Author's Note: Those who know Sondheim's Prologue to Sweeney Todd and the Andy Griffith Show are most likely to get a chuckle. I imagine that will be about 3 people. I feel a bit like Weird Al, only more obscure. And much hotter. XD

The Demon Spinster of Mayb'rry

Attend the tale of dear Aunt Bee.
Her belly round and her laughter free.
She cooked the dinners and tidied rooms
and dusted and swept with the cleanest of brooms
She had a side that few did see
Did dear Aunt Bee
The demon spinster of Mayb'rry.

She kept the kitchen so neat and clean
The cleanest kitchen you've ever seen
Her meatloaf was of such renown
That no one could top it in any town
Oh Aunt Bee
Oh Aunt Bee
The demon spinster of Mayb'rry.

Her needs were few, her knives were sharp
Upon her talents she'd never harp
A traveling salesman would make a call
And no one would know he'd been there at all
For neatness give a cheer or three
For Aunt Bee
The demon spinster of Mayb'rry.

Inconspicuous Aunt Bee was,
Quick and quiet and clean she was.
Back of her smile, under her word
Aunt Bee heard music that nobody heard.
Aunt Bee pondered and Aunt Bee planned
Like a hausfrau machine she planned,

Aunt Bee was smooth, Aunt Bee was subtle,
Aunt Bee would blink, and rats would scuttle
Aunt Bee was smooth, Aunt Bee was subtle
Aunt Bee would blink, and rats would scuttle
Aunt Bee was smooth, Aunt Bee was subtle,
Aunt Bee would blink, and rats would scuttle
Aunt Bee was smooth, Aunt Bee was subtle,
Aunt Bee would blink, and rats would scuttle
Aunt Bee! Aunt Bee! Aunt Bee! Aunt Bee!
Aunt Bee!

Dear Aunt Bee

Attend the tale of dear Aunt Bee
She served to Andy and sweet Opie
And what they ate, well that's the play,
And she wouldn't want us to give it away...

Not Aunt Bee
Not Dear Aunt Bee
The demon spinster of May...
B'rry...