More one shots on new parings that are overtaking me instead on focusing on things I said I'd focus on like school and other fics that have been left in the dust! Yay!

Obligations out of the way, this was both fun and frustrating as all hell to write. Tweek, that adorable little spaz - he's far too amusing for words. Craig is a whole other story. Stoic bastard was hard to pin the hell down. I think, maybe, I have an okay handle on him for now. Maybe. Probably not but apathy is a lot harder to write than it seems.

Short warnings : Gay, flipping of the bird, and cursing.
Enjoy.


"Tweek-"
"Gnnehk!"
"Tweek come he-"
"Oh God nngh-CHRIST WHAT?"

Craig snorted, trying with all his might to keep his middle finger down and his eye from twitching. They were sprawled out on his couch, Clyde and Token having ditched to go do something else. Craig, rather than be bored, had bribed his remaining friend with the two cans of coffee in the freezer. Tweek waited; currently drinking his parents dry of their thawed brew.

"C'mere, Tweek." Craig muttered, sitting up. "Your buttons are wrong."
"I… I nnghn Too much pressure. So many-"
"Dude, why don't you just get a regular shirt then?"
"But what if it –gak!- gets caught on my head or arm and I choke and die from punctured lung because it's too tight and it breaks my rib and it stabs my insides!"
"Tweek, that doesn't make sense."
"Geehk! Oh Jesus!"

The blond boy spazzed out, twitching wildly. Craig flipped him off and scowled, drawing his legs up under him and lurching forward. Tweek shrieked and nearly punched him in the face. Craig was faster than him. He wrenched the arm back down, pinning to the couch. Tweek squirmed and twitched and whimpered and whined until he exhausted himself. Craig frowned at him, otherwise remaining rather stoic and calm about the whole thing. It wasn't the first time Tweek flipped out, and it sure as hell wouldn't be the last.

"Easy Tweekers" Craig murmured "Easy now. Don't fucking try to punch me again, asshole."
"Nngh- S-Sorry C-Cr-ah! Craig."
"No problem, dickwad."

Tweek twitched and shook a little, taking a few breaths and attempted to sit up, reaching toward the coffee mug. It proved just out of reach, and he whined, turning his eyes back to Craig. The boy stared back, flipping him off, seemingly content with his position. It was quite comfortable, save for the blonds' bony hips digging into his thigh.

"I…I want my –nnghk- coffee."
"Tough shit."
"Bu- but ggerh! Ahck!"
"Shut the hell up."

Craig leaned back a bit, giving Tweek some breathing room when he started to hyperventilate again. Then he remembered why he was half straddling the other boy and reached down, casually unbuttoning his shirt. This, Tweek did not like.

"Ahhgh! What the fuck! Augh!"
"Shut the hell up, Tweek."
"Nngh-Ack!"
"Your fucking buttons piss me the fuck off. Now hold still or I'll crush your nuts."
"Ahguh! What if I want kids! They'll come out deformed- Unnghak!"
"Like you would fuck anyone."
"Too much pressure!"
"Exactly."

Craig casually flicked the last button open, Tweek's pale chest heaving and shaking unnaturally fast. He blinked and cracked his neck. He noticed Tweek was missing a good deal of buttons on his shirt. In fact they looked like they had popped off or been gnawed off. Either way Craig sighed and shook his head, trying to match up the buttons with the adjoining holes. But it wasn't an easy task. Tweek kept moving, kept nearly shrieking every time Craig's fingers accidentally touched his skin.

For some reason, that made Craig want to touch it more.

It was the troublemaker in him, he was sure. Not that he particularly cared, but he always had a knack for automatically pissing off anyone within eyeshot. He normally left Tweek alone, some strange form of pity Craig wasn't armed to deal with keeping him from picking on the twitchy blond too much. In return Tweek had toned down the psychotic ramblings about gnomes and conspiracy theories. It wasn't a great friendship, but it was more than enough.

It didn't stop him from torturing the bundle of nerves, but he figured it counted for something.

So he kept touching. Just casual brushes. Nothing committal or overtly queer. He dragged the fabric over the thin chest, attempting and deliberately failing to match up the buttons and holes. Tweek said nothing, but her jerked around and squeaked and spazzed. There was something about the way he reacted that intrigued the normally apathetic Craig. He was never once put off. Obedient. He just let it happen. He could be hating this and he wouldn't say anything.

So Craig kissed him.

It wasn't much. He'd kissed his mother more passionately. It just lingered on the others mouth, just kind of lying there. He wasn't gay or anything. He just wanted to see what would happen. So far nothing. In fact… Tweek had stopped moving completely. He just lay there, stock still and sunken into the couch. Craig wanted to think he had momentarily calmed the manic boy, but he knew better. He was probably just suffering from a brief heart attack. When he did finally pull away from the stunned blond, Tweek still didn't move. Craig thought for a moment he might have actually killed the boy.

Then Tweek hauled out and punched him square in the face, sending him reeling back off the couch and onto the coffee table, hitting his head there before he finally fell to the floor, clutching his nose. He grunted, but not much else. Tweek screamed and scrambled over to his edge of the couch, shaking and twitching worse than before.

"Oh Jesus! Oh God oh Jesus- I'm sorry! You kissed me? Why did you do that!? What? Argh- Oh sweet Jesus!"

Craig looked at his hand. His nose hurt like a bitch, but it wasn't bleeding. Tweek's eye was twitching really fucking bad and he looked like he was going to rip up the couch or chew his bottom lip off. Craig growled and sat up straight. Tweek backed up and curled into a little ball, rocking back and forth. Craig sat back on the couch, flipping the blond boy off, making him spaz and half-shriek. Then he punched Tweek as an afterthought.

"Gah! Ow… ow… Augh-ah!" He paused to swallow and grab his coffee, drinking the rest of it in one big gulp. "Wh-why did you? Why did you do that?"
"What?"
"Ack! That! That… that… Nnghnk!" He twitched, dropping his voice to a low of a whisper the hyperactive teen could manage, somehow squeezing out a coherent sentence "You kissed me."

Craig had no idea. He thought he had an idea when he did it, but it was a really shitty one now. It just made him sound like a fucking faggot. He flipped Tweek off and remained silent, trying to think up a reason to give the nervous teen. Everything he came up with sounded really fucking gay. He wanted to see what it felt like. He wanted to see him squirm some more. He wondered if he tasted like the coffee he drank. He just fucking wanted to.

But then Tweek was in his lap, shaking a bit and staring right at him. Craig blinked. Tweek kissed him with a muted noise and convulsion. Craig noticed that, for a moment, Tweek had stopped quivering. It was weird. Maybe the kid really did have ADD, and just needed to focus his energy into one point. It kind of started up again after a few minutes, but it was a far more subdued tremor than Tweek at rest. Craig simply had to shut his eyes and kiss him back.

"You think fucking would calm you down for more than a minute?" He asked idly, half holding Tweeks shoulders in place when the blond boy pulled away from his mouth.
"Ahgh- Nneghk!"
"Yeah we'll work on that later."


Oh Craig. You apathetic little bastard.
Please R&R if so inclined and have a pleasant day.

One last note: I dedicate this to Tazzes, my whip-wielding master who makes me write shit so I don't get lazy. ilu 3