I apologize for the delay in posting this, but something serious has happened and I've spent the last days so filled with worry and tension that my face muscles ache because of it. As result I forgot about the fact I still had to post this.
That was the start of our relationship, or maybe just the beginning of the next phase of our partnership. We were co-workers on the job and lovers out of it. Nothing changed in our working relationship and no one but Ducky – who caught us in a compromising position one time when he dropped by unannounced – knew I had decided to follow his advice and that Tony and I were now partners in every way.
Tony always slept with me, because I rested better with him in my bed, and I liked to wake up with him at my side—and I knew it was the same for him. I told him straight from the start that we were equals in bed, that he was free to start things or tell me "no" if he wasn't in the mood…but that never happened. Tony was young, virile and apparently coming off of a six year long dry spell.
I felt at ease in Tony's company, both in and out of bed. We had lived together for six years and we knew each other well. When I was with him, I felt free to be fully myself. There was no need to pretend to be cheerful if I wasn't. No pressure to talk if I didn't feel like doing it. No requests to share my thoughts if something was bothering me and I wasn't ready to discuss it. No subtle or not so subtle insinuations it was time I put Shannon and Kelly at rest and moved on. No clever attempts to make me say "I love you". No trying to make me change some of my habits—nor I ever tried to change his.
There was acceptance, on both sides. We never tried to change the other. We knew how we were and liked each other exactly like that. It was comfortable, safe, and cozy.
I can't sincerely say how much of Tony's willingness to put up with me and the harshest parts of my personality was due to the fact he was my Personal Companion, thus duty bound to accept me as I was, and how much was due to his love for me. I didn't really care. I just felt so damn lucky I had him and was able to share my life with him, that I started thanking the President for giving Tony to me all those years ago.
Now, if you think I was a selfish bastard…well, maybe you're right, I was. But in my defense I can tell you I really cared for Tony's happiness and tried to give him as much as I took, and I always did my best to never hurt him, at least not willingly.
That said, there was one thing Tony tried more than once to make me do. One thing I refused to do for a long time…and that I ended up doing only because he outsmarted me.
This thing was anal sex. Intercourse. Fucking.
Tony had wanted me to take him almost from the start, but I had always said no. Fact was—and is – the mere idea of having a cock in my ass made me sick, thus I extended that idea to my lover too.
I couldn't understand how he could possibly want that, and I was concerned he wanted me to fuck him only because he somehow thought it was his duty to offer it. It was unthinkable for me he might like it.
But I was wrong—Tony does like it.
I saw it on his face the night that I had to kill Michelle Lee. That night I was too keyed up to sleep, too lost in my thoughts, and Tony came up saying he knew a great way to make me relax.
I let him have his way with me, content to let him do all the job only to be jerked out of my complacent mood when he straddled my hips and took hold of my cock.
"What are you doing?" I tried to say, but I never completed the line. The feel of him, tight and warm around me took my breath away and I had to struggle to stop my imminent orgasm.
When I felt more in control I looked up and found he too was staring at me.
"You OK?" he asked, and I knew he would move away if I even hinted I wasn't completely comfortable. But I didn't, because I could see the pleasure on his face and his cock seemed harder than I had ever seen it. I simply couldn't take away a thing he liked so much, not after seeing that look on his face.
So I suffocated my lingering unease and panted, "Yeah, just not as relaxed as before…"
Tony chuckled, clearly happy with my response and replied, "I assure you: you'll be completely relaxed when I'm done with you."
He began to rise and fall over me, first slowly, then more quickly, and I observed him, avidly taking in his pleasure-filled expressions and all the sounds that escaped his lips.
And then it happened: for the first time since we got together, Tony came before me, and I will never forget what he looked like, lost in the ecstasy of his orgasm. It was then that I decided I wanted to see that expression again, and that if some discomfort was the price for it, well, I would pay it. For him…and for me too, because when I came a little behind him, it was so intense I almost blacked out.
That happened about one year ago and I can tell you that Tony and I have found a compromise in our bed activities too. So, even if I still prefer mutual hand jobs or rubbing against him to intercourse, I agree to do it when he really wants it. Because I like pleasing him.
Because I love him.
