A/N: okay, this was an original story that I wrote. Kevin was actually used as a base for the character [also called Kevin (but his real name was Kingston which was just a spur of the moment thing which I also had to edit out)] but I found a slightly altered plotline that fits and I had to add a bit and edit a LOT and now… yeah, it's beautiful. I just loved this and now I can finally get it down. I'll fill in tiny details here and there for the original plotline (if anyone cares).
So enjoy the prologue!!! I wrote it on my iTouch (I can micromanage!).
Disclaimer: yada yada yada. Don't own Alien Force or Ben 10, but you will definitely know what I do own in this story.
Singing To Your Twisted Melody
I used to sing to your twisted symphony
The words that had me dropped inside your misery
But now I know the reason why I couldn't breathe
~'Everything You're Not', Demi Lovato
I dropped to the floor of the garage. My wrench had hardly slipped from my hands, but yet it had clattered to the floor with a harsh banging sound that resonated through the entire garage. Metallic and cold. It was quiet and kind of lonely. I'm used to being alone, so this is nothing perfectly new to me. I was always taught silence was golden.
For me, it's like murder. The memories come back in waves that turn to floods and lead into tsunamis and I have nothing to fear but fear itself. Fear is not good when you've got everything in the world to run from.
Loneliness is lethal and I fear every moment that I am left alone. I don't want to be alone, but yet I don't want to be with others that I can let down. In this garage, I never want to be alone. I never want to feel those rapids pounding down upon my chest and mind, threatening to consume me with this new memory that has been so much like a fresh wound lately.
Her smiles had been so pure and each one brought back that melody. Her bright green eyes distracted my attention for only so long before I was taken under those waves of longing once more. I drown each time in these unseen agonies that eat me alive from the inside out. She was inticive and slaughtering me at the same time, drowning me in guilt, but pulling me back up to dunk me beneath the surface once again only moments later with another gesture or smile or glint of her seductive eyes.
This melody keeps on replaying itself. And it won't go away. It should've ended. But the melody goes on.
Her hair smells strongly of cotton candy. I didn't even know until recently and somehow this only stabs the knife deeper. It strengthens the pain, driving it deeper and harder.
In my memories, her eyes are dark shades of the same color, each reflecting cold white light from the streets of New York lights. Those streaks are one color, not the one I thought, shining beneath the moon. I cannot believe I forget all these little things that I really should've remembered.
The silence caused it to drag out for a long time, aching and echoing and bringing back more pain than I could've imagined. I grabbed the wrench from the ground and threw it as hard as I could against the wall and it left a huge dent with cracks in the plaster and metal beneath it. This is what I wished I could've let out before I let it happen. I didn't want to watch, but I had to. I didn't want to bring them to it, but I had to. When it's life or death, try as hard as you can and make sure you don't look back. Ever.
There's a reason I stay distanced from others. I don't want to hurt them. I could kill Gwen without the slightest of hesitation. She doesn't understand how strong I really am when I want to be. I could crush her with one fist. My imagination took that image as I thought of it and seared it into my mind. I couldn't forget. I couldn't.
I don't want to lose them. Gwen and Ben don't truly realize how long I've been out of the Null Void. They just know I got out. But I've been out for awhile now and I lived back in the subways for almost a year before I came back to Bellwood. One trade and I become a hero instead of the most feared alien on Earth. I could still probably mutate. If I wanted to. But I would never go back to that.
The worst part is that melody. That twisted melody. It will not stop. It will not end. I lost it once and now I need to let it go. But it's haunting me, attacking me now, no longer the comfort it had once been at every caressing touch and soft murmur from before.
I was the world to one person. That was how it used to be. That was how it was before. I didn't want to go back to that, responsibility weighing too heavy on my shoulders and pounding my head in and making it harder to breathe and get through.
In this silence some days, I can reflect on it and think how stupid I was for giving in to that kind of life for so long and then just letting it take over completely and then suck me in like the Null Void did. This melody plays on. It brings a wave of hurt, knowing I was capable of letting someone down, the person who relied on me more than anyone else in the world. Able to twist me to any way they wanted.
That's why I changed. That's why I can't get close to Gwen. That's why I can't let them in. If they knew some things, they wouldn't see me any other way ever again and I'd be stuck with these lies and this pain and knowing that I let them down too. I can never go through with that again. I won't watch someone else suffer because I wasn't good enough. I was never good enough for anyone and this is why I leave everyone that I have ever cared about.
Why the melody chooses to come back now, I don't know, but it's as loud as ever. I want to cry, but that only makes it worse. It makes that pain real and true and I will not give in. I can't. I have to move on, just like I've been doing for my entire life.
I had been out of the Null Void for a year. I had a life before I joined Ben and Gwen. I had a life before I was dragged back into the world of illegal trade like some captive. I knew it was too good to be true and it wasn't going to end in a good way. But I never imagined it to end anything like that...
Watching that was probably the worst I had ever felt in years.
The old scars from before are torn by new weapons, new threats, and new losses. This melody... It won't shut up. And it won't go away. Unless I can let go.
And I can't.
A/N: alrite, this wasn't the /best/ prologue, but I liked it & it's a good setup for the next chappie AS SOOOOONNNNNNN as I figure out how to start this up. Lol. I got most of it planned out, but from here, I'm lost. Just gotta get a good start and it /should/ launch from there. Gunna b hard on Gwen to survive this one… give me sum ideas to start this off. I know where I'm going for a bittt. Review to help!