I kind of can't believe I actually wrote this. I've been high off of the bits of Howard/Raj we got on Monday (They cuddled! Kinda…) so me being a pervert was inevitable.

So, here it is:

The Bubble Bath Conjecture

Howard got situated in his bathtub, desperately trying not to think about the fact that his mother had been scrubbing her bunions in there only a few hours before.

He'd gotten the bathroom all set up for the occasion. Scented candles, mounds of bubble bath, wine, and even some slow jazz playing in the background. Which would have been a little less pathetic if he had company, which, as usual, he didn't.

Soaping up, he wondered, "So who will it be tonight? Halle Berry perhaps? Or the ever-sexy Katee Sackhoff?"

He closed his eyes for a moment, picturing the ideal women across from him in the tub. He opened them to a surprise.


"Hey, dude," the image replied nonchalantly, getting comfortable in the bubbles.

Howard stared back in confusion. "What are you doing here?" He cried.

Raj shrugged. "Apparently I'm here for your masturbatory fantasy."

Howard made a face. "Why?"

"What? It's not like I chose to be here. That's all you, buddy."

"You're saying that I wanted my best friend to show up in my bathtub… Naked?" He coughed awkwardly.

"Apparently. Is that jazz? How desperate are you?" Raj grinned. "So are we gonna get started, or what?"

Howard's eyes widened. "Are you kidding? No! God, no! Get out of my tub, now!"

"You mean your mother's tub."


"Fine, fine…" Raj stood.

Howard tried desperately to avert his eyes. "Too much information! Sit down!"

"There's no pleasing you," Raj sighed, sitting back down, the necessary areas once again covered by bubbles.

"What would please me is if you went ahead and turned into Halle Berry."

"Why? Delicious caramel is delicious caramel, isn't it?" Asked Raj.

Howard sighed. "Listen, buddy, I'm completely straight. I only masturbate to the thoughts gorgeous women. This," he gestured to his naked friend. "Is in no way turning me on."

Raj rolled his eyes and leaned forward, feeling around Howard's side of the tub.

"Hey!" Howard cried.

"Straight, huh?" Raj grinned slyly, his hand in the last place his friend wanted it. "That doesn't seem to be entirely true." He leaned back to the other side of the bath.

Howard sighed in exasperation. If this Raj image wouldn't leave, then he'd get rid of it. There was one surefire way he knew to kill his libido, and if that didn't end this fantasy, nothing would. He closed his eyes again.

"What are you doing?" Raj asked, confused.

"Picturing my mother in a bikini."

Raj made a face. "That's gross, dude."

"Well, if it gets rid of you, I'm happy."

There was silence for a minute as Howard forced the foul images into his mind. When he'd decided that his plan had probably worked, he opened his eyes.

He shuddered. Naked Raj was still across from, playing with the bubbles.

"Don't you have anything better to do?" Howard cried.

"Well, the real me is watching some Star Trek reruns and pigging out on some takeout Chinese food so," Raj considered this. "No, not really."

Howard sighed. "So you're not going to leave me alone?"

Raj shook his head. "Nope."

"Fine." Howard exhaled in submission. "Then let's get started, already."

Wheee…That was perverted --_--

I love these two together- if there was more of them they'd probably be my OTP.

So, did you like it? Should it be rated M?

No flames, please. Flames lower my overall self-esteem.