"Mr. T!" the note read. "I have kidnapped Jane, and spirited her away to my fortress of evil and seduction!"
"The fiend!" Daria said, reading the note at Mr. T's elbow.
"I intend to seduce Jane to the ways of evil...and sexiness! We will have sexy, evil times, mark my words!"
"Does her boldness know no ends?" Daria questioned aloud.
"Together, we will sleep with museum owners to convince them to host our paintings! And then...the world will be ours! Sincerely, Alison."
Mr. T crumpled the note in his mighty hands, where he compressed it so tightly it turned into a diamond. "Daria, we only have one option. Kick their fool asses."
Daria nodded at the wisdom of the T. "How will we find her, though?"
"When I think of evil artists, there's only one man who comes to mind."
Mr. T punched through the wall of Gary's Gallery. "Gary, you foolish sucka, it's time you paid for your heinous acts!" Mr. T cried out.
"Noooo! Please, I admit it! I really was selling Jane's paintings as actual Van Goghs! I'm a forger of art! Whatever you do, Mr. T, don't punch me to pieces!"
Mr. T glared. "I was just going to ask you where Alison was. But for disrespecting the work of a master like Van Gogh...I cannot let that pass."
With one might punch, Mr. T obliterated Gary, the owner of Gary's Gallery.
"But now how will we find out where Alison is hiding?" Daria asked, trepidatiously.
"Simple, we search the paintings for clues," he told her.
They painstakingly examined every portrait in the gallery until Daria cried out "Aha!"
"Where is she?" Mr. T asked.
"The clues are right in this painting," Daria said, pointing to the still-wet canvas.
On the painting were the words "Alison and Jane are hiding out in the Ashfield Art Colony. Love, the ghost of Van Gogh. PS: Thank you for looking out for me, Mr. T. You're my number one homeboy."
"But what does it mean?" Mr. T asked.
"I...don't know," Daria said, at a loss.
A tear rolled down Mr. T's cheek. "One of my greatest regrets is never learning how to read."
A similar tear rolled down Daria's cheek. "I never learned how to read either, Mr. T. Sure, I would read books to fit in with the loner crowd, but I was just kidding myself."
Mr. T and Daria began sobbing together. Then, they turned toward you, the reader, and spoke in unison. "Illiteracy is a serious problem among adults," Mr. T said.
Daria added, "If you aren't reading this, please, do something about it."
The van from the A-Team pulled up in front of the Ashfield Art Colony late at night. "Daria, we're going to break into the art colony now. The key word is stealth."
Mr. T gunned the engine of the van, then released the brake, hurtling through the gates at well over a hundred miles per hour. He repeatedly slammed on the horn, which played a voice clip of Mr. T shouting "I PITY THE FOOL" at 200 decibels while causing giant gouts of flame to shoot out the exhaust pipe. Meanwhile, Daria was raking the various buildings with gunfire from the machine gun emplacement at the passenger seat.
Once they had leveled half the colony with gunfire and set the other half on fire with firefire, Mr. T pulled over, and he and Daria stepped out to admire their handiwork.
"There," Mr. T said, pointing towards the one building remaining unscathed. "Only a building made of pure evil could stand up to the might of T. And only Alison would live in a building made of pure evil."
Once inside, Daria and Mr. T investigated the basement first. There, they found Daniel Dotson, wrapped in chains.
"Help me!" he pleaded. "When Alison announced to everyone that she was going to conquer the world by dominating art galleries, I thought it was stupid! Not even a sleazy hack like me was dumb enough to join her nefarious plot. But then she kidnapped me! You've got to do something!"
Mr. T nodded. "No chain can stand up to the wrath of one of MY chains!" He took off one of the gigantic golden chains which hung around his neck and whipped it at the ones entombing Daniel. With a loud CRACK!, each link of the chains shattered, freeing the man.
"Thank you! Can I ever repay you?" he asked.
