A/N: Yes, I am back…hopefully more permanently and can only offer my apologies yet again for taking as long as I have J
In my haste to do some thinking, I had been entirely selfish and never thought to let Bella know where or what I was doing and left my cell behind. I'd very nearly missed the birth of my son as well as the complete and utter fear that I was watching as Bella, my wife was dying right in front of my eyes.
I had never felt such fear…ever. When the machines attached to her had started beeping erratically the doctor hurriedly removed the baby and the nurse quickly took our son away… that is when I saw it… there was so much blood, too much.
"Mr. Cullen, maybe you should see to your son." The doctor suggested but I could tell by his tone that it was not really a suggestion so much as an order. He wanted me out of the room and away from Bella.
"I think I'd rather stay." I hissed, knowing that it was uncalled for but what did he expect… that I would just leaver her?
"I don't have time for this, don't make me call for security." His tone was much more forceful while a much older sweet nurse approached me.
"Come with me, Mr. Cullen." She soothed "We need to give the doctor some space to do his job, the best he can and your son is waiting for you in the next room."
I let her lead me away but not before squeezing Bella's hand telling her how much I, no, we love her and need her. She had closed her eyes for what should have only been a moment but they never re-opened and she had gotten so pale, she was almost grey. I knew that the friendly nurse was right, I needed to give him the space he needed to keep Bella here with us.
I couldn't lose her, not now, not after everything.
Our son was beautiful, I would never have guessed that something I had viewed as 'my property, my possession' only a matter of hours before could hold so much control over me. I never would have known that the moment I laid eyes on my son that I would instantly hold so much love for him… he owned me not the other way around.
I silently made him the promise that if it were only him and me left here… alone, without her. I would devote everything to him, my time, my energy, my life, my love, everything he could possibly ever need or want for would be his.
I wouldn't disappoint him, Bella or myself by not being the best possible father he could have ever have hoped for. I sat in a nearby rocking chair and held my son to my chest, although he was wrapped in a small blanket and had a little blue cap on his head I could still see the wisps of bronze locks around the edge of the cap.
'Cursed with my hair' I mumbled but couldn't help but smile at the thought, Bella would be happy about this. She wished for a son that looked like me though I don't know why, she has no idea of the hell he'll go through. His early teens as a tall gangly scrawny boy with impossible hair… she doesn't know the half of it, I was 16, 17 years old before I grew into myself.
I had to chuckle at the thought, she'd probably wonder what went wrong when she see's the awkward boy I once was in our son if he truly follows in my footsteps. And she will see it, I refuse to believe that we'll never see her again, that our son will never know what it is to be held, cradled in his mother's arms.
He cried out and I tensed for a moment unsure what to do. I laughed nervously as the nurse handed me a bottle with 2 oz of formula which he guzzled back quickly, it was strange to see how everything just sort of comes to you. Sure I was awkward but I managed to feed, burp and even change my son within the first hour of his life, he drank two more ounces surprising the nurse with his large appetite only spitting up the smallest amount of what he took in.
It seemed to go right through him though and what I saw in that diaper was… well it was disgusting. "Jesus" I groaned and heard a laugh from behind me.
"I'm sorry but I didn't catch your name?" I said to the sweet older nurse who had been helping me with my son.
"Oh just call me Ruby, Mr. Cullen. You have a handsome little man here and my does he ever have a head of hair or what!" She exclaimed excitedly, as though seeing babies born wasn't something she saw everyday.
"Please call me Edward and yes he is handsome isn't he?"
"That he is, you're doing a great job by the way."
"Thank you but could you tell me how my wife is, when can I see her?"
"She's stable, I was just coming to let you know. She hasn't gained consciousness but she's resting comfortably and I'm told she'll be just fine." I released a breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding as I heard that Bella was ok.
After having the doctor fill me in on what seemed to go wrong and that although she'd lost a lot of blood, she was going to be fine. I brought our son in to see her and was glad that he would never remember seeing her so… frail and sickly looking.
I would never want him to have his first memory of his mom to be this, for him to think that somehow he had almost been the cause of us losing her. I was left feeling saddened and yet surprised all at once as I gazed at her lying still, I briefly thought that maybe we wouldn't be able to have a little Bella running around playing with her big brother.
"What are you thinking about?" I near jumped out of my skin as Alice's voice floated through the room "You looked… like you weren't here."
I looked between her and Jasper and new that what they have is real, I'd never really cared enough about the people around me to notice something like that. I love and care for my family yes but I just didn't pay much attention to their relationships. I want what they have…
Hell I have what they have, that was one of the decisions I had made before even learning that Bella was here having our child.
The two days following the birth of our son were the hardest I had ever endeared, I couldn't understand why if she was supposed to be fine then why wasn't she waking up. In the evenings I would lay the baby at her side and watched while he settled so easily, as though he knew that his mother were next to him. I fed, burped, changed and even bathed our son. I walked him around the same room, her room for hours as he slept and I slept a couple of hours here and there in a chair at her bedside, basically… I waited.
Today he wasn't settling so well, he seemed restless and didn't want to sleep for me. I paced back and forth humming a tune he seemed to like and that's when I heard it…
"Ed-ward" Her voice was hoarse and barely audible but she had called my name and my head immediately whipped around to face her. I was tired and the concern I held for her not waking up was really doing a number on me but in this moment I was just so damn relieved and happy that she was here… awake.
"Hey baby" I whispered over the baby's head "God, I'm so happy to see your beautiful eyes open… let me get the doctor." I quickly placed a kiss on Bella's forehead then rushed from the room to find the doctor.
"I need a doctor in here." I blurted to the first nurse that walked past me in the hall "My wife, she's awake."
I looked over my shoulder to see that the doctor who had explained everything to me was headed my way and I followed him into Bella's room.
Two Days Later:
Aside from still feeling and appearing extremely tired, Bella was unexpectedly cheerful and enthusiastic. Very much looking forward to being able to bring our son home, for us to be what we are…a true family.
She had finally convinced me late into the evening the day she had woken to return home briefly for a much needed shower and change of clothes.
I now stood at the foot of her hospital bed gazing at my wife, the woman who had planned to leave me so as not to tell me the truth of how our marriage came to be. All so I could love again? Did she seriously think that there could ever be another HER, another Bella anywhere on the face of the earth? I watched as she slept peacefully knowing that if something had happened to her, had she not made it…for the first time in my life I have no idea what would have become of me…she was my life now.
They were my life….
And to think I had spent so much time seeing this…our marriage, the pregnancy, our son all as unwanted complications in my life… and yet here I stand before my wife as though I am just a boy standing in front of a girl… no complications, no dilemmas… just 2 kids no worries…
A/N: All characters belong to SM
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! ~ ETN