I've no problems in admitting it—although I've not yet said it to Tony, not aloud that is.
But I know he's aware I love him.
I can feel it in the way he keeps telling me he loves me, yet doesn't look at me with the plea in his eyes to return the feeling.
And just a scant hour ago, I felt it in his decision to remain my Personal Companion even when all the others have been set free by Presidential decree, something that, I have to say as filled my heart with happiness I cannot describe. I know many will consider me a selfish bastard, but the idea that Tony is still mine, all mine, because he chose to be so is mind-blowing.
This morning, when I saw him leave for his appointment with the Federal attorney I was sure he would return home a free man. We hadn't discussed the matter, because I felt it was only his decision, and I didn't want to influence him in any way.
But when he returned home one hour ago and called me Master, as he had never done since that very first day, when I had told him I didn't want to be called so, I understood what he had done.
I didn't talk- I acted. I took him in my arms and I embraced him with all of my strength. I might have even shed some tears, I cannot be sure.
When I let Tony go, he gave me a quick kiss and then, as if he was unaware of the incredible gift he had just given me, he went to the kitchen and started looking for food, chattering about how boring the whole meeting had been and how he had been sent to see a shrink after he announced his intention to remain my Personal Companion.
"You should have seen them, Jethro. Eyes bulging, mouths open, they just couldn't believe it. They thought I was crazy."
"And what did the shrink say?" I asked, leaning against the doorframe.
He munched a cracker as he answered, "She told me I was committing a mistake."
"Why?" I whispered, my heart clenching.
"She said that there would be no way back if I changed my mind. That I'll belong to you till the day I die. That I'm yours, but you're not mine. But I know she's wrong."
I swallowed hard and nodded. "She is." I'm yours Tony, don't ever doubt it. I thought but didn't say.
"I know." He put down the crackers and muttered, "Do you mind if I shower and rest for a while before dinner? All those talks tired me out."
"Of course I don't. Go upstairs; I'll call you when it's ready."
I watched him go and my gut churned.
I know Tony is aware I love him. I know he can feel my love in my embraces, in my caresses, in my kisses. In the way I let him transform my living room in a super-technologic entertainment center with a plasma screen as big as the window and a sound system that makes the windows rattle when he watches one of his sci-fi movies. In the way I allow him to choose my clothes and dress me up when we've to go to some official reception. In the way I let him convince me to put a Jacuzzi in the master bathroom, and in the many times we share it.
Yes, he knows I love him. But perhaps it's about time I tell him those words aloud.
I told them to Shannon about thirty seconds before I went down on my knee and asked her to marry me.
Haven't Tony and I just got married, in a certain way? His belonging to me is now consensual. He chose to remain my Personal Companion and you can bet I won't let him go until 'death do us part'.
A powerful wave of emotion hits me and I realize that after losing Shannon I had tried three times to replace the red headed love of the first part of my life. I know now that my love for the rest of my life is a brunette and is male. I'm tired of making the same painful mistake over and over and now that I have seen the love I can truly have. I have to take the chance.
Yeah, the time has come. The time is right.
I must tell him.
I take the stairs by two, but I slow down near our bedroom's door. He's probably sleeping and I don't want him to jerk awake because he fears a herd of buffalos has invaded the house.
I walk quietly inside the room and sit down on the edge of the bed, and look as he sleeps, clad only in boxers. I watch his chest rise and fall for a few minutes, and then I bend forward and kiss him awake.
He opens his eyes slowly, and stretches, like a big, lazy tomcat.
"Is dinner ready?" he mumbles.
"I love you," I tell him, with no preambles, no introductions, no nothing, just the pure truth.
Tony's eyes widen and I can hear his breath catch in his throat.
"You…" he whispers.
"I love you," I repeat, looking straight into his all too bright eyes, trying to convey all my sincerity with my voice and my gaze.
He closes his eyes and a strange expression appears on his face. It looks like he is savoring those words.
Then his eyes open again and his mouth bends and opens in that broad, cocky smile I love so much and he utters just two words.
I grin back at him, bend down again to kiss that smile, and soon all coherent thoughts leave my brain, as everything ceases to exist and my world is reduced to just to Tony and the passion of our lovemaking.
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