A/N: Hey all! Lubadub here. After Pixiegiggles and Missus T's fantastic collaboration last chapter, I decided to team up with seastarr08 to write our own installment of Hard Sell. I had the inspiration to send Sookie and Eric to a very well known house for fans of The Expert and originally just asked seastarr08 to let me play in her universe for a while. When she suggested the collaboration, I jumped on that! We had a running joke on Twitter than any collaboration between us would result in nothing but One Liners and Smut (the alternative title to this chapter, by the way) so the chance to team up could not be passed by!

Just a fair warning: it gets kinky ahead. Spankings and bondage kind of kinky. What else do you expect when you put the two of us together?

Thanks a million to chiisai-kitty and her fantastic beta skills. Let's get this ride started, shall we?

Title: Hard Sell
32 West 96th Street
An adventure in real estate brought to you by:
Lubadub and Seastarr08

I had just sat down for lunch, when my ringtone for Sookie, Sex on Fire, started ringing in my pocket. Hard instantly, I answered it on the third ring, as to not seem desperate. "Hello."

"Hey. You busy?" She sounded excited.

"Not particularly."

"Are you able to come look at a house, in, oh, let's say, an hour? It's a great deal, just newly on the market, and it's on the Upper West Side. It's going to fly. You better come quickly." That wasn't my style. I'd come quickly to the showing, and then make her come slowly. Probably multiple times.

"Yeah, oddly enough, I'm not far from there. Sext, er, text me the address and I'll meet you there."

"Mmmm, Freudian slip. I like it. It's 32 West 96th Street, just off Central Park West. See you shortly."

I finished up my lunch, and hopped in a cab. A few minutes later, I was dropped off outside of a classic brownstone, which looked exactly like every other house on the street. It was about 2pm, ten minutes later, when Sookie showed up, wearing a little black dress, huge sunglasses, and a pair of fuck me pumps that made her legs look hotter than usual. I hadn't seen her in the city, and she looked the part. She took the sunglasses off, and looked me up and down. I felt like a piece of meat, and I loved it.


"Hey. So, a brownstone. How cliché."

She shrugged. "It came on the market this morning, and it's a steal. Even if you don't want to live here, it would be a great investment property. Some famous writer, Bill Compton, used to live here, so it's a bit of a big deal. His son is selling it." I saw the look in her eyes. It was not about the house, it was about the excuse to meet up and fuck. I liked her logic. It didn't need a fancy "boom boom room" to entice me to fuck her. I'd fuck her almost anywhere; public washroom, a Winnebago, the backseat of my car. Where ever, whenever she wanted. She was a lay and a half.

"Okay, well, let's get in there." I raised an eyebrow, and she raised one right back.

"Ja." She walked ahead of me, giving me the chance to check out her phenomenal ass as she walked up the stairs. I watched her every movement, as she punched the code in on the lock. "It might not be ready to show. I had to pull some strings to get in here so early."

"That's fine. I like it dirty." I smirked at her.

"I didn't think you'd mind." She smiled sweetly, which was hot, because I knew what was lurking under that smile; the minxiest minx I'd ever laid eyes on. We both stepped in and looked around. "That is the most hideous shade of yellow I've ever seen." She wrinkled her nose.

And it was all over the kitchen. "I second that." It was too ugly. I couldn't fuck in this room, well I could have, but I was fairly sure there were better rooms. "Moving on?"

"Yes. Shall we start from the top and work our way down?" She winked.

"Well, that's usually how you do it." I was guessing the bedrooms were upstairs, and I'd get to watch her ass again. Double win. I followed her up the stairs. "I like this view."

"I thought you might." We made it to the top, and walked into the master bedroom. The bed was unmade. We both looked at each other. Gross. Did this house have any redeeming qualities? "Well, let's check out the closet." We were both getting impatient. She opened the door to a huge walk-in closet, and I followed her in, slamming her up against the wall, pressing against her. "Eager are we?"

I grunted my reply, as I turned her around, and slid my hands up her dress, settling on her tight ass. I ripped her underwear off, and lifted her up, so she was wrapped around my waist, heels on. She let out a low moan, which I met with a growl. "Fuck me," she whispered in my ear, pushing herself up against me.

"Now who's eager?" She gripped me, and I dropped my pants and entered her, with one sharp thrust.

"Fuck, you're so huge." She met me, thrust for thrust. "I've been thinking about this all week."

"Maybe I need to expand my search criteria. We can look at more places." Fuck, she was hot. And so wet.

