Disclaimer: I own neither Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling, or Gejimayo. SHIT.

Author's Note: Based on the comic by the one and only, Gejimayo on DeviantArt! Read, enjoy, then find her on DeviantArt and comment on her comic. Enjoy!


The Gryffindor Common Room was partially full that day. Various study groups and gaggles of students lay scattered acrossed the floor and numerous chairs. In other words, it was a surprisingly normal day in Gryffindor.


....except for one conversation.

"....and that's how I defeated the One-Eyed monster!" Ron finished loudly, with much clapping and whoots from the other young men in his audience.

"I can't believe you risked reaching into it's bushy lair to deliver the final blow!" said one young Gryffindor, Alexander Wheevil. Beside him, Neville shuddered.

"Bushes are icky," he sniffed, rubbing his hands along his shoulders.

Ron snorted and leaned back, looking at Neville. "So…what were we talking about before? Oh, yeah; So, how big was yours did you say, Neville?"

The wizard flushed and stammered, "Um…s-six and a half inches." The blonde beside him, Erik Carmigan, snickered.

"Six? No girl in her right mind will settle for a guy with six inches! Hah! Mine's," and here he stopped for a dramatic pause, "Eight inches!" Neville lowered his head in shame, red-faced with embarrassment. After all, he'd just been told he was....little.

It was enough to make any egotistical man wilt, and Neville wasn't egotistical at all.

Ron shoved his way closer towards the center of the group. "Well, mine's like this big!" Ron shouted, placing his hands a shoulder width apart. "Nine and a half inches! Read it and weep, bitch!"

Alexander glared at him. "Liar! I've seen it!"

With a snort of contempt, the one and only Harry Potter smiled and said, "Mine's eleven. Almost a foot long."


Distantly, the sound of angels singing filtered into the room.

"All hail Potter!" The gaggle roared. Ron grumbled in defeat. Erik Carmigan raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"Pfft! Get out!"

"It's true. Wanna see it?"

With a 'tut' and the air of judgment that only a woman can conjure up, Hermione stomped her way into the group. She fixed one critical eye on Harry. "Ew. You guys are disgusting! This is an inappropriate conversation to be having at school!"

Harry rolled his eyes. "What?! We're just comparing wand sizes!"

Beside him, Ron glared and shouted indignantly, "Yeah! Get your mind out of the gutter, Hermione!"

"Perv!" added Erik.

The sorceress took a step back in surprise. "O-oh okay then.." she said uncertainly. She turned and stepped out of the group, stopping only to glance back at them suspiciously before she exited the common room.

Ron turned to his fellow wizard.

"Good cover, Harry."

"All hail POTTER!"