Summary: Jasper sends Emmett and Rosalie on a blind date. What happens after a wild night together? AU/AH Emmett & Rosalie Humor Rated M for language and Lemons.

Fandango Ate Your Baby

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A/N: Here's my first stab at writing and lemons. I would love you opinion ;P

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all. I own nothing but this little plot.

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Emmett POV

How the hell did I end up on a blind date? One of my co-workers, Jasper Hale and I have been working together for a few years and have become good friends. His twin sister Rosalie is moving back to Seattle after working in Europe for the past five years. He asked me if I can take her out since she doesn't know anyone here except family and one close friend.

I heard the bell on the door to the restaurant and I saw the most beautiful, leggy blonde woman I have ever seen. She looked quickly around the restaurant and when her eyes met mine I knew I was done for. She smiled at me and started to walk over. I thought I was going to jizz my pants like a 13-year-old that just saw his first porn.

She walked towards me wearing the hottest red dress that showed off her figure and came down mid thigh. Her shoes were the sexiest fire engine red come fuck me pumps.

"Rosalie?" I asked as I reach out to shake her hand, when all I wanted to do was hump her leg like a horney Chihuahua.

"Yes hi, you must be Emmett" she said as she shook my hand and an electrical shock shot up my arm and went straight to my cock.

"Please sit, lets get to know each other" I said sitting down quickly to hid my "large" problem if I do say so myself.

After exchanging the commonly asked questions, we decided to play a little game since we found out we both love movie especially comedies. We were to try to stump the other person by saying a line from a movie and they had to guess the movie title.

"OK Rosie, I'll start 'this is my riffle, this is my gun. This is for fighting and this is for fun.' Now guess the movie."

"Jeez Em can't you pick something decent? That would be full metal jacket, thank you very much."

"Allllllrighty then, it's your turn."

"OK Ace Ventura, my line is 'that ain't no etch-a-sketch, this is one doodle the can't be un-did, home skillet.' Name that movie."

"Duh Rosie, that would be Juno for 500, Alex. My turn now, 'I'm not supposed to be within 200 feet of a school or chuck-e-cheese' let's see how good you are"

"Emmett do you think I'm stupid. That is from the hangover, fucktard."

"How about 'all ya gotta do is say "ear muffs" to him and you can say: fuck, shit, bitch, cock, balls' you better get this one."

"Old School, Emmett. Give me some credit"

"OK Emmett if you can get this one then you will gain all my respect 'I had an adrenalin rush. It's very common. You can Google it.' OK movie Yoda, which one is it from.

"Ummmmm….I think it's that breaking moon eclipsing twilight saga?"

"I guess I will give you that one. It was twilight. But I do have a question for you. How the hell did you know the name of every book in the saga when only two have come out in the theater?"

"My sister Alice is obsessed. She even forced me to go to the theater to a midnight screening to the one with that jail bait kid with the roided out abs that turns into a wolf."

"OK Emmett that is New Moon. Anyway, last one."

"Here you go, you should know this. 'He's a disco-dancing, Oscar Wild reading, Streisand ticket holding friend of Dorothy, know what I'm saying?' ok hot ass, name that movie?"

"It sounds so familiar but I can't place it. OK I give up. What the hell is it you big oaf."

"Clueless blondie, having a sister really helps." I said with a smug smile.

"Don't you feel like a prissy little bitch quoting clueless when I couldn't even figure it out?"

"I can show you prissy little bitch, why don't you come back to my place?"

"Well aren't you presumptuous. But yes, I will come back to your place. Play the bill stud muffin."

"You got it." I said while doing a mental happy dance.

We decided Rose would follow me to my place. Once we got there and into the elevator she charged me. I love a woman that can take control. I couldn't help myself and I pushed her against the wall and grabbed her wrists pinning them above her head with one hand while the other roamed over her body. "You are so fucking hot." I told her and she responded "you're not so bad yourself." When my hand made its way to the tig ol' bitties I felt the barbells through her nipples. I didn't think it was possible to get anymore aroused but the hulk almost ripped through my pants. Just as I ground my hips into her we reached my floor. I dropped her hands and reached down to cup her ass and I lifted her up as she wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist and continued her assault on my neck. I slammed her into my door while fumbling for my keys.

"If you don't open this door now I am going to whip your dick out right here in the hall way." She said this just as I got the key in the lock.

I flung the door open and kicked the door shut as I slammed her against the wall so hard a picture hit the floor and broke.

"Emmett fuck me now, I'm clean and on the pill. Hurry up!"

"I'm clean too." I said as I put her down and lifted her dress off her body and I realized she had nothing on underneath.

"You are so fucking hot"

"Less talking, more naked" she yelled at me.

I ripped my shirt sending buttons flying everywhere. She worked on getting my cock free and froze when she noticed my apadravya piercing.

"I guess we have something else in common" she said as she leaned against the back of the couch and spread her legs to show me her triangle piercing. I immediately dropped to my knees and buried my face in her hot slick center. "God you taste so fucking good Rose, just like peaches and cream."

"Thanks Emmett but no more foreplay I need you cock in me now" when she said this I jumped to my feet, turned her around and bent her over the back of couch. I grabbed her hip with one hand and my cock with the other rubbing it up and down her slit making her moan out my name. I slowly pushed my dick into her throbbing wet core.

"UUUUHHHHHHHHH….Emmett, harder, faster!" she screamed.

I slammed into her hard and asked her "Do like that Rosie…uuuuhhhhhhhhhh…'The Hulk' loves you pussy."