"That sounds good. I have lots of condos I could show you." Her breathing hitched, and I went harder. She cried out. "You're fucking amazing."

"You too, Lover." She was so fucking tight around my cock. I could feel every move she made. Her hair smelled amazing. I felt her pulse around me and I came, crying out her name.

My legs like Jell-O, I pressed her up against the wall and sat there, my face buried in her hair.

"Maybe we should continue the tour?" She was as perky as always, using her best real estate agent voice. I regretfully pulled out of her, and set her down. She shuffled her dress over her hips, and picked up her scraps of underwear and put them in her purse, without a word. She was such a professional. "How about the guest rooms?" She grinned at me, deliciously.

That would give me time to go again, not that I needed long, knowing that she was sans panties. "So what else does this place have to offer?" I said, in a bored tone.

"Well, there's a bathroom, which I'm going to use. Just a minute." She coyly ducked in and closed the door. I guess she wanted to avoid a Monica Lewinsky situation. I got that, although I was looking forward to a bit of Bill Clinton action. She popped out a minute later, looking as polished as she had when we walked in. "Now, here's the first guest room. This house has central air." She grinned.

"You're such a professional."

She snorted. "Not really. I'm sure I'm breaking all kinds of real estate agent rules, fucking a client all over a property. I'm sure I signed somewhere that I wouldn't do that." She laughed. "You won't tell, will you?" She smoothed her dress over her ass. Fuck, it looked good in that dress.

"Will you continue to fuck me all over town?"

"Uh, yea."

"Then our secret's safe with me. But you are a very naughty real estate agent." I raised an eyebrow. "Do you know what happens to naughty real estate agents?"

"I don't." She licked her lips. "But I'm dying to find out."

"Let's go downstairs." She led the way.

"So, you've seen the kitchen. Here's the living room." This guy had horrible taste.

"What does this guy do, for a job?" I'm sure it was something boring. There were dusty books everywhere.

"He's a professor at Columbia. Something boring, maybe classics? What's your major?" She bit her lip.

"Well, on paper, it's business, but I spent my university career perfecting other skills."

She grinned. "I bet you did."

I sat down on the couch. "Do you want to find out what happens to naughty real estate agents?"

She shifted in her heels. "Yeah, I do."

"Come here." She moved and sat beside me. "Over my knee."

She raised an eyebrow. "Kinky." She laid over my lap, propping her head up on her elbow.

I eased her dress up, revealing her firm ass. It had such a great shape to it, so round. "So, naughty real estate agent, for your general naughtiness..." I grazed my hand over her ass, and she flinched. I felt my dick twitch. "...it's time for a spanking." I fucking loved a good spanking. I hadn't met a girl yet that didn't agree.

"Oh, Mr. Northman, I'm sorry I've been so naughty. I promise I'll find you a house, a really nice one." She looked up at me, wide eyed.

"Well, you better." I kept eye contact with her, as I brought my hand up, and down, on her tight ass.

She squeaked. "Oh." Her eyes said she fucking loved it.

I brought my hand down a couple more times. One for each house we'd looked at. "Good girl. Now, if you actually find me a house, I'll have to spank you again." I raised an eyebrow.

"You see, now I'm torn." She sat up, pulling her dress back over her ass. "I want to find you a house, but then what happens?"

"I'll never find the perfect house. Even if I buy one, I may keep my eyes open for something better." She could show me anything she had to offer. "And I'll spank you either way."

"Shall we see the basement?"

"The basement?"

"This house has a fully finished basement. It's just down the stairs over here." She stood up, heels still on. I wanted her naked, in those fucking heels. "Coming?"

Hopefully, again, soon.

"Just as soon as you spread your legs, Lover."

She tossed her head back and laughed, heading through the doorway and down the stairs. I followed behind her, noticing that it was exponentially less fun to watch her walk downstairs as opposed to up them. She flipped a few switches at the bottom and the entire space was illuminated.

"You'll notice the full wine cellar to the left. It's gorgeous; a few really rare vintages, if you're into that sort of thing. I spoke to the seller and he says that for a price he'd consider leaving them behind."

"I'm not much of a wine snob. But this I'm interested in."

I was behind the oak bar and found a bottle of Glenlivet 25 year old single malt. That stuff retailed for over $300 a bottle. The scotch at the houses Sookie brought me to just kept getting better and better. I found a clean glass and poured myself a splash, just enough to really savour the flavor. I was floored when Sookie took a seat a signalled that she wanted one too. So not only did this woman fuck like a champ and speak Swedish, she knew her scotch. She was every man's dream girl and all she asked of me was 5% commission.

