This update has been brought to you by the letter A and the word Author. A different fic inspired me to write this, but I completely forget the title and/or author(I am SOO sorry!), so yeah, thanks unnamed author!

Alright. Since I have no inspiration for this fic right now and I don't want to have you guys wait FOREVER, I'm leaving this poem, that could possibly tie into this fic, but I have no idea(I honestly don't know. It might have NOTHING AT ALL to do with this fic and I'm really sorry, but it's all I have at the moment, because my muses went on vacation -_-). I don't normally read stuff like this, so I'm being a bit of a hypocrite, but just give it a shot, alright? And if you do, pleasepleasePLEASE review!

SORRYSORRYSORRY for lack of an actual update, and any errors made on my part. Now.

IF YOU WANT TO TRY TO FIGURE IT OUT ON YOUR OWN, COME BACK TO THIS AFTER AND SEE IF YOU WERE RIGHT!

Okay, so basically, a few things to know:

1) This is from a first person POV obviously, if you read it already, and came back to see if you understood. Though I wouldn't be at all surprised if you didn't. It just seems really confusing to me.

2) The regular/bold font is present tense, and the italics are the past.

3) This is really just about a girl who was abused by her boyfriend, and winds up killing him(how lovely, right?) because of it.(I also think she's gone crazy, but not even I know about some parts of this. I just write down what comes to me.) The regular/bold is her present tense, and the italics are her remembering their past.

4) Step by step, this is just basically her getting out of the shower, steamy mirror and all, and then her thinking back on everything and remembering it.(She was in the shower in the first place to wash away the blood from when she killed him) And then again at the end, just, like, coming out of her thoughts, and back to the present.

5) The title for now is Memory, but that could change. I always have trouble titling my work. :P

6) Umm…my poems tend to be a bit…long. *sheepish grin*

OKAY, EXPLANATION OVER!

If there are any questions, any at all, feel free to PM me or leave a review. Alright, get to it :D!


In the fogged up mirror,

I am just a blurry picture,

And I lift my hand to wipe it away.

The marks that are on me,

Are too deep for anyone to see,

And it's your eyes

That are such a pretty color you know?

Your laughter was sweet then,

Warming me from the inside as you told me mine were prettier than

Yours. That's what might as well be engraved into me, carved into my forehead.

Written on my soul,

As it burns and abuses my innocence,

Until there is no more of

It was quick. That's all. There's no need for theatrics, is there?

I'm causing a scene with a sick twisted grin,

And my heart is pounding away from within,

With a quick slipslide,

I've become the shadow of the light,

There is nothing left to

Hide. It was one the one thing I could never do.

There is no light in this room.

My hands are almost not my own,

And looking down,

I feel a moment of

Vertigo? Afraid of heights? Don't be.

I've got you. Every night.

In my sight.

I almost sigh, because the hate is high,

And coming forth,

Pouring out in torrents,

That drench us

Both. Double. A pair. We were perfect.

There's yelling and I can't help but to think it's mine, just now.

Glacier like, frozen and immobile,

Glossed over beauty.

But under the surface,

The tension was

Stirring the food that you told me to make,

I was surprised to feel your arms snake,

Around my sides to hold me tight.

You whispered something in my ear,

I gave you a teasing answer,

And then you took your hand and whacked it,

Straight across me.

And, of course, I didn't see it

Coming up and out of me,

I feel sick,

And tired,

And dead to the world,

Dead on my feet,

I have no more expectations left to meet.

Everything that I was to be,

Was stripped away and taken from me by your cruel hands,

And I couldn't stand

That was the first time you hit me,

But not the last,

And I wanted to scream,

But a haze enveloped me.

Full of deranged promises,

While you breathe me in,

And your grin,

A smilesmirkcheshire cat-like look,

Directed at

Me and you. That revolves around and around in my head,

And then other pictures enter the frame,

One by one, taking over,

Then fading away.

Friends and family,

And they're slipping away from me,

And all I really want to do is scream.

Because I'm losing myself, I'm losing me.

