A/N: This just popped into my head…it's my first time writing Community fanfic. I'm not sure where it fits into the time line…
Jeff's thoughts are in italics.
I do not have a beta. I apologize for any grammatical errors, etc.
Please, let me know what you think?
"Annie, what on earth are you doing?" Jeff caught up to Annie on their way to the parking lot.
"What do you mean?" Annie asked innocently enough.
Jeff looks at her as if to say are you freakin kidding me?
Annie rolls her eyes and answers "I'm trying to look sexy." She is wearing a too-short jean skirt, a white wife-beater tank top and white pumps. She's also…tan?
"Why? I mean…you do, but what?"
"Because that's what guys like, Jeff" She said in her "you're so silly" voice. Then a little quieter she says, "Thank you."
"When did you get a tan?"
"I'm going to start wearing thongs too!"
"I guess that's an answer…wait…what do you wear now?" Holy inappropriate, Batman!
"And thigh highs! Men are objective and visual. They want to see tits and ass! And sexy hosiery!"
"Yes, yes they do… especially if those things are attached to an intelligent witty woman. That knows how to cook. And do laundry. And does not say "hosiery"…and did you just say "tits and ass?"
"I can do that. Believe it or not, I'm a great cook and any monkey could do laundry. It's the sexual stuff I'm clueless about."
"I think you're lying. Prove it." You are going to hell, dirty old man.
"Please…I'm not doing your laundry, Jeff."
"If that is what you thought I meant, then yes you do need help."
"You, I mean, men don't want women that are smart or… or wear cardigans. You want thigh highs and… and stilettos and breasts! All you want is breasts!"
"Well, I'm not against them…"
"I have been going about this all wrong, Jeff! I need to show off my breasts!"
"I don't know if..."
"I need to start showing off the goods! I'm so…so…prudish. I need to loosen up."
Jeff suddenly stops walking while Annie continues in the direction of their cars. It takes Annie a moment to realize Jeff is no longer walking beside her. She turns around and sees him standing between two cars, talking to himself and shaking his head slightly. "Wait, what is happening? Why do I feel uneasy?"
Annie walks back over to him and hands him her bottle of water because he looks a little pale and sweaty. "I need to have casual sex!"
Jeff chokes. He can't breathe. No, seriously…he's not breathing. He was enjoying Annie's cool delicious water when she had decided to become a whore.
"Jeff? Are you okay?!" NO!
He clears his throat. "I'm fine. Went down the wrong pipe." Okay so he wasn't actually choking. "Is this for real? Is Abed filming us?"
Once he regains his composure he asks, "Annie, why do you think that all men want whores?"
"I don't. I mean, I don't know what they want at all! It just seems like whatever I'm doing is clearly not working. So, would you help me?" Annie asks nervously.
"I don't know if that's a good idea…I mean, maybe you should learn like everyone else; through trial, error and embarrassment."
"No. This is something I want to learn. NOW. I don't want to have to wait. I want to learn how to...seduce and please a man and who better than…" She looks at him and he wishes he never enrolled in Community college.
Jeff just stares at Annie and wonders if someone is playing a joke on him. Is she really asking him to…be her teacher? Her much older and very inappropriate teacher? Isn't this an A-typical fantasy? He is now starting to appreciate those little skirts she wears even more. NO! No, this is just wrong and he needs to squash this immediately.
"So, will you help me or not?"
"That depends…" I'm such an asshat.
"On?" She leans in close and looks up at him through her dark lashes.
"Are there thigh highs involved?" What the?! Oh yes, YES! That should "squash this whole thing" and not encourage her. Jackass.
"Would you like there to be?" God, yes.
"Wow. That was very good…I think you know more than you are letting on Milady."
"Why thank you Milord! Now if I could just do that without blushing from head to toe!"
Jeff let his eyes travel over Annie's body to examine said flush. "You get that pink all over, huh? I mean…uhh, yeah, no…I think it's pretty cute when you blush." I would like to defile you.
"Bunny rabbits are cute. I want to make you want to tear my clothes off! Or…someone, whoever…want to do that…with and/or to me. I mean, if I could make Jeff Winger want me, I could make anyone want me. Not that I'd want just anyone, I mean, I know you could never want me, but maybe if I…"
"STOP TALKING." Breathe.
"OK." Annie looks down at the pavement in front of her and realizes that she has no idea where she is parked.
"Seriously, you're tan." What? She is.
Annie laughs and it makes Jeff smile. Genuinely smile. He hasn't been able to figure out what that's about yet. She's the only one that keeps him honest and makes him care and junk. Being around Annie is…comfortable and easy. Apparently she feels the same because Annie doesn't just say words like "sex" and "thong" to anyone. Ever. So, that must mean she trusts him and feels comfortable and confident around him. This is good.
This is so not good.
"It's a spray on. I don't have time to lounge around in the sun."
"What makes you think that you're not sexy?"
"I made someone gay!"
"First of all, you cannot make someone gay. They are or they aren't. Second, you are obviously not seeing the girl I and every other red-blooded male are seeing."
"You're just saying that to be nice and placate me."
"That doesn't sound like me."
"Yes it does, it's what you do best. "
"Placate, yes. Nice? All evidence to the contrary." He watched her fidget with her too-short skirt. "I mean it Annie, you are sexy in your own way and I don't want to assist you in changing that. The fact that you have no idea how attractive you are is what makes you so damn sexy! Any man in his right mind would want to cuddle up to that cardigan. Don't change your awesomeness for anyone." That got away from me.
Annie looks a little taken back by Jeff's honesty. "I still want you to teach me."
Jeff sighs. "Of course you do."