped out, brandishing a sweet, pink-colored potion up the air. Eyes gleaming with self accomplishment, he cried out. "It's done! It's finally done! Elixir No.473 is finally done!!"


In his head, Komui had expected to be welcomed by cheering, rounds of applausal, pats on the back coupled with a "Job well done.". But he got none. His smiled wilted slightly then he began skipping off in the direction of the cafeteria. Perhaps his good friend, Jerry, would show more approval and appreciation than those mute walls had.

Stupid walls.


Cafeteria- In the Kitchen

"Uwauh! Komui-kun, this is so cute! It's wonderful!" Jerry exclaimed, two hands placed on either side of his face while making an 'o' shape with his mouth. Komui nodded, finally happy to get some praise.

"Isn't it, Jerry-san? I spent over six hours working on this potion. All the while thinking of Lenalee-chan to keep my spirits up." Jerry aww'ed.

"You're such an amazing older brother, Komui-kun!" Komui nodded again and made a "cool guy" thinking face.

"I am, aren't I."

"Komui-kun, just wondering...but, what does it do?" Jerry asked. The maker of the potion blinked.

"Excuse me?"

"The potion. What does it do?" Jerry asked again.

Komui smiled and turned. With a glint of his glasses, he answered. "I have absolutely no clue." Jerry made another 'o' face.

"Whaaaaaaaaat? How can you not know what it does?" Komui shrugged.

"I was too busy mixing and whatnot that I lost track of what exactly I put in. Therefore, I'm not sure of its outcome when someone consumes it." Jerry nodded.

"So then how do you know that it's finished?" The scientist chuckled.

"A true scientist knows when his works are completed. It's a intricate and complex connection between the maker and the makee."

"That's incredible, Komui-kun. I didn't know there was such a depth in alchemy. It reminds me of cooking in a way. Somehow you just know when the food is ready." Jerry and Komui nodded simultaneously, both caught up in their own words.

"Yes, well, Jerry-san, as a token of our friendship, I'd like you to have this potion." Komui handed Jerry the pink elixir.

"Komui-kun, I'm honored!" Jerry cried out, bringing his friend into a back-breaking hug.

Many hugs and declarations of friendship later...

"Buh-bye, Komui-kun~!" Jerry said, waving his hand. "Hmm, it smells scrumptious. I wonder if I could use it in some of my cooking. Buu, there's only enough for one serving though. Oh well. I bet Allen-kun would love it!"


"Baka Kanda! My name is Allen! Allen Walker!" a short, white-haired exorcist yelled.

"Che. Kobayashi." the taller black-haired exorcist retorted. The shorter one scowled and walked off into the line forming towards the kitchen as they entered the cafeteria.

"Hi, Jerry-san. What's on the menu?" he asked with a bright (and hungry) look on his face. Jerry grinned.

"Oh something very special. It's a limited time offer too. I've only made one of this special surprise. Would you like to be the lucky one and try it, Allen-kun?" Allen nodded.

"Of course! Everything you make is delicious." Jerry smiled and handed Allen a plate with a single slice of cake on it.

"You flatter me too much, Allen-kun! Enjoy!" He said with a red face, shooing away the boy. 'Mm, this looks really good!' Allen thought, taking a seat. The person beside him let out a low growl.

"Why're you sitting here, kobayashi?" Kanda glared. Allen ignored the older teen and took a bite out of the slice of cake. '...S-sugoi!!' It was like an explosion of sweet and savory tastes. The icing was light and melted quickly in his mouth, but actual cake kicked in with its own variety of flavor. Allen closed his eyes, taking a brief moment to enjoy the individuals tastes.

"Listen up, baka-student. Real men take time to enjoy the wine. So stop horking down your food like that! It's disgusting! ENJOY THE DAMN WINE!" Allen mentally sweatdropped, remembering the piece of (drunken) wisdom his demon master had shared with him long ago. 'I'm enjoying the wine now, Master...or rather cake. Happy now?' His stomach growled. 'Okay, I've gotten enough enjoyment. Time to eat.'

And with that the slice of cake was gone in a matter of seconds. He clapped his hands together. "Thank you for the meal."


'That doesn't sound too good...' As if on cue, Allen's stomach began twisting and turning sour. "Augh!" he cried, clutching his stomach. Kanda glared at him again.

"Oi, kobayashi, go to the restroom or something. I'm trying to eat my soba." Without complaint, Allen got up and ran off in the direction of the restroom. 'Che.' Kanda thought, picking up his chopsticks-




"Baka-usagi! What was that for!?" Kanda demanded to the bruised redhead on the floor. Instantly recovering, Lavi shrugged.