"Yeah baby right there…..your big pierced dick feels so good"

"Your so tight and wet, Rosie" I said as I continued to slam into her hard. After several more minutes I could feel her pussy start to clamp down on my cock. I wanted her to come too so I reached around and rubbed her clit causing her scream "Your dick is mine" I slammed into her a few more times when I dropped my load of baby batter in her and moaned out her name.

"Wow that was fun. Can you grab my keys and get my bag out of the car. I need a shower. Where is the bathroom?" I pointed her in the right direction and she stood up and headed toward the bathroom.

"You have a bag in your car?"

"Oh wait until you get down there, I practically have a closet in my car. You never know when you need a wardrobe change."

"OK, head in there, I'll get your bag and join you." I said as I pulled on my pants and undershirt.

I went down stairs and she was not exaggerating. She had enough clothes to last a couple weeks and a duffel bag that was twice the size of the one I take to the gym everyday. When I got back into the house I took her bag with me and went straight fore the bathroom.

"Rosie, I got your stuff from the car."

"Awesome, put the bag down and get in here. I'm not done with you yet." She said as I stripped as quickly as possible. Thank God I got the place with the huge shower, with multiple heads and a bench seat in it.

"Oh by the way I have a question for you?" she asked.

"Sure anything"

"Why the hell did you say something about 'The Hulk' while we were fucking?"

"Oh that's easy. That's what I call my cock. He always tries to rip himself out of my pants like 'The Hulk'."

"Nice! Get over here" she said as she pulled me in for a searing kiss. I couldn't take it anymore I started to trail kisses down her body to the palace that is her sweet pussy. I wanted to taste it again so bad.

"Rose, I want to taste your pussy so bad. I want you to come on my face."

"Well get down there and do your fucking job then, I'm not going to stop you."

I got on my knees and threw one of her legs over my shoulder and dove in. I licked and sucked on her clit and had her moaning and grunting in pleasure when I decided to add two fingers to her. Then I licked up and down on her piercing until she came in to my hand yelling out "fuck me, Emmett."

"Nope, your turn" I said as I got up and sat down on the bench in the shower. I pulled her on top of me and she positioned her self over me and slammed down on my cock. I grabbed her hips to help guild her up and down on the hulk but she didn't need my help. She held on to my shoulders and fucked the shit out of me.

"Oh god Emmett, that piercing should be illegal." She said while moaning incoherently.

"Oh fuck Rosie, just like that…uuuuuhhhhhhh….FUCK!" I yelled as I we both climaxed together. She slumped over me and laid her head on my shoulder completely spent.

"Fuck Rose, Marry me…can we do that again everyday, forever."

"Sure, maybe tomorrow" she said while laughing.

"Please stay the night?"

"Sure, I am not sure I can even walk right now."

"I'll carry you, hold on." I said as I stood up holding on to her and heading to my bedroom. We flopped onto my bed wrapped in each others arms, said our goodnights and we were both out in no time.


Rosalie POV

I woke up to the hot breath from hell on my cheek. At least he didn't have morning breath. I tried to get out from underneath his massive sexy body. He must have realized what I was doing in his sleep because he rolled over to his back. I used the restroom then tried to wake-up Emmett. He slept like the dead. I started reminiscing about last night. That was the best and hottest sex I have ever had. Since he wasn't waking up I decided to give him a proper wake up call. I pulled the sheet down his body and was able to fully appreciate "The Hulk" as he called it. He already had morning wood so I bent over and licked the pre-cum off the head of his dick and he let out a whimper. I slowly ran my tongue up and down his shaft and he started to buck his hips towards me. I took him all the way into mouth and he let out a loud groan and opened his eyes. He looked down at me with wide eyes and then they rolled into the back of his head as I took him all the way in until I could feel his piercing hit my tonsils. I sped up my movements as his hand wove through my hair and he started guiding my head over his dick. I soon realized I wasn't sucking him off anymore, he was fucking my mouth. I covered my teeth with my lips, sucked in my cheeks and let him fuck my mouth while I rolled his balls in my hands. After only a few pumps and a lot of moaning and cussing he tried to pull my head away from him. "I'm gonna come Rosie, move" and I grabbed on to his butt cheeks and continued my assault on his dick. With a grunt and my name coming out of his mouth he shot his load down the back of my throat. I sat up wiped of the corners of my mouth and said "good morning, sunshine."

"Holy fucking little baby Jesus, will you please marry me!"

I laughed at him and got up and went towards the bathroom and said "well for right now I am going to brush my teeth and get dressed. Why don't you call Fandango and see what's playing?"

"You mean to tell me after the glorious dick sucking you did you want me to call 'Fandango ate your baby' and see what playing?"

I was doubled over in laughter and tried to catch my breath as I fell onto the bed. "If you can promise to make me laugh like that for the rest of our lives I will marry you today."

"Are you serious Rosie, because I am? I will book us two flights to Vegas right now." He said with an excited look in his eyes.

"Yes, you make that promise and I will go to Vegas with you today." I said with conviction in my voice.

He didn't say anything he simply got up and left the room only to return second later with his laptop.

"Yes, Promise to make you laugh everyday, now is a 5 PM flight too soon or can you be ready since you have a full wardrobe in your car?" he asked with a smirk on his face.

I was shocked and excited at the same time and I told him "5 PM is fine with me" with a huge smile on my face. Then I asked "one more thing, what's your last name?"

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A/N: Let me know if you would like to see it turn into a two-shot? I would add an epilogue if I knew people wanted to read it

Don't forget to review I am dying to find out if other enjoy my writing.

Credits: All movies quote used do not belong to me. I want to give credit to:

Full Metal Jacket, Ace Ventura, Juno, The Hangover, Old School, Twilight, Clueless and A Cry In The Dark. Also credit needs to be given to Fandango. LOL!!!

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