"So what do you think of the property?" Always a business woman. Keeping it professional and about the sale. Little did she know she was about to be fucked senseless on top of the bar.

"It's nice. It needs a lot of work as far as redecorating though. I'm looking for a place that's a little more my style."

"It is a little... outdated. There's a few more rooms down here, want me to show them to you?"

"Sure. Show me everything." Maybe there would be a cleaner place to mess around.

She showed me the one bedroom on the lower level, with its tiny attached half bathroom. Sadly, it was not furnished, which gave us no available horizontal surfaces. Nothing about this place was spectacular; it was just your stereotypical New York Brownstone. Yawn.

As we left the bedroom, I eyed another doorknob. It was interesting; made to look like it blended into the wall. The borders of the door were nearly invisible to the naked eye; the only reason I saw it was the glint off the metal from the overhead lights. I tried to open it, but it was locked. Finally, something about this house caught my attention.

"It's locked. Do you have the key?"

"Nope, I was only given the code to the front door, no physical keys."

"Why would someone lock a hidden door if they're selling their house?"

"Because they're hiding something."

I gave her my best smirk before crouching down to get a better look at it. I was trying to figure out the best way to pick it when a bobby pin appeared over my shoulder.

"Let me try. I'm a pro at picking locks. I come face to face with lots of locked doors at showings."

I moved out of the way so she could have at it. Within seconds, the door was swinging open and it was her turn to flash me a smirk. Instant hard on. Then again, I was always hard when Sookie was around. She opened the door the rest of the way and I was tempted to tell her not to look. There was an obvious reason this door was locked and hidden.

It was sex den.

Cuffs on the wall. A table lined with various sex toys. A huge television mounted to the wall, for porn, most likely. An armoire in the corner, probably filled with more sex toys. This was not something a lady should bear witness to.

"Holy kink closet, Batman!" Then again, Sookie wasn't your average lady.

"Maybe we were wrong about his profession. He most likely teaches human sexuality."

"Would you check this out! That's a huge strap on. I don't think I've ever seen a dildo that big outside of a porno before."

"You watch porn?"

"Only for the plot. What's in the cabinet?"

She crossed the space to open the doors. It held every piece of S&M paraphernalia known to man. Most of which I held little to no knowledge about. Sookie reached in and pulled out a riding crop, letting the looped leather head slap across her hand a few times. It was like she was testing it out, maybe she'd let me use it on her. She seemed to enjoy her spanking upstairs.

"Have you ever been spanked before, Eric?" Not what I was expecting.

"Can't say that I have."

"Would you like for me to use this on you?"

"You want to use someone else's sex toy on me?" Ew.

"It's not like it's internal. It's just a crop. I wouldn't use one of those vibrators if you paid me, but this is just fun. Now, drop your pants and lean against the table."

Oh fuck... hello, Dominatrix Sookie. I contemplated her words for just a minute before undoing my pants and doing as she requested. She trailed the leather head up the back of my legs slowly, and I felt the goosebumps break out before she even reached my ass. I'll admit to never having been on the receiving end of a crop, or a hand for that matter, but with the way Sookie was building the anticipation, I was more than ready.

Or so I thought. The first time she brought the cold leather down hard, it hurt unlike anything I've ever felt before. Did people actually enjoy this? I must have made some sort of noise vocalizing my displeasure because Sookie walked around the table to look me in the face.

"What's wrong? You can dish it, but you can't take it? Afraid of a little girl with a crop?"

See, now she was taunting me. That just wouldn't do.

"You just caught me by surprise. I'm fine." I could suck it up and take it like a man.

She came back around behind me, again dragging the leather softly against my skin before bringing it down hard. After the third blow, it actually started to feel good. I started counting out the hits in my head, realizing she was matching the number I had given her upstairs. All is fair in real estate and spankings, I suppose.

By the time the final strike landed, I had already calculated my plan of action. As she stepped back to admire her work, I twisted around and pushed her against the wall. My lips attacked hers in a fight for dominance which I was sure to win. First, I was bigger than she was and could easily overpower her. Second, I picked this spot especially for her. As we kissed, I lifted her arms above her head and locked the wall-mounted cuffs around her wrists. When she realized what had just happened, she looked at me with a smile.

"Now how do you suggest getting my dress off? You won't be able to get it off my arms."

