Author's Note: Hello, All. It's been a while since I've really written anything other than "Princess Records" over at DeviantART, and I'm totally overwhelmed with schoolwork right now. However, I feel like I need to get back into some sort of groove for fanfiction writing once I get some time, so I decided to fulfill a challenge I heard of once a while back: Write one-shots for every song on a CD where you actually like every single song on the CD. That's not easy considering people's taste, but I've fallen in love with Lady GaGa's "The Fame Monster," so I'll be writing nine prompts. "Bad Romance" will be split into two parts, one for the original and one for the remix. They'll both be taking place in the Gakuen Hetalia AU. The others will be taking place in the canon story except otherwise noted. The "Bad Romance" fics will also be the only ones that mention Lady GaGa as a person; the others will just be inspired by her. You'll see what I mean as I write.
Title: The Hetalian Monster
Song: Bad Romance (Part 1)
It wasn't that Gilbert Beilschmidt didn't like him. Really. It wasn't. It was just that the blonde was too damn annoying.
Feliks Łukasiewicz was blasting his iPod once again, and Gilbert could recognize it as the same song even though he couldn't make out all the words. Something about love and revenge? Whatever. Gilbert didn't believe in such a silly thing like love. The revenge thing was okay, but love was definitely not awesome.
It also didn't help that Feliks was prancing around the classroom, making odd movements the blonde considered dancing. Sure, it was a study hall hour, meaning no teacher there to scold them, but this was too much.
"Oi, Valley Girl!" Gilbert shouted, slamming his literature textbook down. "Chill, would ya?! Your stupidity is killing me over here!"
Feliks paused in his dancing and plucked one of the buds from his ears. He frowned. "Like, what's with you, Gil?" he asked, flipping his hair back. "There's, like, no one here. I totally don't see what your problem is. It's not like you even study during this time anyway. Like, not at all for that matter."
A few of the other students murmured their agreements while Feliks's friends tried to get him to calm down. "Let's just not bother Gilbert, okay?" Toris, Feliks's best friend, suggested. "Come on, I don't want to make him angry." He smiled sheepishly in Gilbert's direction and brought Feliks back down to his seat next to him. "Besides, aren't you sick of that CD yet? It's all you've been listening to lately."
Feliks's eyes seemed to pop. "Like, no way!" he squealed. "No one can match Lady GaGa. I swear, the woman's a genius, like, total perfection. I'm one of her Little Monsters for life!" He giggled obnoxiously and hugged his iPod, which was still blasting the music.
"Little Monsters?" Gilbert repeated, not really interested. "Not awesome. I bet all her work's crap; I bet it's brainwashing you into following her."
There were few times when Feliks got angry. In general, he was a rather carefree person, evident in the girls' uniforms he often wore to school. He didn't let too much get to him, as long as he could find an opportunity to shop his troubles away. He also hardly ever cared if someone insulted him, because he knew he was just too fabulous for that person to ignore. That was the way he worked, the way he lived his life, and, as a result, he considered himself a very reasonable person.
Gilbert had crossed the line.
Feliks, without a word, reached into his pink, covered-in-pony-keychains backpack, and pulled out a CD. He calmly walked over to Gilbert and shoved the CD into his face. "Listen to it," he commanded. "This is her second CD. It's technically, like, a follow-up to her first, but you can totally understand it even if you haven't listened to the first one." He nodded when Gilbert took the CD from him. "Listen to it tonight and tell me if you think it's crap tomorrow."
With that, the bell rang, and the study hall hour was over. Feliks walked back to his seat without another word and turned off his iPod, waiting for the teacher to arrive for the class's next lesson.
When school finally got out at the end of the day, Gilbert was rather slow in leaving. Normally, he raced out of the building as fast as he could, desperate to meet up with his friends and mooch off his brother for spending money. Today, however, he walked out of the school at a normal pace, not reacting when his friends called for him.
"Amigo, amigo!" came the voice of Gilbert's Spanish friend Antonio. "Over here, amigo, come on!"
Gilbert finally looked up and saw Antonio's constantly-cheerful face. The huge, goofy smile nearly made Gilbert sick. He didn't need to be surrounded by happiness right now.
"I'm not going to the arcade today," he said he passed his friends. "I'm going home."
"Ah, oui?" came the voice of the last man in the trio, a French exchange student by the name of Francis. "Pourquoi?"
Gilbert mustered up all his patience and growled out a reply. "I have to go home and listen to a CD."
Antonio and Francis blinked. Once. Twice.
"A CD?" Antonio asked. "What CD?"
"It's nothing!" Gilbert flushed bright red. "It's...something stupid that idiotic aristocrat kid wants me to hear! Yeah, Roddy's just trying to push his crappy music on me again."
Francis raised an eyebrow. "Gilbert, that's a lie. Roderich gave up on you during our first year here. He's barely spoken to you since. And every time he has tried to get you to listen to some of his music, you've never agreed to it. What CD is it really?" He crossed his arms and narrowed his clear, blue eyes.