"I don't know. Just bored, I guess," Kanda growled dangerously.

"Bak-" Lavi interrupted him.

"Oi, where's Allen? It's around lunchtime and he's usually here pigging out." Kanda scowled, re-picking up his chopsticks.

"How the hell should I know? The idiot ran off to the restroom."

"Okay. Thanks Yuu!" he quickly ran off before Kanda could beat the crap out of him again.


'Ohh...I don't feel so good...' Allen thought as he flushed the toilet. He'd sat there for quite a while but (ahem) nothing happened. 'Did I get the stomach flu or something? No, I felt fine before I ate Jerry-san's special- the cake! Of course, it was the cake! I gotta go find out just what the hell was in that cake- AUGH! MY STOMACH!'

Ten Minutes Later

"Allennnnnnnn~! Are you in here?" Lavi exclaimed, peeping his head through the door. He heard a groan. "Allen? Is that you?" he asked, walking in. Another groan. "Allen?" One of the stall doors opened with a bang.

"Yeah, it's me, Lavi. What do you want..." Allen drawled off, massaging his temples. The cake had also given him a killer migraine. Lavi stared at the young exorcist with wide eyes, mouth hanging open in shock. Allen glanced at the redhead and gave him a peculiar look. "What are you staring at...?" No response.


'Aughhh!!! Not again!' Allen though, shuffling back to his former stall. As he walked past the sinks, he saw something that caught his eye. A short, white-haired female with a cute, but pained pout on her face. 'Ehh? Who's that? I thought only Lavi and I were the ones in the restroom. Besides, this is the MEN's restroom.'

He paused and stared at the face. She was short, maybe two inches taller than Allen himself was, with silvery-white hair that reached a bit past her shoulders. A pair of large, curious, grey eyes peered back at him, a red scar stretched vertically across the girl's left eye, forming an upside-down pentacle at the top then a strange, almost thunderbolt-like line on the lower portion of her face. From what Allen could see, her form looked thin and almost fragile even, as if the slightest movement would fracture and cause her to crumble away. Allen tilted his head, to his surprise the girl in the mirror did as well. He moved closer to the mirror and she did the same.

Okay, now Allen was really freaked out. He did a complete 360 around himself and found that no one besides him and Lavi (who, by the way, was still letting the flies in through his mouth) was in the restroom.

"What's going on here..." Allen asked outloud. He blinked in shock. Something sounded off about his voice. Was it...was it a little higher than usual?

"Kanda is an idiot." Allen said, affirming that his voice was indeed, a little bit higher. He tried coughing. Still the same. He hit his chest slightly. "Oww!" He stopped himself. Wait a minute. Why would that hurt? He patted his chest and found something...different about that as well. Was it just him, or did it seem a bit...puffed up or something?

A chilling feeling that something was severely off ran through Allen's spine. He stared at the girl again. The girl stared back.

The girl in the mirror, the dainty little flower that looked so weak and helpless...was him.

Allen felt his sanity and soul leave him, the two skipping off into the sunset hand in hand, while waving goodbye at a horrified Allen.

He rushed into one of the stalls.

A couple seconds passed.

"OH MY GOD, I'M A GIRL!!!!!!"

Lavi stood off in the same place where he had been standing the whole time. He hadn't moved an inch. But, if you looked closely you could see his soul seeping out from his open mouth. A tiny voice in his head said one word, and one word only.


A/N- Sighs. I'm not sure I captured Allen's character all that well. It's always those sweet polite guys that are a tad harder to write. Oh well. It's the eccentric mad scientists that are more fun to write about. KOMUIIIII~~ Your wacky tinkering is welcome anytime here. Just don't feed me any of those potions. -___-

Hehe, did any of you get why Allen went into the stall? Ima give you a hint...hotdogs. *gets shot* X__x

Mehh...Allen-kun you're so slow. But you're a girl now! And a pretty cute one too if Lavi's screechin' "Strike!" for you! (slight hint-hint, nudge-nudge, that sorta thing) ^__________^U Wonder what the other guys n girls are gonna think of you now. Do I detect a possible harem?? Ehh, that you will all have to wait and read later for. I haven't really planned everything out yet. This is one of my more "Let's wing it and see how far it goes!" fanfics. Not structured yet. But I'll work on that. :DD

Anyhooo~ If ya'll want another chapter, I want at least eight or more reviews. Not kidding here. -.-

Tell me what you all think, some suggestions/criticism, encouragement, that sorta thing.

REVIEW DAMMIT!! *brings Komurin X out* (yeah. be scared. be very scared. .)