She had the false impression I was an amateur at this. After kicking off my own pants, I opened the zipper at the back of her dress, sliding the garment up her body slowly as to let the fabric graze along every extra sensitive inch of her body. It didn't need to come all the way off, just enough so I had access to all of her. I bunched it up around her arms, further binding her in place. It would probably be a wrinkled mess after I was done with her, but I didn't care.

It was my turn to search the kink cabinet for what I needed. I eyed the blindfold, knowing it would work perfectly. I contemplated taking the feather to trace long her skin, but I knew my hands would work even better and be far more enjoyable for the both of us. I came back before her, twirling the black eye mask around my finger.

"You want a safe word, just in case?"

"Nah, I think kicking you square in the junk will get my point across, don't you?"

Feisty, I liked that. I covered her eyes and stepped back, giving her a moment to adjust to the darkness. My first touch was to her lips, teasing them with my teeth, nipping a little harder than I normally would. My mouth moved down her neck, biting and sucking along her perfectly tanned skin. Her moans were my guide; the louder she cried out, the harder I bit. I stopped just above her breasts, completely cutting off any contact I had with her body. She pouted, pulling against the cuffs in an attempt to touch me.

I braced my hands against the wall on either side of her, crouching down to rest between her legs. I separated them a little wider, and blew my hot breath along the inside. She was crying out, thrusting her hips forward, but I had already leaned back from her once again. I traced my fingers along her skin in a pattern that kept her guessing where the next touch would land. She cried out when my fingers found her breasts, pinching and teasing her already hard nipples. When that very next touch was my lips around her nub, she screamed out so loudly, I had to pray for thick walls. I devoured her, using my mouth and fingers to quickly bring her to orgasm.

She draped one leg over my shoulder, using her toned legs to hold my head close to her core. I tried to back away, but she held me in place. I gently unwrapped her; amazed that she was able to balance on one foot while having an orgasm in five inch heels.

"No, I need more. Don't go yet."

"You're a greedy little thing. I was just going to get a condom. But if you don't want me to fuck you..."

"Yes! I mean, no, I want you to fuck me. Need you to fuck me."

I rolled the latex over my length, removing the blindfold from her eyes. I had a serious obsession with eye contact during sex and would not be denied for kink's sake. I wrapped her legs around my waist, supporting her body to avoid putting all her weight on her bound wrists. I wanted to avoid breaking bones or dislocating shoulders; that took all the fun out of sex.

I filled her completely with one thrust, drowning in the feeling of her body opening up to accommodate for my size. Our coupling was hard and fast, the sound of our bodies joining together and our moaning the only sound filling the room. I kept a hand behind her head to help her avoid bashing it against the hard wall but also to get a good handful of her hair. I tugged hard, angling her head to open up her neck and shoulder to me. My mouth was on her instantly, adding to the sensations she was sure to be feeling.

Her muscles clenching around me and her incoherent screams were a sure sign she was close. I shifted my stance slightly, trying to get the best angle that would hit her spot on every stroke. Her eyes grew dark and hazy, her breathing erratic and I knew I had her exactly where I wanted. One well placed thumb on her clit and a few Swedish profanities later, she was coming hard around me, dragging me down with her, milking every last drop out of me.

Her body went lax and she sagged against the cuffs. I quickly undid the clasp, holding her steady so she could regain her footing. She righted her dress while I found where my pants ended up. After a few minutes of fixing ourselves to presentable levels; we put things back the way we found them. We walked across the basement and I took one last look of the hideous space, glad to be leaving it behind.

As she was leading me back up the stairs, I stayed a few steps behind to admire the view. I'd never get tired of that ass. I wanted to suggest a multi-story property for our next rendezvous, when I remembered something she said last time.

"Wasn't there supposed to be a hot tub?"

"Oh, that house got pushed back when I saw this one was available. So, are you going to make an offer?"

"I think not. It would just take too much work to get it where I want it. Plus, I'd need to bleach the entire property. Any couple that has a room like that in the basement is bound to do nasty things on every available surface."

"Didn't we just do nasty things on every available surface?"

"Yeah, but those memories would be of fucking you; those I don't mind so much. Keep me posted should something else become available that you think would strike my fancy."

She tried to smooth the wrinkles out of her dress, with no success. She pulled her bug eyed sunglasses out of her purse as she brought us outside.

"I'll just have to keep looking for the perfect house. I'm starting to figure out how you like it."

"Until then, I'll just have to suffer through the rejects."

Amanda here,

LOVE!!! Gals, I'm loving all of ya'alls chapters for this little smutfest. :D

I'm home sick and this sure made my temperature rise.. mmmm.. in a delicious way.

Thank you, dolls!