Gilbert let out a frustrated groan and pulled the CD from his bag. Reluctantly, he handed it to his friends, sure they would laugh.
Surprisingly, Gilbert heard no mockery. "I've been wanting to hear this for a while," Antonio admitted, smiling a bit.
Gilbert's head shot up, his red eyes wide with confusion. "What the hell?" he asked, stupefied. "Ant, no, don't tell me that you're one of those...those..."
"Little Monsters?" Antonio finished, laughing a bit. "I don't think I would say that, Amigo, but I did like her first CD."
Francis nodded in agreement. "I liked most of those first songs, too. Who did you get this from, Gilbert?"
The silver-haired boy blushed a bit. "I...I sort of...got into a little fight with Feliks. He's...making me listen to this stupid thing." He shoved his hands into his pockets and shook his head. "This is NOT awesome. I'm way too cool to be listening to such crap."
Francis smiled amusedly. "Mais, mon ami, how do you know it's crap if you've never listened to it before?"
"Just look at it!" Gilbert pointed to the CD cover, which showed Lady GaGa herself dressed in black, covering her mouth. "She looks like a freak! Freaks make crappy music!"
Antonio smiled again. "How about we just listen to the first song?" he suggested. "If you hate it, you don't have to listen to any others. Francis and I will keep the CD overnight and then give it back to you in the morning so you can give it back to Feliks. Is that okay?"
Gilbert rolled his eyes. He had to admit that the thought of only having to listen only to one of the torture devices was better than having to listen to all of them. Sighing, he nodded. "Let's go to my place. I'll get West to make us some snacks."
Gilbert's little brother Ludwig, the boy he called "West" was already home by the time the albino and his friends walked through the front door. "Oi, West!" he called. "The awesome me has come back home. His awesome friends are here, too. Make us some snacks." He tossed his bag to the ground, CD in hand, and headed for the stairs up to his room.
Ludwig looked up from the homework he was doing at the table in the living room that connected to the doorway. Sighing, he managed a greeting for his brother's friends. "What do you want to eat?"
Francis nudged Gilbert, preventing him from running up the stairs, while Antonio just smiled. "No need to worry about us, amigo," he insisted. "We can get ourselves some snacks."
Ludwig nodded, his perfect, slicked back, blonde hair never once falling out of place. "Help yourself to anything as long as you clean it up later." Without another word, he went back to his work, completely ignoring his older brother's whining.
Francis turned to Gilbert. "Antonio and I will get the snacks," he insisted. "You go upstairs and put the CD in. Don't turn it on without us!"
The Spaniard turned to his blonde friend. "Francis, while the three of us are together, we should start thinking up a routine for the school's talent show. This is our last year of high school, so it has to be good." He grinned and ran into the kitchen to find a bag of popcorn.
Francis followed and opened the fridge to find a few sodas. "Oui, I suppose we should," he sighed, placing the three cans on the kitchen counter while Antonio placed the bag into the microwave. "The thing is that none of us can ever agree on what we want to do. And we need a name for our group."
Up in his room, Gilbert sat on the bed and opened the CD. He pulled the booklet out and flipped through it, taking in the photos. He had to admit that they were beautiful, everything about them. He liked the rough, edgy clothes and the black and white nude shots. Nodding and smirking slightly, he mentally confirmed that the booklet was awesome. Now he just needed to be convinced with the music.
"We've got popcorn and soda!" Antonio cheered as he entered the room. "Put the CD in, amigo, this is exciting!" He sat on the cold, wood floor and snapped the can open, eager to hear the first song. Francis sat down next to him and opened his soda much less excitedly, though he was internally bouncing with excitement.
Sighing, Gilbert stood and put the CD into the small boom box in the corner of his room. He was surprised it still worked after all these years, especially because the era of iTunes and digital music had begun. Regardless, the old device took the CD smoothly and started playing it.
For a good near five minutes, no one said anything. Antonio and Francis occasionally drank from their sodas and took a few handfuls of popcorn. Gilbert stared at the CD booklet and read over the lyrics as a female voice sang them. His blood red eyes were nearly blood shot; he didn't dare tear them away from the page for fear he might miss something.
When the song finally ended, Francis stood and pressed the pause button on the boom box. "Fantastique," he commented, smiling. "I can't wait to hear the rest." He turned to Gilbert, who was still staring at the lyrics. "What do you think, ami? You survived it." He and Antonio chuckled a bit.
Without a word, Gilbert stood and threw the booklet on his bed. He walked over to the whiteboard hanging on the other side of the room and erased everything he had written there, everything from appointments to after-school schedules to times he had to be especially awesome. When it was clear, he uncapped one of his markers and started writing out what looked like a formula.
When he was done, Antonio and Francis smiled triumphantly. Yes.
Gilbert's grin split his face.
2(RAH)3(AH) + [ROMA(1+MA)] + 2(GA)(OH)2(LA) = BAD TOUCH TRIO
TO BE CONTINUED (in Chapter 9)