Sick Call



I still own nothing about Hogan's Heroes, only like to take them out from time to time to play.

Author's note: This has been sitting on my hard drive for almost a year. Thought it was time to allow it to see the light of day.

Hogan stood there in Klink's office trying unsuccessfully not to make faces as Klink and the Hammelburg quartet played for their record debut. At least Baker had the earphones on, and he was pressing them to his head for more of a sound barrier. Hogan looked at his radio man thinking for a moment that he might claim privilege of rank and take the headset, but quickly dismissed the notion.

Three members of the quartet were quite good, but Klink's screeching was making Hogan want to run from the room. Rolling his eyes, he wondered if this concert would ever be over, and if his eardrums would survive the onslaught. He never cared much for violin music, but didn't mind a good classical piece. What Klink was doing to that poor instrument couldn't be considered good or music. Fortunately, the concert ended when General Burkhalter entered the room.

Baker left the Kommandant's office taking the empty record case with him. When he reached the barracks, he gave the case to Newkirk who replaced the missing recorder. Then desended the ladder to notify London of their success. As Baker came back upstairs, Hogan entered the barracks looking a little pale.

"How did everyone do?" Hogan asked closing the door.

"No problems at all. Everything is back where it belongs, and the record is in the tunnel for safe keeping," Newkirk said as he looked up from the table where he was shuffling a deck of cards.

"London says 'job well done' and here's the information for sending the record," Baker filled his commanding officer in as he handed him a sheet of paper.

Hogan looked at the paper, then rubbed his eyes as he sighed. It'd been a harrowing day and it had worn on the Colonel's nerves. "Thanks Baker," he said as he poured himself a cup of lukewarm coffee.

"Mon Colonel, are you all right?" LeBeau verbalized the concern everyone in the barracks had.

"Yeah…no," Hogan shook his head and then shocked his team. "Carter, would you go get Wilson? I'm going to lay down in my office if anyone needs me." He then walked into his quarters and closed the door.

The men all looked at each other wondering what was wrong with the Colonel. "You better get Wilson fast," Newkirk said shaking his head with worry.

"I'll be right back with him," Carter declared as he bolted from the barracks in search of the camp medic.

The other men didn't have long to speculate what was wrong with Hogan, before Wilson, followed by Carter, walked in the hut. He stopped briefly to ask if anyone knew why his presence was requested, but didn't receive any helpful information.

Wilson knocked on Hogan's door and after receiving an "Enter" quietly went inside closing the door behind him. Instantly he knew what the problem was. Hogan was laying on his lower bunk with an arm over his eyes. "How bad is the headache, sir?"

"Bad," Hogan replied, as Wilson put his bag down and started to examine his patient. "Baker and I had to stand there listening to Klink's violin music for over an hour. That's after having several close calls today trying to get this job done."

"Colonel, Klink's violin playing can be classified as torture. No wonder you have a nasty headache. I should have known because that's about the only time you actually ask for my help," Wilson replied as he gave Hogan two pills. "This will help and I want you to just rest for a while and you should feel better soon."

"Thanks Joe," Hogan answered as he tried to drift off to sleep.

Wilson quietly closed the door on his way out of the Colonel's room, and noticed four pairs of anxious eyes demanding answers. "He's going to be fine, just a bad headache. Let him sleep until he wakes up. I'll take care of Klink and roll call. If he needs anything let me know." Wilson left with the men in Hogan's team promising to keep an eye out for the Colonel.

"Thank goodness, the Germans don't realize they have the ultimate weapon," Newkirk said pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"What's that?" Carter asked with an alarmed look on his face.

"Klink's violin playing," Baker answered shaking his head. "If Germany only knew they had the perfect weapon, the Allies would surrender to make him stop playing. I was lucky to have the headphones to muffle the sound." The room erupted in laughter with everyone agreeing that Klink's performing could cause Germany to win the war, if they only knew.

The end.