Mr. T shook his head. "You'll never be able to repay the T, so don't bother tryin', fool."
"Do you know where Jane is?" Daria asked.
Daniel nodded. "She's upstairs, being seduced by the evil Alison!" He shuddered in fear.
Daria, Daniel, and Mr. T burst through the door leading into Alison's room. At the far end of the room stood Alison, a whip in one hand. She cracked it a few times, just to look sinister and menacing. "Ah, Daria and Mr. T, you've finally arrived to rescue your precious Jane. Well, you're TOO LATE!" With that, Alison stuck a hand under a flap of skin on her neck and pulled upward...revealing Jane's face underneath.
"Holy crap!" Daria exclaimed. "But if you're Jane, where's Alison?"
Next to her, Mr. T suddenly cried out in pain, as he fell to the floor, the darts of a taser sticking out of him. Daniel Dotson smugly held the taser itself, until he pulled off his face too revealing it was Alison smugly holding the taser.
"Now, Jane, I want you to kill Daria," Alison commanded. "And then we'll do it...IN A CHURCH."
Jane nodded mindlessly, cracking her whip over and over with every step she took.
"Jane, it's me, Daria!" Daria pleaded. "Please, there has to be the real Jane somewhere inside of you, just waiting to come out! Don't hurt me!"
Suddenly, Jane stopped and dropped the whip. She stuck a hand under a flap of skin on her neck and pulled upward...revealing Jane's face underneath.
"Amiga!" Jane called out. "I was just wearing an Evil Jane mask. Now I'm wearing a Good Jane mask, AKA my face!"
The two hugged each other in relief, only to be interrupted by a snarl of anger.
"You've foiled my plots for the last time, Daria Morgendorffer!" She pulled out a gun, aimed, and...
"Not so fast, bitch!" Mr. T roared. He leapt up and headbutted the bullet just as it left Alison's gun, forcing the projectile to do a complete 180 and slam into the gun, causing it to blow up and mutilate Alison's hand.
"My HAND!" she screamed. "My beautiful, beautiful HAND! I PAINT with this hand! What will I do now?"
"Go to jail," Mr. T said as he, Daria and Jane leapt out of the window at the last second as the self-destruct sequence reached zero.
As Alison's building folded in onto itself like the house at the end of Poltergeist, Daria and Jane watched as Mr. T got into the A-Team van and drove off. "I'll always be in your hearts," he called out as he waved goodbye.
"Daria," Jane began. "This was truly a magical time in our lives. I just wish there was one more ridiculous story we could tell starring Mr. T, so that this could be a properly-rounded out trilogy."
"Me too, Jane, me too."
Six weeks later...
Daria was sleeping uneasily in bed, violently tossing and turning as she had some sort of spooky nightmare. (Or maybe she just had indigestion while she slept). She was awoken with a furious knocking on the front door. Putting on a robe, she rushed downstairs to answer it.
"Mr. T!" she said with a surprise.
"I got a package in the mail today," he said, handing Daria the package he got in the mail today. He handed the package to Daria, who took out the contents -- a script. "Read the title."
Daria read the title: Untitled Mr. T/Daria Crossover Part Three.
"Does this mean...?" Daria asked hesitantly. Mr. T nodded solemnly.
"We're in for a threequel."
Hurrah, my triumphant return to Daria fanfic! (Five months? Daaaang, that's a long time). I more or less haven't been in the fic-writing mood for a long time ( :( ), but I was inspired today to write SOMETHING, and so I finished up this, the second Mr. T meets Daria fic. There will, indeed, be a third one, to be written whenever the heck I feel like it.
I do feel pretty ashamed that I've written nothing Daria-oriented of consequence since October. There's so much I'd like to finish -- mainly Omega Omega and The Young Switcheroo...oh, and And Then Daria and Jane Kissed. (Hm, perhaps I'd be able to get more work done on that last one if I stopped going in chronological order...)