(Time is slowing down, stopping, standing still for me,

Giving me a minute to breathe, because I can't see, can't see where I'm going.

It's just not moving, and I'm stuck and scared, and I'm not sure what I'm doing.

The days are blending and bleeding-oh they're bleeding, how odd- together, a horrible mix of what I want and need to see, filled with demons and monsters from within me.

I'm walking through a mist that covers me,

Almost protectively, lovingly,

But it's just possessively.

A shroud that stalks me,

Follows my every move,

And I can't keep track of time.

I haven't since then,

Though I can hear the clock ticking,

All through this place,

I still don't know where I am.)

My hands, my hands, they don't look like they're mine.

Looking at them now, is like looking straight into another time.

My arms feel heavy, as if gravity is forcing them down,

As do my eyes,

As does my head,

As does my heart.

As does my

Everything was different before that day,

And after that,

I was stuck in a brand new world.

Where there are no room for mistakes,

But I find myself stumbling and making them anyway.

Like an upside down Wonderland,

You're Alice and I'm the Mad Hatter,

Throwing tea cups in a china shop,

Being the bull when I should be the field mouse.

Your fingers glided slowly over me,

As if cataloguing, memorizing my every dip and curve.

And the only word ever out of your mouth was,

'Mine.'

Plain and simple,

And I didn't want it,

But I did.

I didn't need it,

But I did.

You forced it on me,

Time and again,

And couldn't get

Away from here is really where I have to go.

Anywhere.

Because I'm breakingcrackingcrumbling,

Fumbling, mumbling,

Under the pressure.

The pressure.

The squeezing. The agony.

And who's fault is this?

Find me someone to blame.

I can't move past the pain.

But I'm forcing myself onward,

Because what else can I do?

By sheer force of will,

I'm making it through, but…

I'm falling, falling.

And trying to stand, but there's no ground to stand

On and on, and on it went.

A circle that had no end.

More memorization,

And those fingertips,

And those hands,

And that mouth,

I wanted none of it,

I needed it all.

I was crying, I think,

I couldn't tell after that.

Because if I was crying,

Then it was raining,

I don't cry, not ever,

Not ever, I wished.

I wished…on everything I ever knew,

To let me free, let me go.

So I can see the light of

Day. Daylight. It's coming in through the window,

And I could almost smile.

But it would be odd on this stranger face of mine.

Because I don't know the look that rests in these eyes.

I know you're waiting in just the next room for me,

I can feel it,

It's making me sick.

From the inside out,

I'm being devoured, until there's nothing left of me,

My song of sorrow, stuck on

Repeat. Repeating. Everything was coming around.

I thought it was safe with you,

Safe and sound.

But I wasn't.

And that snapped me,

You broke me.

So I broke you back.

"Haha, little boy. I win, I win!"

My smile was a teasing, lilting grin.

But the blood on myself seeped deep within.

You almost destroyed my innocence,

Instead you succeeded in corrupting it.

I left you there, waiting for me to return,

Knowing you would never hurt me again.

I turned the knob for the water,

First hot,

Then cold,

Scorching, then freezing in what I know.

Because knowledge is power,

And power is a cage,

Now I've locked myself in, and I can't get away.

My soul and little pieces of me were washed away down the drain,

Because I scrubbed myself raw and tossed it away.

My skin almost hurt from all that I did to it.

Looking at my hands,

They're almost…not

Mine. Not yours. That's what's on my soul now.

You have no claim,

You lost our game.

Haha, little boy.

You're just a broken toy.

But you started it,

Made me hurt.

Broke me first.

But I broke you worse.

And I look up,

Crying, laughing,

Not knowing who I am, or who I was, or who I will be,

And see the mirror,

A person with no face, blurry, BLURRY image,

And I can't help but to think that's it's just so horribly appropriate.

Because

In the fogged up mirror,

I am just a blurry picture,

And I lift my hand to wipe it away.

The marks that are on me,

Are too deep for anyone to see,

And it's your eyes

That haunt my dreams.